AN- First person, I know, I know. Ehhh. A lot of people hate it, but when I wrote this story a year back I wrote it in first person and as I re write it I can't draw myself away from it. Third person just wasn't working, and there was no way second would work at all. Also, tense is not something I work with well. I switch between past and present without even realizing it so if anyone wants to help correct me, just.. 3
-o-o-o-o-o
There was a time when I mattered, back when I and he were just children. It was like nothing was different between us, him being the eldest and me just three minutes younger. Our games were fair and even, the servants to the royal family coddling us just the same. He wasn't held to a higher standard then, and I wasn't pushed into the background, forced to become a shadow.
Breakfast, lunch, and dinner would always be at the same time. An hour after each our mother coming to read to us a story from one of the many books she owned. We'd normally fall asleep during the one after lunch and she'd just pick back up from where we remembered leaving off, after dinner.
Times have changed since then, and definitely not for the better. He was the chosen one, the one meant for all the riches. The kingdom would be his, the training he was forced to go through forever shaping him into something he was never meant to be. It wasn't in his character to be cruel, to rule with an iron fist as people would say. Sora was shaped into whatever my father wanted him to be, a toy for him to command with from the sidelines.
And then there was me, the lucky one in some aspects I suppose. I wasn't forced to become someone I'm not, but at the same time I became nothing. Father spoke less and less to me over time, his focus pinpointing on Sora, and with my mother gone I had no one but the few people that I had grown up with and my tutors.
I suppose there's nothing left for me to tell at this point without giving away the secret of it all. A journey through things I have not yet to fully understand myself and the sick, pulsing lullaby that haunts me every time I close my eyes. Pure green shocks me awake and he is beside me, nightmares becoming reality with him around. And as I sit on this throne of dread, my kingdom one that I can't control, I come to the conclusion. It's time for me to begin.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
A sigh escapes my lips, the book in my lap being cradled by the most careful of hands. It's spine worn and damaged, the pages turning a light yellow, but for its age it was in perfect condition. There was a time when a man offered my mother millions for this book, its title one of the oldest to exist, but it was her treasured possession and upon her death it became mine.
I've lost myself in the story many a times; Alice's journey to save herself has become mine so often that I could recite her words to you like they were my own. I often fall asleep with the thought of tumbling into another reality, but as I awake disappointment flows through my veins as my room materializes in front of me.
Closing the book, I gingerly set it on the table beside of me, my school work for the day resting on the other. It wasn't even near done, just a few words sat on the page of my essay. I wasn't the best with words when I write about things I have no understanding of.
Slowly, I let my eyes drag across my room trying to find something to distract myself with. There was a bookshelf filled with books I've read over and over again, but aside from that there was nothing. A normal bed, tables, and small trinkets made up the rest of my room, the window really being the only thing of any grand structure in my room.
It spread across my wall, the curtains hiding the light a soft red. With a pull of a string I could invite the world in for just a bit, the breeze carrying the smell of sea from the ocean that lay nearby.
Usually my eyes would drag across the fabric of the curtain without any interest, but this time something stuck. A pair of bare feet was visible from underneath the bottom of them, the nails painted black and to say the least my interest was gained.
It wasn't unusual to find a slave hiding in here as a game from my twin, his goal to have them go undetected as long as possible. There was no telling how long this one had been standing there.
"Excuse me," I call softly, eyes widening as a hand appeared from around the curtains edge only to wrap around the fabric, finger nails painted a deep red.
No reply came from their direction, and it was annoying to say the least. They had been caught and now it was time for them to go back to whatever job my brother had pulled them away from.
"I know you heard me. The game is over." I tried again, this time moving from my seat when no reply or movement came.
Step after step brought me closer to the figure, goose bumps forming along my arm as I neared. I wanted to try and request them to move one more time, but somehow I knew it would be a waste of breath and I let my arm reach out towards the fabric to reveal the being.
It happened all at once, the curtain being ripped from the hanger and tossed over me as I fell back from the shock and impact, and the sound of the window opening and the stranger fleeing from the ledge. It was impossible, with me being on one of the highest floors of the castle for someone to flee from there, but as I remove the curtain my eyes find no one there. The door still remained locked from the inside and one of the panes of the window open.
A few deep breaths and I'm calm again, the fabric now lying beside of me and my heart beat back to its normal rate. On the floor in front of my though there was a card, one I hadn't seen before. Its edges were tinted a light blue and as I picked it up the image on the front became clear.
There sat a small table, a teacup placed gingerly in the middle it would seem and a stream of tea was pouring from a teapot over head. The strange thing about the card was that there was a man hanging from the top of the card, his body upside down and his grin one of complete madness. On the back was nothing but a set of three numbers in a set of three themselves.
It made no sense for the card to be there, but it was and it wasn't something I could just ignore, so I slid it into my pocket and close my eyes. There had been many times that I had dreamed in reality, but something so real couldn't have been fake, there was no possible way.
A sharp thud pulls me from my thoughts, and my head whips around to find my treasure lying on the floor, wide open. Its spine bent completely open and I hastily maneuver myself onto my knees so I could move towards the object and fix it, but my body froze. Peeking out from between the pages was the corner of a card, its edge a light blue.
