"I know." I lightly sob against the refection of the vain of my existence. The words so brutal and raw, beating every ounce of life out of this frail body. Why couldn't I have said something… just anything that made him stay but once again my logic was just enough to send the only constant in my life running for the hills.
It has been six months yet those words still haunt me, taunting and teasing me from the inside out. Every waking second, just trying to stop the bleeding as my heart is ripped from the shell of the woman I have become. For the second the words fluttered from my lips, I knew they were all wrong.
Yet he was the one who let me slip away so easily, fall to the wayside just like a discarded piece of trash. Etching the line so clearly, keeping me at a distance with just a faint smile and tone of utmost professional. As my heart softened and the truth became evident, I knew he was too far gone. So I sit here alone with a truth that was never given a chance.
I do love him, always have and always will.
Fate.
It was not the woman I was meant to be but rather the woman I am because of him, for him and without a doubt, who he needs. I can deny it all, logically defending each heart destroying blow but the reality is I am who I am because of him but if that was ever enough is a question I will never know.
The rain beating down against the window has become my sole companion, swirling with the tears dancing around my lids. Six months, I have kept these tears at bay but tonight was my breaking point. I now know I cannot live this life of obscurity and emptiness.
Living this life alone is a destiny I cannot accept, it is now or never. All or nothing, by hell tonight I am going down. Either crashing and burning or lifting on the wings of an angel, tonight will be the start of the rest of my life.
"Ma'am, 2600 28th Street, correct?" The words shake me back to reality.
My eyes flick back to the man who has been talking for the past fifteen minutes, of what I am not sure but the compassion written all over his features gives my heart slight comfort. With a slight nod and brief smile I look up at the structure I have come to call home but somehow its cold features send my heart beating erratically in my chest.
"Your fare is 12.50." The man smiles, "Don't forget your flowers." He points toward the small arrangement to my left.
"Oh… ye… yeah." My words rattle as I shake the small piece of paper that seals my fate.
Stepping out of the cab and onto the sidewalk, my heart begins to constrict in my chest. For the last six months I have lived in hell, pure hell as I watch the man I love more than anything drift further and further from me… from my heart, from us.
And in my last ditch effort, I know this will either prove that we had in fact lost our chance or he was right all along.
Exhaling deeply, my heels click softly against the rain drenched streets. My eyes affixed on a singular window, watching the shadows dance almost perfectly in sync. The thunder cracks and clouds break, revealing the soft glow of the sky shining down on the broken streets below.
And I know this will be the night.
Why tonight, you ask?
4,300 hours.
That is all it took for me to know I'm an idiot.
I love him.
More than any rational woman should.
But him…
You see, he loves her.
More than I ever thought he could love me.