AN: So it has been a terribly long time and it was never my intention to leave a cliffhanger for so long on the previous story. I just found myself with severe writer's block and then when I did have ideas I was too busy to be able to put them on paper. I'm in a new career, and now have a family so life is busy. I do have a few chapters written, but definitely nowhere near the end. It's going to take a while for this family to figure things out. Hopefully you all will stick around for the ride!
WARNING: THIS STORY IS A CONTINUATION OF 'UNEXPECTED'. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THAT ONE THEN I SUGGEST DOING SO BEFORE DIVING INTO THIS ONE. THESE STORIES ARE IN A SERIES OF STORIES ABOUT THE BAU FAMILY, SPECIFICALLY EMILY AND JJ AND THEIR CHILDREN. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN READING FROM THE BEGINNING THE ORDER OF THE STORIES IS AS FOLLOWS: ANOTHER SIDE OF EMILY, CHANGES, AND UNEXPECTED.
Recovering
Chapter 1
It had been about two months since the Prentiss-Jaraeu family had escaped from the clutches of a Doyle, yet again, within an inch of their lives. The repercussions were being felt throughout the team and it didn't seem like there was any end in sight. Morgan, Reid, JJ, and Emily were all still on medical leave so the remaining team members were forced to work with new agents, some of who were clearly out to earn a permanent spot on the number one BAU team. JJ had moved herself and the kids back to their home while Emily remained at Rossi's mansion. The blonde didn't want to leave her wife there but she knew the kids needed to get back into a routine at their own home, especially with school back in session. The brunette agent was just beginning to navigate stairs which was another reason Emily had chosen to stay at Rossi's. She had a suite to herself on the bottom floor and it didn't require any extra strength to get to and from the locations she needed within the home. However the biggest reason she chose to stay was because she didn't want to be near her wife and children. She blamed herself completely for what had happened with Ian Doyle's brother. She knew it was her fault that her wife was nearly raped and killed, that it was her fault her sixteen year old son may never play lacrosse again because he took a bullet that was meant for her. She blamed herself for the mental and physical state of her two youngest sons as well. The only child who hadn't suffered at the hands of Patrick Doyle was Penny, the innocent blonde toddler that looked so much like JJ it made Emily's heart clench just thinking about her.
Rossi had attempted several times over to have a heartfelt conversation with Emily but she conveniently always found a way to escape the conversations. She was well adept at avoiding deep discussions and emotions which stemmed from her growing up as the daughter of an ambassador. Over the years she had let her mask slowly come off, revealing little by little to different members of her BAU team and they in turn revealed more of themselves to her. But now, after everything that had happened in recent month, she found her mask falling easily back in place, pulling out all of her old game plans at how to avoid her team members and her own family.
The older man, who treated Emily like a daughter and thought of her as one, watched with a heavy heart as she slowly and methodically closed herself off to everyone little by little. It began with keeping Henry at arms length and then slowly bled off to the other two boys and then finally to Penny. Once the brunette agent had cut her children out she slowly began shutting out JJ and then it moved on to other members of the team. Rossi watched the effect it had on everyone, starting with the kids. Declan shut his own emotions off, refusing to talk to anyone about how he was feeling. Ethan became angrier, his emotions taking flight in yelling and then refusing to talk to anyone about why he was upset. Declan and Ethan continued their own feud between each other, constantly fighting and telling one another that they hated each other. JJ and Rossi found themselves playing referee between the two boys for the majority of the time whenever they were in the same room. Henry only watched on with tears in his eyes every time his brothers fought. He thought they were mad at him too because they avoided him and barely talked to him anymore.
Morgan was the one who took the brunt of Emily's anger when he tried to reason with her about locking herself away from the rest of the family. After JJ had moved the boys back to their house he stopped by the mansion to try to convince her to talk to someone about how she was feeling and about what had happened. Morgan stared down at his best friend. Emily's physical wounds for the most part had healed. She had a fresh scar above her right eye, as well as a still healing wound across her right cheekbone. The gash on her chin was almost healed, leaving a heavy scar, as well as another scar below her left eye. Luckily the bite wounds on the right side of her neck were completely healed, just a few faint lines remained at this point, and the knife cut on the other side of her neck had healed nicely too. With the shirt that the brunette was wearing he could see the rough scarring and slight divot from the piece of flesh missing from the gunshot wound to the top of her right shoulder. Her left hand and wrist were still in a brace, her two broken fingers still splintered with the brace. The good thing was she had regained feeling in that hand and was able to move her fingers and palm, slowly. She was still required to wear the brace for now and only allowed to take it off during physical therapy sessions. He hadn't seen the stab wound in her leg recently but had been told by Rossi that it was healing nicely. He sighed slightly as he braced himself for Emily's reaction.
