Ghost of Christmas Past, a nanny fanfic

Ghost of Christmas Past

He'd been back in New York for only a couple of months but it wasn't the first time he'd seen her. It was almost as if their paths had been set up to cross. She'd gone grey and wore her hair short now, had switched the blouses and pencil skirts for longer and less revealing but still elegant and expensive clothes. Something had aged her beyond her years, that much was obvious, but it hadn't stolen her beauty.

Nonetheless, she belonged to his past now. He had his own family to focus on.

"Daddy!"

The best word in the English language was flung at him by his seven year-old son the minute he'd closed the front door behind him. Niles smiled to himself and only managed to toe off his shoes before he was enveloped in a whirlwind hug.

"Careful, Daniel," he chuckled, "you're big enough now to knock me down."

"Never-ending energy, this one." Anna, the nanny remarked, emerging from the next room.

"Has he been behaving himself?" he asked, hoisting Daniel up in his arms which caused an ache in his back that he preferred to ignore.

"Of course!" came the boy's instantaneous reply and Niles had to suppress a grin at the sight of his son's perfectly innocent expression that was almost identical to his own.

"As if there was ever any doubt, right?" Anna asked, tousled Daniel's hair in passing and then shrugged into her coat.

"We've got all his homework done already and there were no notes or complaints from his teachers this time. So he just needs feeding and time to run wild."

"Good, thank you so much." Niles replied, freeing a hand to open the door for her. "What would we do without you?"

"Go mad?" she grinned and then left.

"I'm proud of you." Niles said, returning his attention to his son once they were alone.

"Why?" Daniel chuckled and began wiggling around so he'd be put down again.

"Because you're starting to get settled after a very difficult phase."

"Mmh," he shrugged, fiddling with the hem of his T-shirt; a certain sign that past events still whizzed around in his head. Then a fresh smile of excitement flashed across his face and he ran towards his room. "I've made another LEGO plane! Come look!"

Niles followed slowly, trying to process his thoughts and emotions in the time that it took him to walk from one room to the next. It was always heartbreaking to witness his son's struggle as he tried to come to terms with their move to New York and the ever-growing distance to a mother that had never really been present even when they had been living in the same town.

Previously, Daniel had opted to act out, to allow his emotions to take reign until everything around him succumbed to chaos. But recently he had chosen to avoid touchy subjects instead, moving quickly on to something that made him feel happy and excited. Both coping mechanisms were as understandable as they were painful to watch. But Niles had learned that he couldn't lift the burden off his son's shoulders or force him to behave in a certain way and so he put on a smile for his benefit before entering the room.

"Look, daddy! It's got four wings!"

"Wow, it's much more stable that way, isn't it?" he praised, accepting the plane and turning it around appreciatively.

"Mmh," Daniel nodded, "call the airport! They'd love it!"

"Yes, indeed," Niles replied, chuckling warmly. "So Anna said that school went alright today?"

"Yup."

Never any details.

"Did anything exciting happen?"

"Mmmmh…" There was a long pause in which his son's face took on the funniest pensive expression. "I guess. A lady from the theatre's gonna come to help us with the Nativity."

"Ooooh how exciting! Are you going to audition?"

"Sure!" Daniel confirmed, snatched the plane away and began flying it through the room.

It came as no real revelation to Niles since his son had never once passed up a chance to engage in make-belief.

"It'll be your New York debut, won't it?"

"Uhu," Daniel nodded and jumped on his bed, "can I have dinner now?"

"Remind me again why I'm doing this?" C.C. Babcock asked with a heavy sigh while her eyes roamed over the deserted school canteen and the little stage that made up the far end of it.

"Because it'll help with your reputation," her assistant Rebecca laid out patiently, "remember the one you ruined when that director filed his drunken assault charges?"

C.C. waved her hand impatiently and went on to inspect the tables and chairs that blocked most of the free space.

"Back in my day a good rehabilitation story in the headlines was enough to reinstate the reputation. Either that or the scandal actually caused an increase in ticket sales rather than a decrease."

