A/N : Feelings..! emotions..! which No one can understand !
He remembers the first day He met Daya and saw Him Though they worked together but today he felt it was his first time...He was looking at Him worried. He was lying in the car , His hairs was dirty and clothes were untidy. He was in shambles , nearly about to break , but daya found Him and still thought He will be fit and fine though the whole world disagreed...!
He *sighs*
His fingers gently trace over their faces , and his red eyes strain to memorize every little detail of theirs features , such as the different manner in which they smiled and the way their eyes filled with happiness. A sob racks his chest and tears fall from his eyes, splattering onto the frame and ruining the illusion , telling him once again that that's all it Illusion. They aren't here anymore , and they aren't smiling at him either.
He gives a weak smile back to his friends or we can say his so called Family and in a low , raspy whisper he say to them while looking at the frame he was holding " Mujhe maaf karna par mein theek nhi hoon , tum log jo nhi ho mere saath , yeh raat bhi bahut lambi hein jab tum log saath nhi hote ho toh , lekin ab mein aur nahi tadapna chahta aur khaas kar tum nhi ho daya"
He brushed away his tears and shakily stood on his feet and sniffling once he tentativily grasp the edge of the frame, holding it close to his chest and making sure it is in no danger of being dropped. He again sat on his bed with a thud and grabbed a pen and paper .
Dear Daya ,
" Har baar isteefa dena zaruri hein"
"mein jaanta hoon ki Tum aisa kar hi nhi sakhte toh logo ki fikar kyu kar rahe ho "
"jab tak tumhara Daya hein tab tak apne aapne ko akela mat samajhna"
He smiled through tears
Humesha mein hi kyu...? humesha mere hi imteehaa kyu..? Har baar mujh pe hi dosh kyu..? Har galti par mein hi zimmedaar kyu..?
Kyu..? ( He banged his fist on the table beside his bed )
Mein sab kuch sehta raha kyu ki mera koi nahi tha par mujhe tum logo mein mera parivaar mila aur tum logo ne mujhe nikaal kar phek diya..? kya yahi tha tum logo ka pyaar ? kya yahi thi meri jagah tum logo ke dil mein..?
Dil..? Tum logo ko lagta hoga ki mere paas dil hi nahi hein..? dil hein par woh dhadakta hein jab tak tum log mere saath ho par ab ...? ab koun hein mere paas..? koi nahi..? Kisi ne bhi mujhpe yakin nhi kiya..? kya CID officer mein feelings nahi hoti..? kya hum insaan nhi hein..? par har baar shak mujh par hi kyu...? mein ne toh kabhi kisi ka bura nhi chaha..? sabki baatein suni..sabko ejazat di apni be gunaahi sabit karne ki..toh phir mere saath hi aisa kyu...?
kyu yeh log har baar mere jasbaatoon ke saath khelte hein...? mein jaan bhujke thodi na yadash khotaa hun..? bas yahi meri weakness hein..aur log isi ko zariya banate hein mujhpe ilzaam lagaane ke liye...
In logo ko itna bhi nahi samajh aata ki mujhe Post - Traumatic Stress Disorder ( PTSD ) hein , jabki yeh log lsab jaanta hein is baare mein, par har baar isi Ghaav ko tazaa karte hein , har baar mujhe meri yadaash par kossa jaata hein ...har baar mujhe apni maa jise mein ne pehchaana tak nahi unki yaad dilaate hein ...kya aisa hi hota hein parivaar...? yeh log mujhe parivaar ka hissa kehte hein...par kya parivaar purane ghaav ko vapas le aate hein ...nhiii na ...in logo ko mujhe un yaadon se durr karna chahiye par yeh log usi ko lekar mera mazaak banaate hein
Tarika , He smiled ...tarika ne bhi mera saath chod diya tha ek pal ke liye...mujhe gunhegaar maana tha par phir bhi mein ne kuch nhi kaha...aakhir kis hak se kehta ...jis tarah mujhe apni duty pyaari hein usi tarah use bhi apni ..isliye mein use dosh bhi nhi de sakhta...par kam se kam usne meri madat toh ki thodi si hi sahi...usne salunke sahab se mere liye daant suna par apna muh nhi khola...naaz hein mujhe tarika ji par ...
Shreya , hmm mujhe laga yeh humari dosti samjhegi par nahi jis waqt mujhe uski zarurat thi us waqt usne mujhe handcuffs pehna diye aur woh bhi tumpe goli chalane ke liye...? tumpe..? tumhare liye toh mein apni jaan bhi de sakhta hun yaar , par kya itni naazuk dosti thi humari jise sab logo ne ek naya naam de diya ki " abhijeet sir aur daya sir ek dusre ke khilaaf the , ek dusre se lad rahe the " aare yaar humne kayi baar lada hein par ladayi bhi pyaar ka dusra naam hein , dosti ka dusra naam hein...
