Without A Doubt
Chapter 1- Why?
by Umi
March 2001
Disclaimer: Ken, Yohji, and all Weiss Kruez characters belong to Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiss, not me! I'm not makin' any money out of this!
WARNING: This fic contains yaoi, which means male/male sexual relationships! So, if ya can't stand the stuff, please just don't read this fic!
Notes: This fic will contain scenes and spoilers from episode #5! It also has a slight spoiler about Yohji's past!
~*~*~ denotes flashback
Yohji sighed as he leaned against the wall. Images from a past encounter with Ken kept playing in his mind...
~*~*~
Yohji had been waiting outside Ken's new girlfriend's place for several minutes. He spotted Ken walking to his motorcycle. "Being a beau is hard." He joked.
Ken's eyes widened with surprise.
Yohji was concerned at how stiff Ken had gotten when he said that. "Hey, you don't seriously love her, do you?"
"Shut up! I can't afford to be fooled by a wild person like you!"
Ouch. That hurt. What does Ken mean by "wild", anyways? Yohji's eyes narrowed.
"This job is my last."
Yohji's jade eyes darkened. "How many did you kill? How many have you killed so far?! Can you hold her with it?"
Ken lowered his gaze. "I want to make her dream come true!"
Yohji frowned. Is that what you really want? What about your dream, Ken?
~*~*~
Yohji shut his eyes. I followed Ken that day. I know it was wrong, but... I couldn't help it. For some reason, I felt like I had to...
Ever since Ken left Yuriko, he has... changed. He's so quiet, so sullen now. What happened to the lively, expressive, cheerful guy I know?
And the worst part is that it's all my fault.
Why did I have to tell him that? Why did I have to tell him that?!
I broke his heart...
However indirectly.
I wish there was something I could do to make this better. I wish I could comfort him somehow. I wish I could just talk to him...
Then again, I've said too much already.
Yohji ran a hand through his blond hair. He's probably mad at me...
He probably hates me.
Yohji clenched his hand into a fist.
I don't think I can live with that...
Damn it... How did I get myself messed up in this? Why did I have to open my damn mouth...
Why do I care so much anyways?
Why do I care if Ken is with her? Why do I care if he leaves Weiss?
Yohji shook his head. He sighed softly.
Why do I care so much about Ken?
His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Yohji groaned. Who is it now? He opened the door and found none other than Ken himself.
"Yohji, you're late for your shift." Ken stared blankly at him. Yohji's heart ached as he saw the empty look in Ken's soft blue eyes... I have to talk to him. I have to make things right...
"Oh, ok."
Ken nodded and started to leave.
"Wait!" Yohji grabbed Ken's wrist and pulled him back.
"What?" Ken's eyes darkened with annoyance.
"I... I need to talk to you." Yohji said softly.
"Well?"
"I know that you're depressed about Yuriko... I just want you to know that it'll be all right..."
"What do you know, Yohji?!" Ken's suddenly angry tone surprised Yohji. "How do you know what I'm feeling?! How could you possibly understand what I'm going through?! You don't understand me at all..."
"Ken... I do understand... All too well..."
"You don't! You can't! You've never had to let go of someone you love!" Ken glared at Yohji, his eyes burning with an intense rage.
Yohji sighed. Oh, yes I have, Ken... I'll never forget her... Asuka... "Ken." Yohji softly placed a hand on Ken's shoulders. "I'm sorry..."
Ken jerked away from Yohji. "Sorry?! You, of all people?! This is all because of you! This is all your fault, Yohji!!"
Yohji looked at the ground to avoid seeing the anger in Ken's eyes. "Ken..."
"You're the one who had to tell me all that crap about Yuriko never understanding me! She could have! She might have learned to accept me for who I am!!"
"I don't think anyone could, Ken. Not unless they know what it feels like to kill someone, to have someone else's blood on their hands..."
"... Well, maybe I wouldn't even tell her about Weiss! I could have started a new life, with her! A new life where I wouldn't have to kill or hurt anyone!!"
"So, you would have abandoned all your responsibilities, just like that?!" Yohji's jade eyes narrowed. "You would have given up Weiss, for her?! You would have stopped protecting innocent people, just so you could spend the rest of your life with some girl?!"
"I... I don't care! I... I don't want to live like this! I don't want to have to kill anymore!! I just want a normal life!!"