"There's always a line," Rebecca commented, "and unfortunately for me you have never demonstrated good judgement of when you might have gone too far. People still like a nice bit of gossip but they also want to make sure that they aren't supporting someone who mistreats her employees."

"Mistreating? My God Rebecca, you've been talking to our lawyers too much. Carlisle Jefferson was an impossible man whose hand I was required to hold throughout the whole production. Even a saint would've lost her temper! I'm not in this business to babysit anyone!"

"Well, me neither and yet here we are." Rebecca remarked under her breath and then busied herself moving all the tables to one side of the room.

"So because I've made you suffer your idea is to pay me back in kind?" C.C. asked, carefully inspecting a chair to see if it was clean enough to touch.

"I'm not as vengeful as you are but this opportunity definitely came as a bonus." She grinned. "And stop looking around and help me. The kids will be here any minute."

"Wouldn't hurt them to do some work." C.C. muttered but shifted her hands under a chair nonetheless.

A minute later she grimaced and pulled back, loudly uttering a course that thankfully got swallowed up by the sound of the bell.

Suddenly the empty corridors were flooded with children noisily making their way to the next classroom or out of the school. There were laughter and screams and several kids curiously peeked their heads into the canteen to see what was going on.

Leaving the rest of the work to Rebecca, C.C. walked over to the door and looked down on a little girl that had lingered too long.

"Are you here for the Nativity?" she asked.

"Maybe," the little girl shrugged, dragging up her shoulders.

"What do you mean "maybe"?" C.C. asked impatiently, feeling the start of a headache develop.

"Either you are or you aren't."

"But I don't know…" the girl mumbled, picking at her nose.

"Have your parents never told you that that's a disgusting habit?"

"No…" she shook her head, her big blue eyes growing bigger.

"Well, they should have. If you do it too much your finger will become lodged up there and you won't be able to breathe. Is that what you want?"

Another shake of the head.

"I'll tell you what'll make you stop. You've just been promoted to caretaker. Here," she paused to pull out the child's hand and placed the piece of chewing gum she had encountered under the chair into her palm, "dispose of that and then help the lady in there with the chairs."

A confused frown appeared on the girl's face but before she could ask another question, C.C. pushed her into the room.

"Hurry up now. A theatre doesn't run itself."

Finally, the child disappeared but when C.C. looked up she saw another group of kids heading her way. Her punishment had only just begun and she already yearned for a drink. This being sober thing really sucked.

The first time he saw her had been just after their arrival in New York. He had positioned Daniel in front of the TV in their hotel room, checked several times that he would be alright there on his own for ten minutes and then popped out to get them some dinner.

He knew that there had once been a pizza parlour around the corner that Fran and the children had often frequented and hoped to cheer up his son with a couple of slices. But luck wasn't on his side. Garlic bread and extra cheesy pizzas had given way to spring rolls and crispy duck and although his mouth watered at the sight of them he knew that his son wouldn't be too pleased.

So he had no choice but to wander deeper into the Theatre District, certain that it wouldn't take him long to find a pizza place at the tourist heart of the city.

Despite the lateness of the hour New York was still alive and so it wasn't really surprising that he didn't instantly spot her in midst of all the commotion. In fact, the first thing that drew his attention to her was the scent of Chanel No 5. It triggered such a familiar memory that he automatically looked up and just caught a glimpse of her in passing. She'd been talking rapidly into her cell phone and he was certain that she hadn't seen him. It was only the steady stream of people bumping into him that prevented him from stopping and looking after her.

He hadn't expected to see her again so quickly or maybe he'd even expected to never see her at all and while he had thought that she would bring back all kinds of conflicting emotions, he couldn't have reckoned with the tingle of excitement that suddenly surfaced alongside them.

"I heard you and Anna had dinner together today?" he greeted his son when he arrived back home that evening.

"Chicken wings and chips." Daniel replied, grinning from ear to ear.

"I'm going to have to talk to her about your diet, won't I?" he commented, feigning shock.

"Why?" Daniel's face scrunched into a frown.

"Chicken is meat and chips are really just vegetables."

