Beautiful Disaster

Hello everyone! Please be nice! Concrit is begged for! Anything you can find, do tell me, I really want to get better. I'm really sorry if the boys are out of character. Help me fix it?

Pairing: NaruxSasu

Warning: Mentions of slight sex scene, if you squint. Its about guys in love, don't like don't read.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Kelly Clarkson, or her songs. I just write about 2 out of 3.

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He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know

Sasuke's told me about the dreams before. He said he feels all of the rage and anger come out in those dreams. He says he feels like he's drowning in them. That he can't take much more. And I just nod and listen. I can't say I completely understand, but I'm willing to try. I've never heard of something like that. I know nightmares are from thoughts in the subconscious, but all of that unresolved pain? It just sounds like it hurts.

He's as damned as he seems
With more heaven than a heart could hold

Sasuke acts a lot like he feels. Indifferent. Cold. And if you were unlucky enough to know what he's been through, you'd understand. He's condemned himself to a dream of revenge. And he's willingly put himself into this position. All of the trouble it will undoubtedly cause him? Sasuke just wants to push past it and reach his real goal. And I'm not sure I can fault him, I'm sure revenge seems like the right thing to do. And I'm not going to hold that against him. I know that behind that façade there's an amazing person inside. And I'll be the first to find him.

And if I try to save him
My whole world would cave in

I've done just as much as everyone else has, if not more to stop him from becoming a monster. I've questioned Sasuke time after time about changing his mind, and no such luck. But it's not over. Its never over.

It just ain't right
No it just ain't right

And I don't want to sound ungrateful for all of the good things that have happened to me. From Iruka-sensei, to Sakura-chan, and all of the other friends I've made, I'm happy. But it's not fair that after all that's happened, I can't seem to convince him that letting go is enough. Life is getting more difficult for me. For us all. And I don't believe that's fair at all.

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after

Sasuke's told me why he wants revenge. I know the story behind his obliterated clan. His murderous brother. His raging feelings. But I still don't understand (and doubt I ever will) how killing his brother will make everything okay again. His clan will still be gone. And he'll just lose another of his dwindling family members. It seems to me that he wants closure, but I don't think he'll ever get it continuing on this road.

But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster

And it was hard to admit it at first, but I believe I'm in love with Uchiha Sasuke. And I've taken the time to look at him, really look at him, and he's beautiful. Not just in the superficial way either. He may try to hide it, but I can see he cares about our team. He cares about all of us. Even pervy Kakashi-sensei. He's dedicated to becoming stronger, like I am. And I admire that. I just hope he (even remotely) feels the same way.

And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter

And I'm not going to quit until Sasuke truly believes that he doesn't need revenge to live his life. To be happy. It's been a tough ride, and I can only hope the road smooths out. Our ups and downs are irregular and unnerving. I can't predict when he'll finally break. When he gets tired of our reasoning and proceeds to do the unthinkable. But I'll be there until then, and after.

Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

And after I came to terms with my feelings, I started questioning myself. Would it be possible to work things out? Would he tell me if he felt the same? Or would he bury it like all of the other emotions? I honestly don't know. And I can sometimes see the pained glances he gives me when he thinks I can't see. And that's good enough for now. And if everything falls apart? Well, then I'll pick up the pieces and let go. Never quit, but I don't think I could put myself up to lying and saying everything is okay.

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe

Before we officially became even remotely close, I heard the stories. The tales people would whisper into their neighbor's ear. The sad looks and pity in their eyes. And I wasn't entirely sure what was true. But now I know some things of my own. That he is determined to strengthen himself. And it's almost magical seeing the grace he has. His smooth and deadly actions combined with determination and belief can get you a lot of things. The most common would be death.

A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see

I know he doesn't like to talk about it. And I understand. Which is why I don't say anything. I don't tell him how much I hate to see him in pain. And that I can see that he suffers. He suffers a lot more than normal people would. But I also know that he won't want to hear it. Not just because of the sympathy. Because he knows how well I know him. That he can't lie and expect me to fall for that and believe it.

