Hello! I wanted to try something a little different. I've never written an AU before so please bear with me!
This is just a side project for when I'm taking a tiny break from my main fic "Masquerade".
I will not be updating this much (if at all)! So please leave a review~

*Edit* I've grown distant with my UlquiHime due to school and gaming, but I still ship them like crazy.
I'll do my best to update and get as close to finishing as possible. (9/2014)

Enjoy!

Money. Sex. Pride.

What more could Ulquiorra Cifer ask for?

Erotic moans and the repeated sounds of skin slapping against skin was the only music he listened to. The taste of sweat and female fluids and tongue sliding against tongue were his nightly dessert. The rancid smell of sex and pheromones were his perfume. Awaking morning after morning with a different girl in his bed was a normal routine along with the chore of having to change his sheets every night. He never called back of course. Didn't even bother learning their names. The young and thriving, 26 year-old, raven-haired man desired only to feel pleasure.

"Does it please you when I do this?"

"Say my name."

"Tell me you need me."

"Make me know you want me."

"Does this excite you?"

Chains and handcuffs, maids, school girls, cats; Ulquiorra had experienced it all. Yet, nothing could satisfy his hunger for raw skin against skin, mixing sweat with saliva, hearing feminine thick moans overlapping the creaking of old spring beds, and most of all, the moment when the woman he is ravishing calls out his name as she climaxed.

He's had Squirters, Queefers, Criers, and all sorts of women he had disgustingly adjusted to. Nonetheless, it was his pleasure to destroy any trash that got in the way of his goals. He didn't care about these women personally. More accurately, he didn't care about himself. He wanted to drown in this superficial void filled with pleasure without the chains of virtue and morals tying him down.

As far as Ulquiorra could remember, there wasn't one moment he didn't enjoy the feeling of tight skin sucking at his groin. He had been sexually active since he was 13 and he didn't regret it one bit. He never bothered to think twice. There was no need as women threw themselves at him either way. It was only when he had to figure out how to unhook a woman's bra that he used a sliver of his consciousness (every bra seemed to be a new puzzle).

It all started with curiosity. Age 13 was the peak of puberty, the age where hormones began to rage, causing teenagers to make reckless decisions. Having a dysfunctional family only supported his path. Girls came to him, not the other way around. All he had to do was accept, and they were instantly standing naked on top of him. If a girl was curious to experience sex, they would simply go to him and he would make their first experience the best. Guaranteed. It was a despicable business.

After a few years of this routine, Ulquiorra slowly disregarded his emotions. Having ruined any feasible reputation, it wasn't difficult for his heart to rot away. He definitely preferred experiencing different sex partners than falling in love and wasting time with one girl. With this mentality, he had broken many hearts, but he never cared. Emotions only got in the way of human desires and made people weak and irrational.

Other than sex, Ulquiorra's other sin was greed.

Money can buy happiness, he argued. And so far he was right. Although, sometimes he had to play dirty to get the cash, it suited him just fine. Losing his emotions also benefited him in this business. What was so wrong with gaining all the money he earned no matter how he earned it? Money is money. He could buy 'love', a home, a nice meal, and even a family (his pet Pomeranian Yammy). All was right in the world for the flourishing, sexy Mr. Cifer.

Until today.

…

Upon hearing his doorbell ring, Ulquiorra groaned awake, still sore from this morning's round. Feeling the bed shift, the woman next to him stirred conscious and slowly opened her eyes to look at him. He sat upright, causing the comforter to fall off his broad shoulders and expose the nude woman in his bed.

"Ulquiorra, where are you going?" she purred groggily. He felt a slimy, dirty finger trail up his shapely arm and draw circles on his pale skin.

He shrugged her hand off roughly and swung his feet over the edge of the bed.

"Get out of here, trash. And don't say my name so familiarly," He responded coldly without giving her any eye contact. He bent over to reach the pants he had hastily discarded on the floor last night.

The girl gaped at him, her eyes bright red in humiliation. Absolutely infuriated, the woman threw the covers off her and got off the bed. She walked around the bed to stand in front of Ulquiorra; her naked, voluptuous body fully exposed.

Ulquiorra knew what was about to happen so to encourage getting it over with, he lifted his head up after he managed to get his pants on and tilted his head approximately 20 degrees to the left.

The whipping sound of hand against cheek echoed throughout the house along with the heated breathing of the stranger in front of him. The woman glared at him for a few minutes, then grabbed her clothes and stomped out of the room.

"Don't ever call me back!" she yelled over her shoulder.

"I won't!" Ulquiorra muttered after her, but the only retort was the sound of his front door slamming shut.

With a sigh, he stood up from the edge of his bed and snatched his soiled shirt from the floor and threw it into the laundry basket successfully. In his walk-in closet, he searched for a black button-down shirt and tugged it from its hanger.