And upon hearing that it was impossible for Niles to suppress his laughter.

"Yes, I suppose you're right." He agreed, wiping tears of mirth from the corner of his eye. "So how was school? How was the theatre meeting?"

"Awesome!" Daniel exclaimed, kicking against the end of his bed, behaviour which Niles was quick to subdue.

"Yes?" he probed, sharing an excited smile with his son. "What happened?"

"These two ladies came and we did like games and things and at one point we had to yell really loudly and then the next second we had to be super quiet!"

"Was that hard?" Niles grinned, nudging him.

"No, it's called acting, daddy." Daniel informed him seriously.

"Oh alright then, my mistake, I'm sorry." Niles hastily amended, struggling to keep a straight face. "And then what happened?"

"The pretty lady made us run around lots coz we had too much energy."

"Is that what she said?"

"Mmh," an enthusiastic nod, "I like her but she can be scary, too!"

"If she's mean to you, you'll tell me, won't you?" Niles asked gently, his parental instincts kicking in.

"Yup," Daniel hummed, "we will audition next week so I gotta learn some text."

"Who are you going to audition for?"

"Joseph…" his son replied matter-of-factly and Niles smiled.

"If you need help just let me know, alright?"

"I'm gonna blow them away!" Daniel announced and rose on his bed in a heroic pose.

"That's the spirit!" Niles praised and after a few seconds tackled him back down for a hug.

"This is the 5th break we're forced to take." C.C. muttered, glancing at her watch.

"What did you expect?" Rebecca asked, nudging her playfully. "These are children not professional actors."

"Yes, but 5 breaks is still ridiculous. I was hoping to be out of here in fifteen minutes but we still have ten pathetic auditions to get through."

"Oh come on, they're not pathetic! They're so cute and most of them have really put a lot of effort into their pieces."

"Effort?" C.C. exclaimed, arching an eyebrow. "If you call that effort then we're even more doomed than I thought. One girl's recital was barely audible because she was so busy sucking her thumb. Which 7 year-old does that? Another one considered the lyrics to "Anaconda" fitting enough to audition for a role in a Nativity which doesn't only make me question her judgement but also the kind of parenting she's receiving at home. And one of the boys thought that farting alongside his monologue would give him an edge over the other boys auditioning for the role of donkey. So don't even think about praising a single one of them for their "effort" because I am this close to losing it!"

"Alright, alright," Rebecca hastily said, lifting one hand and using the other to cover up the grin that was tugging at her lips, "how about I give the feedback from now on?"

"Be my guest," C.C. sighed, "although of course that can only happen when the rest of the group finally gets back from their toilet break!"

"Forgive them for they have tiny bladders." Rebecca quipped but was silenced a minute later by the withering look her boss gave her.

"Alright, everybody! Let's continue!" C.C. called loudly and while some of the kids assembled instantly with fearful expressions, a little girl timidly approached her and tugged at her sleeve.

"Um…Miss?"

"Yes?" C.C. growled, freeing her arm.

"I haven't been yet and I really gotta go."

"You snooze you lose, kid. Now slap on a diaper and get in line."

She had secretly hoped that with the end in sight the auditions would pass faster but it actually felt as if her desire to leave was only making things worse. As she watched the minutes drag by on her Cartier watch she started to ponder if the remains of her career were really worth salvaging in such an excruciating way. Perhaps it was time to settle down with the money she had inherited so long ago.

But of course she was only lying to herself, knew that the appeal of that particular scenario would dwindle the moment she left the school. There was no-one waiting for her at home, not even a dog. The scandals she had caused in the past had been enough to ensure that most people from her social circle avoided her and at her age lovers also weren't as easy to come by as they had once been. So all she really had left was her career, if also that wasn't something to be proud of anymore.

It was a good thing that Rebecca had decided to give feedback on the last few auditions because the notes C.C. had scribbled barely made sense to herself. And still absent-mindedly she began dragging the tables and chairs back into place while Rebecca dismissed the children and made sure they were picked up by their parents.

"Excuse me, Miss?"

