The large rusted door opened with an ear-piercing creak. The sound of heavy boots on the damp floor echoed against the dungeon walls. The prisoner could hear their captor before they could see what they looked like. Not that the princess needed to see her captor's face to know who it was. There could only be one so villainous as to chain up a beautiful, innocent princess.
"Well, well, well...if it isn't Princess Kenny."
Dark Lord Clyde crossed his arms and laughed in his deep, booming voice.
"You thought you'd be able to sneak into my castle, into my evil lair, and I wouldn't find out? I have eyes all over this castle, and even yours, too, princess. It was foolish for you to even try."
Princess Kenny watched in disgust as the Dark Lord slowly paced back and forth in front of her. She could hear the wet grit under his boots as he turned around. She could smell the foul stench coming from his armor. He must never wash it. She could feel the chill that ran up her spine when he stopped directly in front of her and turned to face her.
"You always antagonize me. Acting so bold and conniving to thwart all of my plans to take over your kingdom. It's honestly quite tiresome. But now look at you."
Princess Kenny inhaled sharply as Dark Lord Clyde crouched down in front of her. He took her chin in between his index finger and thumb.
"Helpless. Bound by titanium chains deep down in my dungeon. Where no one can hear you scream."
Princess Kenny's eyes widened, but she continued to maintain intense eye contact. She was scared—she'd be a liar if she tried to state otherwise—but she was beloved by her people because she was brave, as well as kind.
"I could do anything I wanted to you down here, and no one would ever know," laughed the Dark Lord.
"You're sick and twisted!" she spat.
He laughed in her face. "Those are strong words for someone who smells like-"
He leaned in close and stuck his nose into her silky blonde hair. He inhaled deeply, letting out a depraved sigh when he was done. Princess Kenny shuddered in fear.
"-strawberries and vanilla. Gummi bears and rainbows. Hopes and goddamn dreams! You're a joke, princess! I could crush you right now with little effort! Where's your bow and arrow now? Your trusty unicorn? Your loyal masses? Without those, you're powerless. Weak. A mere insect under my boot."
"What do you want, Clyde?!" she asked.
"Oh? Are we so close now that you think you can use my birth name? Call me what I am! The Lord of Darkness!"
He shoved her head to the side and dropped his hand. He spun around and posed, arms out like he was making a presentation.
"Yes, I am the Lord of Darkness, and what I want, princess, is everything! I want to rule over the entire land and create a massive undead army with Taco Bell's radioactive Green Sauce! The people shall cower in fear at the sound of my name!"
Princess Kenny grimaced. "My people and I shall never allow that to happen! The power of our hearts and the intensity of our cuteness will defeat you!"
"You fool! The first step of my plan was capturing you. The second is keeping you locked up here until you declare me the new ruler of your Kingdom!"
"I'll never do that! Never!" she spat.
"Oh, we'll see about that. After you spend a few hours, days, or weeks down here in the dungeon, you'll be begging me for mercy! After all, how ca—-holy shit, what was that?"
Clyde tightened his body and looked around the floor.
"Did you hear that? I definitely heard something."
"Stop trying to trick me, Dark Lord! I shall not be deceived!"
"No, Kenny. Seriously. I heard a noise, and it was coming from over—-ahh fuck! What is it?"
Clyde jumped back as something small and furry scurried across the floor of his father's garden shed.
"Fuck, it's a rat!" he yelled.
"Really? Where?" Kenny wiggled around in the garden hose that was coiled around his body. "Oh I see it! Hey little guy!"
"Little?" Clyde scoffed. "That thing was huge! Ginormous! Like…unreal sized!"
"Nah, not really. That one over there is a lot bigger," said Kenny. He pointed a finger at a flower pot that was lying on its side.
Clyde violently spun around, almost losing his balance. "Another one? Where? Oh god! Eeeheeheee!" he shrieked.
Clyde ran over to the mounted workbench and climbed on top of it. He crouched low and peered over the edge.
"They can't get me up here, right? Kenny?"
Kenny stared at Clyde, speechless. "Dude...are you afraid of rats?"
"What? No? Why would I be? You're afraid of rats."
Kenny quirked his eyebrow. "Uh, no dude. I love rats. They're a huge part of my life. Granted I don't have much say in the matter, but that's not the point. Also, rats can climb really well, you know."
The first rat had made its way up onto the work bench and brushed Clyde's hand as it went passed him.
"Fuck! Get it away! Kenny! Help!" Clyde flailed his arms as tears began to form in the corner of his eyes.
Kenny shook his head and smiled sadly. Clyde liked to pretend that he was a tough guy, and sometimes he could be a real asshole, but deep down, he was just a sweet, sensitive kid. That's why Kenny liked to play with him. He loved his other friends, but they could be exhausting. If they needed saving, it was always from a celebrity or a supernatural being. Clyde just needed to be saved from two rats who decided to hang out in a backyard shed.
"I can't really do so much while I'm stuck in these chains, hmm?" he joked.
Clyde looked at him like he was kidding.
"Guess the Princess is going to have to get you out of this one, Lord of Darkness."
Clyde pursed his lips and whined. Kenny held firm. Begrudgingly, Clyde wiped the tears from his eyes and nodded.
"It looks like you're in a bit of a crisis, Dark Lord! Two of my furry friends have come to protect me. I could call them off, but I shall not, unless you remove these chains and let me leave safely from your castle."
"Argh!" Clyde cried out in frustration. "You scheming princess! You've foiled me again! You and your pesky rats may have won this time!"
He hesitated, making sure the floor was clear, before he leapt down in front of Princess Kenny. He quickly released the chains and threw them across the floor.
"Now begone, princess, before I change my mind!"
Princess Kenny skipped over to the exit. She turned around and posed in the doorway.
"Remember, you must let me escape without trying to stop me. If you try anything, I won't hesitate to send my rats after you again!"
The princess blew a kiss to the Dark Lord and disappeared from sight.
She began the journey back to her kingdom, firmly on the back of her trusty unicorn and followed by a swarm of her rat friends. After a few minutes, she felt movement in her satchel. Pausing to reach her hand in, she removed her magical communicator.
Clyde: Good one, you jerk. I hate you and your rats.
Kenny laughed and sent back a wink emoji.
Kenny: No you don't.
Clyde: …I hate it when you're right. Wanna play again tomorrow?
Kenny: Of course! And next time, you'd better call me the princess of mischief.