"You don't know me Derek Morgan so don't come in here and try to tell me what I should be doing or how I should be feeling. You don't have that right."
"Well someone's got to. You won't listen to anyone. We're tired of watching you throw your life away and hurt everyone in the process."
"I'm not throwing my life away. I'm doing what's best for everyone."
"Staying away from everyone you love, and who loves you, isn't doing you or any of the rest of us any good. Get your head out of your ass and act like the Emily Prentiss I know and love. The one who puts everyone she loves before herself."
"Don't go there Morgan" she told him in a warning tone.
"Why? Because you don't want to hear the truth?" He asked, his voice rose slightly as he stepped closer to the bed she was sitting up on, "Tough shit. You can take it. You don't have to like it, but it's the truth. Are you even concerned that your sons think you hate them? That Declan and Ethan think everything that happened is their fault? That it would have been better if they had never been born? Or what about Henry? That little boys heart is breaking because his two big brothers who he's admired since he met them are fighting constantly. Your anger and avoidance is rubbing off on everyone around you and you can't see it because you lock yourself in this bedroom every day, but what's worse is you've locked your heart away from everyone else also. I know you did that in your past. I know it's how you coped with things, but this is different. You have a family who loves you; Friends who love you and treat you like family. You have four kids who need their mom and you have a wife who is trying to be strong for everyone and pretend like everything is just dandy when we can all see she is breaking every step of the way. So get off your regretful ass and make things right."
Emily's face was red with anger by the time the dark skinned agent had finished his rant. He could see how angry she was but he could also see the tears she was fighting so hard to keep from falling.
"Just let us help you Em, please." He begged as a stray tear rolled down his cheek.
"GET OUT" the brunette woman shouted as she leaned forward staring daggers at her friend.
"Emily" Morgan tried as he held his hands up in surrender.
"I SAID GET OUT. I DON'T NEED YOU OR ANYONE ELSE TELLING ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE. AS SOON AS I'M BETTER I'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP."
Before he could say anything else she picked up the book on her nightstand and threw it with as much strength as she could, with her uninjured right arm, at the dark skinned agent. Morgan ducked just in time as the book connected with the wall behind him. He turned to look at the wall before turning back to the broken woman in front of him.
"We aren't giving up on you Emily Prentiss. I know that's what you're hoping will happen, but there's not a chance in hell. You can be the meanest bitch you want but we will all still be here. I just hope you figure that out before your sons completely shut everyone out of their lives."
With that Morgan turned and left the room, shutting the bedroom door behind him. Emily waited until she heard his footsteps retreating before she let the tears stream down her face. She knew she was doing the right thing for everyone. She was the reason her team, her family, her kids got hurt. If she was no longer in the picture she believed they could move on and have a chance of living a normal life. She was just waiting for the all clear from her doctors before she made her move.
Later that day Morgan stopped by the Prentiss-Jareau household to check on JJ and the kids. When he entered the usually lively and energetic household he shook his head sadly when he encountered silence.
"JJ" he called as he walked through the living room.
"Kitchen" she answered back as she continued to put a snack together for Penny.
The dark skinned man walked into the kitchen and found Penny at her highchair, smiling brightly as she saw her godfather walking towards her.
"Deek" she shouted with her arms outstretched to him
The dark agent smiled widely as he picked her up out of her chair.
"There's my beautiful princess" he told her as he placed kisses all over her face causing her to giggle.
JJ turned with a plate of crackers and cut up grapes for toddler, smiling as she saw the scene between the two.
"Here ya go munchkin" JJ said as she showed her daughter the plate with snacks on it.
The blonde mini immediately kicked her legs and pointed at the highchair, "Chair, hurry Deek, snack!"
