AN: Hey everyone! I know, I haven't updated in forever and now all I am doing is rewriting what I have, what is up with that? I promise that the rewrite of the first few chapters won't take very long and before you know it I will be writing new stuff. Just bear with me! I hope this is at least a little bit better than the original, but I would love your comments and ideas. So review!

~Diger

It was late that night (or perhaps early that morning) that Ginny Weasley found herself walking through the castle and out toward the grounds of Hogwarts. It had been an incredibly hard day. All of her teachers were trying to get her prepared for finals next month, the "Golden Trio" had been treating her like a child all afternoon, and on top of all of that she had gotten into a horrible row with her secret boyfriend during a pretend row that was supposed to keep suspicions about them low.

'Well, there's probably nothing to hide at this point.' Ginny thought, 'he would be crazy to still want to be a part of this after what happened today.' She really was hard on herself sometimes. It made life difficult for her lately because of her constant mistakes. However, most of her recent mistakes could be remedied by a few minutes of consolation from her secret boyfriend (who was incredible good at consoling.)

The castle was eerily quiet at this time of night. The prefects had even gone to bed, assured that there would be no more wandering students to take care of until sunrise. Ginny, a prefect herself, knew that this theory was seldom correct but was usually accepted by the teachers, if for no other reason than to keep the noise level down at night. She wasn't often found wandering the school this late, either. Only when she was fighting with a certain someone did she feel the urge for the midnight air.

Ginny took a deep breath as she walked out onto the grass and headed to the lake. She tilted her head up to the sky and, still walking, took a deep breath. "Why? Can't I just be happy for once? Why does life have to be so bloody confusing? I hate secrets," she confessed to the open air.

Reaching her favorite tree (it provided the perfect amount of shade on any day), Ginny sat at the base of the trunk and pulled her bare knees up to her chest. Closing her eyes and tilting her head back against the bark she thought back to lunch and the argument that had been the cause of her current distress.

"Well, well, well, look what we have here boys. If it isn't the little weasel girl and her entourage, the three musketeers." Pansy Parkinson drawled as she came up to the group of Gryffindors talking in the corridor. She was tailed by her usual crew: Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, and, of course, Crabbe and Goyle.

"How's it going scar face?" Blaise said as the two groups came to a stop directly in front of each other.

"Shove off, Zabini." Ron said, glaring at the Slytherins as if that would make them go away.

"Now, that's not a very nice thing to say weasel." Draco said as he came toward the front of the group. Ginny had to fight the smile that came to her face at the sight of the blond Slytherin.

"What are you going to do about it, Malfoy?" Ginny asked, glaring.

Draco glared back with a fierceness that signaled for everyone else to back off. The argument was now just between the two of them. 'Success.' Ginny thought. Not that they were ever unsuccessful. In fact, Draco and Ginny made it a point to run into each other like this quite often. They usually enjoyed causing such a scene.

"Coming to the rescue again, Weaselette? Isn't Potter supposed to be your hero?" Draco teased.

"Harry is a better wizard then you could ever hope to be, Malfoy." Ginny said.

"At least he will always have you to defend them. It's not like anyone else would ever want a witch as poor and socially challenged as you are."That comment hurt Ginny a little, even though she knew that this was all just lies. It got her thinking, though. 'What if this is what is real?' Ginny thought, 'he doesn't really want me after all. That's the trick. He's just using me. How typical. Draco bloody Malfoy using Ginny Weasley. I bet all of his buddies just love it. They probably make fun of me all the time.' Ginny's thoughts were not usually this destructive. She had never convinced herself of something that would end up hurting as much as that thought would.

"Well at least I don't have to hide behind money or a father whose only loyalty is to Voldemort. At least I have people who care about me. Not like your so called 'friends' here." Ginny was seething. If she had been paying attention she would have seen the confusion that passed through Draco's eyes for a moment before full-fledged anger took over. It was a silent rule between them that they never talked about Draco's father. They never used their families in arguments other than him calling her poor and beneath him.

Draco seemed to be stunned for a moment but before the situation became too fake he found something real and hurtful to say. "You call that mudblood a friend?" Draco sneered, "the whole lot of you Weasleys are just as bad as her. You're a disgrace to our kind. Especially that muggle loving father of yours. Once Voldemort has taken over, people like you will be the ones shining our shoes. But that wouldn't be much of a change for you, would it Weaslette? You're already as dirty as it gets. Have you ever even had new clothes? Or do you just wear your brothers' old robes?"

The anger that consumed Ginny then was so intense that she felt a lump in the back of her throat. She pushed it back, however. Crying was something she didn't allow herself to do often, even more so when she was angry. Her wand was clenched in her hand and she was about to throw a bat bogey hex at the infuriating Draco Malfoy when Professors McGonnagal and Flitwick walked out of the Great Hall. Ginny glared at him for a few more seconds before turning to her friends and walking away.

