A/N: If you've read Return To Haven, Chaper 4 has been changed sligthly. I have to put it on Hiatus for an indefinite amount of time, so don't expect it to pop up again anytime soon.
Disclaimer: Eion Colfer is Famous. I am not. He gets the credit for Arty and Crew while I get the credit for this plot and the many OCs that you'll find after this chapter.
Public School?!
"Artemis, dinner is served in 15 minutes."
"Thank you, Juliet. I'll come down in ten." Artemis turned back to his computer. In the five days since he'd returned from Hybras, he had either been catching up with his family and Minerva or briefing himself on what had happened during his absence. Three Years! Since he had changed his birth certificate to reflect his age when he'd left, Artemis's "education" would soon be arranged for the upcoming school year. It was beyond him why his parents, especially his mother, thought he was lacking in knowledge. Perhaps, but certainly not at a high school level. The only major breakthroughs were in nano-technology, which Artemis had already gone over. Glancing at the clock, Artemis realized he'd just spent 8 minutes brooding. He stood up and readjusted his Armani suit. Then he walked down to the dining room.
"Arty, dear, what have you been doing?" Angeline Fowl had become even more happy and maternal with the birth of Myles and Beckett. Artemis picked Myles up and gave his mother a peck on the cheek. He, however, didn't mean it. Artemis merely filled the role expected of him.
"Updating myself on global events. It astonishes me that Spiro was released. They caught him in the very act of a break in."
Artemis Fowl Sr. joined the conversation. "Spiro had parole for good behavior. The fact he puts on an extremely amiable front must help, too. Which brings us to our main discussion this evening." Artemis Sr. looked at his wife.
Angeline squirmed. "Arty, we realize that during Timmy's absence I was far from being the ideal mother. While your intelligence is obviously unhurt, you're extremely solitary."
"Mother, I enjoy being solitary. There is nothing to apologize about."
Angeline gave a sad smile. "That's what worries us. Any teenager, boy or girl, jock or nerd, has friends. Adolescents are very social. Yet your only friend is Minerva. While she is a nice and intelligent girl, she has many friends who are bound to occupy her time."
"I have friends," Artemis looked insulted, "Butler, Juliet, Giovanni Zito, and several other scientists."
"None of which, not even Juliet, are your age." Artemis Sr. observed. "We don't want you to be an antisocial adult. Schools are excellent places to make friends. Obviously, St. Bartleby's is out of the picture."
"So you want me to go to one of the local schools." Artemis stated.
Angeline shook her head. "As far as Dublin's concerned, you're still missing. We're going to use your cryogenic experiments as the official reason for your disappearance. But we have to wait until after the Cryogenic Conference in April."
"You're going to attend public school in America." Artemis Sr. explained.
Artemis was shocked. He knew St. Bartleby's was an impossibility, but he hadn't realized all of Ireland was, too. And a public American school was just insulting. "Do you already have a school picked out?"
"Jefferson High School," Angeline said happily. "Along with their local students, the top 1 in the district goes there for the IB and AP programs. It's in Portland, Oregon. You're leaving in two weeks."
Sighing, Artemis resigned himself to a school undoubtedly filled with idiots. "Where will I live?"
"One of the student's family hosts international students. Despite the short notice, they're more than happy to have you. The eldest daughter, Julie, has agreed to introduce you to her friends and show you around the school. She told us that all you'll need is a small pack to tide you over until she can get a male friend to go shopping with you." Artemis Sr. informed him. "And they recommend you bring a laptop. Apparently the family computer is disputed territory.
"Hey Artemis, what's up?" Holly asked.
"Above me is a ceiling and above you is a few thousand tons of dead dinos." Artemis responded. The talk with his parents had put him in a bad mood.
"Wow, I didn't already know that." Holly replied sarcastically. "But seriously, you're in a foul mood. What happened?"
"My parents are planning to ship me off to an American public school!" Artemis shouted.
In Haven, Holly winced. "Not so loud. You practically blew out my eardrums. But still, public schools harsh. Any reason why?"
"For some reason they think I need to make more friends."
Holly laughed. "If that's the case, I support them!"
"You don't have to laugh," Artemis muttered sullenly.
"I'm sorry." She apologized. "But I agree with your parents. You really do need to make friends. Where is it? I'll stop in now and then to help you out."
"Jefferson High School in Portland, Oregon." Artemis replied.
"Hmm. I've never been there, but I think Trouble has. Whatever. I promise to drop in. I better get off. Foaly looks like he's going to murder me for stealing his carrots." Holly hung up.
"Was that Holly?" Juliet stood in the doorway.
"Yes. What are you doing here?" Artemis snapped.
"Woah, easy there. I just came up to see how you were taking the news. If it's any help, Julie's a cool girl. I actually know her neighbor Jennifer from a fencing tournament. Jenny used to be a lot like you."
"Used to?" Artemis asked.
Juliet smiled. "She used to be America's greatest introvert. Then she joined a band. She's been social ever since. Just don't cross her. Neither Butler or I are going to deal with her if she hurts you. Emotionally or physically."
Artemis scoffed. "And how could she hurt me emotionally? It's highly unlikely I would develop a crush on her."
Juliet laughed. "You wouldn't." She assured him. "But she, and her friends, have extremely sharp tongues and absolutely no qualms about bashing someone into the ground, if they're provoked. She might be a better choice for showing you the school. She has a wider range of friends and knows more than just the school gossip."
"So she's a miniature you?" Artemis tried to picture this Jennifer.
"Not really. Only when she's provoked. But she's fairly calm."
"And you know this how? You only met her at a fencing tournament."
Juliet sighed. "We kept in contact. She tells me what happens at her school and I tell her what happened wrestling."
"Will I meet her?" Artemis asked. When is this conversation going to be over?
Juliet smiled. "You'll probably have classes with her. For some insane reason she's doing both IB and AP classes. It's amazing she gets all that work done. I better let you go. Butler's planning on using these weeks to teach you self-defense."
Artemis groaned. "Oh joy."
"See, you already know an American expression."
And cut. What do you think? I actually don't know if 'Oh Joy' is a common expression. I just use it a ton in that kind of situation. As of the next chapter I want you to tell me if
1) You want romance
2) Who should be paired with whom. Though you might want to wait a bit. There is one couple I will under no circumstances change. You're going to see a lot of High School Politics and you will at least hear of some romance between OCs.