"Alright blondie, calm down, I'll get you there." He laughed at the child as he eased her back into her high chair.
JJ sat the plate and sippy cup in front of the child and rolled her eyes as her daughter began to inhale the plate.
"You eat like your mother, Penny, and that is not a compliment"
Morgan laughed as he agreed with the blonde standing next to him.
The dark skinned man stepped up to JJ and wrapped his arm around her, a move that still pulled on his muscles, but was nearly 90% better than it was just a month ago. He was almost cleared for active duty and he couldn't wait to be back out in the field. He had just found out earlier that day that he had finally been cleared for desk duty starting the next week.
His blonde friend had been watched closely by their family, making sure she didn't have any ill effects, mainly seizures from her head trauma. Luckily the only one they had witnessed was at the hospital right before she was discharged. The doctors adjusted her medications and she had fared well since then, but that didn't mean they all didn't still worry. Her physical wounds had also healed. Her broken and fractured ribs had mended, as had the gunshot wound to her left side. The only new physical sign that anything had happened was the fresh scar on her right cheekbone, almost eerily similar to Emily's.
"How are you doing?" he asked sincerely as he kept his arm around her shoulders.
JJ shrugged slightly. She was back on desk duty at work, but had not been cleared by the psychological evaluation yet, mainly because she kept rescheduling appointments. She would rather spend her time doing paperwork and taking care of her kids, than sitting in a room and telling some stranger about her feelings.
"I saw Emily this morning before my physical therapy session" he told her
The blonde looked up at him with a sideways glance and a raised eyebrow, "Oh ya? And how did that turn out for you?"
"She is pissed at me" He said with a shrug, "But I pissed her off enough that she threw a book at me, would've hit me too if I hadn't ducked."
JJ looked at Morgan again and could see the smile on his face. She knew he was happy he had gotten a reaction out of her; it was more than the rest of them could get. She barely interacted with any of them anymore.
"Morgan I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to do to help her. I know she blames herself for what happened and I understand that, but it's not her fault. No matter how many times I try to convey that to her, she won't listen, or accept it."
"I know, Jayje, but we can't stop trying, I know that's what she wants us to do. She wants us to give up on her so it won't be as hard, but we can't do that. You know that, right?"
The blonde nodded as she stepped away from the dark skinned man and rubbed her hands through her hair.
"I know that, I do, but I can't keep doing this. Those boys upstairs won't even talk to each other. Henry tries but the only one who will acknowledge him is Declan. Well, Ethan acknowledges Henry by pushing him out of the way whenever he thinks he's in his space. This morning I had to break up the three of them fighting. Do you know how difficult that was for me, both mentally and physically? Declan has regained almost all of his strength back in his arm and shoulder, he knocked me over when I tried to pull him off of Ethan."
Morgan's heart broke for his friend and her family.
"What happened?"
JJ shrugged her shoulders, "I'm still not sure, all Henry would tell me is that Ethan shoved him and he fell into a wall. Declan apparently saw it happen and retaliated for H, by pushing E to the ground. Then when Declan turned to walk away Ethan tripped him. That's when the yelling and crying started. Derek it scared me so much, I thought someone was dying. I ran so fast up the stairs and when I came around the corner Declan was on top of Ethan pinning him to the floor and Ethan was punching him. Henry was slumped against the wall crying. I just…I don't know what to do anymore."
Morgan pulled his friend into another hug and felt the tears soak into his shirt. After a few minutes JJ pulled away and wiped the remaining tears away.
"Sorry" she apologized
"Hey, don't you ever apologize for something like that. I'm sorry things are happening the way they are. I'm going to go upstairs and try talking to Dec. He's been pretty good about talking to me when we've gone to PT & the gym together."
The blonde nodded before Morgan turned to head upstairs. He kissed Penny on top of the head as he passed by her, to which she merely stayed focused on finishing the last grape on her plate.
Morgan made it up the stairs and passed Henry and Ethan's room, noticing that only the little blonde was in there.
"Hey big man, where's Ethan?" the dark skinned man questioned.
