Chapter 1 A Scream and a Nightmare

STERLING'S POV

Alright, Sterling, breathe in, breathe out, in, out…

I'm super nervous right now. Course, I'm always nervous on every morning of school.

Why? Well, I kinda, sorta like this girl in my school named Morrigian (romantic, right?). But she doesn't know-I'm just too shy to talk to her. I'm pretty sure she thinks that we could never be "together" or anything because I'm famous and she's not…but I think we can.

But we are worlds apart.

I slowly look around the all-too-familiar interior of my own personal limousine. If it were up to me, I'd be driving myself to school, but my mom insists on a private limo.

I look into the built-in mirror on the inside of the car wall, thinking about what to talk about with Morrgie (heh, that's my little behind-her back-nick-name for her)-if I get the guts to talk to her.

You see, she and her parents were in a really bad car wreck last month on the way to my birthday party (yeah…I got brave enough to ask her to that), and her mother and father were killed instantly. I feel really bad about it.

Today is her first day back in school since the accident; she's been in the hospital for six and a half weeks with head injuries.

I run a hand through the back of my blonde hair and start to mumble to myself. "Okay, so, I can't talk to her about her parents-obviously-and I can't talk about my birthday party or what happened that day…"

Then, my reflection decides to get a mind of it's own and seems to speak back to me mockingly: "Why don't you just not talk to her at all?" I shake my head furiously, watching as my reflection does the same. "No, I want to talk to her!" I say back just a little bit too loudly.

"Sir? Do you by any chance need assistance?" asks my driver, Hynrich in his pronounced British accent. He raises an eyebrow.

Crap. I was daydreaming again. I can feel my face redden.

I look back over at the mirror. It conveniently doesn't say anything.

"Uh…no, I'm just-you know-talkin' to my…self," I stutter, my voice cracking.

Man, I hate it when it does that…

Hynrich smiles knowingly. "Girl trouble?" he asks, stopping at a red light. I shrug. "Yeah, something like that. You know that girl, Morrgie? She's coming back today, and I'm scared I'll say the wrong thing," I say, feeling my stomach knot up with anxiety.

"Don't be. Just believe in yourself and you'll be fine," he says with a wink.

I smile back and start to feel a bit better.

Hynrich is like the dad I've never had. My birth father ran off before I was born. The coward…he was too sissy to raise me and left me for my mother to take care of.

I will always hate him for that.

I suppose he thought I'd become a nobody, just like him. Oh, but he's wrong, so wrong. I'm gonna be somebody, whether he likes it or not.

"Alright, sir, we're here," Hynrich says, again breaking into my thoughts.

All my nervousness suddenly returns, and I can feel my palms becoming clammy.

Hynrich turns around to face me. "Don't be afraid. Remember what I said. Believe in yourself," he says reassuringly, as if he read my mind.

And this is why he should be my father.

I smile and open the limo door.

Before I walk to the huge school building, I stop by the driver's door. Hynrich rolls down the window, and we bump our fists together, and then pull them back, making them "blow up". This is the traditional hand shake we do before ever day of school.

Then, Hynrich looks up at me. "Go get your girl," he says, punching my arm playfully. I smile and sprint up the school steps.

Our school is HUGE for a private school. A lot of us teen celebrities go to Beverly Hills High as well like, Demi Lovato, Justin Beiber, Selena Gomez, Zac Efron, Taylor Lautner, and Brandon Michael Smith.

Yes, I am friends with-well-most of them.

Let me Explain.

Demi, Selena, Zac, and Brandon are really good friends of mine, but Justin Beiber and Taylor Lautner on the other hand, are the school bullies and my brutal enemies.

You see, way back in first grade (yes, we've been enemies for this long…) they made me cry by taking my crayon and hitting me over the head with it (it sounds hilarious now, I know, but it was a big deal back then). Since then, they've done a few other things just to make me mad and it's turned into this huge feud.

Now, as I glide through the BHH's double doors, I straighten the collar of my uniform (honestly, I don't know how anyone can look good in that thing!).

