SCAVENGERS

by Goldie

It's real simple, said the man. All's you have to do is give me your five dollars and I give you this list and then you have to find all the items you can on the list – exactly what's on the list - and bring them back here twenty-four hours from now, see? Tomorrow, 6 pm, right here on this spot. Whoever gets all the things on the list wins the money. If there's more'n one of you, you split the prize money, minus my – uh – modest commission, of course. If no one gets everything on the list, I keep the prize money. That's all there is to it.

Hannibal Heyes could tell that Kid Curry had never heard of a scavenger hunt and saw the potential for his own amusement that this lack of knowledge would provide. He purchased two lists and sketchily explained to his partner what was involved. "It's basically what Tarlek said. We have to find everything on the list and bring it back to town by tomorrow. When we've got it all, we rush back. If you and I split up, we've got double the chances of winning. And, maybe . . ." Here he stifled a snicker. "Maybe we could have a small side bet between ourselves? Maybe . . . twenty dollars?"

The Kid hadn't looked interested until the idea of a competition with his partner was mentioned. He perked up. "You're on!"

"Good! But . . . uh . . . let's make sure that we each have that twenty dollars to lose. Not that I will be losing mine." He pulled a twenty-dollar gold piece out of his shirt pocket for inspection.

The Kid's money wasn't as readily available. A ten-dollar bill came out of his shirt pocket, but he had to search all his other pockets, shirt, jacket and pants, before coming up with some crumpled one-dollar bills. A couple of coins had slipped through one pocket to a fold in his underwear. Heyes watched in amusement at the Kid's thorough search of his bedroll and his resulting expression of delight at the find of another ten-dollar bill. "Ha! Satisfied? Now, where do we find this stuff?"

Heyes threw up his hands and smiled broadly. "Anywhere! Everywhere!"

"I dunno, Heyes. Looks like everyone in town paid five dollars to be able to do this. Everyone's going to be looking for the same stuff."

"So what's wrong with that? Don't tell me you're afraid of a little competition!"

The Kid bristled. "I can out-scavenger you any day and you know it!"

Heyes slapped the Kid on the back. "That's the spirit! Nothing like a little contest between partners, right?"

"Damn right!" The Kid hesitated. "Um . . . what kinds of things are we looking for?"

"Let's take a look." Heyes opened his paper and started reading. The Kid did likewise. "Looks like just normal things," said Heyes. "A fish, a handle, a stone . . ."

The Kid turned his nose up at the idea of a fish. "Why on earth would a fish be on the list? This guy crazy or something?"

"He must be, because this looks like easy stuff to pick up." Heyes finished reading the list and folded the paper and put it in his vest pocket. "Kid, this is going to be like robbing an open safe."

The Kid still looked skeptical, more so now than before. He frowned at his copy of the list. "You really think so?"

"Absolutely!" Heyes slapped him on the back again, normally a dangerous move against a gunfighter.

"I dunno, Heyes. Some of this stuff looks like it might be a lot of work to get."

Puzzled, Heyes took a look at the Kid's list to make sure it was identical to his. "Why, you're making this way too hard, Kid. This is all stuff you can find anywhere. You just have to use your imagination is all."

In the wake of Heyes's enthusiasm, the Kid began to doubt his own sanity. "Well . . . maybe. But I can't figure out why he wants all this stuff."

"He doesn't really want it, Kid. This is just a game – for fun! So let's get going! We should be able to get all this stuff in no time. We'll meet back at the hotel tomorrow when we're done. And may the best man win!"

"You can wipe that smile off your face, Heyes. The best man is going to win – me!"

"Sure, Kid. Good luck. See you soon." Heyes held out his hand and the Kid shook it. Heyes mounted and rode off out of town, happily reading his list as he went. He turned back and yelled, "Just remember to use your imagination!" The Kid watched him ride off and then looked at his own list, shaking his head in wonder.

Kid Curry had absolutely no idea where he was to find some of the things on his scavenger list, so he decided the best thing to do would be to meander around town, keeping his eyes and ears open. He was rewarded almost immediately when he looked down at a small pile of pebbles near the boardwalk and saw a stone with dirt on it.