Henry shrugged, "Probly moms room"
Morgan turned back around and looked towards the other end of the hall where the master bedroom was. He detoured back that direction and when he got to the doorway he saw the little brunette stretched across Emily's side of the bed, one of her t-shirts wrapped up in his hand and held just under his chin. He sighed sadly before turning back around and heading to his original destination at the other end of the hall. When he arrived outside the last door he took a deep breath before knocking.
"Go away I'm not hungry"
"It's me Dec, can I come in?"
"Whatever. It's not like there are locks on any of our bedroom doors, except moms."
Derek opened the bedroom door and saw Declan lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling.
"How's it going D? I know I haven't seen you this week since you were discharged from PT."
"Well I'm still alive, so unfortunately, it's still going." The teenager stated with no emotion.
"Declan I know you think that you are somehow to blame for all of this but-"
"I don't want to talk about it, okay. You and JJ and Rossi, all of you keep trying to tell me that, but it doesn't matter what you say, because it's what I feel, okay? And despite what you all think, they are MY feelings and I have every right to feel them. I don't need anyone telling me what I should and shouldn't feel. So just back off. No one ever listens to me, everyone is always just telling me what they think and how they think I should feel, but guess what? It doesn't work that way."
The dark agent was taken slightly aback by the teen's forceful statement; it reminded him a lot of Emily. Declan had always been more shy than Ethan and more reserved. He hardly ever talked back or caused problems. So this was a new development.
"I'm not trying to tell you how you should feel D."
"Sounds like you are."
Declan sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and looking down at the ground. Then he looked back up and over at Morgan. The dark skinned agent felt a hitch in his breath as he saw ice cold blue eyes staring back at him with no emotion.
"I bet you didn't even come over here to check on me. JJ probably called you and told you that I attacked Ethan so you came over to try to talk to me about it."
"That's not why I came over here, but she did tell me about the fight."
The teen rolled his eyes, "Ethan is a jackass, he shoved Henry into a wall so I shoved him back."
"Your mom said you were on top of him when she came up the stairs."
"Ya because he tripped me when I was walking away. I had my hands around his throat before she made it all the way up the stairs. If she would have seen that then she really would have freaked."
The teen saw Derek's eyes widen at that confession and the blonde smirked.
"Don't worry I wasn't going to strangle him, I just wanted to scare him. He always thinks he has to be the center of attention and that he can get away with pushing Henry around. I was just showing him how it feels when someone bigger picks on you."
There was silence in the bedroom for a moment before Morgan finally spoke up.
"Declan, I understand that you guys went through a lot, but Ethan is your brother and I-"
"WELL I WISH HE WASN'T. IF IT WEREN'T FOR HIM THEN THIS WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN HAPPENED."
Neither one of them saw the brunette boy standing in the doorway, but when they saw movement both of their eyes widened slightly.
"FUCK YOU DECLAN. I HATE YOU" Ethan shouted with tears in his eyes before turning and running out of the bedroom.
"ETHAN TYLER" JJ shouted from downstairs.
Morgan heard the front door slam shut before he heard footsteps fast approaching the doorway. A very angry blonde entered the room and looked from Declan to Derek.
"What the hell just happened?" She questioned, fire in her eyes.
"I told Ethan I hated him and wish he had never been born" the blonde said in a nonchalant voice.
"Well wasn't that just incredibly kind and noble of you." JJ stated angrily before turning and walking away.
Derek shook his head at the entire situation before looking back at Declan again. This time he could see the emotions on the sixteen year olds face. He saw the regret and the hurt flash across his features before he turned and saw he was being watched.
"I didn't push JJ on purpose earlier either. She grabbed me and I thought she was someone else." He said quietly.
Morgan leaned forward at that confession and looked at the teen closely, "Declan, when you were on top of Ethan this morning, did you think you were somewhere else? That he was someone else?"
"It doesn't matter" the teen shrugged as he stood up from his bed.
Morgan stood also and came face to face with the blonde, "It does matter Dec, you could be suffering from PTSD, I wouldn't be surprised if all of you were. And if that's the case it's treatable, and you need to talk to someone about it. You aren't the only one who has ever dealt with that."
"What difference does it make? Emily and JJ still hate me" he said before clamping his mouth shut tightly.
Morgan sighed as he saw the boy struggle to contain his emotions. He stepped closer and gently placed his hands on the teen's shoulders.
