Too Late to Save Him
Summary: the beginning of this is inspired by When in Need of a Potion by YaoiBatman. They were too late to save Harry from the nightmares and the darkness that threatened to overtake him.
Silent halls echoed the near silent footsteps as an invisible figure crept through them. Light rain fell outside as the invisible figure turned a corner and hurried down the steps before going into the dungeons. He slipped the cloak off and pulled up his black hood, not wanting to have to worry about Snape yelling at him for sneaking somewhere unseen. He didn't want to do it but the nightmares were getting worse. He didn't want to have to ask Snape for a potion to help him sleep AND block nightmares but he was getting desperate at this point. His grades were declining, he wasn't eating, and he was terrified to sleep at night. He didn't want to continue like that so he was going to suck up his pride and ask Snape for the goddamned potion.
The rain picked up and it was a dull roar in the dungeons as Harry hurried to Snape's office. The door was ajar and a light was on; Snape was sitting at his desk. Stacks of paper sat upon the desk and red ink glistened like blood in the flickering firelight. Harry took a deep breath and stepped into the office, alerting Snape to his presence. Snape's head snapped up and he narrowed his eyes. He saw the green eyes shining from behind the hood and Snape sneered.
"Potter what are you doing out of bed? Do I need to dock points from you?" Harry lowered his hood and Snape had to do a double take. Harry had circles under his eyes so dark, they were almost black. His face was ghostly pale and he had sweat pouring down his face. Snape stood and came around the desk, staring at the clearly exhausted teenager. You could see it in his eyes that Harry was slowly dying from pure exhaustion.
"Potter come with me." Harry had no choice but to follow Snape out of his office to his private quarters.
"Sit Potter and don't touch anything" Harry sank sleepily into the couch, not taking in anything but the scent that was slowly driving him to sleep. Harry was dozing lightly when Snape came back with a couple cups of tea. Snape sighed and set them down before kneeling in front of Harry and shaking him gently.
"Potter wake up!" Harry jerked awake before blushing madly and mumbling a, 'Sorry Professor'. Snape sat in a chair and with the wave of his hand, had a cup of tea hovering in front of Harry.
"Drink. I will not have you falling asleep on me again and I want explanations" Harry tried to glare at Snape but it was half-heartedly. Finally he sighed and took a drink of tea before setting it back on the table and looking at his professor, an eyebrow raised in question.
"What do you want to know?" Snape put his drink down as well and then asked,
"What is going on with you Potter?" Your grades are falling and I noticed that you're eating patterns have declined as well" Harry looked away, not wanting to talk about the nightmares.
"Mr. Potter I'm waiting" Harry sighed and rubbed his eyes before whispering,
"They're always about visions I had when The Dark Lord was still alive. I can see everything in vivid detail. All the blood, the colors of the curses and spells. I can hear the screams and please and sobs. I feel like it is real and want to help them but when I try I wake up. I started casting spells around my bed to not disrupt my dorm mates. They don't need to deal with my problems" Snape looked at Harry in shocked silence. This was a boy who was suffering badly and wasn't about to tell anyone about the suffering. He was trying to protect his dorm mates from his problems instead of asking for help. He was so Gryffindor, he was almost Slytherin. Snape was startled from his thoughts when he heard a strangled sob. Snape saw tears struggling to be free and Harry was taking deep breaths to calm him.
"Potter?" Harry didn't look up and instead held back another sob. Snape stood up and sat next to Harry quickly, pulling him into his arms. Harry surprised Snape by burying his face into Snape's robes, crying softly. Snape just sighed and wrapped his arms awkwardly around Harry to hold the boy for a few moments. Finally Harry pulled away and wiped his eyes, saying softly,
"Sorry Professor"
"Do not by sorry Mr. Potter please. We all need a shoulder to cry on every once in a while. Not sit here I am going to get you a potion to help you sleep tonight and then you will sleep here tonight as it is late and you need to sleep." With that Severus was up and out of the living room before Harry could say anything.
Three days later
Snape followed the screams to the bathroom on the 2nd floor. A group of people had gathered and Snape parted them with a glare. What he saw made him nearly faint. Slumped against a sink was the body of Harry Potter, the sword of Godric Gryffindor sticking out of his chest. A note in an envelope sat next to him and the headmaster stood over the body. Snape slowly made his way over and kneeled next to Harry. The dark circles had turned fully black and his skin was deathly pale, whether from blood loss or from lack of sleep and proper food, Snape would never know.
"Severus the letter is addressed to you" Dumbledore said quietly and Snape finally noticed that the letter was addressed to him. Snape picked it up and stood again, looking at the body of the person who had freed him from a lifetime of servitude before hurrying away. In his chambers again, Snape sat in front of the fire and opened the letter slowly. As he read it, tears slipped passed the carefully constructed masks.
Professor Snape,
If you are reading this, then I successfully killed myself with the sword of Godric Gryffindor. I know what I did was foolish but things got to be too much. I had no will to live anymore and so I knew I had to end it.
A few things first. First off know that I have trusted you since the moment I found out you had saved me from falling a hundred feet to the ground during my first Quidditch Match. Second, this may shock you but it is the truth. I fell in love with you last year. I fell in love with your silky smooth voice and your slender fingers. I fell in love with the passion that showed in your eyes when I watched you brew a potion. I fell in love with YOU the Potions Master who drove me up the wall. I fell in love with you.
But that love was not enough to save me. I hope that one day we can be together and that you can forgive me when that time comes. You gave me something to believe in but even that was not enough. I thank you for letting me stay with you that night three days ago. I am sorry, though, for not telling you that I loved you in person when I had the chance. I am sorry that I never told you. I am so sorry because if you knew, I know you would have stopped me from this act.
But now I am with my parents and my doting godfathers, watching over you. Live your life to the fullest now and please always remember me as the Golden Gryffindor who drove you up the wall from my crazy antics. I will always love you.
Love,
Harry James Potter
Snape looked up from the fire and sighed, tears streaming down his face.
Harry's funeral
"Our last speaker for today is Professor Severus Snape" Snape stepped up to the podium and took a deep breath.
"Mr. Potter was known as the Boy-Who-Lived to many of you. But that's not how he wanted to be known as. He wanted to be known as Harry, a teenager who was forced to train and kill a man who had killed his parents and nearly killed him when he was one years old. He wanted someone to see the pain behind his mask. He wanted someone that he could lean on and to keep him level-headed. He needed someone to keep him sane. I know I said some things and even did some things to him that I regret. But there is something I am very sure of and will never regret. I know that I had fallen in love with him. I knew that I had fallen in love with the passion he had for helping others. I had fallen in love with his crazy and dangerous antics that ended up saving our butts in the end. I just wish I had the chance to tell him that, to help him. His death will be remembered by us all"
Harry's tomb: three hours later
"Severus, my boy, do you need a moment?" Snape nodded and Dumbledore left him standing in front of the tomb where Harry's body was laid to rest. He placed a gentle hand on the cool marble and said softly as the rain started again,
"I hope that you have been freed from the pain you have been caused. I hope you have found peace and I pray that you have been reunited with your family. I will miss you so much Harry, even if it took me forever to realize it. I do forgive you. I will always remember you. Please remember me in heaven" Severus kissed the stone softly before laying a bouquet of black roses on the soft ground before walking back up to the castle again, his heart throbbing for the person he had fallen in love with.