Hey guys! I got the idea for this little one-shot while listening to Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap. I absolutely suggest you listen to it while you read this, as I believe it adds to the experience. Also it's my first fic for Psych, so please be nice.
Juliet Spencer stood in what used to be Shawn's Psych office. Used to be. He was gone now, and now it was hers. He left it to her. Not Gus, not his father. He left it to her. His Juliet.
But she wasn't his. Not anymore.
A thin layer of dust covered everything in sight. No one had been in here for weeks. Not since then. No one could bear the memories that the place held. No one wanted to step in there and be overwhelmed with the memories. No one wanted to be in there and swear that they could still hear his laugh, see his smile, feel his touch...
Jules placed one tentative foot in front of the other, slowly moving through the office. She deliberately did not look at the large red stains on the floor and wall. No one could bring themselves to clean it off, but nor could they bear to see it. Because acknowledging it meant they acknowledged what had happened, and they weren't ready for that.
Jules absently twisted her wedding band as she stared at the place where their wedding photo had once hung. The lighter spot would forever hold a memory- even if the picture wasn't there anymore. It was still as painful as if it was still hanging from its nail. She just couldn't believe it. He couldn't be gone. He just couldn't.
She felt as if the world was crumbling around her. She didn't understand how the people she saw in the streets went on with their lives. Did they not know she was falling? Falling, tumbling, plummeting in a downward spiral, unable to find something to hold onto. There had been a time when she would have found Shawn reaching out to her, catching her and pulling her back up. But he wasn't here to catch her now. If the world looked like she felt, everyone would just stop whatever they were doing and hold their heads heavy. Everything that ever mattered was gone forever. Everything that mattered couldn't ever come back to her.
Jules didn't understand how someone could take someone else's life. Especially in front of the person who they loved more than anything in the world. For a second, just a second, she flashed back to that hot, clammy day. The wail of sirens, Lassiter telling the man to come out with his hands on his head, the sound of a shot, a scream of agony, the thick, sticky blood on her hands...
She fell to her hands and knees, dry heaves wracking her body. She didn't want to remember what happened next. She didn't want to, but she knew the memory would never let her go. She was trapped. She couldn't bear to remember, but was unable to forget. She slowly crawled over to where she had sat that day, still not looking at the stains.
Shawn and Jules heard the door open and close, and looked up to see who was standing there. A man wearing jeans, a red shirt and a brown jacket stood there, staring intently at them. This did not bother Shawn. Nothing ever seemed to.
"May we help you, sir?" Shawn asked. He stepped around his desk and towards the man.
"Yes, I think you might," the man said. "You're Shawn Spencer, the psychic, right?" Shawn nodded, and the man held out his hand.
"I'm Steven Harmond. I think you might be able to help me with something." Jules came to stand next to Shawn, intertwining her fingers with his. He nodded to her, then addressed Shawn again.
"I went to the Police Department with a question concerning one of your cases," he began. "They told me that they could not release the information, but on my way out a cop told me that you might be willing to bend the rules."
"I might."
"My sister, Annie Harmond, she was shot and killed. I need to know who killed her." Shawn hesitated.
"It was you, wasn't it? It was you!"
It should have been and ordinary day. But it hadn't turned out to be.
"You don't know me! You don't understand me! How can you understand?" Harmond brandished the pistol he had clutched in his hand. Shawn tensed and shifted slightly so he was between the gun and his precious Jules.
"I do, though, Steven. I understand that you're angry. I understand your hurt. I understand that you want revenge on the people who killed your sister, but killing us isn't going to bring her back."
"Shut up! Just shut up!" Steven's finger tensed on the trigger.
"I want to help you," Shawn coaxed gently. "If you put down the gun and allow me to take you down to the station, I promise I will make sure you get a fair trial. I promise. Please, just put the gun down."
"Why?" Jules whispered to the silence. "Why did you leave me alone?" She gave the small gold ring on her finger another twist. She still wore it on her left hand. Because if she moved it to her right hand, she would be accepting that Shawn wouldn't be coming home. Not anymore.
Steven began to lower the gun.
"You promise?" Shawn nodded and inched closer to where Steven stood. Steven's arm dropped to his side, and both hostages allowed themselves to relax the tiniest bit. Shawn could handle this. Jules knew he could. He was invincible. He could do anything.
The shrill whine of a siren caught their attention. Shawn and Jules knew exactly what what happening. Lassiter had called in back up. Steven knew it too. He swung his head back to them and the gun flew up, and suddenly Juliet was looking down the barrel of the pistol
"You're lying!" He screamed hysterically. "You're here to arrest me and put me behind bars! You don't want to hear what I have to say! You can't help me! No one can!"
"No! I swear, I want to help you. I promise you'll get a chance to tell you story!" Shawn slowly began inching towards Steven again, holding his hand out for the gun.
"How do I know you're not lying to me? Cops lie all the time! They lie! They make people go away!"
"Because I think everyone deserves to tell their story. And I'm not a cop."
"Steven Harmond! Come out with you hands on your head!" Juliet silently cursed Lassiter and he spoke through the megaphone. Steven's face turned dark, and Jules knew what was going to happen before it did.
"You liar!"
BLAM!
A cry escaped Juliet's lips. She managed to escape the memory to catch her breath, and then was sucked back into that day.
A second shot was fired shortly after the first, and Jules screamed in horror as both men collapsed. Steven's glassy eyes stared up at her as Shawn slumped against the wall. A large red stain spread across his shirt.
"Shawn!" She threw herself on her knees next to him and took his face in her hands. His glassy eyes focused on her face.
"Jules..." he gasped. She fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, pressed the fabric against the wound. His head rocked to the side and he moaned.