"Declan, Emily and JJ don't hate you. They could never hate you. You are their son and they love you. They just want you to be okay and they will both do whatever it takes to help make that happen."
Declan shook his head, "Emily won't. She doesn't care about us anymore. I don't even remember the last time she had a conversation with me. She hates me."
Morgan gripped the blonde teen's shoulders tighter, "Listen to me Declan. Emily loves you. Her actions right now are a reflection of herself. She's hurting just like the rest of you are. She blames herself too. She thinks it's her fault you all got hurt and almost died. She thinks all of you, all of us, would be better off without her. So right now, yeah she's being a bitch, but that's the only way she thinks she can get rid of us. It's not that she doesn't care, but she's afraid to care, she's afraid of what all of you will think about her."
"But it's not her fault" Declan whispered.
"Exactly" Morgan said as he pulled the teen against him, "It's none of your faults, but she blames herself for not being able to save you guys before you got hurt."
Declan slowly put his arms around Derek to hug him back slightly.
"I promise you kid, your mom loves you, both of them. It's just going to take us awhile to get that through to Emily, just like it seems like it's taking awhile to get through to you and your brothers."
Declan sighed before pushing away from the man he had come to see as a father figure over the years.
"I saw the look in JJ's eyes earlier when I shoved her off of me. She was scared of me. She probably regrets adopting me because now she sees how much I'm just like my dad."
Morgan shook his head at the teen as he held his hands out to him in surrender in order to try to keep calm.
"That's not true Dec, she doesn't think that. You are nothing like that man. You could never intentionally hurt someone that you love. Hell, son, you couldn't hurt someone on purpose, you don't have that kind of heart. It's one of the many reasons so many people love and care about you. You have such a big heart."
"You weren't here Morgan. You didn't see the look on her face."
"Declan she wasn't scared of you, I promise. She was scared for you. She's worried about you, just like she's worried about all of us, all of you. I swear to you. She would do anything for you."
The teen shook his head again, "Just get out. I don't want to talk to you or anyone else anymore. Just leave me alone."
"Declan-"
"I SAID GET OUT" the blonde teen shouted, tears forming in his eyes.
"Okay" the dark skinned man said as he held his hands up and turned towards the door.
Before he exited the bedroom he looked at the blonde teen one more time, "I'm here for you Declan whenever you need to talk, no matter what time, day or night."
Instead of replying Declan slammed the bedroom door in his face and Morgan sighed before taking a deep breath. When he turned to walk back down the hall he saw Henry standing there, tears streaming down his face.
"Hey little man" Derek said as he walked over to the little blonde and knelt down in front of him, "What's wrong?"
"Everyone hates each other. I don't hate them but I wished they'd stop fighting. I don't even hate Ethan even though he's super mean to me now."
"Oh buddy, come here" Morgan said as he wrapped his arms around the seven year old and stood up with the blonde in his arms.
Henry held on tightly and cried into the dark skinned agent's shoulder. Derek rubbed his back as he walked back and forth through the hallway a few times before entering Henry's and Ethan's room. Then he sat down in the desk chair, still cradling the young boy.
"I'm so sorry Henry. We are all trying our best to make things better."
"Mommy cries at night. I can hear her sometimes because I get up when I have a nightmare or can't sleep."
"Well your mommy is sad because she is trying so hard to take care of everyone but sometimes your mommy needs someone to take care of her too. And she's sad because she can't seem to help everyone."
Henry was quiet for a moment as he sniffled, before he looked up at Derek, "It's coz she misses mama. We all do, but she doesn't want to see us anymore."
"Henry that's not true. Your mama is just very sad and very hurt right now. She loves all of you so much, but she's scared that you don't like her anymore because of what happened."
"We could never not like mama. We love her. It's not her fault, it's the bad man's fault."
Morgan nodded, "That's very true buddy. But your mama thinks she should have done more to save you guys before you got hurt. So that's made her sad."
Henry sighed as he leaned into Morgan's chest, "Mama and mommy are like superheroes, but even superheroes can't save everybody. But it's okay because we still love them. I know they'll always protect me, no matter what."
"That's right, buddy, we all will. We all love you kids so much. You know that right? That I love you Henry."