As soon as I make my entrance, Selena runs up to me.

"Hey, Sterling!" she says with her radiant smile. "Hey, Selena! How're things in the hall since I left yesterday?" I ask.

My friends and I hang out in "the hall" and ban everybody else from it-especially Justin and Taylor…bleh.

"Perfect! No sightings of Justin or Taylor yet today! Well-that's good for you, I guess, but not for me…," she reports.

Selena and Justin Beiber are dating-against my better judgment. I really can't wait until they break up.

I roll my eyes. "Whatever. Keep an eye out for them, though. And tell me when they get here. Oh, by the way-have you seen Morrgie around yet?" I ask, dropping my voice. My cheeks blush shyly. Selena grins. "No, not yet. Have you finally gotten enough courage to ask her out?" she quires.

Selena, and my sister, Scarlett are the only people I have told about my major crush on Morrgie…and the only people I trust not to tell anyone (Hynrich knows I like somebody-he doesn't know just who).

I shake my head. "No…haven't gotten that far yet," I say with a nervous chuckle, blushing more than ever. "I just got up the courage to talk to her again."

Well, okay, I have been writing a whole speech-thing for when I do ask her out…but I don't think I'll be using it any time soon.

"Okay," Selena says, defeated. "Uh-listen, I have to get to History, see you at lunch?" Selena tells me, picking up her backpack. I smile distractedly. "Yeah. I have to get to Science," I reply, making a face. She giggles, then waves goodbye. I wave back, and then go to my locker.

I unlock it and open the door. I have some pictures of Morrgie (that I got out of previous year books) hidden away in here-but the largest one is taped up on the inside of my locker door.

I search for my Science book. Maybe I'll see Morrgie in Class?

MORRGIE'S POV

I nervously shift my books to my left hip and take a shaky breath. It's been about a month since I've been at school, and I can feel all kinds of eyes on me.

They all know what happened.

Six and a half weeks ago, my parents and I were in a car accident. My mother and father were killed, and I was put in the hospital for a month. I didn't even get to go to their funeral because I was in a coma for two weeks.

I close my eyes, trying to block the memory-but instead I have a flashback.

"Mom!" I had whined. "Please may I go to Sterling Knight's birthday party?"

That was the millionth time I'd asked, I must have been wearing her down by then.

I knew it was immature to whine like a five-year-old when I was seventeen, but I had really wanted to go!

My mother had sighed, giving in.

Yes!

"Alright, but only if you clean your room."

I had squealed, squishing my mom in a hug.

Thank-you, mom! I will, I promise!"

My mom. I miss her terribly.

Now, a tear escapes and rolls down my cheek as I hurry to science class. I brush it away and walk in, plopping down in my seat right next to Sterling Knight.

Yeah, I know it's cool that I go to school with a hot celebrity, and that's totally the way I feel about it too.

I have a huge crush on him. I haven't told a soul-if I did; they'll probably say I'll never have a chance with him. And I know that, but I really like him, and nothing can change that.

Sterling looks up at me with his gorgeous blue eyes as soon as I sit down. My stomach flip-flops and I can feel my cheeks burning.

"Oh, hey, Morrigian!"

I sit, staring at him. In the month that I've been gone, he's just gotten even more beautiful. His hair is so perfect, his bags swept to one side, brushing his eyebrows ever so lightly…

Wait-he spoke to me!

In the three years I've been sitting next to him here, he's never said more than a few words to me.

I gulp, my throat suddenly dry. I wave, since the words won't come out.

"How are you?" he asks with a hint of sadness, clicking his pen on the table in front of us.

Oh, great, a question.

The clicking of his pen gets louder and louder, ringing in my ears. Soon, it's the only noise I hear in the room.

"Uh-I-uh…," I stammer.

"Yeah…I understand," he says simply.

I just nod, still unable to answer.

He's about to say something else, but then Mrs. Campbell walks in, and the classroom goes quiet. She takes roll call then says: "Open your books to page 377, kids."