But do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him

It's not that I feel like telling him 'Hey Sasuke, just forget about losing all of your clan, and stop being such a moody asshole'. I don't want to change him. I want to change his mind. I want him to see how much I care for him. Even if it's not mutual. And I know how easy it is to believe that he's caused all of this turmoil inside me. But I also take the blame for getting so close to him.

Hold me tight
Baby hold me tight

There will be one day that I look back on with a smile on my face. It was late at night, after training, and we were about to walk to our respective homes, when I pulled him aside into an alley and let him know how I felt. I explained how I've seen him grow, and the looks I've seen him give me, and how all along I didn't realize how much we needed each other. And he gave me a calculating stare, I guess he was trying to figure out if I was serious or not. And even when he ducked his head to stare at the ground, by the dim streetlight's glare, I could see the small blush on his cheeks, and I heard him whisper, "What if I told you I felt the same?" I strained, but I could just barely hear it. And I looked at him. He looked back up at me, and I said, "Well then I would want to do something about it" And he nodded. My heart started beating faster, and when I couldn't take it anymore, I leaned forward and kissed him. He stiffened, but quickly relaxed, leaning forward and threading his fingers into my hair. I gasped. I had always imagined this kiss, but I could have never predicted how content I was. I settled my hands on his hips, enjoying the feel of his lips against mine. When I tentatively pulled him flush with my own body, I half expected him to pull away with a glare, but instead, he groaned a little into my mouth. We broke apart, and I grinned at him. He shook his head fondly, and said "Let's go dobe, we have places to be." I happily ignored the insult; too busy remaking everything that happened to care.

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after

After Sasuke and I started going out, a couple of months after actually, he started acting weird. He fidgeted every time I came near. I didn't look like he didn't want to be near me, he just looked a little uncomfortable. I couldn't understand what he wanted, and when I asked he would blush and mumble, "Nothing" It took a bit before I finally realized what his problem was. I talked to the one person who I felt knew everything, Shikamaru, about why Sasuke was being so weird. He asked, "So have you guys had sex yet?" I stammered, "No" out truthfully. He then gave me a look everyone seems to give me when I was being stupid and didn't get the obvious, and then it hit me. My face flushed red and I found my shoes quite intriguing. I said "Oh" quietly, and he just nodded, exasperated. I mumbled, "Thanks" and ran off, ready to surprise Sasuke.

But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster

We had gotten all our clothes off, and I took my time drinking the sight of him in. I marveled at his smooth pale skin. He was so beautiful, and I told him so. He responded with a blush and growled, "Stop staring, and do something." I nodded, proceeding to do as I was told and thinking about how our relationship would end up. He never mentioned that he changed his mind and decided against revenge. I wasn't sure I could handle the fact that he could die fighting his brother. After all this time, he was still the Sasuke I both loved and despised.

And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter

I decided that morning that I would keep our relationship intact, that I would hold on and support Sasuke, even if it mean going through hell and back again. I would hate myself if I did anything else.

Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I was done questioning our motives. I would let fate lead the way, even if it meant disaster. We would at least be left with a memory to hold on to.

I'm longing for love and a logical
But he's only happy hysterical

Just when I think I've gotten through a little, he goes and does something stupid. I just want him to see the logical side of things. He's always been one for logic. And now look. He's not thinking clearly. I caught him this morning attacking trees. He was kicking and punching them, and when he destroyed one, he'd move onto the next. He was screaming, and laughing, and was just plain hysterical. Lucky no one was around; he could've done major damage. When I tried calming him down, he lashed out at me, yelling something about Itachi, and started throwing punches. When I blocked, I could his hands were a bloody mess. He just laughed with a crazed look in his eye. I finally had to knock him out and carry him home he was such a mess. When he wakes up he's got a lot of talking to do.