The little blonde nodded against his chest, "I know Uncle D, I love you too"
"Your brothers are sad too because they think what happened is their fault and it's hard for them to understand how all of you and all of us can still like them."
Henry looked up at Derek, slight confusion on his face, "But it's not their fault either. The bad man didn't even know them, mama and mommy said that they were nothing like their father. And they were right, Ethie and Dec aren't like them, but they're like each other. They're both kind and funny and I think they're like mommy and mama too, coz they're brave."
Derek smiled at the seven year old's train of thought, and reasoning.
"How did you get to be so smart?"
Henry shrugged, "My moms"
This caused Derek to laugh as he hugged the little boy tight, "Well you are very smart Henry LaMontagne."
They were both quiet for a moment before Henry spoke up again, "Uncle D, do you think it will ever be the same again?"
"What do you mean?"
"Our family?"
"I hope so H, and I'm going to do everything I can to help make sure that happens."
"I miss mama" the little blonde confessed quietly.
Derek's heart broke again as he heard the whispered confession of the seven year old blonde. The kid had Emily wrapped around his finger from the moment she laid eyes on him.
"I know you do buddy, we all do"
"I just wanna tell her I love her and I want her to hold me and cuddle me like she used to. She always felt safe."
Derek just held Henry for a little longer, not knowing what to say to make the young boy feel better. Eventually the little blonde fell asleep in Morgan's arms. He stood up and placed the boy in his bed, kissing his forehead gently.
"I promise I'm trying to help your mama get better" he said before turning to leave the room.
When Morgan made it back downstairs he found JJ on the couch with a glass of wine and a half empty wine bottle on the coffee table in front of her. Penny was playing on the floor with some toys and the older blonde was staring off into space.
"JJ" Morgan said gently, not wanting to startle her.
The blonde flinched slightly but then turned to look at her friend.
"Oh, hey"
"Having a glass of wine already I see" Morgan pointed out, jokingly.
JJ slanted her eyes and glared at the dark skinned agent, "Don't you dare judge me Derek Morgan. You have no idea what-"
"Whoa, whoa, Pennsylvania Petite, I was just joking. It's been a rough day, I can see that."
JJ relaxed slightly as she leaned back into the couch cushions.
"I don't know where Ethan is, he took off out the front door so fast, and by the time I got out there he was gone and so was his bike."
Before Derek could reply she continued.
"He's been doing that a lot. Just taking off on his bike and he will be gone for hours, I don't know where he's gone, where's he's been, if he's meeting people. I know nothing because he won't talk to me. So I don't even know where my eleven year old is because I'm a terrible mother."
"JJ you are not a terrible mother. It sounds like Ethan goes for bike rides to deal with how he's feeling. That doesn't make you a bad mother, okay."
"Derek sometimes he's gone for eight hours. The first time I freaked out and I called Hotch and he drove around looking for him, he even asked Jack if he knew where E might go, but even Jack didn't know. That's his best friend and Ethan didn't even tell him?"
"JJ calm down. Maybe Ethan did tell Jack, but Jack didn't want to spill his secret. And before you say anything else, Jack is a good kid. If he thought Ethan was in trouble or doing something that could get him hurt he would say something."
Instead of responding JJ simply downed the rest of her glass of wine before pouring herself more. Derek sighed before looking out the window into the front yard and then back at JJ.
"Look why don't I go search for Ethan. It might not do any good, but maybe I'll spot him heading back this way. Declan and Henry are both upstairs in their room and Penny is here with you so are you good here?"
JJ nodded so Morgan turned and headed out the front door and down the drive to his truck. When he got inside his truck he pulled his phone out of his pocket and hit Hotch's speed dial. As he waited for his boss to pick up he tried to think of the different areas around the neighborhood that Ethan might have gone to.
"Morgan?"
"Hey Hotch, are you at home by chance? I need to speak to Jack."
"Unfortunately, no, I am still at the office, but he's at home with Jessica so you can call her cell."
"Okay, I'll do that."
"Morgan is everything alright?" the team leader questioned, the concern obvious in his voice.
"Everything is far from alright, Hotch, everyone is falling apart and I don't know what else I can do to help."
Morgan heard Hotch sigh over the phone before asking, "This call is about Ethan isn't it? He's missing again?"
