Vala finishes her talk with Tomin, after he has been made the new Commander of the once powerful Ori Army. The truth had finally been revealed about Origin and it's teachings of salvation thru peace, rather than violence. She walks the corridors of SGC and remains oblivious of the people walking by. She returns to her room, knowing there are those that are celebrating the defeat of the Ori.
Vala walks into her room, locking the door and heading for the shower. She takes off her clothes, shedding the dirt and stench of the cell she was in several hours ago. Her sweat from being tortured by the Prior still felt uncomfortable on her skin and she wanted to wash away any memory of what the Prior dug into her memory about Quetesh and her vile ministrations.
The water was hot and soothing and she welcomed its comforting spray of washing away the grime and dirt from the planet. But what she really wanted to do was wash away the memory of seeing Adria die again. She stood under the shower as if in a trance wondering, trying not to think of what had transpired on Celestia. The memory was too fresh for her to deal with and all she wanted was to come clean. Clean of Adria's presence.
She donned her robe, not even stopping to dry off. It smelled new and yet she had worn it several times and welcomed the comfort of warm clean cotton against her skin. She slowly walked into her room and knelt by her bedside and finally sitting down in Indian style position. She sat there starring at her bed, afraid to acknowledge what lay underneath it. She starred for a long time before she could allow herself to pull out what was hidden underneath her bed. Hidden from the world and to her friends.
Slowly, and carefully she pulled the chest from under the dark place and pulled it into the light. She gathered the chest into her lap and caressed the outside and its carvings carefully as if cradling a child or precious gem. The memories it invoked allowed her to sit silently for awhile and hold onto its memories, only known to her.
She finally opened the chest and slowly looked over its contents. Inside there were small trinkets of bracelets, rings, tiny bits of metal, one particular glowing part and a few pictures of her friends at SG1. One particular one she picked up with Daniel and the rest, standing beside Jack holding fishing poles with no fish attached to any of them, but all were smiling, mugging the camera. It was a fond memory, but replaced quickly by sadness at the other contents of the box.
She placed the objects on the floor, one by one, carefully laying each one out as if remembering a time clock of each item. One particular item she left in the box, staring at its beautiful gold chain with 3 particular stones that matched, dangling from its loop. She starred at it long and hard, and at first she grew angry of what it represented, and then sadness of what was lost of the wearer.
Tears began streaming down her cheeks at why she had it in her possession. No one knew that she had taken it. No one cared that it was missing. It was hers by right, but that was not important. She cried silent tears for the one that no one but her would cry for. The child that was lost, the child that no one wanted but her.
Where have you gone Adria? Are you truly dead this time? Have you ascended to an evil place or have you been given a chance for redemption?
Vala slowly took hold of the necklace that once symbolized the power and protection of the Ori and the wearer that it hung from. She looked at the necklace as if something may happen. If something may spur her away to find out what happened to her child. The woman that had tortured her friends, deceived thousands of people and murdered in the name of the Ori.
Why Adria? Why did they choose me to have you and then lose you the same day? Why doesn't anyone tell me what happened to you? Why don't they mourn for you like I have? Even at the end you still called me mother and no one knew. I could see in your eyes you still wanted me to be by your side, but I couldn't. You were always so sure of yourself, so confident, so beautiful. I wanted to see the beauty in you, that part of me that could be changed, but they still took you from me.
Vala dangled the necklace in her hand, wanting to hold it to remember; to remember her daughter. No matter how much she tried to deny it, how Daniel had told her that it was not her fault that Adria was born evil. They could try to convince her otherwise, but Vala knew the truth. Adria was her child born of her body and nothing could change that, ever.
You're gone and no one grieves but me, me alone. How could I let them take you away without saying goodbye? I tried so hard to say goodbye to you before in the infirmary before you ascended, but it was too late. The pain I saw on your face when you saw me in your room standing and waiting for the Tokra to end your life. I could not bare that you would be alone to die without your mother. You looked so innocent, lying there, dying. I knew you would be angry, I knew your hate for me was real, raw and yet you didn't kill me, even when you had the chance. I was still your mother and you felt betrayed. I wish they could have saved you and I wish that I could have talked to you.
Vala held the necklace close to her heart, her heart ached for the lost child she wanted to hold, feed, and love. She felt cheated now that Adria was gone, that she had a second chance maybe, even if she knew true in her heart, that Adria truly was taken by the Ancients, that she was being punished somewhere, never to know how or for how long. Vala cried more tears, and her heart felt the pain of losing a child, her child. She felt she was betraying her friends trust by hiding the necklace in her possession. But it was hers and no one could say otherwise. The last part of Adria that she could hold onto without being judged.
I miss you Adria. I miss you my daughter. How do I say I love you when you never let me try? How could I be the mother I had hoped to be? The friend that you could hope to talk to. The parent you never had. All that is gone now, all that was you is whisked away and no one cares; no one but me. They cheer that you are dead, they don't even mention your name unless to curse you for bringing pain and suffering to their lives. You were my child by birth, by blood, by pain or suffering, you were my child. Now you're lost to me forever, once again.
Vala heard a knock at the door but ignored its soft pounding.
"Vala?...Vala, it's me Sam. Are you alright?"
Vala wanted to answer, but couldn't. She knew that Sam would understand, would have sympathy for her loss. But it was too painful for her to speak to anyone right now. She wanted to grieve.
Finally the knock stopped and Sam walked away, silently realizing that Vala possibly wanted to be left alone. She informed Daniel and her friends that it was best that they leave Vala alone until she decides to come out. They were all worried about her. She had not come to the celebration in the mess hall, but they understood and would leave her to her silence.
Vala went back to remembering the shear shock on Adria's face when the Ancient showed up to confront her after the Ark had revealed the true power of Origin.
Adria: You will all die in the fires of eternal damnation.
Ancient: Not if I have anything to do with it.
Adria: You're no match for me.
Ancient: I am now.
I watched as you became frightfully aware of who you were dealing with. I saw you physically shake with fear and tremble. I have never seen you do this and it frightened me of what was going to happen. Before I knew it, you both entwined with such powerful force, I knew then that this was the end for you. Then a bright light enveloped you and you were gone. Then nothing and then I closed off. No one spoke of what happened and I pretended not to care. I did, I did care and I couldn't even cry or defend you. You were the enemy and I spawned you to be used as I was used so long ago. Like mother like daughter I guess.
Vala still crying, took the necklace and put it around her neck and held it in her hands, holding onto the memory of her child. Never given a chance, chosen before she was born to live and die for the Ori, not for her.
If you can hear me Adria, know this. I love you Adria. I love you for what it's worth, I love you as my child, no one else, but my child. My lost child.
Vala carefully put back the contents displayed on the floor, back into her precious chest and slid it back under its secret hiding place. She sat up and continued to hold onto the necklace around her neck as if a lifeline to what was terribly missing from her life. She undid the covers from her bed and slid in silently to the cool sheets that waited for her. She turned to the wall and held tight to her daughter's necklace and with the last memory of Adria's face, sobbed for her loss. She cried those tears that only a mother could cry. She cried for her lost child.
Goodbye Adria; goodbye my daughter. I love you now and forever; I always will.
AN: I was inspired by watching the Ark of Truth once again, and by a recent story by A. Loquita called Rumors and Truths.