NOTE: I've only read the first 9 books. Please, no spoilers!

This fic stretches the realm of possibility a little, in that Ritsuka would *normally* wake up while certain things are...being done to him.

Also, I have Ritsuka still researching Septimal Moon in this. It is only briefly mentioned, used as a plot device.

Happy Reading! =) And hopefully reviewing...

SHADOWS

A Loveless fanfic

by The Ultimate Otaku

The shadows always made Ritsuka seem like something darker and stranger, to Soubi. It almost scared him a little to see them creeping across Ritsuka's face. The night was cold and lonely, and the tree that Soubi climbed up to get to Ritsuka's balcony was shaking in the wind. Its leaves left those hazy shadows across Ritsuka's cheek that made Soubi want to hold Ritsuka close.

Everything was darker, lately. Ritsuka was fifteen and in highschool now, and Yuiko and Yayoi were attending a different school. It was with a silent stare that Ritsuka went about things, falling away from the joy his friends had given him and into a zombie sort of state. Soubi had taken to letting the boy accompany him to his apartment after school, because Ritsuka didn't want to be alone.

The boy was tired every day and every night, it seemed. A heavier workload, his friends' absence, and his continued strain to research Septimal Moon kept him constantly busy. Even when he was just sitting down, Soubi could see that the wheels in Ritsuka's brain were turning, busy busy, cyling through some new idea or thought. Only when Ritsuka was with Soubi in his apartment did he seem peaceful.

They would sit down and Soubi would paint. Ritsuka would watch. His body would be splayed out beside Soubi's canvas on the floor, or he would sit on his haunches, or he would hover over Soubi's shoulder. Soubi didn't mind. He enjoyed having Ritsuka so close, and he was happy that his paintings could bring the warmth back into Ritsuka's eyes. For Soubi, his paintings were often cold things, for by painting them he would bring out his anger or sadness and place it in the painting, instead. It was this raw emotion in his flowers and butterflies and ghosts of faces that often made people call his paintings beautiful.

Around Ritsuka, Soubi found himself painting new things. His ghosts of faces would become the faces of people he had seen on the subway, or classmates. Occasionally he would paint a face that resembled Ritsuka a little, but then Ritsuka would laugh and blush, saying, "Don't paint me. I don't want to see me. I see me in the mirror every morning."

And Soubi would say, "But painting is like taking pictures, Ritsuka. It's memories."

So Ritsuka would assent, but before Soubi was finished, he would fall asleep. So there was now an ongoing untitled series of Ritsukas - Ritsuka on the floor curled into a ball, his heavy coat keeping him warm. Ritsuka on the couch, sleeping. Ritsuka on Soubi's bed, his hair splayed out on Soubi's pillow. The scent of Ritsuka would be left there to simultaneously soothe and agonize Soubi later on. It was a rich, heavy scent, but also subtle like roses. Soubi could recognize Ritsuka's scent, but he doubted Ritsuka could recognize his.

And when Soubi was done, he put the paintings away, and Ritsuka didn't ask to see the paintings of himself. One of the paintings though he had kept, because it had been Soubi's birthday present to Ritsuka a half a year ago. It was two figures walking in the woods, one blonde head one dark, with their hands held and their backs facing the viewer. The leaves were green and red and gold in autumn, and the sun shone down to light a halo around the two figures' heads.

Soubi hadn't meant anything particular by it, but Ritsuka insisted that it was them, and that one day, that's where they would be: a place free from others' hands and free from the worlds' troubles, because they were with each other. They would escape the darkness that tried to envelop them, and walk in a place that was theirs and theirs alone, a place where the path would keep on going towards endless possibilities. Where love was just a touch of hands away...

But though he spoke of such things, Ritsuka didn't seem to know how to reach that light at all. He doggedly worked at school, and accompanied Soubi on walks and excursions, even into the city a few times to go to art stores. But his eyes remained brooding, so often darkened with sadness.

Lately, Soubi had worked to help Ritsuka escape the shadows. He had Yuiko, Yayoi, and even Natsuo and Youji visit for Ritsuka's birthday, and again more recently. Soubi could see the shadows falling away from Ritsuka. The sun had shone through a while back, when they went to an amusement park, and shared their first "grown-up" kiss by the fountain. Ritsuka was old enough now that he looked at Soubi differently. Soubi had noticed the eyes the boy made at him when he thought Soubi wasn't looking. And he had certainly noticed the passion in Ritsuka's hugs and kisses. But he had only permitted the kiss with tongues recently, because he didn't want to scare Ritsuka away. He was worried that maybe it would become another thing for Ritsuka to worry over.