"A speckled stone!" Item number one on the list! What luck! The Kid happily picked it up and put it in his pocket. That must be what Heyes meant by using your imagination: the list said "Speckled Stone" and here was a stone with spots of dirt on it. Easy! Heyes was right! All you really had to do was use your imagination. The Kid was beginning to understand now. After being Hannibal Heyes's partner for years, he knew he had plenty of imagination and he figured most of the competition didn't. Winning the contest wasn't important, but winning the bet with Heyes was! Imagination would be his guide. Temporarily the Kid felt his apprehension ease up.

Now on to item number two. "An Old Plug," read the Kid. "An old plug," he repeated in wonder. Time to use the old imagination again. But this time the results weren't so clear-cut. "Is this serious? An old plug?" He thought about it for a minute, then decided he would leave the old plug until the end. "This guy's loony," he whispered softly.

"What's next?" he said to himself. "A Spike. A spike?! That's crazy! That's dangerous! What's wrong with this guy?" He thought for a minute and decided that getting excited would only make it worse so he calmed himself and put this item to the end of the list, also. He was beginning to understand that his imagination was going to be working overtime to figure out what Tarlek, the contest promoter, wanted.

Next on the list was the Fish. That went to the end, too, for obvious reasons. The Kid was beginning to wonder if he'd be able to pick up anything early besides the Speckled Stone.

Number five was a Stage Door Handle. "Well, it's strange, but I can do it," the Kid thought to himself. With all this nutty stuff he had to pick up, he decided that time was no longer of the essence. He turned into the nearest saloon and ordered a beer. He needed to bolster his confidence for this one.

After quaffing a couple of beers and eating his supper at the saloon, he went over to the stagecoach depot and read the timetable. No sooner had he finished deciphering the times when he heard the stagecoach approaching down the main street. The Kid ducked around to the side of the building and waited until the passengers had gone inside and the drivers had unhitched the horses and led them away for the night.

The stagecoach was now sitting idle on the street with no one around, and the night was beginning to get quite dark. He looked up and down the street but saw no one. Feeling light-headed like he had as a kid when he had started a life of thievery, he snuck quickly to the door of the stagecoach. Using a tool he had borrowed from the bartender, he quickly and deftly removed the hinges of the stagecoach door handle. He pocketed the handle and then, as a considerate afterthought, replaced the hinges on the coach. The stagecoach was now minus one door handle, but at least its hinges were intact. The Kid hoped no one else had the guts to steal a stagecoach door handle.

He slunk quickly away from the stage depot and hurried to return the tool to the bartender. He then ordered himself a whiskey and sat at a table, unfolding the scavenger list in front of him.

"What's next?" he asked himself. There it was, item #6, "Cigar Token. Hell, that's easy!" He thought about it for a second. Hmm, maybe not. Maybe Tarlek was being tricky again. "Wonder what he really wants here," thought the Kid. Several things came to mind, all cigar-related. Just to be on the safe side, he decided that he needed to provide the entire cigar, so he bought one from the bartender and pocketed it along with his Stage Door Handle and Speckled Stone. He made a mental note not to smoke it.

Satisfied that he was on the right track and feeling smug, the Kid decided to knock off for the night. After all, he had already found three things on the list and had plans – or at least minimal outlines of plans – for a few more. A good day's work. It had cost him the entrant fee, but the Kid felt satisfied. He finished off his whiskey and offered to buy some for the pretty barmaid who flirted with him and sat on his lap. The rustle of her satin dress and the smell of her neck appealed to him strongly and he knew that he would not be looking at the list any more that night.

Hannibal Heyes read and re-read the list as he rode slowly along the road out of town. At one point he glanced down and saw a chalcedony pebble. A Speckled Stone! The first thing on the list. He grabbed it and placed it carefully inside his saddle bag. This was going to be a cinch.

The next thing – an Old Plug. Heyes looked around and noticed an old farmstead a little ways off. As he rode closer he realized that it was abandoned. He rode to the house and dismounted. Letting himself in through the partly unhinged front door, he was surprised to see that there was still some furniture inside. The thick coat of dust indicated that no one had been in the house for a long time, though. The windows had been broken, probably by local boys with slingshots. He looked around for anything that might fit his scavenger's list. He was rewarded when he opened a cupboard and noticed a rain slicker inside. Remembering that "fish" was slang for rain slicker, he grabbed it, idly wondering which meaning of the word Tarlek had intended and concluding that it didn't matter because he intended to argue his side if necessary. Besides, what kind of idiot would bring a real fish?

