Disclaimer: I do not own Sephiroth nor Cloud, they belong to Square Enix or whoever.

Not Without My Hair

(A Sephy One Shot)

The General Sephiroth had always been known for his superior swordsmanship and….. His hair.

One day Sephiroth was taking a stroll around his village, a small and peaceful town where nothing ever really happened and he could maintain his title as General but never really have to do anything. But today, some ninja mofos decided to disturb the peace of his village.

As he was walking along he passed a bush, one would think it was an ordinary, everyday bush, but this bush could talk. "Who goes there?" he asked. "Shush ! or that grey old man'll hear us!" was what he heard then. He would have dismissed this strange bush's behavior except they called him old and grey. "It's platinum, thank you, and I'm not old." said Sephiroth. The two young ninjas snickered and said "If you're not old why don't you show us what you can do?" Sephiroth didn't know what to do, he didn't want to go around slicing up villagers with his super duper long katana, but he couldn't let these punks get the last laugh either. So he quickly grabbed his katana and sliced through the bush exposing the two ninjas. Their mouths gaped, and one of them was drooling. "Ew" said Sephiroth, "you might want to get that checked out." But he got no reply the ninjas stopped their oggling and dashed away from Sephiroth and towards the village market. "Noooooo!!" screamed Sephiroth as he ran at full speed after the ninjas. "Don't you touch anything in this village or I'll cut you to pieces !!" Well some of the townspeople had come out of their homes to see what the commotion was, only to find that their beloved general had gone mad. He was dashing around the village flailing his arms widly and screaming, "The ninjas, stop the ninjas!! Don't let them reach the salon, my stylist is in there!!" "Umm, should we call the people with the little white van, mom?" a child asked his mother as Sephiroth came flailing past. "No honey, he's not like your father, now go in the house."

One Hour Later

By now the whole village was going after Sephiroth, trying to see what the matter was. No one had seen any ninjas but he was convinced they were going to murder his hair stylist and he just wouldn't have that. He ran and ran, and ran some more, and when he thought all was lost he finally found the ninjas in the salon talking to his stylist. "Nooooo!! You little turds get away from my stylist. Please" he choked out. "Sure dude we were just screwing with you earlier" and they walked out calm as can be. But something had gone wrong, something inside Sephiroth had snapped. His eye began to twitch, his nose wrinkled in disgust. He turned to the villagers and screamed. They took a step back and he took one forward, they took another step back and he took another step forward, then all of a sudden out of nowhere he started chopping off peoples heads. One by one he began to behead the villagers all the while laughing hysterically and saying "The ninjas, they have my stylist, you let them get my hair stylist!"

The only thing that saved the villagers from all being beheaded was the small child who, despite a warning from his mother called the looney bin anyway. They showed up just in time as he was about to kill an innocent old lady. Cloud walked up to Sephiroth and told him, I'm gonna take you in buddy, so come on you're coming with us. Sephiroth took a look at the mayhem he'd caused. But he complied for he had no more strength to fight back. He was taken away and never seen again by the villagers. Needless to say they didn't give a flying cow turd.

When he arrived at the looney bin, they tried to shave his head. He glared at them and said, " I'll do anything you ask, but…… NOT…. WITHOUT… MY …..HAIR.