Author's Note: Okay, this is . . . . . different. It's a suicide fic, with some very weird parts. A dash of slash, bits of surrealism at the end. This'll be my last angst for a while. I'm working on a VERY VERY fluffy fic...(No hints! ^_^)
I'm only doing one A/N this time, so here's my begging right at the beginning. REVIEW!!!! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSE?????? Pretty please with sugar and spice and everthing nice on top? If I give you a cookie? ^_^
I sigh gustily, dangling my feet over the edge of the tower. It's the tallest tower of the castle, and I am on it's battlements overlooking the grounds. It is a beautiful night. Spring was taking hold, and though the breeze that tussles my hair is chill, it brings with it hte scent of melting snow, wet eath, and awakening life. The stars shone brightly with crystal clear purity, and a slim waning cresent moon had just risen. I scoot closer to the edge and lean over to look down. I can make out the grounds of the castle perfectly, even in the faint starshine. The lake is a rippled glossy black reflection of the sky.
I wonder what Harry and Hermione will think when they read my letter. Maybe I should've explained things a bit instead of just saying what I was doing. But I did make it clear that it wasn't their fault. Even though I may blame them, I had to make the know the truth.
I know in heart of hearts that they didn't choose to fall in love with each other, but I'm still jealous. Why? Because all my life I've been thrust into the background by family, who didn't even know what they did. And by strangers, when they found out who Harry was. I knew that Harry and Hermione would never overlook me like that. And then they did.
I thought that after last year, when Harry had denied so many times that there was anything between them and Hermione and I practically killed each other over the Yule Ball, there might've been a glimmer of hope. I had fallen in love with both of them, and thought that maybe one of them would requite my feelings. Maybe both of them would. Call me greedy or twisted if it makes you feel better, but it's the truth.
So when I caught them kissing in the library, it was twice as painful. They don't know I saw, and they never will. I hope they are happy with each other, truly. I don't know if I could ever have made them as happy as they looked when they were in each other's arms. I would've liked a chance at least.
Odd as this sounds, even to me, I left Draco a note. In a way, I love him as well. In a strange, half-mad way. It's kind of like that old saying: Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer. He is my ultimate enemy. But even in this I come second. He may be my nemesis, but Harry is his. I'm only the target when Harry isn't present or I throw myself between the two.
I sigh again and look up at the moon. I have an eerie calm about this whole situation. I feel I should be hysterical, frenzied to take my own life. The best I can do is to feel sorry for Filch, who'll have to clean the courtyard cobblestones.
I'm on the very edge now. So close to slipping, yet I know I won't fall until I want to. I don't, not just yet. I want to enjoy the feeling of the night. We are close, the night and I. She knows me with an intimacy that is deeper than that between lovers. I gaze up at the stars, which are painfully clear and bright. Each one is like a shining diamond tear. The night weeps for me. I smile slightly, and a comforting chuckle escapes my throat to sooth my eternal friend.
"What's so funny?" asks a voice from behind me. I'm surprised, but I don't need to turn to know who speaks.
"Everything. How did you find me?"
"I woke up when you snuck out. When you didn't come back I got up and found your letter."
"Then he got me up, and we came to find you."
I smile again, softer this time.
"To stop me, I suppose."
There is silence for a moment. There is no need to say anything further, at least for now. Harry lets out a startled cry.
"Well, this is a nice little gathering, isn't it?"
"What are *you* doing here?" Hermione asks.
"*I* was woken up by *his* stupid owl with a note for me. I came to make sure he didn't chicken out."
"How thoughtful of you," I say affectionately.
There is another pause. Finally I turn to them. The are standing in a close group, looking uncertainly at me. I smile, night flashing in my eyes, night growing in my heart.
"Come here," I say quietly.
They do, forming a semi-circle around me. I continue to smile, and the expression grows to reassure them. They seem to have temporarily forgotten that they are standing next to each other. It is strange the way they stare at me, as if seeing me for the first time. Perhaps they are. the night pulls them closer to me, and I know what I need to do.
I lean to my right, taking Harry in my arms. I kiss him chastely. I feel a spark of magic pass between us, making my lips tingle. He tastes like spices and wildness.
I pull away. He looks puzzled but pleased and oddly awed.
I lean forward, wrapping my arms around Hermione's waist. I kiss her more passionately. Again there is a spark of magic, stronger this time, sending shivers down my spine. She is all sweetness and light.
I release her a moment later than I had with Harry. She, too, looks awed and vaguely surprised.
I lean to my left and pull Draco to me. This kiss is fierce. The shock of the magic is almost painful, but I keep the contact. His taste is of both fire and ice.
He is even more awestruck than the other two when finally we brake apart, this kiss being the longest. He runs shaking fingers over his lips as if trying to acertain what happened. Even I am not sure.
Suddenly I am tired. What I have given them had taken away from me. The night enters me, taking the place of whatever it is I have passed to these three. She weeps inside of me. I smile to soothe her. She clasps me in a tight embrace, and I allow myself to fall into her.