Morgan nodded even though the dark haired boss couldn't see him, "Yeah, you could say that."
"Well let me know when you find him, or if you need any help looking for him. I'm going to stop by Rossi's on my way home this evening to see Emily."
"Good luck, I pissed her off so much earlier that she even threw a book at me."
"Really? Well that's an improvement on her reactions."
"Yeah, I think I finally struck a nerve, which was my intention, but just beware, she was royally pissed when I left."
"Understood" Hotch responded before hanging up.
Morgan then dialed Jessica's number and asked to speak to Jack. The young boy still wouldn't give up Ethan's hiding place, so Derek did the only thing he could think of and drove around the neighborhood and surrounding areas a few times. On one last trip down a two lane road between neighborhoods he spotted a red bike in the distance. As he got closer he recognized the black t-shirt, khaki shorts, and buzzed head. Derek shook his head at the young boy's hair, or lack thereof.
JJ had been livid when the eleven year old had come out of the bathroom at Rossi's with his hair mostly gone. He had used Rossi's electric razor to shave his head right before they moved back home. Everyone was in shock that he would have done something like that and his excuse was his hair was uneven from the original spot it had been shaved where they had to staple his head together. But JJ knew it was more than that. Ethan's hair had grown back around his wound and they had recently gotten it cut so you could barely tell a difference. JJ, though, was worried he was trying to look less and less like Emily. The further she pushed everyone away, the more volatile and reckless Ethan became.
Derek pulled up slowly beside Ethan and rolled his window down, "Hey stranger, you look familiar"
Ethan didn't acknowledge him, but instead he continued to pedal his bike down the road.
"Do you want a lift back to your house?"
Ethan finally turned to look at Morgan, his eyes still red from obvious tears, before slamming on his brakes. Morgan brought his truck to stop as well as he looked at the broken boy beside him.
"Did JJ send you to find me? I always come back ya know."
"Ethan you know you can't just disappear for hours at a time without telling someone where you are going. Your mom has been worried sick."
"My mom doesn't give two shits about me anymore, which is perfectly acceptable given who my father is. I wouldn't want my kid either if I were in her shoes."
"Ethan Tyler what the hell is going on with you? You've never used language like this before."
"I figured I am Ian Doyle's son so I may as well start acting like it."
Morgan sighed before turning off his truck and getting out to stand beside Ethan, who was still on his bicycle.
"Listen to me Ethan, what Declan said back there, he didn't mean it. Just like I know you didn't mean to shove Henry this morning, or any other time. You aren't that kind of person. You aren't evil just because the man who fathered you is an asshole. You aren't him. And I will keep telling you that every day for the rest of your life if I have to. Declan is just as sad and upset about everything as you are, but you guys treating each other the way you are isn't helping anything or anybody."
"Well maybe you should tell Emily to get off her sorry, regretful, ass and be the mom she used to be instead of wallowing in her own misery. We are all upset, but she's not doing a good job at being our mom right now. I know she's upset and she blames herself. I blame myself. Declan blames himself. But she won't even talk to us. I'm her son and she doesn't want to see me or even talk to me on the phone. It's obvious she hates me and I know it's because I am the kid she had with Ian Doyle."
Morgan watched as tears formed in Ethan's eyes again and he did his best to stop them from falling.
"Ethan I'm not going to lie to you because you are your mother's son and you are incredibly smart. You know your mom is hurting, not just physically. You know how protective she is of you guys and the people she loves. She would give her life for any of you. She's broken because she couldn't save any of you guys from being hurt. She feels like it was her sole responsibility to protect you and that she failed. She blames herself for everything that happened to you guys. I've tried to tell her it wasn't her fault but she won't listen to me. She's closed herself off from everyone because she's hoping we will all give up on her. But that's the last thing that I plan on doing. We have to stay strong even if we piss her off doing it. She's come so far in the amount of time that I've known her, kid. She's such an amazing person and so incredibly strong, but everyone has their breaking points and watching you and your brothers and your mom nearly die because of someone from her past…well she reached that point. And now she's trying to be the person she was when I first met her, which was closed off to anything intimate with anyone. She was friendly, sure, but she never let anyone in. Not for awhile, actually, and even then, it was JJ before anyone else that got her to open up. We just have to keep trying. We can't give up on her, just like I'm not giving up on you or your brother."