Every time that Ginny saw him after that he was walking away from her. At dinner she stared at him for an unusual amount of time. So much so, that her friends picked up on it and had tried to get her to realize that Draco Malfoy wasn't worth her anger or her time. 'Well, he seems to think so.' Ginny had thought. Now, though, sitting by the tree, Ginny knew she had been wrong. She had been thinking irrationally and had jumped to a conclusion so far from the truth that she just might have ruined the best thing that had happened to her in a long time.

Just thinking about Draco made her heart ache and she wondered if this was what love felt like. She knew that Draco loved her. She could see it in his eyes every time he passed her in the hall. Often when she was on prefect duty and she was in a bad mood he would pass by and just stare at her for a moment. There would be anguish in his own eyes for the pain that she was feeling. He had always told her that he wished nothing more than to be able to make her happy. Something he could not do now unless he knew they were one hundred percent alone.

"How could that be an act?" Ginny asked herself, "how could he pretend to feel that much? Jeez, Gin. You are so bloody stupid, sometimes." She closed her eyes tight, trying to fight the tears in her eyes. One slipped out and rolled down her cheek. She didn't know how she had let herself screw up so horribly. Draco had avoided her all day and she knew that he had every right to. She couldn't imagine how angry he would be at her. All she wanted to was talk to him and tell him how sorry she was. She wanted to explain to him that what had happened that afternoon was simply a temporary moment of insanity.

Out across the lake, Ginny saw the giant squid moving gracefully through the water. She didn't normally care for the creature, but tonight it was a good distraction. The moonlight on the water made the scene seem like something from a dream. It was beautiful in a strange kind of way. Peaceful, somehow. She couldn't explain it, but it seemed to be just what she had been looking for when she had wandered outside. Closing her eyes, she thought about the sleep that had been evading her all night. Her mind began to cross into the fuzzy place between consciousness and sleep and she welcomed it.

Draco walked silently from the castle toward the lake. He knew she would be there. It was their place. Whenever either of them was upset they knew they could find each other under the tree. He wasn't so sure if he wanted to find her tonight, though. He was still a little angry at her for what she had said to him that afternoon, but more than that he was confused. He didn't know what this meant for them. Did she want out? They had been together for two years. Was that long enough for her? He knew that it wasn't enough for him. He could be with her forever and still want more.

He was worried about what he would find when he got down to the tree. If she wasn't there then he would know that what happened today was her way of telling him it was over. If she was there he didn't know what to say to her. He knew that he owed her an apology. He had hurt her today. He was confused and angry and he had taken it out on her. It definitely wasn't something that Draco was proud of.

When he reached the tree and saw the small form of his girlfriend sleeping against it he felt relieved for a moment. She wasn't leaving him. At least, not yet. He sat down beside her and sighed. Today had definitely not been a good day. Every time he saw Ginny in the hall he had gone the other way and he had spent all of dinner avoiding her constant gaze. He knew she didn't like it when he avoided her but he had been so scared of what today had meant for them.

It could have been an hour or only a minute later that Ginny was suddenly jarred into consciousness feeling wary of her surroundings. Something must have moved, there must have been some sound that had woken her up, but she assumed it only could have been something in the lake. Her eyes were still closed, but after a moment she felt as if something was watching her and she cautiously opened them. She almost screamed when she saw the figure sitting next to her but then she realized who it was.. He saw the frightened look in her eyes and shook his head as if to apologize.

Ginny took a moment to calm herself down and then another to wonder what in the world she could say to him to make him forgive her. In the end she decided to find out what sort of mood he was in before she said anything that would dig her an even deeper hole. She let out a deep breath and smiled weakly at him. "Hi." She hadn't meant to speak as quietly as she did.

"Hey." Draco sounded tired, though she wasn't sure if it was because of the early hours or the rough day. Either way, she felt responsible.

"What are you doing out here?" Ginny asked.

"Couldn't sleep. I figured I would come sit by the lake for a while." Draco replied, "I also thought there was a pretty good chance that I would find you out here."

"Oh." Ginny couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I was pretty angry earlier. I didn't understand why you had blown up at me like that. However, I shouldn't have said those things to you. I would kill anyone that hurt you and there I was taking advantage of you by insulting you with things I knew would really hurt you." Draco closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "This is just so hard sometimes, Gin. I can't ask you what's wrong when we're around people like we were today. If things were different, you and I could have talked and none of this would have happened. I hate that." Ginny could tell that he was frustrated. She moved closer to him and laid her head onto his shoulder.

"There are just times when I don't know." Ginny admitted. Draco's arm came around her from behind and pulled her closer to him.

"Times when you don't know what, Gin? I need you to tell me what happened today."

"Sometimes it just feels like we're the lie. That what happens in there, when everyone else is around, is the truth. That what happens here, with just you and me, isn't what is real." The tears had come back into her eyes. She tried to get them to go away by clenching her eyes shut, but all that did was let a few out. Draco pulled her closer then and she could tell that what she had just said hurt him. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault we're in this mess. It's definitely not your fault that you don't know for sure that I love you. I do, though, Gin. I love you so much that it hurts. I know I've told you, but I guess that's not enough anymore. I don't want you to ever doubt us, Ginny. I wish I could show you. I wish that I could take you out and do something romantic for you. I know you're a sap for that stuff." He tried to joke with her and she elbowed his stomach.