"Ken... We are who we are, nothing can change that..."
"Yohji..."
"If you went with her, you would be living a lie. You aren't just a normal guy, Ken. None of us are. We're Weiss. There's always a reason for things being the way they are. We just have to accept it..."
"But... I could have been happy, Yohji! I could have been happy!!" Ken's sapphire eyes glistened with tears.
"Honestly, Ken... I don't think you would have been. At first, maybe... but, I know you... You feel so strongly, so passionately about everything... Even about Weiss... I know you couldn't live with yourself, knowing that you chose your happiness over the happiness of all the lives you could save as a part of Weiss."
"But... I didn't ask for your help! I didn't ask for your sympathy! Why couldn't you just leave me alone?!"
Yohji's eyes widened in surprise. "I... I..."
"Why, Yohji?! Even if what you're saying is true, what right did you have to mess with my life?! You should have just let me figure it out myself!!"
"I..." Yohji stared blankly at Ken, not knowing what to say.
"Did you think that you'd be my hero or something?! Did you think that I'd be forever grateful to you?!" Ken's eyes burned with anger.
"You're wrong!" Yohji grew angry at Ken's words. "I don't want your damn gratitude! Ken, I just..."
"What?! Why did you do it, Yohji?! Answer me!"
"Because... I didn't want to see you get hurt..." Yohji said quietly.
Ken's blue eyes softened. "Wh... what?"
Yohji closed his eyes. "I knew that you couldn't be happy with her... not like this... I knew that if you stayed with her you would only hurt her and yourself by being so unhappy..."
Ken stepped closer to Yohji, most of his anger gone. "But... Why? I'm not a kid, Yohji... Why did you feel you had to protect me?"
"Because..."
Ken looked up at Yohji.
"Because... I care about you, Ken." Yohji whispered.
Ken's eyes widened in shock.
Shit! Yohji bit his lip nervously. What the hell did I just say?! I don't know what came over me... "Uh, I should go..." He walked past Ken and left.
Ken stood still, too shocked to move. What just happened? Ken softly murmured into the dark room, "Yohji..."
~To be continued...~
Chapter 1- Why?
by Umi
March 2001
Disclaimer: Ken, Yohji, and all Weiss Kruez characters belong to Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiss, not me! I'm not makin' any money out of this!
WARNING: This fic contains yaoi, which means male/male sexual relationships! So, if ya can't stand the stuff, please just don't read this fic!
Notes: This fic will contain scenes and spoilers from episode #5! It also has a slight spoiler about Yohji's past!
~*~*~ denotes flashback
Yohji sighed as he leaned against the wall. Images from a past encounter with Ken kept playing in his mind...
~*~*~
Yohji had been waiting outside Ken's new girlfriend's place for several minutes. He spotted Ken walking to his motorcycle. "Being a beau is hard." He joked.
Ken's eyes widened with surprise.
Yohji was concerned at how stiff Ken had gotten when he said that. "Hey, you don't seriously love her, do you?"
"Shut up! I can't afford to be fooled by a wild person like you!"
Ouch. That hurt. What does Ken mean by "wild", anyways? Yohji's eyes narrowed.
"This job is my last."
Yohji's jade eyes darkened. "How many did you kill? How many have you killed so far?! Can you hold her with it?"
Ken lowered his gaze. "I want to make her dream come true!"
Yohji frowned. Is that what you really want? What about your dream, Ken?
~*~*~
Yohji shut his eyes. I followed Ken that day. I know it was wrong, but... I couldn't help it. For some reason, I felt like I had to...
Ever since Ken left Yuriko, he has... changed. He's so quiet, so sullen now. What happened to the lively, expressive, cheerful guy I know?
And the worst part is that it's all my fault.
Why did I have to tell him that? Why did I have to tell him that?!
I broke his heart...
However indirectly.
I wish there was something I could do to make this better. I wish I could comfort him somehow. I wish I could just talk to him...
Then again, I've said too much already.
Yohji ran a hand through his blond hair. He's probably mad at me...
He probably hates me.
Yohji clenched his hand into a fist.
I don't think I can live with that...
Damn it... How did I get myself messed up in this? Why did I have to open my damn mouth...
Why do I care so much anyways?