Ethan just remained standing on his bike as he contemplated everything Morgan had told him.
"That doesn't make anything easier Uncle D" the eleven year old brunette whispered.
"I know, kid, but it's a start."
Ethan shrugged his shoulders before getting off of his bike, "I guess I'll take that ride home, but I'm not apologizing to Declan or Henry. I'd rather live somewhere else anyway. I don't need them."
"I think that is far from what you need or what you believe Ethan. But you'll recognize that in time."
"Whatever" the preteen said before climbing into the passenger side of the dark agent's truck.
Morgan took a deep breath before loading the bicycle into the bed of his truck and the climbing back into the driver's side.
"Well I can tell you who you are going to apologize to when we get back to your house." Derek said firmly
Ethan turned slightly to look at the man he considered a father figure.
"Your mother, you need to apologize for the language you used and also for just running out without telling her where you were going. You can't do that anymore E. You just can't. Your mom's heart is broken enough without you guys continually adding more to it."
"She's not my mom" the preteen muttered under his breath.
"Excuse me?" Morgan questioned in a firm voice
"You better clean up your attitude young man, because this is not the Ethan that I know."
"Ya well that Ethan is gone, and this is the one who is present now, so get used to it."
Morgan pulled off to the side of road and slammed on the brakes.
"You listen to me Ethan, that woman at home loves you as if you were her own, you know that. She would do anything for you. And I know how much you love her. I know what you are saying about her isn't how you truly feel. I just hope you realize that before it's too late."
"She hates me because I am Ian's son, I'm a Doyle, and on top of that I look just like Emily, who probably isn't ever going to speak to any of us again. And when she's better she'll probably just move away. So the last thing JJ will want is a kid that is the son of a murderer and looks just like the woman who broke her heart."
"Ethan, if anything JJ loves you more because of your resemblance to Emily, especially right now. And you are not a Doyle. Neither you or Declan. Just because you have someone's blood running through your veins doesn't make them family. You know that."
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Morgan continued.
"Is that why you cut your hair? Because you thought JJ might love you less the more you looked like Emily?"
Ethan shrugged his shoulders but didn't respond.
"Ethan I promise you that JJ loves you no matter what. She will always love you, kid. That won't ever change, I just wish I could make you believe it."
When Ethan didn't respond, Morgan turned back to face the front of the road and put the truck back into drive to continue back to the Prentiss-Jareau house.
When they arrived back at the house, Ethan climbed out of the truck and ran up the drive, into the house. Morgan shook his head at the young boy as he pulled the tailgate down and unloaded the bicycle. He pushed it up to the side of the house and leaned it against the garage where two other bikes were already parked. He then walked down the path and up the steps onto the front porch. When he opened the front door and stepped inside he was greeted with sight that warmed his heart. Ethan had his arms wrapped around JJ's waist and was hugging her tightly. The dark agent could see the blonde woman holding back the tears as she hugged the brunette boy back. All too soon Morgan watched as Ethan pried himself loose before turning and running up the stairs. Moments later they heard a door slam shut and both adults cringed at the sound.
"That looked like progress to me" Derek pointed out as he nodded from JJ to the boy upstairs.
The blonde smiled faintly, "That's the first time he's hugged me in weeks. I mean he didn't really say anything other than sorry, but at this point I'll take whatever I can get."
The dark agent nodded his head in agreement.
"Want to stay for dinner? It'll probably be totally awkward and will either involve lots of silence or incredibly loud yelling."
Derek smiled, "You sold me at the word dinner."
The blonde smiled back before motioning for him to follow her to the kitchen.
They ended up enduring an awkward, silent, dinner, but JJ would take that over the yelling and screaming any day. Morgan tried to interact with the kids, but all three boys chose to eat in silence. That left JJ, Morgan, and Penny to fill in the silence with babble and small talk.
AN: No promises on how long it will take me to finish this story. I've been working on it for a couple of years now and sometimes it just takes me time to find my muse again. But hopefully it will be completed within a year. Thanks for reading, and if you feel so compelled drop me a review so that I at least know people are enjoying the story. That definitely helps encourage my writing :)