But Ritsuka had reacted eagerly, sinking into Soubi's embrace, his arms around Soubi's neck as he tiptoed to reach Soubi's lips.

It was remembering the eagerness that had made Soubi decide, mid-homework project with Kio, to visit Ritsuka late at night.

"Sou-chan! You can't leave now! We're almost finished!"

Soubi had smiled. "I know, Kio. We're almost done. So I can leave, right? I trust you. You can do it." And he had given Kio a grateful smile, leaving the man stammering and blushing in an attempt to hold onto his rage. Now Soubi was here sitting on Ritsuka's bed.

The boy had not known to wait for Soubi, but he had still stayed up late. (This he did when Soubi came to visit - it was a bad habit they had gotten into, because Ritsuka insisted that he shouldn't be sleeping when Soubi was visiting, but Soubi wanted Ritsuka to get enough sleep).

This time, it was homework that had kept Ritsuka up late, but it looked like he had fallen asleep halfway through it. He was sprawled on the bed on his back, his right arm bent and other flung outward, legs crushing a calculator and wrinkling page 57 of "Gorbidor's Economics Study Guide."

Ritsuka was usually tidy, but in his dark moods sometimes he just sat and brooded and left everything a mess. Soubi knew Seimei would have disapproved, but Seimei wasn't here anymore.

There was other evidence of schoolwork and chaos all over Ritsuka's bed. Textbooks and notebooks were sprawled all over it. A pile of them sat precariously at the foot of it, and half-finished math homework lay crumpled beneath Ritsuka's elbow. A pencil lay by Ritsuka's wrist, and an eraser was trapped with an empty mug and a bag of chips in the sheets by Ritsuka's tail. The wallet that Ritsuka had taken to tucking in the back of his pants was still attached by a chain to his belt. Soubi knew it had a picture in it of Seimei as a young boy, Seimei when he was older, Ritsuka's absent father, and recent ones of Soubi, Osamu, Yuiko, and Yayoi.

The shadows on Ritsuka's cheek fell onto the pillow by the slightly curled-in fingers. They had become long and tapering like Seimei's fingers. The boy had lost some of his baby look. He was taller and leaner now, and his shoe size something that Yuiko continued to tease him about. But his hair remained the same cut, and his ears were as soft as Soubi remembered. It was taboo to play with another's ears and tails much - like flirting, or something intimate you would only do with someone you knew very well. But Soubi liked to touch Ritsuka's ears, to remind him of Ritsuka's innocence, and because they were so soft. He liked to lean down and brush his cheek against them, earning him a glare or "idiot" from Ritsuka.

He leaned over Ritsuka's form now, smelling that delightful scent that made shivers run down his spine. His hand played with the belt loops of Ritsuka's trousers and he touched the wallet chain. As his fingers ran up it he pushed up the hem of Ritsuka's tanktop a little. The boy's skin was hot to touch, and soft. Soubi petted the hot skin of Ritsuka's belly, circling the navel. His finger paused as the boy stirred in his sleep. That dark head of hair turned a little, and now Soubi could see all of Ritsuka's face in the moonlight.

It was wrong to do this, but he couldn't resist. He lifted his cheek from touching the gently twitching cat ears. Slowly, his breath held in hopes to not wake the boy, he put his cheek against Ritsuka's. Then, he tilted his head up, and let his lips touch Ritsuka's in a ghost kiss.

His fingers on Ritsuka's stomach moved up slowly, pushing the shirt up with it. He brushed his thumb over the dusky pink of the boy's nipples. Ritsuka was a heavy sleeper when he was tired enough. Why am I doing this? I shouldn't be doing this. But his fingers kept moving of their own accord. Soubi pressed his mouth against Ritsuka's one more time, a little harder, and then forced himself to sit up. He was about to stand and leave when he heard a little sound. It sounded like a moan.

"Ritsuka?"

He looked back at the boy. That face was still shining in the moonlight, shadows gone. The boy lay as he had, and his eyes weren't open. Long lashes lay against porcelain cheeks. But the boy's mouth opened, and he said, "Soubi..."

It was the slurring, mumbling sound of a sleepwalker's speech. Soubi bent over Ritsuka again, whispering the boy's name. "Ritsuka? Are you awake?"

The sheets made a loud crackling noise as the boy moved his legs in sleep, and Soubi jumped as a textbook fell to the floor with a loud thump. But the boy slept on, his chest rising and falling in slow, steady breaths. Soubi put his hand on the boy's torso again, and pressed his lips against Ritsuka's. That mouth was so soft and full. He wanted more. So he edged his tongue in Ritsuka's mouth, playing in the heat and wet for a moment, before ending the kiss. He should stop now, but he didn't want to. When he licked over Ritsuka's ear and his neck the boy moaned in his sleep. Soubi did it again, harder, nibbling at the soft lobe of Ritsuka's ear. "Soouubbii..." Ritsuka clenched his fingers in the sheets, and his breath hitched for a moment, but then resumed pace again.