Why do I care if Ken is with her? Why do I care if he leaves Weiss?
Yohji shook his head. He sighed softly.
Why do I care so much about Ken?
His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Yohji groaned. Who is it now? He opened the door and found none other than Ken himself.
"Yohji, you're late for your shift." Ken stared blankly at him. Yohji's heart ached as he saw the empty look in Ken's soft blue eyes... I have to talk to him. I have to make things right...
"Oh, ok."
Ken nodded and started to leave.
"Wait!" Yohji grabbed Ken's wrist and pulled him back.
"What?" Ken's eyes darkened with annoyance.
"I... I need to talk to you." Yohji said softly.
"Well?"
"I know that you're depressed about Yuriko... I just want you to know that it'll be all right..."
"What do you know, Yohji?!" Ken's suddenly angry tone surprised Yohji. "How do you know what I'm feeling?! How could you possibly understand what I'm going through?! You don't understand me at all..."
"Ken... I do understand... All too well..."
"You don't! You can't! You've never had to let go of someone you love!" Ken glared at Yohji, his eyes burning with an intense rage.
Yohji sighed. Oh, yes I have, Ken... I'll never forget her... Asuka... "Ken." Yohji softly placed a hand on Ken's shoulders. "I'm sorry..."
Ken jerked away from Yohji. "Sorry?! You, of all people?! This is all because of you! This is all your fault, Yohji!!"
Yohji looked at the ground to avoid seeing the anger in Ken's eyes. "Ken..."
"You're the one who had to tell me all that crap about Yuriko never understanding me! She could have! She might have learned to accept me for who I am!!"
"I don't think anyone could, Ken. Not unless they know what it feels like to kill someone, to have someone else's blood on their hands..."
"... Well, maybe I wouldn't even tell her about Weiss! I could have started a new life, with her! A new life where I wouldn't have to kill or hurt anyone!!"
"So, you would have abandoned all your responsibilities, just like that?!" Yohji's jade eyes narrowed. "You would have given up Weiss, for her?! You would have stopped protecting innocent people, just so you could spend the rest of your life with some girl?!"
"I... I don't care! I... I don't want to live like this! I don't want to have to kill anymore!! I just want a normal life!!"
"Ken... We are who we are, nothing can change that..."
"Yohji..."
"If you went with her, you would be living a lie. You aren't just a normal guy, Ken. None of us are. We're Weiss. There's always a reason for things being the way they are. We just have to accept it..."
"But... I could have been happy, Yohji! I could have been happy!!" Ken's sapphire eyes glistened with tears.
"Honestly, Ken... I don't think you would have been. At first, maybe... but, I know you... You feel so strongly, so passionately about everything... Even about Weiss... I know you couldn't live with yourself, knowing that you chose your happiness over the happiness of all the lives you could save as a part of Weiss."
"But... I didn't ask for your help! I didn't ask for your sympathy! Why couldn't you just leave me alone?!"
Yohji's eyes widened in surprise. "I... I..."
"Why, Yohji?! Even if what you're saying is true, what right did you have to mess with my life?! You should have just let me figure it out myself!!"
"I..." Yohji stared blankly at Ken, not knowing what to say.
"Did you think that you'd be my hero or something?! Did you think that I'd be forever grateful to you?!" Ken's eyes burned with anger.
"You're wrong!" Yohji grew angry at Ken's words. "I don't want your damn gratitude! Ken, I just..."
"What?! Why did you do it, Yohji?! Answer me!"
"Because... I didn't want to see you get hurt..." Yohji said quietly.
Ken's blue eyes softened. "Wh... what?"
Yohji closed his eyes. "I knew that you couldn't be happy with her... not like this... I knew that if you stayed with her you would only hurt her and yourself by being so unhappy..."
Ken stepped closer to Yohji, most of his anger gone. "But... Why? I'm not a kid, Yohji... Why did you feel you had to protect me?"
"Because..."
Ken looked up at Yohji.
"Because... I care about you, Ken." Yohji whispered.
Ken's eyes widened in shock.
Shit! Yohji bit his lip nervously. What the hell did I just say?! I don't know what came over me... "Uh, I should go..." He walked past Ken and left.
Ken stood still, too shocked to move. What just happened? Ken softly murmured into the dark room, "Yohji..."
~To be continued...~