My hands hurriedly check my pockets, mind reeling when nothing is found. I could have sworn I had placed it inside, but as I pulled it from the pages the card had changed. The man was no longer upside down, but his smile had morphed into something worse. The edges of his lips were torn, smile wide, but I couldn't tell if it were truly a smile or a scream of pain. The way his face was contorted puzzled me.
A soft knock pulled me from my thoughts, the card being slipped into my pocket once more as I went to unlock, and open the door.
In front of me stood Namine, her pale blond hair pulled into a low ponytail that hung over his right shoulder and in her hands was a butterfly mask.
"You forgot to pick up your mask from the hall, and I didn't want someone to grab it by mistake." She smiles as she finished her sentence, the mask being shoved in my direction. "Some lucky girl with the same mask is going to be having a wonderful night with you after the crowning."
Shit, I had totally forgotten that tonight was the ball and the crowning of my brother. Could today get any better? First the impossible figure, and then the transportation and changing of the card, and now the crowning and the ball.
With a smile I take the mask, her face heating up with a blush as our fingers graze.
"Thanks, Nam. I had totally forgotten. I guess my head's not with me today." I respond with another smile, my arm already starting to shut the door. "I guess I'll see you there."
It was a lie, a complete and utter lie. There was no way I was going to sit through a ceremony that had nothing to do with me and then go to a dance I had no interest in, but she had no idea of my intentions and backed away from the door, her mouth trying to form words but was finding it difficult.
I flash her one last smile and shut the door, leaning against it as I listened to her walk away, probably internally cursing herself for being so foolish. It was obvious she had a crush on me; it had been since as far back as I could remember.
Drawing my bottom lip in between my teeth I chew, the nervous habit one that occurred when I was doing something I knew wasn't the smartest idea.
It took a few seconds to convince myself to grab my satchel and toss the mask inside, not having anything else to do with it and then grab my book and slide it into the side pocket. With my hood up and satchel over my shoulder I was ready to go.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
The road leading to and from the castle was one in perfect condition, but as you neared the town it slowly edged off into one that was in dire need of construction. My feet balanced on the misplaced stones as I walked, my fingertips ghosting against the wall that I was walking near.
I had no idea where I was going, but anywhere was better than the castle at the moment. Servants rushed around trying to get everything set up perfectly, and the guards were too busy making sure nobody sneaked in through the side entrances to really watch the main one.
All this preparation for him. It wasn't fair nor needed, but the soon to be king had to have the best of the best for his ceremony. I could hear of the story tellers yelling about the event, saying it was a grand day and that we should all be proud.
From every corner there was talk about today, I was finding it hard to rid myself of him. It was worse than those few years back when the kingdom was ablaze with the talk of my mother.
They had no right to even utter her name like it was something to commonly roll off their tongues. It was nothing as they said it was either. I was there, not them. I was the one who witnessed her death.
The way her body was perched ever so gracefully over the balcony hadn't worried me at first, I was young and in need of comfort. There was nothing unusual except for the necklace she wore around her neck like a religion was clutched in her hands, fingers pale and strained from holding on so tightly.
I saw her body fall, head first and then the rest disappearing over the edge. I remember wanted to cry out to her, but a hand had wrapped itself around my mouth, fingers gingerly pressing against my lips. The words the stranger whispered still ran through my mind like I had heard them just yesterday.
"My sweet Alice, everything is going to be okay. No tears or questions need to be asked because she is in a better place, and one day you'll follow her there."
His lips then pressed against my cheek, and my mind went blank after that. It could have been a dream, or my mind coping with what it had just saw but it seemed so real to me, the lips burning against my flesh as they pressed against it.
Shaking my head, I remove myself from my thoughts and bring myself back to reality, the blaring of trumpets and screams could be heard from in front of me. Within a few steps I had come across a parade, the people spinning and dancing like mad men.
I feel myself get pulled into the throng, the buildings blurring and people morphing as I was spun around my an unknown person, a pair of hands wrapped around my waist. Effortlessly I was picked up and spun in midair, my mind whirling as I'm dropped back down by the same pair of arms and pulled through the crowd once again, the stranger taking the lead.
Every time I went to chance a glance at my captor I was spun in a different direction, people moving out of my way as I was tossed from one side to another. I could feel the vomit rising from my stomach, a terrible feeling befalling me as a flash of red obscured my vision.
As we danced the buildings began to degrade, the little feeling of security I had being ripped away from me violently as I lost any sense of where I was. The stranger kept on dancing with me, pulling me farther and farther along until I dropped to my knees in the middle of the throng and let my stomach have its wish, its contents being spewed across the cobblestone and seeped into the crevices like mini rivers.
A pair of arms wrap around my waist and pull me from the crowd, my knees aching as I was tossed carelessly onto the pavement, eyes squeezing shut.
"I'd watch out for the pile of shit next to your face. I mean, I don't wanna get odd looks as we walk because you decided it'd be a nice refresher."
