Ciao-su!! This is the prequel to A Party NOT To Be Remebered, so if you haven't read that then don't read this until you have. Yeah...obviously, the Kittypon in the story is me...ummm...
Disclaimer: If I owned Resident Evil, Light Yagami or House, the female characters would weigh more than ten pounds, he would have died a lot sooner and it would be on before I went to bed.
Fanfiction's Breakfast
- This is the story of a young bounty hunter (or huntress?...who knows) with slightly gravity defying black hair and blue eyes. On-
Dammit! Did I forget to rewind this thing? Bother it all...oh, there's the button.
-"I told you we took a wrong turn after Rivendell" Gimli muttered to his companions. They disappeared into the dark mist of early morning. -
No, that's not even close...who am I blaming for this one?
-On a surprisingly hot afternoon in March, a seemingly shy, lonely girl sobbed softly when her Cotton Candy flavored ice cream exploded onto the searing hot asphalt below. On a completely different topic,-
Well, the topic wasn't so completely different, but that's not the matter right now...
-Wichi! Wichi! "Stop giggling like that, slave boy!"-
Umm...that shouldn't be on there...please ignore that, if you will.
-By Friday night, I'd pushed every creative button in my brain. Most of them were labeled 'sadistic scenarios', 'random dances and actions' and 'wise-ass remarks'.-
We're nearly there...just a little more...Ah! Here we go...
A young fan fiction and novel writer known only as Kittypon smashed her head on the black metal of her loft-bed after waking with a start. It was only 7:42 in the morning, but Kittypon took no notice of it and jumped in the shower, all the while fixated on the fact that she absolutely had to rewrite the beginning of her novel. Again.
Twenty minutes later, she was distracted by a certain Death Note fan fiction she'd written over a month before. She was horrified to realize how utterly dull it was compared to the seven sequels so far that had come after it. How in hell am I going to fix this monstrosity, she wondered. Should she rewrite it? No, that would be the easy thing to do.
You see, Kittypon always does things the hard way. Researchers have yet to find out why.
After a long while of space-staring, Kittypon decided to write a prequel to her fanfics. I mean, surely her characters must have some crazy form of past!
Her prequel went something like this:
Canada is a very strange and exciting country, filled with Indie bands, ugly politicians, hockey fanatics and maple syrup. Not to mention Tim Horton's. However, although Canada is strange and exciting, it's rather dull once you learn to hate Avril Lavigne...especially if no one else does.
But in this dull place, there dwell interesting people. Interesting and ridiculous things often happen to these interesting people on an interesting basis.
Getting back on topic, this is the tale of two very interesting high school students in Canada. Their names were Eve Berglund and Sera Nakamura.
Eve Berglund was about 5' 7" and had messy brown hair and blue eyes. She loved baggy clothes and hated formal babbling. Her fraternal twin brother, that none of her friends yet knew about, was currently in Winchester, England under the mentorship of an old man with a ridiculous name. Quillsh Wammy.
Sera Nakamura was around three inches shorter than her best friend, but had the outrageous attitude to make up for it. Her black hair was now only shoulder length, and her black eyes gave away her part-Japanese heritage. She'd had a younger brother, but due to an unfortunate accident, he'd flushed himself down the toilet at only two years of age.
It was a week before the last prom before the two would graduate, and they were spending most of their time fussing over it. That is, fussing over what they would do that night instead of the prom.
"We should do something extravagantly huge." Suggested Eve as they drove home from their latest book raid at Chapters. In the book store, the employers were exhausted and extremely relieved to see the girls finally leave after three full hours.
"Well, are you sure Vincent's gonna be okay with you not showing up?" Sera asked, stopping at a Tim Horton's drive-thru.
"Of course he will." Replied Eve, waving off the topic with a hand. "We've only been going out for a week anyway...But what are we going to do that night?!"
"We could do what we did back in grade nine."
"And what's that?"
"A movie marathon."
"I see, I see." Eve cupped her chin with a hand and fell into deep thought. "But what movies?"
Silence filled Sera's Ford Focus.
"...I don't know..." Sera finally expressed. "What do you wanna watch?"
Again, silence.
"I don't know..." Said Eve. "What do you wanna watch?"
This was repeated at least seven times until Sera was cut off in traffic by some jerk in a sport's car. "AAGH! You conceited little megapuppy!!" She yelled in agitation. Eve found something about this very odd.
"Megapuppy..." She pondered. "That doesn't make any sense."
"It doesn't have to make sense." Sera jeered, thinking of a fitful curse she could place upon the sport's car driver.
"Yeah, but if you were walking down the street and saw a twenty-foot tall canine, would you call it a megapuppy?"
"No, I'd call it a megadog." Sera replied with a low amount of enthusiasm.
"Exactly! And would you call a two-centimeter canine a minidog?"
"No, I'd call it a minipuppy..." Huffed Sera. "But the point is-"
"That's my point! Do you get it?"
This overly strange conversation of megapuppies and minidogs went on for over half an hour. For a while, it elapsed into heated argument, but after some quick slaps and overwhelmed looks from passers by, it died down.
