Preface: I wasn't planning on posting this until my other story, "Son of Eraklyon" was finished, but I don't want to rush it and mess up while I'm so busy. So instead, I'll just put this silly thing up. Beware, there be obscure references in this fanfic! Rated T to be safe for future updates.
Go away! Go away! Go away!
Oh God, please stay away don't try to save the day,
It's those idiots again, Patchaman!
Please stay far back, we really do not want your help,
We already have a science ninja team,
Shove off, shove off, shove off, Patchaman!
Get lost, get lost, get lost, Patchaman!
There are lots of other realms, there are lots of other realms,
Ohhh, Patchaman, Patchaman!
Please stay far back, we really do not want your help,
We already have a science ninja team,
Shove off, shove off, shove off, Patchaman!
Get lost! get lost, get lost, Patchaman!
There are lots of other realms, there are lots of other realms,
Ohhh, Patchaman, Patchaman!
In the heart of downtown Gardenia, on an otherwise normal day, a loud roar could be heard from the descent of a large, sleek space ship. Several people came around from the many nearby high-rise buildings to watch the touchdown of the impressive vessel. When the ship had successfully landed - in the middle of the busiest street no less, blocking all of the traffic - the craft opened from the top, and five... humanoids jumped out of the ship. A man with long hair, a man with... shorter hair, a child, a woman, and a... medieval knight-robot?
"My allies! We have arrived on Earth! The realm in peril!" The man with long hair said enthusiastically.
"This place looks rather peaceful for a realm fighting an intergalactic menace..." the shorter haired man said.
"Worry not people of Earth! We have come to save you!" The young woman in the team added. The crowd could only look on the group in confusion.
"Um... who are you?" asked one of the onlookers. A glint of light came off of the eye of the long-haired man standing in the middle of the team.
"We are..." the long haired man began, "Ben the justice-man!" He raised his arms in a V-shape.
"Bo, the mysterious anti-hero!" The man with shorter hair said, crossing his arms, as he put a feather in between his teeth.
"Jinpee, the smartest kid ever!" the child added, also striking a triumphant pose.
"Junko, the princess of beauty!" the woman said, as she blew a kiss to the crowd.
"And Kyu! The mighty one!" the medieval robot-knight thing said as he rested his hands on his hips.
"Together, we are..." Ben started.
"The Science Ninja Team, Patchaman!" The five of them yelled out as a group. They held their poses breathlessly - minus Kyu of course - and looked onto the group of people who had gathered to see who they were. All that could be seen on the faces of the people were faces of complete disbelief and shock. Various murmuring could be heard within the crowd, much of which was not very flattering to a team of science-ninja hawks from outer space. Car horns were also constantly blaring, desperately hoping the ship would miraculously move out of the way.
"We already have a science ninja team!" A voice in the crowd yelled out.
"Eh?" Ben said, blushing furiously. The embarrassment felt by him was shared amongst his teammates, even Kyu. "We were sent here to save you from an intergalactic menace..."
"Oh, just one of those huh?" A crowd member asked sarcastically.
"Aren't they a bit colourful for ninjas?" a woman in the crowd asked.
"Oh no, all real ninjas are very colourful," a teenage boy answered. "Even better if they wear stupid helmets like these guys do."
"Oh, we're in no trouble whatsoever," another woman added.
"What do you mean?" Bo asked, as the feather fell out of his mouth. He barely caught it before it touched the ground.
"We've had no intergalactic menaces around here recently," an old man at the front of the crowd said.
"Really?" Junko asked, heavy disappointment in her voice.
"Yes really," the old man responded as he stroked his chin. "We had some trouble in the seventies... But that was a long time ago."
"Then what are we doing here?" Jinpee asked. He looked over to Ben, their leader. The man was furious.
"That little red-headed fairy... tricked us!" Ben exclaimed. He raised his clenched fists into the air and screamed loudly. By this point the crowd began to back away from the clearly insane team slowly, before running away, leaving the five and their spaceship alone in the middle of the road. "It all makes sense!"
"What makes sense Ben?" asked Kyu.
"That girl must be aligned with the forces of evil!" Ben deduced. "She sent us here!"
"But Prince Sky told us about the invasion too," Junko said, scratching her head.
"The fairy must have put a spell on him!" Bo added, agreeing with his leader.
"That's right!" Ben said, raising a clenched fist into the air. "She must have put a charm spell on Sky! It's why he broke the fair Diaspro's heart!" The other members of the Patchamen gasped at his accusation, except for Kyu, who did not breathe.
"What was her name though?" Jinpee asked. A car had driven up over the sidewalk next to the ship and was still stopped in its tracks by the road hog.
"I think it was Blum? Blodwyn maybe?" Bo said, scratching his head, despite the fact that he was wearing a helmet. "Or it could have been-" he was cut off by the blaring horn of a car next to the spaceship.
"C'mon, I gotta get to work! Not all of us can afford spaceships!" yelled a man who leaned out of the side-window of the car, shaking a fist. Bo glared at the man, before throwing his feather at the roof of the car. The quill of the feather slammed into the car roof, shattering the windshield, and tearing the hood clean off. "I don't remember buying a convertible!" The man cried out before he ran away from his ruined car, in fear for his life. Bo immediately put a different feather into his mouth.
"I think the girl's name was Bloom," Jinpee said. "I've looked her up over the realm wide web, she's a student at Alfea."
"Good work Jinpee!" Junko said, patting Jinpee on the head. "It's possible she's at Alfea to prevent others from discovering her evil nature!"
"So, what can we do about this?" Kyu asked.
"We go to Magix and confront the fairy! We can only hope she hasn't destroyed the entire realm yet," Ben said, hanging his head somberly. He lifted it back up to look at the concerned faces of his teammates. There was a sparkle of hope in his eyes that lifted the spirits of his allies. "Now my allies, we must rush to the aid of Magix! The true realm in peril! We must board the God-Rooster!" Upon saying God-Rooster, he gestured at the spaceship they had arrived in. The five jumped into the still open hatch on top of the ship.
When the hatch closed, the ship began to lift off of the ground, before shooting off into space once again. Their destination? Magix. Their mission? Stop the evil Bloom from taking over the Magical dimension. They are... Kagaku Ninjatai Patchaman (Science Ninja Team Patchaman)! Or P-Force: Guardians of The Magical Universe works too, if you watched the sucky dubbed version.
"Author's" Notes:
And so ends the first chapter. It's short, but I wanted to do something more light-hearted. I wrote this story as sort of a love letter to a favourite anime of mine, Science Ninja Team Gatchaman, who the Patchaman team were based off of. Even down to having rhyming names! Keeping this reference intact is just another reason to love the Rai Dub of Winx. When writing Son of Eraklyon, the episode Battle on Eraklyon was one I had to watch to get some "research" done, and these guys showed up, and they were absolutely amazing. At the end of the episode, they were sent to Earth, and haven't been seen since then. I always wondered what the hell happened to them, so I wrote this.
The title translates into "Incompetent Ninja Team Patchaman". And the menace in the 70s the old man mentions is Berg Katse, who was the villain in Gatchaman. Also I think Patchamen is spelled wrong on the site listings, because Gatchaman has a "t" in it.
The song at the beginning of the story is written to the theme of the Gatchaman theme song. Listen to it while reading it and it will fit together somewhat.
I hope you all liked the start of this story, please leave your thoughts, comments and criticisms in the reviews so I can improve! :D