Out in the yard, he noticed a weathered old wooden bucket. Perfect! Heyes pulled a plug from the side where it had been patched. He smiled at it. His Old Plug. Now he had three things on his list and he wasn't even an hour into the search. Shoving his items into his saddlebag, he re-mounted and rode slowly to the next town, keeping his eyes and imagination wide open for anything else he could use.

The next morning, a totally refreshed Kid Curry prepared for his day by reading his list. What treasures would he find now? Sheave. That's easy – a knife. He could use his own. As long as he got it back. Old Plug – that's easy, too, but would have to wait until later. Bay. Now, wait a minute! What does that mean? The Kid decided he could use his own horse, a bay, as long as he didn't have to relinquish it.

Oh, well, thought the Kid. An Old Plug and a Bay. It's a crazy list. Going on . . .

Bear Sign. Bear sign?! Why the hell would he want a bear sign?

Kid Curry was beginning to get angry. He tromped to the livery stable to retrieve his horse and rode irritably to the nearest woods.

Heyes, on the other hand, was having a delightful time with his copy of the list. He had spent the night in the hotel of a nearby town and awakened with some wonderful ideas for his list-searching. He hoped to wrap it all up soon. And he was absolutely certain that he was way ahead of the Kid, another mood-enhancer.

An early-morning visit to the local blacksmith procured him a Sheave, which, as everyone knows, is slang for pulley. The pulley went into the saddlebag after Heyes had promised to return it in a couple days to the blacksmith and handed him two bits.

Then a quick visit to the local bakery accomplished several more of Heyes's purposes. For one, breakfast. He also managed to pick up a couple of things on the scavenger list: a bakery basket, a bay leaf, and some doughnuts as well. "Bear sign" is cattle drive slang for doughnuts. Heyes put them in the basket and tied the basket to the saddle. Knowing full well that the doughnuts would no longer be fresh at deadline time, he didn't care one bit. Well, maybe a little bit; he ate all but one. His list was coming along nicely.

Kid Curry had to ride quite a ways into the woods before he managed to find any sign of a bear. Unfortunately, the sign he found was not something he wished to bring with him. But, of course, he had no choice. A bear sign is a Bear Sign, after all. He grabbed some leaves and gingerly wrapped them around the bear's spoor, wrinkling his nose at the smell and laboring over the best way to transport his latest find. The only thing he could think of was to cut a length of rope, peel the fibers, and use them to tie the Bear Sign to the back of his saddle. As he was doing so, his horse turned its head to see what could possibly be happening back there.

"Never mind," said the Kid irritably. "Your job is to be my ride and my Bay, not criticize." He mounted and started back for town in search of his next treasure, holding his nose most of the way. His Bear Sign had been fresh.

His only consolation was knowing that Heyes had to find a Bear Sign, too.

Heyes happily recalled that he had a couple of spikes in his saddlebags. Spikes were Indian arrowheads, and he had removed some as keepsakes after finding them once on abandoned tomahawks. The ease of that find brought a smile to his face. He pulled out his list to make sure he was on the right track. Sure, there it was . . . #3 Spike.

So what was left? Not much. Heyes congratulated himself for his expediency and imagination and re-read the list. The only things he was missing were the token from a cigar and a Stage Door Handle. The cigar token was easy, of course, but that Stage Door Handle . . .

A few minutes later, Heyes sat on the front porch of the hotel, smoking a cigar and fingering its band. He rocked in the chair, thoughtfully thinking through all the possibilities that "Stage Door Handle" presented. What could Tarlek possibly have meant by "Stage Door Handle?" Maybe the Kid was right about the guy being nuts. This brought his thoughts around to his partner. Heyes wondered how the Kid was doing. It was unimaginable to him that the Kid was doing as well as he was – after all, he only had one more item on his list to go, and he was – well – the great Hannibal Heyes. He chuckled when he thought about some of the things that the Kid might conclude "Stage Door Handle" meant, then sobered up again when he realized he didn't really know either.