A quick glance to the side proves what the stranger said to be true and I could feel the bile coming back up my throat, stomach heaving as I tossed the rest of its contents onto the pavement.
With a cough I look up, jerking back a bit as I'm instantly met with a pair of bright green eyes, a tongue emerging as he licks up from the bottom of my chin to the tip of my nose. He smiles, the edges of his mouth extended like scars as he tilts his head to the side and leans forward a bit more.
Its wasn't possible to balance on toes like he was doing, the appendages looking as if they were going to break any second or he was going to topple over.
I bring my sleeve up to my face and wipe where he had licked, a glare forming on my face. He had no right to go and drag me into such a thing and then have the audacity to lick me. There had been vomit there, and he did it as though it was something so casual.
"I believe you dropped this," he sing songed, in his hands my book.
Reaching forward I grip onto the edge, only to have it jerked away from me.
"Now now," he starts, leaning back so his feet were planted on the ground. "Through the looking glass in such an excellent condition… Where did one such as yourself come across such a rare book?"
"It was my moms." I reply, reaching for it once again only to have it jerked away from me once more as he stands and reveals just how much taller he is than me. He fingers through the pages until a small 'ah ha' escapes his lip, his hand reaching out for me to grab onto. I do such and as he pulls me he releases, sending me onto my chest against the ground.
"'I'm just one hundred and one, five months and a day.'" He began, reading from the book. "'I can't believe that!' said Alice. 'Can't you?' the Queen said in a pitying tone. 'Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.' Alice laughed. 'There's not use trying,' she said: 'one can't believe impossible things.'"
With a smirk he reached out and violently pulled me up by my arm, my body being shoved into the nearest wall, my breath rushing out of me upon impact.
"Do you believe in the impossible, my sweet? Does the unknown intrigue you? Can your mind be captivated by those things that can't be explained? Am I even real? Is this even happening?"
I stutter and look at him bewildered, the words he was spouting off coming from his own mind this time and not the book. It was so confusing; my mind racing to find an answer but all I could do was splutter nonsense.
"'I daresay,'" he yelled, pressing his hand to my chest, "'you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.'"
"Alice, do you believe? Do you believe in me?" He asks, pulling away from me.
"Why, that's not in the book!" I yell, following him down the street, wondering where my outburst and words had come from, the shock of him knowing my childhood nickname only kicking in at the last second. Before I could even ask him how he knew he turned to be and grabbed onto my arm, pulling me down an ally where he pushed me onto an old decrepit bench, his tongue emerging as he licked my cheek.
"I am aware that that was not in the book, I have lived the book and I am the book. I was asking you that personally. Now stop being a stubborn ass and just answer my question.
"How do you know my name?" Is the first thing that came flying from my mouth as soon as I had a chance to speak, his request going unfulfilled.
"Well, wouldn't you like to know," he teased, sitting beside me, "But I do recall that I asked you a question first. Do you believe in me?"
"Well of course I do. I don't know you, but you are here in-front of me. I can feel your wretched tongue touch me, and I must ask why do you keep licking me? You're not some mutt craving attention. You're a human being. Act like one."
"Or am I now? I could be a demon in disguise. Or your version of what a mutt is and a human have been altered. What if everything you've ever learned is a lie? What if god is actually the devil? And your of the lowest class, instead of royalty.. My prince." he slurs out, wrapping his filthy arm around me. His other hand wraps around my upper thigh and he slides it up a bit more, pulling it along my hip. I feel his hand slide into my pocket and I scoot away, feeling a bit uncomfortable but the heat building in my lower stomach overpowering the prior feeling.
He holds the card in front of my face and wipes his thumb across the front image, and it changes before me. Next to the man with the wide open mouth sat a young boy, about the same age of me, and he had a chain wrapped around his throat. In his mouth was a gag that was also connected to the chain. I follow the chain back to the tea man's hand with my eyes, and he held it there along with the tea pot. An hourglass sat on the table, and I could have sworn the sand was slowly falling through the small gap. I reach for it, only to have it pulled away from me.
"Tell me my sweet, what were the numbers on the back?" he asks, resting his head on the crevice of my neck.
"I would have no idea seeing as I didn't take the time to look at them," I respond, pulling away from his touch. It burned like a soft fire that had just been sprung, the heat building slowly.
"You know what the numbers are, so please, no playing hard to get here and just tell me them."
I splutter, my thoughts seeming to be dazed when he is around me. It could be the oddness of the situation as well that kicked me off guard, his hand covering my eyes quickly as he pulled me closer, something cold being pressed into the front of my throat, the point digging in.
I breathe in and close my eyes, eyelashes fluttering against his palm, for some reason even with the knife pressed to my neck I didn't feel in danger. "If you wanna know the numbers so badly, look at the card yourself. I'll guess, but there's no way I'll get them right. 03-06-7, 11-07-3, 12-12-6." I rattled them off randomly, knowing there was no way I could be correct.
He laughs, lips pressing against my cheek to deliver a kiss. "Your mother died on the third of June at seven. Your father on the eleventh day in July at three. And you my dear on the twelfth day in December at six. "