How interesting...he's a very deep sleeper to not have woken yet. I know how tired he is...he must be dreaming, to -

"Soubi...I-I'm taking a bath, what are you - ohh. OH! S-Soubi...more," the boy gasped the last word, swallowing hard. His shaking left hand crept down his body to grab at the belt buckle, undo the clasp, and slide the zipper down with a loud zrrr that split the suddenly hot night air.

Soubi licked his dry lips. The room seemed to have risen in temperature, and he was gaping where he sat, his hand still resting on Ritsuka's chest. That left hand of Ritsuka's had fallen back on the bed, but the open zipper drew Soubi's eyes. He could see the dark blue of boxers beneath the open fly. He closed his eyes tight, trying to create thought in his suddenly frazzled brain. But that only made him more aware of his staccato pulse and the throbbing heat of his hard cock. He shrugged his arms from the suddenly stifling purple trench coat, letting it fall to the floor.

Slowly his hand began to move. It slid up Ritsuka's torso, and he reveled in the boy's smooth skin and hard muscles. His thumb brushed over the boy's nipples, again and again, until they were hard. Then he bent his head down. He could feel the wallet's soft leather by his arm, and his hard cock was pressing against something - the calculator? He groaned and grinded against it as his tongue lapped at Ritsuka's nipples. A high pitched whimper came from Ritsuka's mouth, and Soubi wrapped his mouth around the nub and sucked.

His hands were free, so he used them. One he used to unbutton his shirt, because it was far too hot in here. The other he used to slowly, carefully edge Ritsuka's jeans off the boy's slender hips. The boy's lusty dream was only fed by these actions, and he mumbled, "Soubi...you should have taken out another towel...before getting in the tub."

And Soubi briefly thought, Maybe I should get a towel for this, to keep things clean. But then Ritsuka was moaning, and his hand came down to rub over Soubi's back. The boy had never really touched Soubi, and it was electrifying. His fingers were curious-seeming over Soubi's back, tracing every curve and dent, pushing over scars. Soubi pulled away from the hard pink of Ritsuka's nipples, panting.

Then he was bent over again, blonde head wandering down Ritsuka's form. Briefly he licked in the deep crevice of Ritsuka's navel, eliciting a whimper, before reaching the waistline. The band of Ritsuka's boxers edged slowly down, and Soubi sat up, using both of his fingers to unwrap the heat he could feel there. In an excruciating moment he felt the calculator pressing painfully against his erection even as he feasted his eyes on the sight of Ritsuka's cock.

Eagerly he brushed his fingers over it, stroking the member to erection. He moved a little so he could bury his head between the boy's thighs, and began to lick and suck at the soft skin. As he sucked harder over the boy's thighs Ritsuka was moaning loudly, and rocked his hips upward. Soubi could feel the boy's cock slide up and down his cheek with each rocking of the hips. He held back any loud sounds and closed his eyes. That hard member slid up and down, the soft skin burning hot against his cheek, his temple. The boy increased his tempo, and now with each thrust upward Soubi could feel his cheek getting slicker and slicker.

But what called to him was the pucker of the anus, so close to his mouth with each thrust. So he gave one last bite to Ritsuka's thigh, grinning at the boy's pleading moan in response. Then he moved, abandoning the sweet pain of the calculator pressing at his cock, and instead sitting between Ritsuka's legs. He kept it so that he could still feel that slickened cock against his cheek, and put his hands on the boy's thighs, spreading them a little.

Then his tongue dove into the soft heat of that hole. It was tight and resisting; he had to wriggle his tongue again, again, again, before he could really bury it deep in the soft wet. When he did the boy cried out, and Soubi briefly wondered if Ritsuka's mother would awaken. For a moment all his doubts returned and he thought, What am I doing? I'm taking advantage of him...I should be doing this when he's awake to choose, to say what he wants...But a push of the boy's hips, insistent, reminded him that Ritsuka did want this, at least in his sleep. Soubi had waited so long for this, that now that he had the opportunity, he did not want to let it go. The boy was dreaming about him, by some stroke of luck. How could he ever get this opportunity again? Besides, Kio coming onto him and calling him pervert only made Soubi get ideas...to come here and see Ritsuka so vulnerable, so delicious looking, made him NEED, desperately, to feed his fire.