Heyes was puzzling things over when he realized suddenly that he was staring at the front door of the building across the street – the Arcadia Stage Theater!

Time was running out and Kid Curry knew he had to hurry to finish his scavenging. The Spike was the next thing on the list. The railroad line ran along the road out of town. He left the road, dismounted, and put his ear to the train track. He didn't hear any train coming. Good news for anyone who wanted to steal one of the spikes that nailed down the track.

The Kid laughed out loud at the thought that he used to rob trains of lots of money and now all he wanted was a spike! He chuckled at the thought that most of the people in town were also in the process of stealing spikes. This led to the feeling of apprehension at what might conceivably be the cause of a train derailment. Railroad spikes were supposed to stay in the ground to secure the track for the train to run along it. If everybody stole them, what would happen to the train?

He looked up and down the track and saw no one else. He was only a couple of miles from town and a few hours away from contest deadline. Maybe this meant that everybody had already stolen their spikes. Conveniently forgetting his trepidation, the Kid spurred himself into action.

Breaking off a sturdy tree branch, he removed the leaves and broke the branch in half over his knee. Wedging both pieces under the head of the spike, he pushed down as hard as he could with both arms. The spike didn't budge. It didn't budge when he sat on the branch. Nothing happened when he swore at it, either. It didn't budge when he jumped on the branch, but he slipped and fell to the ground.

But lying on the ground caused him to look around, and there – just lying alongside the train track – was an old, discarded railroad spike. Several, in fact. He happily picked one up. It was very rusty but it would do. Item #3 finally done!

Stealing the handle off the front door of a business on the main street of town during the busiest time of the day provided a bit of concern for Hannibal Heyes. But, as he kept reminding himself, he was Hannibal Heyes, after all. An idea soon popped into his head. Heyes kept his position in the rocking chair and looked up and down the street, studying the town traffic.

Happy that securing the railroad spike did not prove to be the physical labor he had feared, the Kid once again studied his scavenger list. He seemed to have all the items he needed except Old Plug, Fish and Bread Basket. Hmmm . . . Bread basket, he knew, was guttural cowboy slang for "man" so he decided to use himself as his own Bread Basket. Easy.

#2 Old Plug. That had to mean an elderly horse. The Kid opened his horse's mouth and examined the teeth. A young horse, unfortunately. But, maybe, thought the Kid, this guy Tarlek wouldn't know the difference between an old plug and a young stud. Maybe he could use his mount for both the Old Plug and the Bay.

No, it probably wouldn't work. Cheating would most likely disqualify him and all his hard work would be wasted. And he was NOT going to let Heyes beat him in this contest! No, he would have to find a genuine Old Plug.

There were several houses at the edge of town. He noticed horses tied to various hitching posts and grazing in fields, but they all seemed too young. Finally he spotted an old swayback standing sleepily near a fence gate. An old plug!

Kid Curry eagerly tied his own mount to the gate and let the two horses get acquainted as he sprinted to the door of the house to talk business.

Hannibal Heyes was done with his list! The scavenger hunt had proven to be simple and he felt very smug about his accomplishments. He pulled out the list again and compared it with everything in the bread basket tied to his saddle: bucket plug, rain slicker, doughnut, pulley, bay leaf, arrowhead, cigar token, stone.

And as for that stage door handle – well, Heyes believed he recognized the shrewdness of Tarlek, the scavenger hunt instigator.

#4 Fish. That could only mean one thing. And it wasn't a pleasant meaning. It was impossible to keep a fish alive while astride a horse, and a dead fish smelled bad. Maybe even worse than the bear sign.

Maybe. But the list said Fish.

The Kid turned to look at the unprecious load tied to the back of his saddle and turned up his nose for the umpteenth time that day. This guy Tarlek was surely nuts; there was no other possible explanation, unless his nose was bad.

But the time was getting short. Kid Curry sighed deeply and dismounted to fashion a fishing pole for use in the stream by the roadside. He was close to town; perhaps that would ensure that he would not be attacked by a bear while fishing. Perhaps not.