Ring, riiing. He heard the doorbell urge annoyingly. He completely forgot about the first signal that woke him up earlier.

The young man dragged his feet on the way to the door as he buttoned down his shirt and rolled his sleeves to his elbow and peered through the peephole, a grumpy grimace sewn onto his pale face. He didn't see anyone at his doorstep.

Incredibly suspicious, he opened the door expecting to see some girl scout with the cookies he ordered seven months ago (damn brat stole my money) or at least an ex-girlfriend on her knees again, crying and begging him to take her back, but what he was greeted by instead was far from either of those expectations.

At his feet was a baby's car seat, contents covered with a blanket patterned with cartoons of a cat, and a letter topping the bundle.

Hesitantly, he stretched a pale arm out and grabbed the letter delicately as if it were Yammy's soft poop and slowly pried the letter open, dreading what he was about to read. This has got to be some mistake.

"To Ulquiorra Cifer," he read. It had to be a mistake.

"This is our baby. His name is Grimmjow. You impregnated me about nine months ago. Grimmjow is currently 2 weeks old; his birthday is July 31, 2012."

Ulquiorra paused. Sweat started to condense at his temple. The word "our" rebounded endlessly in his mind, slamming the walls of his skull like a sledgehammer. Our... Our... Our...

Baby.

Impossible. He always made sure the women he had sex with were using some form of contraceptive. Though, he preferred sex raw, he had mastered the technique of pulling out and determining a woman's ovulation period. Gulping, he focused his eyes on the paper once more.

"I can no longer support the product of our little scandal and I am moving in with my new husband to America. So you better fucking take care of him, you fucking, cheating, and cheap asshole!"

What. He would never cheat. Despite being the complete asshole that he was, he refrained from involving himself in such drama.

"PS. He refuses to play with any toy that is not a cat toy"

What in the…

Ulquiorra delicately placed the letter on top of the blanket and took a step back from his doorstep, entered his house, and closed the door slowly in front of him. And then he heard it.

"Uuuwaah," he heard the newborn's muted cooing from behind the door.

He yanked the door open, gripped the blanket, and threw it out of the car seat, making it land in a heap on the grass beyond his doorstep. And there it was. A little bundle of despair, alive and healthy, was curled into his seat, his tiny, pump hands uncurling and fisting repeatedly in the air. The newborn had tufts of light blue hair scattered around on its bald head and bright cyan eyes the color of the sky. Why the mother would dye his hair blue within two weeks of its lifespan was beyond the young man.

Ulquiorra kneeled next to the baby and poked it in the forehead.

Definitely felt real.

He poked it again, but this time, he managed to get his finger caught within the death-like grip of the baby.

"So your name is...," he picked up the letter and scanned its contents again, "...Grimmjow," he deadpanned. What kind of fucking name is Grimmjow?

Suddenly, he smelt something rancid and decomposing in the air. Wrinkling his nose in disgust, he rolled the baby over with a single finger and the stink intensified. Repulsed, he recoiled and sat back on his haunches feeling utterly lost.

He didn't know shit about babies. Nor did he have any close friends or family at the moment. And there was no way that he was going to let any of his current booty calls know about his current predicament.

Ulquiorra considered his options carefully and quickly as he did not want the thing anywhere near his place for more than a day.

He could ask his harem of co-workers to take the baby. Or he could put it up for adoption. Maybe he could even forge a girl's handwriting and leave it at someone else's doorstep.

Or track down the bitch responsible for this and materialize some form of green laser beam made of small particles and shoot it through her chest.

But that was just gnarly. And impossible. Besides, after observing the surroundings, it was obvious that she was long gone. Furthermore, he had fucked so many women he didn't know where to start looking.

And the fact that this kid had blue hair and eyes didn't help at all. Perhaps that was the purpose of the mother dyeing his hair.

Deciding, that he would just find some place to drop the baby, he picked the occupied car seat and blanket reluctantly and brought the baby inside and closed the door behind him. Setting the seat down on his couch, the caramel-brown Pomeranian got up from his dog bed and jumped up on the sofa to sniff around the seat curiously.

"Don't eat him, Yammy," Ulquiorra warned him. Yammy responded with a sneeze.

It actually wouldn't be a bad alternative if Yammy ate him...

…

Ulquiorra shifted the baby seat underneath his arm, which shook the passenger slightly and caused him to gurgle, and rested the seat against his bony hip as he used his now free arm to knock on the door. He stepped back and checked his surroundings before the owner would open the door.

Above him was a large sign embellished with the words "Urahara's Daycare" that framed the roof of a very small, humble, red house.

Before he could further examine the place in his boredom, the front door rattled open and a tall, blond-haired man appeared wearing a green and white striped hat.

