Of Men, Madness and Mousetraps
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, J.K. Rowling does apart from Cas, the raving lunatic down the road, and the mousetraps, which belong to Cas.
Dan Quirrell (A/N why the…heck shouldn't he be called Dan, tell me that!) was not happy. He rushed down the corridor, swearing to himself
*Dirty thoughts!*
He rounded the corner and burst into the Gryffindor common room (A/N Yes, he's in Gryffindor, any other stupid questions?) where another fifth – year was transfiguring his quill into a mangy old sock. (A/N…DON'T ASK!…)
"I can't believe you, James, you're a prefect and you're playing around transfiguring a dirty old SOCK when you should be doing you're potions essay!" Lily Evans was shouting across the room.
"Aw, c'mon, Lil, it's Saturday, for Pete's sake! Get in touch with your wild side!" James protested.
"I wish you wouldn't say things like that, James, you're gonna drive me crazy!" the voice of Remus Lupin the werewolf, came from somewhere around the bed.
"And you aren't already, Huh?"
"No, you are. Who in their right mind would transfigure their quill into a sock?"
"Who in their right mind would hide under a bed?"
"Point taken!"
Dan's anger was forgotten in his astonishment.
"J-j-james?" He stuttered. (A/N I know he fakes his stutter, but this is my mental universe *Muahahahahaaaa!* Oooookay, what was that? Moving swiftly on…!) "Where are Sirius and P-p-p-peter? And why's R-r-r-remus under the b- bed? And why's L-l-lily in here?"
"Sirius and Peter are in a food – hunt, Lily's in here on my invitation, and Remus…" He gave the space under the bed an odd look (A/N who wouldn't?) "Remus is hiding from the mousetraps, or something strange."
"Don't tell me you don't know what damage TAMEO has been causing recently!" Said the voice under the bed.
"T-t-tameo?" Wandered Quirrell.
"The Anti – Mousetrap Enslavery Organisation." Explained Lily, the only one taking Remus seriously.
"Mousetraps have decided to stop trapping mice, for some reason, something about only getting fed rotten cheese, but if they don't kill you or brainwash you on first sight, the try to mate with your cat/dog/bed/leg/teacher/potions book/etc. I know, because one of them tried to mate with Rala (A/N Rala is Remus' cat) so I stood on it, and now they want revenge." Remus told them. Just then, Sirius and Peter burst through the door, carrying and sackful of cakes each.
"Grub's up!"
Remus crawled out from under the bed.
"No meat?" he asked Sirius.
"No meat."
"Aw, crap!" And he crawled back under the bed.
"C'mon, Remus, they're only cauldron cakes!"
"My point exactly. Wolfie isn't satisfied with the 'no meat, what is this crap, you pansy' business. I'd end up eating one of you. Besides, it's his week next week."
Dan felt the anger rising in him again.
"D-d-dammit! P-professor S-s-serrint told me t-to do TWO rolls of p- parchment instead of one b-b-b-because of my s-stutter!"
"He's unfair!" whined Peter (A/N Don't whine, you scrawny backstabber!) "The only reason he makes fun of your stutter is because you're not good at potions and you're not in Slytherin." (A/N Yuck, who'd want to be?)
"That no good, slimy, greasy, low down, half – mental PILLOCK!" yelled Sirius.
"W-w-well, I'd better g-get started!"
Dan went into the other room to get his books.
"Arrrrgh! Nooooooooo! Damn M-mousetrap! G-get off my P-potions book! Aw, S***!!!!!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, J.K. Rowling does apart from Cas, the raving lunatic down the road, and the mousetraps, which belong to Cas.
Dan Quirrell (A/N why the…heck shouldn't he be called Dan, tell me that!) was not happy. He rushed down the corridor, swearing to himself
*Dirty thoughts!*
He rounded the corner and burst into the Gryffindor common room (A/N Yes, he's in Gryffindor, any other stupid questions?) where another fifth – year was transfiguring his quill into a mangy old sock. (A/N…DON'T ASK!…)
"I can't believe you, James, you're a prefect and you're playing around transfiguring a dirty old SOCK when you should be doing you're potions essay!" Lily Evans was shouting across the room.
"Aw, c'mon, Lil, it's Saturday, for Pete's sake! Get in touch with your wild side!" James protested.
"I wish you wouldn't say things like that, James, you're gonna drive me crazy!" the voice of Remus Lupin the werewolf, came from somewhere around the bed.
"And you aren't already, Huh?"
"No, you are. Who in their right mind would transfigure their quill into a sock?"
"Who in their right mind would hide under a bed?"
"Point taken!"
Dan's anger was forgotten in his astonishment.
"J-j-james?" He stuttered. (A/N I know he fakes his stutter, but this is my mental universe *Muahahahahaaaa!* Oooookay, what was that? Moving swiftly on…!) "Where are Sirius and P-p-p-peter? And why's R-r-r-remus under the b- bed? And why's L-l-lily in here?"
"Sirius and Peter are in a food – hunt, Lily's in here on my invitation, and Remus…" He gave the space under the bed an odd look (A/N who wouldn't?) "Remus is hiding from the mousetraps, or something strange."
"Don't tell me you don't know what damage TAMEO has been causing recently!" Said the voice under the bed.
"T-t-tameo?" Wandered Quirrell.
"The Anti – Mousetrap Enslavery Organisation." Explained Lily, the only one taking Remus seriously.
"Mousetraps have decided to stop trapping mice, for some reason, something about only getting fed rotten cheese, but if they don't kill you or brainwash you on first sight, the try to mate with your cat/dog/bed/leg/teacher/potions book/etc. I know, because one of them tried to mate with Rala (A/N Rala is Remus' cat) so I stood on it, and now they want revenge." Remus told them. Just then, Sirius and Peter burst through the door, carrying and sackful of cakes each.
"Grub's up!"
Remus crawled out from under the bed.
"No meat?" he asked Sirius.
"No meat."
"Aw, crap!" And he crawled back under the bed.
"C'mon, Remus, they're only cauldron cakes!"
"My point exactly. Wolfie isn't satisfied with the 'no meat, what is this crap, you pansy' business. I'd end up eating one of you. Besides, it's his week next week."
Dan felt the anger rising in him again.
"D-d-dammit! P-professor S-s-serrint told me t-to do TWO rolls of p- parchment instead of one b-b-b-because of my s-stutter!"
"He's unfair!" whined Peter (A/N Don't whine, you scrawny backstabber!) "The only reason he makes fun of your stutter is because you're not good at potions and you're not in Slytherin." (A/N Yuck, who'd want to be?)
"That no good, slimy, greasy, low down, half – mental PILLOCK!" yelled Sirius.
"W-w-well, I'd better g-get started!"
Dan went into the other room to get his books.
"Arrrrgh! Nooooooooo! Damn M-mousetrap! G-get off my P-potions book! Aw, S***!!!!!!!