I open my book as directed and catch a glimpse of my pale wrist, which is peeking out from under my grey hoodie. It has cuts and scratches on it that are barely starting to heal. I quickly pull my sleeve down over it and look back down at my book.

MORRGIE'S POV

She's changed. Completely. I can see it in her eyes. I used to be jealous of how happy and outgoing she was, and used to watch her talk and laugh with her friends.

But now-now she's quiet, and doesn't say much. She's lost touch with the Morrgie I've fallen in love with.

I remember when I first saw her. We were twelve and went to the same elementary school. But it never got any farther than a "hey" every now and then.

But I fell in love with her at first sight.

"Mr. Knight, did you hear what I just asked you?" interrupts the stern voice of Mrs. Campbell.

I snap out of it, realizing I'd zoned out. I look at her, clueless.

"Daydreaming again, Sterling?" she asks, looking over her glasses. Brandon and I like to joke about he glasses and call them "fakers" because everybody in BHH knows they just have clear glass in them to make her look "important".

I slouch in my seat, nodding lightly. I have a bad habit for daydreaming-especially In class-which is why I have C's in almost everything.

When I'm daydreaming, I feel free. I'm free to do anything.

She grunts and then repeats her question. I hear it this time, but she calls on somebody else.

I sigh and try to pay attention this time.

Just then, the bell rings and relief floods through me. I pop out of my seat and grab my stuff.

I catch Morrgie on the way out. "Hey…you've been gone a long time-I just wanted to ask you if we could hang out sometime…," I offer.

Oh, boy I just did it.

She opens her mouth, and then closes it.

"Um…I don't know. My Aunt and Uncle don't usually let me go out with my friends…," she says quietly.

My smile fades. "Oh-well, maybe not, then," I whisper.

She takes a deep breath, and then says: "Can we talk, though sometime? I can text you or something."

My smile quickly returns. "Yeah, of course! Here's my number."

She gives me her's, then frowns.

"What's wrong?" I ask, worried.

She shrugs, blinking furiously as she looks down at her shoes.

I smirk sadly. "Do you need a hug?" I quire, holding my arms out.

She nods and wraps her arms around my waist gently.

I never knew she smelled so good. Like strawberries and vanilla...

STERLING'S POV

He pulls me close the divine smell of his cologne fills my nose. I wrap my arms tighter around his waist (which is surprisingly slim judging by the way I've seen him eat).

"Beaver! What are you doing on this side of the hall?!" I hear Sterling ask through gritted teeth.

Super. Justin Beiber's here, one of the school bullies.

I pull back from Sterling's strong arms and turn around.

I watch Justin "Beaver" as he saunters over to us and leans on the wall.

"I'm not even going to grace that with an answer, Sandmann," he says smoothly.

Sterling cringes at his hated middle name (they've been fighting for so long, everybody knows what they call each other) and clenches his fists.

Justin gasps, his gaze falling down to me.

"Morrigain! Are you crying? I never thought you were the soft type."

I can feel my cheek get hot and the back of my eyes burning with tears as his words sting my heart. I look down at my feet.

Subconsciously, I feel Sterling's arm wrap around my shoulders as he firmly replies: "This would be none of your business, Beaver. I'm talking to her right now…go away."

Justin scoffs. "Yeah right, Sandmann. You don't have anything in common with her…she's gone through all the "hard stuff" how would you understand her if you haven't gone through anything "hard"?" he asks sarcastically, his eyebrows raised in a questioning manner.

Sterling's face changes from anger, to hurt and sorrow.

"Oh, but I have, Beaver, I have," he whispers, looking away.

I try to think of what he possibly could have gone through. Divorce? Death?

Justin sighs, examining his fingernails. He's obviously bored with the situation. "Well, I see I've succeeded in upsetting you, so I guess I'm off to my next class. See you losers later," he says, doing an "L" for loser on his forehead. Then, he continues down the hall.

He's the real loser.

"And stay on your side of the hall!" Sterling yells after him. He ignores him and rounds a corner.