The last thing I see is the burning clear purity of the stars.
I'm only doing one A/N this time, so here's my begging right at the beginning. REVIEW!!!! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSE?????? Pretty please with sugar and spice and everthing nice on top? If I give you a cookie? ^_^
I sigh gustily, dangling my feet over the edge of the tower. It's the tallest tower of the castle, and I am on it's battlements overlooking the grounds. It is a beautiful night. Spring was taking hold, and though the breeze that tussles my hair is chill, it brings with it hte scent of melting snow, wet eath, and awakening life. The stars shone brightly with crystal clear purity, and a slim waning cresent moon had just risen. I scoot closer to the edge and lean over to look down. I can make out the grounds of the castle perfectly, even in the faint starshine. The lake is a rippled glossy black reflection of the sky.
I wonder what Harry and Hermione will think when they read my letter. Maybe I should've explained things a bit instead of just saying what I was doing. But I did make it clear that it wasn't their fault. Even though I may blame them, I had to make the know the truth.
I know in heart of hearts that they didn't choose to fall in love with each other, but I'm still jealous. Why? Because all my life I've been thrust into the background by family, who didn't even know what they did. And by strangers, when they found out who Harry was. I knew that Harry and Hermione would never overlook me like that. And then they did.
I thought that after last year, when Harry had denied so many times that there was anything between them and Hermione and I practically killed each other over the Yule Ball, there might've been a glimmer of hope. I had fallen in love with both of them, and thought that maybe one of them would requite my feelings. Maybe both of them would. Call me greedy or twisted if it makes you feel better, but it's the truth.
So when I caught them kissing in the library, it was twice as painful. They don't know I saw, and they never will. I hope they are happy with each other, truly. I don't know if I could ever have made them as happy as they looked when they were in each other's arms. I would've liked a chance at least.
Odd as this sounds, even to me, I left Draco a note. In a way, I love him as well. In a strange, half-mad way. It's kind of like that old saying: Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer. He is my ultimate enemy. But even in this I come second. He may be my nemesis, but Harry is his. I'm only the target when Harry isn't present or I throw myself between the two.
I sigh again and look up at the moon. I have an eerie calm about this whole situation. I feel I should be hysterical, frenzied to take my own life. The best I can do is to feel sorry for Filch, who'll have to clean the courtyard cobblestones.
I'm on the very edge now. So close to slipping, yet I know I won't fall until I want to. I don't, not just yet. I want to enjoy the feeling of the night. We are close, the night and I. She knows me with an intimacy that is deeper than that between lovers. I gaze up at the stars, which are painfully clear and bright. Each one is like a shining diamond tear. The night weeps for me. I smile slightly, and a comforting chuckle escapes my throat to sooth my eternal friend.
"What's so funny?" asks a voice from behind me. I'm surprised, but I don't need to turn to know who speaks.
"Everything. How did you find me?"
"I woke up when you snuck out. When you didn't come back I got up and found your letter."
"Then he got me up, and we came to find you."
I smile again, softer this time.
"To stop me, I suppose."
There is silence for a moment. There is no need to say anything further, at least for now. Harry lets out a startled cry.
"Well, this is a nice little gathering, isn't it?"
"What are *you* doing here?" Hermione asks.
"*I* was woken up by *his* stupid owl with a note for me. I came to make sure he didn't chicken out."
"How thoughtful of you," I say affectionately.
There is another pause. Finally I turn to them. The are standing in a close group, looking uncertainly at me. I smile, night flashing in my eyes, night growing in my heart.
"Come here," I say quietly.
They do, forming a semi-circle around me. I continue to smile, and the expression grows to reassure them. They seem to have temporarily forgotten that they are standing next to each other. It is strange the way they stare at me, as if seeing me for the first time. Perhaps they are. the night pulls them closer to me, and I know what I need to do.
I lean to my right, taking Harry in my arms. I kiss him chastely. I feel a spark of magic pass between us, making my lips tingle. He tastes like spices and wildness.
I pull away. He looks puzzled but pleased and oddly awed.
I lean forward, wrapping my arms around Hermione's waist. I kiss her more passionately. Again there is a spark of magic, stronger this time, sending shivers down my spine. She is all sweetness and light.
I release her a moment later than I had with Harry. She, too, looks awed and vaguely surprised.
I lean to my left and pull Draco to me. This kiss is fierce. The shock of the magic is almost painful, but I keep the contact. His taste is of both fire and ice.
He is even more awestruck than the other two when finally we brake apart, this kiss being the longest. He runs shaking fingers over his lips as if trying to acertain what happened. Even I am not sure.
Suddenly I am tired. What I have given them had taken away from me. The night enters me, taking the place of whatever it is I have passed to these three. She weeps inside of me. I smile to soothe her. She clasps me in a tight embrace, and I allow myself to fall into her.
The last thing I see is the burning clear purity of the stars.