This idea came to me in a dream…yeah I know how corny it sounds :P Anyways I hope you enjoy and it would make my day if you reviewed :D :D It is set after Sex and Violence so there might be some spoilers for season four…you have been warned…:D (BTW I am working on the last chapter of grief stricken as well so that should be up soon) Thank you :D

The roar of the engine was the only sound to break the tense atmosphere. The radio laid silent for the first time in a while, no words had passed either of their lips for at least sixty miles. Neither trusted themselves and what words might grace their mouths. Too much had been said already without either of them making matters worse.

Sam stared out of the passenger window. His eyes scanning the outside but his eyes refused to see anything. His minds eye however was working overtime. The same scene ran over and over in his head as he was forced to relive the moment. His words echoed throughout his entire body and his mouth tingled with the heat behind them. 'Weak…Holding me back…Better hunter than you...' He shuddered slightly as he tilted his head towards his brother's direction.

Dean stared ahead, his eyes seemingly focused upon the road but the green glassiness betrayed this illusion. His hands gripped the steering wheel with such an immense pressure that his knuckles had turned white. But he neither seemed to realise or care. It was taking all of his self control to continue on this journey, to make sure that they made it in one piece. Well literally speaking anyway. At the moment Dean felt like he was in a million pieces as his glue was failing, it was becoming hard and independent. Soon there would be nothing left…

Out of his peripheral vision he could see his brother stealthily glancing at him. He made no movements to note his acknowledgement. His green determined eyes remained towards the road, not able to even look at Sam right now. The pain he felt was too raw and the lie he had told held heavy upon his shoulders. 'We're good.' As far as he was concerned he would keep up this façade if it meant he didn't have to deal with the situation. At least not yet anyway.

A rebellious sigh escaped his lips before he had a chance to stifle it. He noted his brother raised eyebrows in reaction; his eyes seemed to sparkle with unshed tears which matched Dean's perfectly. Apart from the sigh no other sound was uttered.

Dean was mentally cursing himself for allowing this to escalate. If he had only realised sooner how he was being played…If he hadn't so trusted of the man then any of this would have happened. That damn siren was good. It had played him like a trumpet. It knew how he craved for his little brother back so it gave him one better. A 'perfect brother.' And he had been so sure that his brother was the one under the spell first.

His self loathing ritual carried on for another couple of miles. It might have been silent in the car but it felt like there was a fucking rave inside Dean Winchester's head. There was no where he could go to escape; there was no way he could escape from his own thoughts. There was no where he could escape from himself.

A small tear tried to make its escape but Dean was quicker. His right hand shot up of the wheel and brushed it away. All the while he knew he was under Sam's scrutiny. How he wished he could avoid those prying pleading eyes. But at the moment all he could do was drive…become one with his baby.

She had always been there for him and vice versa. Through the thick and the thin. He valued her more than his own life and at this moment in time she was the only reliable link to reality that he had. Dean knew that she would never insult him, lie to him or leave him. In his mind he knew how pathetic that really was but he didn't dwell on this fact. His baby was his lifeline…without her than he would be lost in this suffocating reality.

"Dean…do you want me to drive for a while…you look like you need some rest," a voice muttered from beside him causing him to startle slightly.

Sam's voice sounded alien to his ears. It was rough yet barely above a whisper as if had it taken a lot of effort to utter those few words. Dean's heart twisted in his chest. All he wanted to do was comfort his Sammy, tell him that he was sorry and let everything get back to normal. Well normal for them anyway.

This was impossible. The person sitting next to him was no longer his Sammy. Oh no. His Sammy had died right along with him and he has yet to be resurrected, if he ever was going to be.

Dean dragged himself out of his thoughts long enough to utter back a sharp reply.

"No thanks I'm fine," his voice was a lot sharper and angrier than he had intended. Damn he had lost of issues to deal with at the moment and he felt like he was drowning and his lifeline was no longer there. He is doomed to continue on this existence until his very last breath.

Sam studied his brother inconspicuously but he was certain Dean could feel his penetrating gaze upon the side of his head. Sam noticed every little detail about Dean. From the tenseness of his broad shoulders to the whiteness of his knuckles. He knew that this was all down to him; even if Dean didn't admit it out loud it was still obvious.

A sigh caused Sam's heart to beat faster; he waited for the moan or joke which normally followed. This of course never came. The sound lasted a fraction of a second and in that his hope had faltered completely.

Once again the silence reigned supreme within their little piece of 'home.' This silence was driving Sam crazy. He wanted to reach out to his brother; he wanted to reassure him that everything was alright between him and that he needed him. But did he really need him? The small doubt put there by the siren was viciously pushed to the back of his mind. Of course he needed his brother…he always had done and he always will. But that one doubt failed to remain dormant in his head.

His taunting continued like a broken record with this doubt added in for the remix effect. Over and over and over. How he wished he could rewind time and stop everything from happening. How he wished him and Dean could just get over it and go back to being fine.

Sam liked to think he knew his brother better than he knew himself, so this made it easy for him to spot the lies. The latest being the 'we're good.' They were so far from good it surprised him there weren't any demons present. Maybe they were each others demons. A constant reminder…Once again he pushed his thoughts aside.