I growl inwardly, and Sterling turns to me, clearing his throat. "I'll see you at lunch?" he whispers.

I nod and he turns away.

As he walks away, his footsteps fading as she rounds a corner, I notice that his ocean blue eyes are still sad.

STERLING'S POV

I sigh contentedly, flopping down onto the couch in my room. I'm in my PJ's after my long day at school, getting ready to Pirates of the Caribbean.

My mom won't be home for hours yet, so there's no danger of her telling me to turn it off.

Just as the movie starts to play, and I start to shovel giant handfuls of popcorn into mouth, my Blackberry calls: "Tweet, tweet! Tweet, tweet! Text message!" from the side table.

I sigh and glare at it, willing it to walk over to me. I reach over the piles of pillows to grab it, in process overturning the popcorn bowl, it's contents spilling over the couch. I groan loudly.

"Terrific," I mutter.

I look at my phone, a text from Morrgie.

Hey, Sterling. What's up?-Morrgie

Hey! Nm… Just watching pirates of the Caribbean. I spilled the popcorn.-Sterling K.

Haha! Clumsy aren't we? LoL-Morrgie

Yeah…I know-Sterling K.

A long pause.

Listen, Sterling. Can I talk to you about something tomorrow at school?-Morrgie

Of course you can-Sterling K.

Mkay. See you tomorrow?-Morrgie

Yeah Bye-Sterling K.

I sit back, daydreaming for a while. I know she'll be sad for a really long time after the crash because of her parents, but her personality has changed completely.

I wonder what she has to talk to me about.

Well, anyhow, I'll know tomorrow. Hopefully…

MORRGIE'S POV

I walk over to my side table and pick up a pill container with the name Ambien on it. I take one out and swallow it with some water.

I can't sleep without those pills. I haven't been able to since the accident.

I fall onto my bed and drift off into a deep sleep.

Now, I start dreaming

Morrgie, you buckled in?

I sigh. I'm not a little girl anymore. I don't know why my father asks me this all the time.

Yes, dad, of course.

Good. Because heaven knows what would happen if we crashed and weren't buckled in.

Ugh, moms.

We start to drive and dad turns on the radio.

Justin Beiber's "Baby" starts playing, making me cover my ears.

EW! Dad! Turn it off!

Justin and Taylor Lautner are the bullies of out school, so I have always hated Justin's music because he is such a jerk.

Instead of turning it off, my parents begin singing along with him-off key.

I continue to plug my ears.

With my dad distracted, I guess he doesn't notice that he's swerving into the opposite lane, right into the path of an oncoming car.

The last things I hear are the screeching of tires, my mother's scream (or is that me?), and a sickening crash.

"AGGGGGHHHH!" Iscream as I wake up. I'm sweating all over and my heart's beating ten times faster than it should.

I sit for a while in total darkness, listening to my rapid breathing.

Then, I break down and cry into my hands.

Why? Why do I have to go through this? I haven't done anything.

"I'm innocent!" I sob.

My hear hurts like someone stabbed me and I'm dying slowly. I want to die.

I look down at my wrist, though it's too dark to see it.

I slowly get up and walk to the bathroom. I flip on the light and cringe at it's brightness.

Reaching down under the sink, I grab a new razor. I sit down and lean against the bathroom wall.

I bring the razor's blade to meet my skin and scrape it sideways across my wrist. I pull it back and blood seeps out from the cut.

A tear rolls down my cheek and splashes onto my wrist, mingling with the blood. I make a cut in my left wrist and another tear mixes with my blood

I stand shakily and hide my razor back under the sink. I look at myself in the mirror and feel tears well up.

"What have I become?" I ask myself in a whisper. "Mom and Dad would have never wanted me to be like this."

I rinse off my wrist and take a deep breath.

It takes me a while to get back to sleep, but this time it's dreamless.

:) morrige's supposed to be me, BTW-she has some of my problems.

But God and Demi are helping me through this.

If Demi got through it, so can I.

Stay strong, guys!