"Shawn, you stay with me, you hear? God dammit, stay with me! You're going to be fine!" She growled. Tears blurred her vision as blood soaked through the fabric and pooled around her fingers. She pressed harder, and Shawn winced. He began to close his eyes.
"Shawn, no! Don't you dare close your eyes! Stay awake!" She attacked his lips with hers, trying to give him something to hold needed to hold on, He couldn;t just leave her. Not like this. His lips tasted metallic, nothing like what they normally did, but she pushed that to the back of her mind. She grabbed the sides of his face.
"Shawn!" She slapped him gently a few times, trying to get him to open his eyes again. "Shawn, no! Don't leave me, dammit!"
"Jules," he breathed. "Juliet. I love you..." he trailed off, his last words coming out more as a sigh, and went limp in her arms.
Juliet looked to her right and nearly vomited as she acknowledged the dark red stains for the first time in weeks. They were almost black, and it smelled horrible. Tears pooled in her eyes, and she pushed up from the wall. It took all her strength to keep from running, to bring her as far away from the stains as possible. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks, and she made no attempt to wipe them away. Then again, maybe they aren't tears. Maybe she isn't crying. Maybe it's just her soul, leaking from her body in tiny droplets that no one will ever see.
She stood up on her shaky legs and crossed to Shawn's desk. He had been sitting right there when Harmond had entered. They had thought that he was just someone in need of his services. They couldn't have known that he would change their lives forever. How could they have known?
Juliet picked at the hem of her dress and stared at the grass. She bit her nails, compared other women's dresses to hers, counted how many trees were in the cemetary. She did everything except look at the casket and the American flag covering it. Her hands began to shake as she thought about it, and Gus took her right hand as Lassiter took her left. Her eyes pricked with tears and she let them fall.
"Shawn Spencer was an invaluable member of our force," Juliet distantly heard Chief Vick saying. "His antics could be counted on to cheer people up. He valiantly gave his life in the line of duty, and also saved the life of his wife, Juliet. Shawn will be missed dearly, and I believe I can speak for everyone here when I say that we would do anything to have him back." Chief Vick sat back down, and Lassiter stepped up in front of the casket.
"Spencer may have been a pain in the ass, but he was my pain in the ass," Lassiter started, earning a few sad smiles. "I wish Harmond hadn't killed himself... because all I want to do is strangle him. He took away someone that no one can ever replace. A son, a brother, a husband, a friend, a co-worker..." Lassiter trailed off and shook his head sadly. He reached out and touched the glassy surface of the casket, then retreated back to his seat.
Juliet flinched as the shots were fired. It hit too close to home after that day.
When they handed her the folded-up flag, she simply stared abesntly at the fabric.
"No..." came the whisper, barely audible to herself. "No. No. No!" Juliet lurched forward, propelling her out of her seat, the discarded flag hitting the ground next to her. Her hand reached out as if to grab the casket.
"He hates small, dark spaces! He hates them! Let him out! Open it! He doesn't like them!" Two strong hands pulled her back as she tried to reach Shawn. She thrashed about, eventually breaking away from Lassiter, but only to be caught by Gus. Lassiter took her in his arms, held her close. People gave her sympathetic looks, then slowly began to file out.
Juliet stood in the cemetary now. If anyone were to ask her, she would not have been able to tell them how she got there. The only thing she could focus on was the engraving that spelled out her husband's name, the cold stone that marked his final resting place. She laid down next to the dirt coving the casket. All she wanted to do was lie there for the rest of her life, which, if she had her way, would not be long. All she wanted was to be with Shawn again.
How could the sky be so clear, so cloudless, when it felt like a storm was raging inside her heart and soul? How could the grass be so green? How could the flowers be so alive? How could people act like nothing had changed?
How could life go on, when the meaning of her life was gone?
"O'Hara."
"Not now." She turned her head as Lassiter laid down beside her in the grass.
"Talk to me." She turned to look back up at the sky. Shawn was up there somewhere, she was sure. She just didn't want to accept it. She didn't know how long they laid there, side by side, in the grass. She didn't know how much time had passed before she finally spoke.
"I don't understand it at all."
"Harmond was a sick bastard who-"
"Not that. I think I understand that. What I don't get is how Shawn could be so full of life one day, and then be gone the next. It doesn't make sense." Lassiter took her hand and squeezed it. "It's not fair."
"I know it's not. I know you're hurting. But, O'Hara, look at yourself. He wouldn't have wanted to see you like this..."
"You don't know that. They only one who knows what he would have wanted is Shawn, and he's not here. Not anymore." Her voice cracked as she began to sob. "All I want is for him to be back here with me. That's all I want. I would give anything just to have one more hour with him. Even just a minute with him would make me happy."
"What would you tell him?"
"I would tell him that I love him. I would tell him what I just told you. I would tell him to kiss me and hold me close, and I would spend the rest of the time memorizing his face." She paused for a moment. "I can't see his face clearly anymore. Did you know that?"
"I know."
"No, you don't. You don't know what this feels like. That it feels like I'm dying myself. That a part of me already died when Shawn did." Lassiter sat up and placed her hand on her chest, just below her collar bone.
"Do you feel that, O'H- Juliet? You have a heartbeat. You are alive. I know you're hurt and devastated, and mourning the loss of the person you loved more than anything. I know the feeling pretty well myself. And I can tell you that while it never fully goes away, it does fade. It fades enough for you to move on and resume your life. It just takes time." He gently pulled her into a standing position.
"Let's get you home. Hanging around the cemetary won't help anyone." As they walked back to Lassiter's car, Jules tipped her head back and let the wind ruffle her hair. She could have sworn she heard Shawn's voice on the wind.
Love you, Jules.