"Why, hello there!" he greeted, "What can I do for you?"

"I'd like to do something about this…baby," Ulquiorra responded monotonously.

"Come in, come in," the man urged, "That must be heavy for you. Don't you have a baby carriage? Let us chat inside, shall we?"

Ulquiorra nodded and stepped in, his shoes tapping quietly against the wooden floor. The man escorted him through a long hallway that opened up to a rather large living room furnished with some couches and a redwood table in the center and ushered him to a chair. Ulquiorra sat down quietly and placed the seat next to him on the couch. The man sat across from him on a different couch and clapped his hands together.

"Oh, that's so rude of me. Let me introduce myself," he stood up from the couch again and reached over the table to shake Ulquiorra's hand, "My name is Urahara Kisuke. I'm the owner of this daycare."

Ulquiorra took his hand and shook it, "Ulquiorra Cifer." And then immediately shoved his hands back into his pockets.

Ulquiorra could have sworn he saw Kisuke's eyebrows lift in interest, but when he blinked, the expression was gone.

"So, Cifer-san, what can we do for you?" he paused, "Specifically."

What else do they do here?

"Your job?"

Kisuke laughed.

"You're quite the funny one, Cifer-san, but I understand now... Orihime-san!" he tilted his head back and directed his call to the open room behind him.

"Yes, Urahara-san?" responded a very polite and feminine, high-pitched voice.

From the room emerged the most beautiful girl Ulquiorra had ever seen. Red, chestnut hair flowed around her face in waves which swayed beside her large breasts that bounced as she walked to Urahara's side. Bright, gray eyes turned and sparkled directly into his green eyes. Her smile was genuine and large, her cheeks and lips a peachy tint, and her lashes long and dark.

Definitely not his type.

The girl turned to him and bowed politely.

"This is Inoue Orihime. She takes care of all the infants here."

"Nice to meet you…"

Ulquiorra stood up and extended a hand out, "Ulquiorra Cifer," he repeated.

She shook his hand gently, soft fingers tickling his rough, calloused ones. Orihime walked around the table to where he sat and peered into the car seat curiously.

"Aww! He's got blue hair! That's so cute!" she beamed.

She stretched out her feeble arms to pick up the child, but hesitated and looked at Ulquiorra.

"May I?"

He grumbled inaudibly. The child wasn't his and it felt awkward having people treat him as if Grimmjow was, "Do what you want."

With tender hands, she picked the child up and cradled him in her arms, right next to her breasts. Ulquiorra wondered for a moment if she breastfed with those enormous, bouncy masses of flesh.

"What's his name?" she placed a slender finger into the baby's mouth. Bubbling at the sudden feeling of having something in his mouth, he quieted and started to suck on her finger.

"Grimmjow," he answered plainly.

While Orihime and Kisuke babbled and cooed at the infant, Ulquiorra took out his wallet and fished out a few thousand bills of yen. He stood up, immediately receiving their attention, and handed them the money.

"I hope this will be sufficient. I'll come back in a few hours then. I'll leave his blanket and car seat with you."

Kisuke reluctantly took the money and looked at him suspiciously.

Excusing himself, he turned on his heel, ignoring the curious and puzzled stares of the two adults behind him, and walked out.

Orihime looked down at the glowing newborn in her arms and frowned. She had a horrible feeling about that man and the baby had features that looked awfully familiar, but she couldn't quite figure out what was bothering her. Watching the baby slowly drift off to sleep, she prayed that dark-haired boy would come back for his precious son, but seeing how he had given no instructions concerning the baby's meals and no supplies it seemed unlikely that he cared for the existence of the child.

…

Ulquiorra pushed open the glass door to his regular bar. The silver-haired bartender looked up at him from the glass he was cleaning in his hands through his somewhat closed eyes. Ulquiorra didn't really understand why the man chose to look like that, but he supposed he had his preferences.

Sitting on a bar stool in front of him, the bartender grinned eerily and set his clean glass down.

"Hello, Ulquiorra," he greeted, "the usual?"

"Gin," he acknowledged and nodded silently.

As Gin went to concoct his drink, Ulquiorra sensed someone sit beside him. Turning to the stranger, his personality immediately changed and his mood lifted.

"Wanna buy me a drink?" the stunning, well-endowed brunette purred seductively.

Yes, this empty life is back to normal, he mused with a smirk.

…

Ulquiorra slammed the female against his front door, searching for his keys as he sucked and licked at her neck. After years of experience, it didn't take him long to pry the door open without having to look for the keyhole in the dark. He shut the door closed behind him with his foot as he continued to enrapture the stranger and shoved her roughly onto his couch.

He hovered over her, his dark lips curling into a seductive smirk and his arms planted on either side of her body, and lowered his head to tease her with his tongue.