Heyes was in town an hour early, waiting in the saloon. He stood by the batwing doors and watched for the Kid. His bread basket full of goodies lay at his feet. A number of people had already gathered outside prior to the 6 pm deadline. Heyes saw all manner of miscellaneous items that people had dragged into town. He laughed at some of the items he spotted: most folks had bulging saddlebags. Someone was dragging a rock the size of an anvil (that guy obviously didn't spend enough time looking for his Speckled Stone), and one man who was missing a couple teeth was even dragging a railroad tie!

It was almost six o'clock and his partner still had not shown up. How convenient! Heyes figured he was a shoo-in to win their bet by simple default. And once he won the contest itself, he would be the undisputed champion! He grabbed his bread basket and joined the crowd in the street. He smiled broadly at folks, amused by some of the objects people had dragged into town for the scavenger hunt. Where did people get some of their crazy ideas? He saw folks carrying deer antlers, women's shoes, iron fence gates, feathered fishing lures, books, corn stalks, and on and on. One man had thrown a bearskin over the back of his horse. Another was dragging a heavy anvil. Heyes smiled and raised his glass to everyone, secure and happy in the knowledge that everything that satisfied the requirements of Tarlek's scavenger hunt rested solely in the bread basket he carried on his arm.

He watched as Tarlek shoved his way through the crowd and set down a soap box to stand on. Heyes checked up and down the street again; still no sign of the Kid.

All right, now said Tarlek. I see you folks been workin' hard since last night. Some of you been workin' REAL hard Tarlek said to a man with his arms around one of the brightly-clad barmaids. "Connie's my breadbasket!" the man yelled, and everyone laughed. This was a happy, excited crowd, and Heyes laughed along with them.

Let's see what you got! Everyone stepped forward at once, holding up their precious finds for Tarlek to check out. Branches and stepstools and butter churns and wire and pickled vegetables were all shoved into Tarlek's face and laid at his feet. Everyone was talking at once. Heyes snickered at all the serious misinterpretations of the scavenger list he witnessed. He waited his turn, intentionally saving his items for last. The best is always last.

Nope. Nope. Nope. One by one Tarlek dismissed the finds, explaining that the interpretation had been incorrect, not what he had intended. I had no idea you people could read so much into this list. I figgered it would be hard for you to just find all the items, not to just figger out what they were! No to the deer antlers. No to the women's shoes. No to the iron fence gate. A big NO to the railroad tie. What were you thinking, friend? No, don't tell me.

Heyes, in all his smug glory, bided his time and watched. So far not one person had satisfied all ten items on the list. No one had brought the right collection of things. Once in a while he heard Yes but mostly he heard Nope, followed by groans. This guy Tarlek would have the chance to recognize real talent once it was Heyes's turn.

Finally all the scavengers had been turned away. Some were still hanging around, waiting to see if the last scavenger's basket of goods would fit the bill. Full of self-assurance, Heyes stepped forward and laid his bread basket at Tarlek's feet.

Looks like you're the last chance to get it right, friend. The bread basket's good. Let's see what else you got. The stone's good; looks like just about everybody got that right. This doughnut for me? Thanks.

"Uh . . . " Heyes tried to stop Tarlek from popping the doughnut into his mouth, but he wasn't fast enough. "That's my bear sign, you know."

Bear sign? You joking? Tarlek raised his eyebrows as he chewed. He seemed to be trying not to laugh and started pawing through the basket again. He raised up the rain slicker. Let me guess. Sheave?

"No!" Heyes grabbed the pulley out of the basket. "This is my Sheave. A sheave!"

Tarlek looked positively bemused as the bay leaf fell out of the basket. Don't tell me this little feller is your bay? A leaf?

"Now listen! A bay leaf is a . . . "

And what's this? An arrowhead? And this here looks like it came out of an old bucket!

"It did! It's a . . . "

And where's the rest of the cigar? All's you got here is the band!

"It's the token! The cigar token! You asked for a token!"

The token is the whole cee-gar! Sorry, fella, you got the Bread Basket and the Speckled Stone but that's about it so it looks like you didn't quite get what I was looking for, either. And you don't even have a Stage Door Handle.

"You mean you were serious about that handle?! I thought . . . "

Looks like nobody got . . .