Salunke sahab , mujhse bade hein par kya mein ne inhe hak diya mujhe taane maarne ka..? unhe sirf mauka chahiye..kyu ki mein ne tarika se pyaar kiya...haan kiya pyaar aur jataya nahi par tarika bhi samajhti hein lekin salunke sahab unhe mein kaise samjhau...unki prob yeh hein ki mein tarika ke layak nahi hun..? aakhir aisi kya burayi hein mujh mein..? yahi na ki mujhe PTSD hein isliye..? ya phir mein ek CID officer hun..? maanta hun woh tarika ko apni beti maante hein par kya woh mujhe jo kehna hein kehengey..? kya mujhe hurt nahi hota..? bahut hurt hota hein yaar par mein chup raha kyu ki woh apne salunke sahab the...unki har baat mazaak mein leeta tha isliye unhone faida uthaya aur jo marzi aaye suna diya...par ab nhi ..ab aur kuch nhi sun ne vaala mein.
He takes a deep breath
*kalank hein abhijeet cid par*
*mein jaanta tha ek na ek din yeh cid ko barbad kar dega*
*Tumhare honest , brave , intelligent officer Abhijeet ne , haan , abhijeet ne daya par goli chalayi hein*
Daya , kya mein tujpar goli chala sakhta hun..? apne daya pe...? yeh log mujhe aur kitna aazmaayengey...? mein ne sabka saath diya , sab par vishwas kiya , sabko yakin dilaaya ki agar kabhi kisi dost ya bhai ki zarurat pade toh mujhe yaad karna...aur jab mein ne sabko yaad kiya koi nhi tha mere paas...koi nahi...
Jab mujhe ek dost ki zarurat thi toh koi kyu aagey nahi aaya..? kyu mujhe akela chod diya marne ke liye..? kya kisi ko bhi meri fikar nhi hein..? kya kisi ke liye bhi mein kuch nhi hun...?
mujhe bhi koi chahiye jisse mein apni dil ki baat keh saku agar tu mere aas paas na hua toh...mein apna dukh kisse baatu..kise sunau ki mujhe kaise lagta hein...mujhe kaise feel hota hein ..kaise samjhau ki mujh mein bhi feelings hein..mujhe bhi dard hota hein...mujhe khush rehne ka koi hak nhi...?
aaj tak jo marzi mein aaye suna diya , jo dil kahe keh diya...jab marzi aaye jab sorry bolke vhi par topic khatam kardiya..? par kisine socha ki jo mere dil ko chot pahuchi hein uski davaayi hein unke paas..? kya sorry bolne se woh sab jo un logo ne kaha theek ho jaayega..? kya sirf sorry par hi rishta tika hein..? sorrry bol diya yaani sab khatam...yaani mein maan gaya...? huh...
Mein ne aaj tak apne feelings kisi ke saath share nahi kiya ...kyu ki mein jaanta hun daya jab tak hein tab tak mujhe koi chinta nahi..par in guzre hue kal mein jab tum nahi the tab ek ajeeb sa darr tha aur woh aaj bhi hein
bahut jee li mein ne zindagi sabki haan mein haan milaake...17 saal...17 saal bahut hein ek insaan ko parakhne ke liye par yeh log mujhe aaj bhi aazmaate hein ki jab tak mein sehen karunga tab tak yeh log mujhpe ilzaam lagaate rahengey...baaki officers par bhi ilzaam lagte hein par unhe koi kuch nhi kehta...kyu..? kyu haar baar mujhe hi sab kehte hein ki mein galat hun..?
Kya isliye tum logo ne mujhe cid join karne ko kaha..? is tarah mujhe akela chodne ke liye cid join karne ko kaha vapas..? par ab nhi ...ab bahut hogaya...i cant handle this anymore
Yeh log nahi samajh sakhte ki daya abhijeet ke liye kya hein...aur abhijeet daya ke liye...!
Accha hua mere Bhai ki tu us waqt vaha nhi tha , par agar hota toh shyd aaj mujhe yeh likhne ki zarurat nhi hoti...
Mein ne bahut sehen kar liya yeh aansu , yeh taane , yeh ilzaam aur ab mujhe koi parva nhi..aur na hi kisi ko meri ..jaa raha hun mein..par kaha yeh mujhe bhi nahi pata...aur kabhi lautke nhi aaunga...sach kahu toh lautke aane ka mann nahi hein..mein jaanta hun tu jeeyega mere bina aur mujhe miss bhi nhi karega.
A single tear rolled down his cheek and hit the ground with a quiet splash
Goodbye ! He kissed his brothers forehead for the last time and kept the letter on nearby table and left where his destiny had planned for him.
Tears rolled down from daya's cheeks who was reading the letter and was seated on Hospital bed
He holds the paper close to his chest.
"Mein mere abhijeet ka inteezar kar raha tha aur mujhe yeh letter mila"
"Par vaada karta hun Boss , sabse badla lunga mein , kisi par chillaunga nahi par haan iska hisaab un sab ko chukana hi hoga..yeh vaada hein mera "
*tumne bilkul sahi kiya , miss karunga mein tumhe par tum apne liye gaye ho aur dekhna agar kabhi kismat hume dobara milaaye toh mein bhi tumhare saath tumhari raah ( direction ) par chalunga*
A/N : I love helpful criticizim it can only make me better soo critique..!
Ahhh...it was so emotional for me xD
Lastly Read and Review :)