explaining to do
j a d e / c a t
by katie
k so i've been having like the worst couple of weeks ever and i don't feel like writing anything happy at all and my sense of humor is dead and yeah. so here's some completely depressing jat that was inspired by the fic on all time slash on LJ.
also, i deleted Here I Am, Once Again for good this time. like i was just getting so much negative feedback on it from reviewers and it was really starting to bother me. so i'm probably not gonna attempt to do the full-length thing for victorious anymore. it kinda just comes back to bite me in the ass.
i'm just in a bad mood right now. excuse my bitchassness.
/
Cat loves Jade.
In like, the way where she gets butterflies when she thinks about Jade's kisses and her cheeks get all pink and hot and the only thing she wants is to spend all day in bed with her having...well everybody knows, silly.
Except sometimes, even though she loves Jade, she isn't so sure that Jade loves her back. When Jade comes home after a night of drinking with those icky people she calls her friends, cursing with a cigarette in her mouth. Cat's allergic to cigarette smoke but Jade doesn't really care much after she drinks a lot.
And Jade hits her and kicks her, and she has to use extra cover-up in the morning but Jade ALWAYS apologizes, really! She wakes up in the morning with one of her REEEALLY bad headaches, then she looks at Cat and her face gets all sad and scrunched up. "Come here, baby," she'll whisper and hold her arms around. Cat will whimper a little, but Jade's arms are so warm and she whispers such pretty things into the red headed girl's ear.
I'm so sorry, baby. Never again. This is the last time. Do you want some ice? We can bake cupcakes today. I promise, baby.
Cat likes when Jade calls her baby.
/
It's Cat's birthday today!
She's turning 24 and she has on her favorite pink sweater with black skinny jeans and she made herself the best red velvet cake in the whole entire world. It tastes like heaven - or at least, she thinks so.
Jade's at work for a really long time. At ten o'clock, Cat goes to bed because she knows where Jade is and it isn't work and that makes her sad because it's her birthday. She cries for a whole hour, until her head aches from all the sobbing. There's black streaks on her pillowcase from her mascara. She hopes Jade doesn't get mad about that.
The next thing she remembers is being shaken awake.
Get the fuck up, Catherine.
She's yawning and her head stills hurts. Jade? What time is it? Is it still my birthday?
It's not your fucking birthday.
Yeah, huh, Jade, it's my birthday. I'm twenty-four. We're...
Cat stops talking when she sees the fire in Jade's eyes and this scary little smirk on her face. Her stomach knots up and she curls into herself.
Jade reaches out to grab a fistful of Cat's hair, then tugs her forward. Fine. Here's your present.
Cat tries to block out the pain. The hitting and the scratching the fingers jamming into her and her headache and when Jade's passed out she goes to the bathroom and throws up. She looks in the mirror, then cries for a while.
/
The next day, Jade isn't there when Cat wakes up. There's a note that says
Good morning, beautiful. I'm sorry about your birthday. I'm sorry, angel, really. I had to leave early this morning but when I get home we can watch Homeward Bound. Please forgive me. I love you.
Cat really loves Homeward Bound because animals are sooo cute and nice and they can't hurt you like people can. Like Jade can. Cat doesn't want to hurt anymore. Everything is sore and there's purple marks and scars on her arms and back that she wishes she didn't have to lie about. Her mom always said that telling a lie is like breaking a heart. You can never take it back.
Cat thinks that when Jade says I love you she does both at the same time.
Lies and breaks her heart, she means.
/
Cat stays for a few more months because maybe Jade just needs fixed! Maybe Cat can fix what's wrong with her. Maybe, just maybe, if she tries really hard.
On Christmas Day, Jade cuts a heart into her skin with a razor on her inner thigh. Cat cries and cries and cries for hours but Jade just clamps a hand over her mouth and tells her to kindly shut her fucking baby mouth before the neighbors hear.
When Jade goes to sleep that night, Cat wipes the blood away from her thighs and tries to be QUIET AS A MOUSE when she stuffs a bag full of clothing and her toothbrush and toothpaste and a box of red velvet cake mix and the necklace Jade gave her for Valentine's Day when she didn't use razors and ugly words and her fist.
Cat leaves a note on the kitchen counter.
I'm sorry. :( I'll miss you.
Love,
Cat
/
She goes to Andre and Tori's house. She looked their address up in the yellow pages! She figured out the names all by herself and she felt like she could do something for once.
They greet her with smiles and Andre twirls her in a circle and Tori tells her she's been trying to find her and Jade for a long time. Tori's having a baby. Andre looks at her like she's the only thing that keeps him breathing.
Cat starts to cry and runs to their spare bedroom. She's jealous and tired and her thigh hurts and her back and her arms and she wishes Jade loved her as much as she loved her and she was always a good girl and ate her vegetables so why is everything so horrible?
"Cat?"
Tori's voice is gentle when she comes into the room. "Cat, what's the matter? Is everything okay?"
Cat sniffles then shakes her head. "N-no. C-can I t-tell you a s-secret?"
Tori nods in concern, sitting down next to Cat on the bed.
Cat takes off her shirt and shows Tori the bruises, the fingerprints on her back, the cigarette burns on her stomach. Then her jeans, littered with more bruises. She starts to cry more when she spreads her legs and shows Tori the heart on her inner thigh.
"Did Jade..."
Cat wants to die for the first time in her whole life.
Then Tori hugs her.
/
Cat stays with Andre and Tori for a really long time, until their baby is born. He's the nicest baby in the whole entire world! He has the cutest smile and the prettiest eyes and Cat's never going to let anybody hurt him EVER. She's a good godmother.
One day, she decides to check up on Jade but she brings Beck with her because she's still scared that Jade's mad and that she might hit her. The heart on her inner thigh is still there.
When they're outside the old apartment, Beck gives Cat a look but he doesn't say anything. She knows he thinks the place looks like a rabies-infested hellhole. For a long time, though, this place was her refuge.
And then it wasn't.
Cat sticks her key into the lock, then turns the knob. There's a click. The door opens.
"Jade?" she calls out softly, Beck's hand resting on her shoulder protectively. She likes how the warmth spreads from her shoulder straight down to her toes. She feels safe. Nothing can hurt her. Not even the wrath of Jade.
The apartment is a mess. Empty bottles of alcohol, cigarette cartons, dirty clothes, takeout containers. The place is infested with insects.
Cat swallows. She feels really scared again. Even more scared then when she was 8 and her daddy took her to see the live action Scooby Doo movie.
There's an odd smell in the apartment. It gets closer when she nears the closed door of the bedroom.
She turns the knob.
BECK!
SHE SCREAMS. SHE'S SCARED. HER THROAT BURNS. HER STOMACH ROLLS.
BECK! BECK HELP HER!
Cat runs to the bed, because Jade's laying there in a pool of blood! The bedsheets are stained with burgundy liquid, probably a couple of days old by now. Her body smells so gross, but BECK COME HELP SHE MIGHT STILL BE ALIVE PLEASE PLEASE BECK.
She starts crying when she sees bloody scars carved into Jade's arm.
JADE LOVES CAT.
Cat believes her this time.
/
well that was fucked up.
please review with more than "so weird" or "so sad" or "i loved it" or whatever because djslgjdaqgiwr that doesn't help me become a better writer at all. really.