He knew that there wasn't a possibility to turn back time. All he could do for now is attempting to fix their situation. To bring his brother close to him once again and this meant getting him out of his current funk.

Sam's eyes had remained on Dean for the whole length of time, while his thoughts scrambled in his head.

Giant black bags hung loosely under each of the green eyes. When was the last time he had slept? In fact when was the last time he had managed to receive a full night's sleep without any interruptions of the nightmare kind?

This new revelation brought Sam back to earth. It was now or never…has he chosen now.

"Dean…do you want me to drive for a while…you look like you need some rest," his voice sounded strange to his ears, he wondered how his brother would perceive the hoarseness.

Sam's eyes continued to survey his brother and he swore that when the first word left his mouth that Dean had tensed even more. And…was that a tear in his eyes…was Dean actually crying?! But he never showed any of his 'chick flick' emotions apart from when he was speaking about hell. Granted that had been twice but still…Dean never cried voluntarily.

This one tear had caused Sam's eyes to mimic. Always trying to be just like his big brother.

"No thanks I'm fine," the sharp retort came quicker than expected. The anger and venom behind his voice was clear, this was a major slap in the face. It looks like they weren't going to be over this soon.

But the reply caused a reaction within Sam, one that he would normally have experienced after an order from his father. His instincts kicked in and his mouth moved of its own accord.

"You clearly are not fine. You haven't been ever since the siren attack and neither have I. Look I know you said we are good but I can tell that is a lie," Sam spat out. As soon as the words left his lips regret washed over his body. So much for trying to fix things.

"Oh really Sam? So you're an expert on picking up lies now or just lying?" Dean bit back; his eyes flickered murderously over towards his sibling before being focused back on the road. This didn't go unnoticed by Sam.

"I have told you before Dean. I have never lied to y…"

"Do me a favour. Stop treating me like an idiot, I know you Sam and I can tell when you are hiding something from me. And damn it to hell if you think I am going to sit back and let you continue down this path. Oh…that's right…I should because I'm too weak to handle anything anymore. I will just hold you back," the last sentence was full of rage, frustration and laced with sadness. Dean's mask no longer held any power anymore.

Sam could feel his chest become tighter and the tears started to overwhelm his eyes yet he refused to cry. He refused to allow Dean to see his own weaknesses.

"For the thousand times, that was the siren speaking not me…"

"He had to get that thought from somewhere,"

"For fucks sake…Fine you want to discuss this ok then. Who was the one that fell for it first hmm…and oh yeah it weren't some pretty women but a perfect brother. What the hell Dean! You have no idea how much that hurts. Also who was the one who almost carved up their own family! Learnt that in hell did you. YOU HAVE CHANGED AND I CAN HARDLY RECOGNISE YOU! I WANT MY BIG BROTHER BACK" Sam's anger played him like a puppet and when it was through guilt took over.

Silence once again reclaimed its place over the occupants. Dean continued to stare ahead at the oncoming road, his eyes dead yet full of sorrow and pain while Sam's gaze shifted to out of the window.

The dynamics remained this way for a few more heartbeats before neither brother could stand it no more.

The anger got the better of Dean. He tugged at the steering wheel hard, causing the car to swerve onto a grassy bank nearby. Cars beeped angrily as they passed by the classic Impala, none aware of the atmosphere already brewing.

Dean's green eyes locked onto his brother's face this time. He had no excuse not to look at him. His heart pounded viciously inside his chest. Threatening to break through his rib cage at any given moment.

"You're right there Sam. Maybe I should show you what I learnt sometime hmm. Maybe I should show you what I became down there for you. What I suffered for you…," his voice was small and calm yet there was no denying the pure and utter anger behind each word.

"Dean. I…,"

"But maybe it won't be enough for Mr perfect here. For Joe freaking normal, or so you pretend. You want to talk about changing Sammy. Well look in the mirror," the use of the beloved childhood nickname which was normally uttered in affection sent a shiver down Sam's spine.

For the first time he found himself scared of his brother and for his brother, currently he was emotionally unstable and this exaggerated through the lack of sleep.

"Let's get back to the motel and get some long needed rest. Then we can talk about this in the morning," Dean muttered. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was brushing off the confrontation once again. Tomorrow morning after another restless night he would pretend nothing had happened. That everything was peachy.

Not this time…

"NO DEAN! WE ARE GOING TO HAVE THIS OUT RIGHT NOW! I DON'T GIVE A CRAP THAT YOU WANT TO PRETEND THIS PROBLEM DOESN'T EXIST; JUST PRETENDING WON'T MAKE IT GO AWAY WILL IT. SAME CASE WITH THE NIGHTMARES. DUDE COMES ON SPEAK TO ME!" Sam's anger erupted right in Dean's face. There was no way of turning back time now, the damage was done. They might as well get everything out of their system.

"If pretending worked then you wouldn't be here right now. You really want me to speak to you Sam. Fine. I will once you tell me the truth…tell me what you are going through…tell me what that fucking bitch Ruby has to do with any of this," still Dean persisted with the calm voice, he was close to an eruption twice the size as Sam's.

"THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME DEAN! YOU HAVE A PROBLEM..!"

"I have a problem?" Dean interrupted with a snort.

"YES DEAN THE SOONER YOU FACE UP TO WHAT YOU DID IN HELL THE SOONER YOU CAN GO BACK TO YOUR OLD SELF. YOU NEED TO GET OVER YOURSELF, WHAT'S DONE IS DONE; THERE IS NO GOING BACK NOW. SO WHAT YOU BROKE, SO WHAT YOU TORTURED PEOPLE'S SOULS THAT ISNT YOU NOW, YOU ARE TOO W…," Sam stopped abruptly. Suddenly he realised what he was saying. He wished he could put everything into reverse and swallow those dreaded words whole.

"You want the stronger me, the one that was in hell? Instead of this weakling huh Sam. Interesting…,"

"Dean I…,"

"Get out,"

Sam's eyebrows shot above his hair line. How did everything turn so sour in such a short amount of time?

"Dean…," he whispered barely able to say his own brother's name. Dean's eyes spoke daggers, if looks could kill then Sam was sure he would be carved into little pieces right now.

"Get out of my car Sam. You want that man from hell…well you got him and he doesn't care about anyone. So fucking get out of the car before I make you," this threat sent another shiver down Sam's spine.

"Ok, I understand you need time to cool off. I shall sit here silently until we get to the motel then I will disappear for a couple of hours…give you time to chill," desperation began to take Sam over. He didn't want to let Dean out of his sight, not now, not after spending four hellish months without him.

Dean's eyes twinkled slightly, the tears fresh this time, welled down his face. He was broken and Sam desperately wanted to help fix him.

"No Sam. You'll take that as an excuse and sneak off to see your little demon bitch. I'll save you sometime so the wait isn't as long to see her. Now GET OUT OF THE DAMN CAR!" there it was. The inevitable eruption.

Sam fumbled with the door handle, finally prising the car door open he jumped out just in time to watch the Impala speed off at an illegal speed. Faster than usual for Dean.

All he could do was watch as he lost his brother for the umpteenth time, this time he was sure he was going to get him back. It was just a pointless fight; one that happens between brothers's all the time. Heck this wasn't the first time Dean had driven off and left Sam. In the end they always find each other again.

A horn honking beside him made him jump. His head turned to face a black Volvo pulling up beside him. The driver was a young woman with blond hair. She smiled softly at him.

"Want a lift?"

Before Sam could answer, the sound of a car crashing and the sound of a bullet making contact with skin rang out as two men jumped out of the car, their eyes pure black. Sam fell to his knees, grasping at his left kneecap attempting to stem the flow of blood.

"Don't worry sweetie, everything will be alright, providing the right choices are made," that was the last thing he heard as he was rendered unconscious by a single blow to the head. The two men shovelled the tall hunter into the back seat and drove off…

Dean wiped furiously at the tears, his eyes were concentrated upon the rear view mirror. The image of Sam watching him leave would burn his memories for the rest of his life. Get in line with hell he thought quietly to him.

After Sam was a mere speck against the mirror he turned his attention back to the road. He cursed…He swung the car out of the way. This sent the Impala hurtling into a lamp post at the side of the road.

Dean's neck was flung forward with the impact; a horrifying crunch of his baby filled his ears, along with more choice curses. Smoke imploded out of the engine, her way of telling Dean she was sick.

With one more curse he stepped out of the driver's side. His green eyes instantly locked onto what had made him crash while his right hand caressed the back of his neck.

The man stared back at him from the middle of the road, his eyes was as black as the purest night. With a flick of his hand, Dean was pinned against the Impala.

The man smirked as he made his way over to his victim, the smile morphing into a snarl when he approached.

"Well…well. Well…Dean Winchester, my favourite student," his voice penetrated the still evening.

"Alistair," Dean responded, his anger levels chilled out a little but he was one step away from a nuclear meltdown.

"That was a very touching show. I'm very impressed with you, everyday you continue to make me proud which is why I see a lot of promise in you still kiddo,"

"Bite me,"

"So much anger…I like it. It suits you nicely Dean. Make sure to hold onto it when you're back in hell for good. I'm bored of waiting for you, so let's play a little game shall we?" Alistair reached a hand into his pocket, the twisted smile widened.

Dean's eyes widened when fear replaced his tears.

"Go to hell," he retorted reverting back to his smartass wise cracks as a defence mechanism.

"Oh I will. After my game. Guess what kiddo; you're going to love it,"

"I'm not taking part in your sick and twisted fetishes," Dean smirked himself, pretty proud at his remark but his eyes betrayed this emotion.

Alistair removed his hand from his pocket; the smile remained on his face.

"Who said anything about you having a choice," with that he plunged the syringe into Dean's neck and the contents entered his bloodstream.

Alistair chuckled. He was finally going to regain his student.

Dean felt the substance intertwine with his blood. His head began to spin, sounds morphed in his ears until he couldn't distinguish what was making what sound. His knees buckled beneath him, making him realise he wasn't controlled anymore.

Darkness began to form around his vision and then everything went black…

TBC