"Hey! Wait!" Someone was shouting from down the street. Everyone turned to look. Heyes's anger turned to amusement as he spied his partner galloping toward the crowd. Kid Curry was leading another horse, an obviously very old horse, and as he approached the crowd it was evident his entourage smelled to high Heaven. Heyes also noticed that the Kid's jacket pockets were bulging. This was going to be good.

"I'm not too late, am I?" yelled the Kid.

At this point, Heyes spied the fish tied to the saddlehorn and turned up his nose. And yet the stink seemed to be stronger than a single fish would provide. The few remaining members of the crowd parted – wide – for the Kid. As the Kid reined to a sudden stop, something fell out of his jacket pocket. His horse stepped on it. Heyes leaned over and picked it up for him. "It's your cigar, Thaddeus. Broken now. Too bad."

No matter! I saw it.

Tarlek gently removed the cigar from Heyes's hands. This here's a whole cigar, broken or not. This satisfies the rule "Cigar Token."

Heyes started getting angry all over again. "But it said a token, not a . . . "

"Thank you, Mr. Tarlek," said the Kid, smiling. "And here's everything else on your list."

All rightie, now, let's see. This old horse, this is the Old Plug, right? And this one you're riding is a Bay, of course. Here's your Fish, God help us. The Speckled Stone (no one had trouble with that one). And here's your knife, your Sheave. What else you got in this bag? Well, looky here – the Stage Door Handle. I didn't figger nobody would get that one! Aren't you the smart one!

Heyes stood nearby and fumed. The Kid looked at Tarlek and then stole a sidelong glance at Heyes. His partner's scowl made him smile brightly!

Now I gotta think that that stink you got wrapped up back there is your Bear Sign, right? No, no, don't show me – I'll take your word for it. What's this last thing in here? – Ah, your railroad Spike! Good job figgering that one out! That's – let's see – nine out of ten. What's missing? Ah, the Bread Basket. You got a Bread Basket?

Kid Curry's smile was still wide as he pointed to his stomach. "Me!" he proclaimed proudly. "'Bread Basket' means 'man.' I'm my own Bread Basket." Heyes rolled his eyes in contempt. His partner was about to win the stupid scavenger hunt!

But Tarlek wasn't buying it.

No sir! You're not a Bread Basket! A Bread Basket – well, this here's a Bread Basket. He pointed to the basket Heyes had brought. This guy – he didn't get much right, but he did get that Bread Basket.

Sorry, friend. No one won! Sorry, everyone! Nice try, good people. Everyone worked hard! Yep, I'm real impressed . . .

And without so much as a how-de-do, Tarlek jumped off his soap box, grabbed it, and rode out of town. With everybody's entry money. And every single person there let him do it, because every single person there was depressed.

Including both Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry. The great safecracker and the Fastest Gun in the West. They walked slowly to the nearest saloon to drown their trouble. Not troubles, just the one.

They ordered two beers at the bar.

While waiting for the beers, the Kid helpfully pointed out, "I got more than you did."

"Then you can pay for the beers," Heyes strongly suggested.

"What for? My list was the best!"

"No, Kid, my list was the best! Can I help it if Tarlek has no taste?"

The beers arrived, and each man paid for his own, under the glare of the bartender.

"Taste or not, the results stand – he said I had more, not you!"

"You know damn well my stuff was more imaginative than yours!"

The Kid's docility was waning due to Heyes's belligerence. "Hell, Heyes, he didn't ask for imagination – that was your idea. And it was a stupid idea!"

"Who are you calling stupid? You thought it was a smart idea to bring in bear shit, did you? The bartender barely served us! We're lucky he didn't ask us to drink outside."

"You're just jealous, Heyes! And if you want to step outside with me, I'll step outside any time you want!" The Kid started removing his jacket in anger.

"I'd step outside with you, but we'd both trip over that dead horse you brought in! If you think I . . ."

A few hours and several of the forty dollars' worth of beers later, Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry were once again the best of friends, arms around each other and singing at the top of their lungs along with the saloon's piano player and several other disappointed scavengers.

And, a couple of towns away, Tarlek was drinking champagne and writing down new words he was choosing at random from his pocket dictionary.

THE SCAVENGER LIST

Speckled stone

Old plug

Spike

Fish

Stage door handle

Cigar token

Bread basket

Bear sign

Sheave

Bay

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.