I'm searching for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
Waited so long

As we sit down to talk, I searched his eyes, looking for everything, anything. I don't know how many times we've gone through this. The waiting. The agonizing waiting for him to open up and tell me something, anything. And I know what I want him to say. That he wants to stop hurting himself. He wants to figure out the truth, not seek vengeance. And that he wants to stay in Konoha. With me. And he says, "I… love you." And walks off. I sit there, wondering what the hell had just happened, when it hit me. It sounded like it was a...wish, almost.

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks

Speaking about physical attributes, Sasuke's hard to beat, smooth skin, lean muscle, everything about him is enticing. Mental attributes are a bit harder to nail down. His logic is sometimes, well, half thought out, I guess. He goes with his raw emotions. And that's harder than anything to puzzle together. He's an Uchiha; he's distraught, and angry. Not the greatest things to mix together. It's almost like he's not complete. He just kind of blurs off along the way.

He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take

It takes a lot for me to say this but Sasuke's not the perfect person for me. He's not emotionally involved enough. He puts emotions on the sideline, while the physical aspects come forward, trying to replace that emotional bond but not quite good enough. And it frustrates me to no end, that he's not bold enough, and that I'm not good enough to invest his emotions in. Sometimes it becomes too much to handle, and I break. I lose it and the tears consume me until I'm too exhausted to stay awake and I fall asleep.

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after

One day, he snaps. He stands seven feet away from me, and screams. The seemingly composed, but more so blank Uchiha screams at me at the top of his lungs to stop. To stop loving him, and to stop caring about him, because he's not worth it. Because he can't hold my heart in his hands, he'll break it. And he never wanted that. He screamed that he never wanted to hurt me. But now look what he's doing to me. He's shredding my soul in two. I watch with wide eyes as he reaches his hand out, as if to touch me, and pulls it back quickly. I flinched, and instantly knew that was the wrong move. He looked at me with watery eyes, sorrowful that he caused that reaction from me. And I turned, and ran. I didn't look back and didn't think of doing so.

But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster

We haven't talked in days after that. I see him everywhere. At the market, the training grounds. Every time, he looks straight on, as though he doesn't see me. I'm not sure if he really doesn't. And I can tell that something was wrong. He looks thinner, such a minute difference that only someone close to him can tell. His face is a bit sunken in, and he looks so fragile. And of course I knew why. It was my fault, wasn't it?

And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter

I really tried not to. I held myself back as best I could. But there I was, on his doorstep. And I lifted my hand and knocked. I knew that if we kept on this way, it wouldn't be healthy for either of us. He opened the door, and looked surprised, as if he thought he'd never see me again. And I rushed forward, and engulfed him in a hug. I put my head on his shoulder, and cried. And the next thing I knew, I heard him sniffling. I honestly couldn't believe that he felt so strongly about me coming back to see him. And after what felt like an eternity of holding each other, we both looked up, and laughed. He kissed me, and I felt that he was different. I couldn't put my finger on what, but he was.

Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

That night, I lay next to him, wondering what the future would be like. And I shook my head and cleared those thoughts from my mind. I turned, and wrapped my arms around the man I loved, and fell asleep knowing that the morning could only bring something good for us.

He's beautiful
He's so beautiful
He's beautiful

And after he told me, I was overjoyed. I couldn't believe it; that he would finally do what I needed him to. He told me, as straightforward as could be, that he was done. Finished holding on to the childish hatred he held for his brother. He told me he realized that killing Itachi just wasn't an option anymore. He would just have to do a little digging around and find out by confronting Itachi, not just trying to kill him. I never really hear him say so much with such strong conviction. I could tell he was serious. He looked me in the eyes and said, "I'm doing this for you; for us. So I won't ever have to worry about losing you, right?" Hearing those words uttered out of his mouth, I knew right then that he changed. Sasuke had changed into the person that I'll love forever. I nodded, and we kissed. But it was more than just a kiss. It was a step forward, a promise.