Ring.

With an audible complaint, he gave the woman an apologetic look and removed himself from her to open the door. After opening the door, he immediately regretted not checking through the peephole first.

At his doorstep stood Inoue Orihime, baby in arms. Her face and neck was completely flushed with crimson having heard the sensual ordeal going on behind the door moments before.

"You have a girlfriend?!" he heard the woman shriek behind him. He swiftly turned around ready to explain, but the movement actually made the impact of the woman's hand on his cheek land a lot harder.

"And a baby!" she exclaimed even louder.

The brunette he picked up from the bar huffed and rudely pushed past Orihime and out of his sight.

Orihime bowed awkwardly and apologetically to the woman already climbing into a taxi before sending Ulquiorra a sympathetic look and staring at Grimmjow shyly.

"I hope you weren't trying to be serious with her," she laughed half-heartedly, her gaze unable to meet Ulquiorra's still. She wasn't sure if she should have chased after the woman to clear up the misunderstanding, but she noticed the boy beside her made no move to salvage his relationship with the woman.

Ulquiorra shook his head and sighed. Rubbing his sore cheek, he adjusted his sight to glare at Orihime. She lifted her eyes up and gazed back at him with curious gray eyes.

"What's your name again?" He always had trouble with names.

"Orihime," she chirped.

"Orihime…?"

"Just Orihime. I refuse to give you my last name because Orihime is what you will call me," she stuck her bottom lip out and her cheeks inflated.

Oh, we've got a badass here.

"How did you find me, Orihime-san?"

She giggled, "I can't believe you didn't even try changing his diaper before you brought him to us. His little butt was so wrinkly!"

The auburn-haired girl reached into her back pocket and withdrew a letter. Suddenly, Ulquiorra was overcome with dread.

"Property of Ulquiorra Cifer," she read aloud. She repeated the contents of the letter Ulquiorra read earlier that day, "And then she lists your address here. It's funny because it's like she knew you would try giving him away! I found this letter in his diaper, oddly enough."

Ulquiorra backed away from her realizing that she was currently touching paper that had been hidden near shit.

Laughing like as if Ulquiorra wasn't being serious, the girl brushed past Ulquiorra and walked into his home, and sat down on the couch he was just making out on earlier. Cradling the baby in her arms, she looked at Ulquiorra who was still standing at his doorway and staring at her with his hands in his pockets.

"I know all about your situation, Cifer-san," she patted the unoccupied space next to her on the couch, "Come sit next to me and lets talk."

Unwillingly, Ulquiorra silently closed the door and sat beside her without taking his eyes off her. Something about this girl interested him and it wasn't just about her physical attributes. She was polite and delicate, pleasant and soft-spoken. Her eyes were filled with light and her face glowed with color and energy. Maybe it was the innocence and purity she had that contrasted with his impurity and emptiness that made his life seem so…horrible. Her very existence made him ponder about his own. He was torn between hating the girl for making him feel so sentimental and lusting after her all in just a few hours.

"Cifer-san," she looked down at the now sleeping baby and ran a soothing finger over his brow, "I'm willing to help you with Grimmjow—"

Ulquiorra opened his mouth to object, but Orihime placed a finger on his lips to his dismay. He resisted the urge to swat her hand away and rub soap on his lips.

"—I'll even pay for all his necessities and everything! Just…," her musical voice started to wither and she withdrew her hand.

Ulquiorra stared at her expecting her to start crying, but she snapped her head up and looked straight into his eyes, burning a hole through his skull with her gray orbs.

"Don't give up on him, Cifer-san. I promise I'll help you take care of him. Maybe at least until I can take care of him myself, okay?"

He took a few seconds to consider it. So the girl would provide the child all his needs. It was as if it wouldn't be his problem anymore. Then what was his purpose in this proposal?

"What are the conditions?" he eyed her warily. Women always want something.

Orihime's eyes widened in surprise that Ulquiorra figured out that she had some self-intentions. She averted her gaze shyly and blushed, staring at her knees as she spoke.

"I'll help you with your baby…, but you have to do something about your addiction."

Anger started to well up from within Ulquiorra. Who was this woman to just waltz into his home and use his problems against him to make him do what she wanted? And why?

Ulquiorra stood up to dismiss himself from the conversation, but Orihime surprised him by pushing her palm down on his abdomen causing him to fall back down on the couch. Without removing her hand, she looked at him squarely in the eyes, determination flickering with gray-brown flecks in her eyes.

"And you have to provide me a place to stay."

If you like it, please leave feedback! I know this is like... as OOC as Ulquiorra could get, so that's why I think it's really important I get some reviews to see if I should continue this story. Otherwise, I'll probably just leave this idea to rot or update it once a year...
Meanwhile, check out my other story~ Thank you for reading!