So he stroked inward with his tongue again, and when the boy responded with another pleading sound, he thrust his tongue in, fucking the boy with his tongue. Harder and faster he pressed. His body was hot and his cock was so hard and he could feel Ritsuka's body trembling around him, over him. He withdrew his tongue and sat up again, and the boy sighed.

He remembered a strange phone call that he had gotten from Ritsuka earlier that day. The boy had seemed about to divulge something he was reluctant to say, the words, "I..I have to confess something, Soubi" echoed twice, before finally the boy gave up on trying and moved to the topic of school that day.

What had he been about to say? Was he going to say, I have wet dreams about you, Soubi? Was he going to say, I wank off in the bathtub and imagine you're with me, Soubi? Soubi laughed. He couldn't ever imagine Ritsuka saying any of that, the thought alone was ridiculous.

An inviting white bead of precome sat on the head of Ritsuka's cock. Soubi stared for a moment at this delightful image of Ritsuka spread out before him on the bed, those nipples hard and pink, the breath coming in pants, hair now mussed in disarray. The boy's cock was hard and long, jutting out from between soft thighs, crowned by a patch of dark curls. Mmm. Soubi bit back the growl of lust in his throat.

He licked off that little bead and then began to circle his tongue around the head, again and again. Ritsuka's hips thrust up into the warm, wet touch of Soubi's tongue, but Soubi refused the invitation. He licked all down the length of the shaft and back up again, and then back down. For a moment he just put his nose in that thick thatch of curls, breathing in the scents. Ritsuka's sweat, and a musky tangy smell, and that lavender aroma that always seemed to settle in Ritsuka's room. It all smelled delightful. He ran his tongue along the hilt of Ritsuka's cock, bringing a hungry moan from the boy. Who knew the boy had this in him? Well, he was a teenager, assumedly with a teenager libido, but nevertheless, Soubi had always seen Ritsuka as innocent, fresh. Tonight had proven him wrong.

Would he regret doing this? Would he feel terribly guilty about it afterward, though he had no plans to violate the boy? Would Ritsuka FEEL violated, even though he was asleep during it? It was too many questions to answer all at once, but Soubi knew, he would feel a bit guilty. He was not, as Kio said, a pervert. Well, not entirely. He couldn't just take this advantage and walk away with a light conscience. But he wouldn't walk away with a heavy, troubled one, either. Ritsuka's body, his sounds, his smell, all were too good to make this shameful in Soubi's mind. So many signs were saying that Ritsuka wanted it, even though he wouldn't say so when awake.

Soubi slithered his tongue down to Ritsuka's balls, taking them in his mouth and sucking hard and long. Ritsuka's body arched off the bed a little, and his breathing was ragged. Soubi slid his mouth off with a humorous, obscene pop, and slid his tongue up the length again. He sucked at the head, groaning at the pulsating pain of arousal that was making his own cock twitch and beg for release. But Ritsuka first. Slowly, smoothly, Soubi slid the length in his mouth, and then out again. He did it again, a little faster, and by this time the boy was an absolute chorus of sounds that said, please, please, please.

So Soubi moved faster, licking his tongue all over the hot cock as he pushed his mouth over it. He felt the head press at the back of his throat, felt the slick sweat and precome slide over his wet tongue. He savored the tangy taste and hummed in pleasure, making the boy buck and writhe at the sensations. Then he was bobbing his head quicker, quicker, and the boy's hips were driving up harder, faster, in jerkier movements.

With a gasp, Ritsuka came, the load shooting into Soubi's mouth fast and hard. Soubi swallowed it. With a hard throb he realized he was coming too, splashing over Ritsuka's thighs and stomach. So Soubi licked that up, too, until his tongue was numb from all the eager suckling.

Soubi sat up, brushing his hair from his face. He tapped at the sticky spot on his cheek with a finger, and then carefully edged back to sit on the edge of Ritsuka's bed, facing the glass door. Carefully, he cleaned up himself and Ritsuka with a soft washcloth he wetted in the bathroom, and then he did up Ritsuka's pants as they had been. He pulled the boy's shirt back down, and made himself presentable once more.

He did a quick once-over of the bed, trying to make everything relatively close to where it had been, unless it was close enough to Ritsuka's body where the boy could've moved it in his sleep.

With a smile, Soubi whispered to himself, "The shadows are gone." He felt like the shadows in Ritsuka had been creeping onto him, making him feel helpless, like he didn't know how to help Ritsuka. But all he had needed was an outlet for his pent up feelings, a moment to be passionate. Around Ritsuka, he had been careful. He had been soft and vague, all smiles and gentle speech, lately. This moment of passion with Ritsuka in the night made him feel alive again, like he was ready to face the world.

More soon! Please tell me what you think!