"So, megapuppies are actually megadogs, and minidogs are minipuppies, right?"
Eve nodded belligerently. "Yes, exactly."
"It's like an unwritten rule of...something." Sera mused thoughtfully.
"Yeah, like how we can only go for ice cream when the weather's bad, or that everything must be blamed on Vincent, even if he had nothing to do with it."
"Well then, we should write our own unwritten (and yet written) rules, shouldn't we? Just to keep track of them?" Mentioned Sera, changing the radio station.
"The Unwritten (And Yet Written) Rules Of what? Sera and Eve?" Eve changed the station back to what it'd been before.
"No, that's too unoriginal." Sera changed the station again. "...What about our Dazzle nicknames?"
Eve insisted on the original station. "What?"
"You know, from the Dazzle manga I've been reading. Your name was Spicy Diamond, Rayborn's nickname from Volume 5 er whatever. Mine was Kittypon, Alzeid's nickname in the first volume." Sera explained hurriedly, turning off the radio.
Eve tested it. "The Unwritten (And Yet Written) Rules Of Kittypon And Spicy."
"And as an acronym...The U.R.K.S.!" Sera beamed, almost running her car off the road in oblivious excitement.
And thus, The Unwritten (And Yet Written) Rules Of Kittypon And Spicy came to pass. So far, they've come up with two-hundred and eight rules, twenty of which were sacrificed for the use of Spicy and Kittypon's mindless arguments about mindless things.
The next day, Eve and Sera began reading Embrace The Night, the third book in the Cassandra Palmer Series by Karen Chance. They were delighted to find out that their favorite character, John Pritkin, actually jumped through a window in this one. They also decided on having a Resident Evil and Lord Of The Rings marathon on Prom night.
They day of the prom, a group of middle school exchange students from Japan arrived at the high school. One of these students was a smart young man with reddish hair named Light Yagami. Whilst walking around, he noticed two twelfth grade students engaged in intense debate over whether black olives were good or not, and shook his head in pity.
"So immature..." He breathed, heading to the library to do his geeky studies.
Little did anyone know that this intelligent student would later ruin his life by picking up a mysterious notebook and coming up with a ridiculous plan to be god of the new world. They also didn't know that his reign would end from a ridiculous death after being ridiculously captured by a ridiculous war mage by the name of Pritkin.
During lunch that day, Eve let her boyfriend Vincent Green know that she wasn't going to the Prom. Sera accompanied her, since she didn't really have much else to do.
"Oh, good!" Vincent sighed in relief when Eve told him. "Because there was something I needed to tell you."
Eve raised an eyebrow. "Uh...okay, go ahead."
Vincent shuffled his feet nervously. "I'm afraid we can't really date anymore."
"Oh?" Commented Sera, wondering whether she should punch Vincent in the face now or later.
"It's not you, it's me." Vincent continued, ignoring Sera. "Yesterday...I kind of realized that I'm...well, I'm gay."
Awkward silence enveloped the three.
"Gay?" Repeated Eve.
"Gay gay?" Revised Sera.
"Gay gay gay." Reiterated Vincent.
"Homosexual, thank you." Corrected Light Yagami blankly, passing by.
A sudden look of ecstatic joy covered Sera's face. "Yes!" She half screamed. "I...knew it..."She continued quietly after hard glares from Vincent and Eve.
"With who?" Asked Eve, restarting the conversation.
Vincent's eyes widened in surprise that Eve had already assumed he had a gay lover. "Uhh...Guy, actually..."
"Your best friend?" Sera specified.
"Yeah..." Vincent replied testily. "It just sort of...happened."
Soon after this, Eve and Sera wrote a new rule in The U.R.K.S. It went like this:
RULE 24: Vincent should only be gay lovers with Guy. Anyone else, and he's just having an affair.
That night, Sera and Eve had their movie marathon. Sera was not able to eat her dinner while viewing Resident Evil 3, as she kept expecting her face to be virtually eaten by zombies and didn't want to end up throwing her food in a random direction.
What was most depressing wasn't the fact that her food went cold, but the fact that her face was never virtually eaten by zombies and she had no reason to throw her food in a random direction.
Three years later, Sera and Eve joined the FBI, but after only seven months got horribly bored of it and left. After a random incident involving a serial killer, a rope and a bowl of cereal they became bounty hunters.
After that, they moved to Japan to help the enigmatic detective L, but their real reason was that they wanted to drink Sake more often.
The only other thing that can be noted is that every Sunday morning, the friends would wake up with cataclysmic hangovers and terribly braided hair.
With a flourish, Kittypon clicked the Save As button on her computer screen. She was She was sure this would totally make up for the horror that was Some Party. She then forgot all about re-revising her novel and decided to watch some reruns of House.
"Dr. House, that is." Added Light Yagami.
Cash...I need it...but anyway...
Does this make up for the horror that is A Party NOT To Be Remembered?
I rather think it does, just because of the scene with Vincent...
The Eighth Fic is called The Shire Meets Yaoi, so...yosh.
Kittypon OUT!! OO