"We've been together for two years , though, Draco. It seems like we should have had so much more time actually together than we have. We've been together for two years, but we haven't spent nearly that much time being together."

"I know. And I feel it too, trust me. We're coming to the end here, though. You said that Potter almost has him. That the Order is organizing the last attack. It won't be long before we can be together." Draco tried to sooth her.

"Why can't we be together now, Draco?" Ginny begged, "why do we have to wait? I'm so tired of waiting. I feel like I haven't even been living this past year. All I ever do is wait. 'Just wait until the end of the war, Gin.' 'Wait until you're finished with school.' 'Wait until you're old enough.' All anyone ever tells me to do is wait! I don't want to wait anymore, Draco."

"Gin, you know why we have to wait." He seemed to be pleading with her. Trying to get her to see reason and stop sounding so hurt. "If my father knew that we were together he would kill you, Gin. He would kill you and it would be worse than killing me and he would know that. He would know that if you were gone I would be nothing. I would be forced to join the Death Eaters. And if we were public, if we stopped trying to hide this, he would find out."

Ginny heaved a great sigh of defeat. "I know." They sat in silence for a while. His arms were wrapped around her and her face was buried in his shoulder. After a while she tilted her face to look up at him. Feeling her movement, he brought his gaze in from the lake and down into her eyes. "Do you ever wonder," Ginny started. "If things would be easier if we weren't together at all? If the waiting would be better if we weren't constantly faced with what we are waiting for?" It was a very sudden thought of hers. She hadn't thought it through, but now that it came to her it seemed to be a logical solution.

If Draco and Ginny were to take a break, not necessarily see other people, but not see each other, would their wait hurt less? Would it go by any faster?

The look on Draco's face told Ginny that, no, he hadn't ever wondered. It told her that the simple idea of it seemed so impossible to him. "Are you breaking up with me, Ginny?" He asked with no real emotion to his voice.

"What?" Ginny seemed confused. "No! Of course I'm not breaking up with you!" She could see where he might think that. He told her he loved her every time they were together, but Ginny had never said it back to him. She hadn't been sure until tonight if she loved him. She knew she could not live without him. That every day she didn't get to talk to him seemed bleak. However, she had never attributed those feelings to love. "I just wonder if this would be easier for both of us if we didn't have to pretend all of the time."

She wanted to tell him that she loved him and that was why this hurt so much, but she didn't know how. The first time he had told her they had been walking around the lake late at night. They had been holding hands and talking about everything that came to their minds. In the middle of a conversation about why he had gotten appointed head boy he had just come right out and said it. "I love you, Ginny." He had said. She wished that it could be that easy for her.

"Do you really think that not seeing each other will make this easier?" He asked.

"I don't know. Maybe it's worth a try though? If it makes it at all easier it might be worth it. I just hate seeing that us being together is hurting you as much as it is hurting me."

"I can deal with it." He was quiet for a moment before he added, "Do you really want to try this? Because if you do, I will. I would do anything you asked me too."

"No you wouldn't." Ginny said to try and lighten the mood, "You have not once agreed to let me do your hair."

Draco laughed and kissed her forehead. "That is because I don't trust you, witch." He growled. "We can talk about your idea more later. Let's just enjoy what we have right now." Ginny nodded and a heavy, yet comfortable, silence settled over them.

Ginny was wondering how she should tell him her most recent revelation. Maybe it was better if it was simple. After all, they weren't complicated. Their circumstances were, but they weren't. All they wanted was to be together, to live their lives in a way that was free of secrets. How would they ever get to that point if Ginny kept this biggest secret from him? She could say it just as simply as he had and it wouldn't be turned into a big thing. She would have said it and he would finally be reassured.

Draco was wondering how to convince Ginny that being apart would not help them. He sat with one hand playing with her hair and the other holding her hand. He couldn't get it out of his head that he loved this girl. Ginevra Molly Weasley had somehow become the girl of his dreams and he couldn't even remember how it had happened. He had told her when they had gotten back to Hogwarts in September because he had spent all summer being miserable and just missing her.

Now she wanted him to hold back his love until the end of the war. It would be just like last summer, but worse. She would be there in the halls, she would be there at every meal, and he would have to pretend not to notice her existence. He wouldn't be able to fight with her in the halls if he couldn't apologize for the lies afterward. Draco knew that his love for Ginny was absurd, that he was turning into a completely new person because of it. A person that all of the people he knew would think of as weak and ridiculous. Maybe even a little crazy. If something were to happen and they were to really break up he would fall apart.

Draco couldn't see himself without her anymore. He couldn't be a Death Eater, he no longer respected his father, he hated most of his housemates, he hoped with all he could that Harry Potter would live up to the expectations and end the war that was keeping him from doing all that he wanted for Ginny. If something were to happen to their relationship or to her his life would mean nothing.

"Draco?" Ginny asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Mhmm."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

It was all worth it.