Another tug at her sleeve. If it was that blasted girl again…

She turned around with a frown that she hoped was enough to convey her annoyance but it was a little boy who had found her instead. How could she have known? They all sounded the same at this age.

"What? Isn't your mother waiting for you?"

"No," he shook his head and his bottom lip slowly started to protrude, "my mum's not...around..."

He was that kid with the British accent. Dave or Douglas or something like that.

"Well, that's not my problem, is it?" she questioned, turning back to the chairs and away from his pouty face.

"No, Miss. I just wanted to thank you for the comments. I'll work hard, I promise!"

And as his small arms encircled her in a tentative hug she felt a flood of emotions well up that she had fought hard to supress in the past few years.

"This is a business," she said stiffly, prying his arms loose, "not a family function. So go find whatever caretaker you have left and leave me alone."

Christmas seemed to have come early that year, Niles thought while entering his son's school. He took a right towards the canteen, shaking snowflakes off his scarf while some others continued clinging to his hair until the warmth inside the building finally melted them away.

He hoped that a white Christmas would make his son fall in love with New York. But there was a part of him that knew that the one thing that could really make the transition bearable was for him to be around more. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done what with his new job at the restaurant and the increase in customers during the holiday season.

So in a desperate attempt at silencing his guilt (and fear of turning into one of "those fathers") he had arranged for someone to cover his shift so he could surprise Daniel after one of his rehearsals. His son hadn't stopped talking about it since he had been cast as Joseph a week earlier. As a matter of fact it had been nearly impossible for either him or Anna to persuade Daniel to do his homework. All he had wanted to do was act and perform for them and make sure that he knew his text.

Decorative snowmen and Santa Clauses smiled back at him from the walls and classroom doors he passed on his way to the canteen. All designed to promote what was supposed to be the happiest time of year. He could hear the kids' voices the minute he turned a corner to the next corridor though it sounded more like a day out on the playground than at a rehearsal.

At least the children were too busy to notice him slip inside the room that had been darkened so that the only source of light came from the illuminated stage. He smiled to himself when he spotted his son standing right in the middle, looking focused and determined while most of the other kids were running around chasing each other. And as pride welled up in him and he started to ponder what he could treat his son to, he took a seat in the last row to keep an eye on the performance.

But all thoughts of snowball fights in Central Park or ice skating in front of the Rockefeller Center were forgotten the minute he noticed her. There was no hint of Chanel to warn him this time and no way out either unless he wanted to sacrifice the surprise he had planned for Daniel. So he remained stiffly rooted to his chair, while his eyes stayed focused on the back of her head, on the ears that she had usually brushed her hair behind, on the shoulders that she had squared before tackling a particularly stubborn backer and to the neck that still looked so inviting even now.

He wanted to groan in frustration or bury his face in his hands so he wouldn't see her if only it could mean that he'd be invisible to her as well.

"Alright, everybody! We're done for tonight. Get your things and I'm sure your parents will be here any minute." The woman next to her announced and all the children except for his son instantly scattered.

"Miss?" he suddenly heard Daniel's timid voice and carefully rose from the chair to get closer.

"No, we're done. Go home."

His face broke into a frown. Of course he had known that she didn't have the best track record with children but somehow he hadn't expected her to be quite so dismissive.

"But Miss, I just wanna know if I did well."

There was a pause in which he could see her coolly appraise him. "You stood still and didn't run around. I give you that."

All it took for him to relive their complicated history was the disappointment that washed over his son's face and the sadness that made his shoulders droop.

"That's not how you talk to children and certainly not to my son, Miss Babcock." He said before he could stop himself. "And we both know I'm not the first one to tell you so. Have you really done so much damage on Broadway already that you were forced to take this job?"

Suddenly they were back on that staircase with all the anger and bitter resentment spewing out of him.

He could see her colleague's face twist in outrage and the hurt as it momentarily dulled C.C.'s eyes the same way it had done before. Her response was sharp and challenging nonetheless.

"Excuse me?"

"You never had any maternal instincts so why on earth would you choose to work with children?"

"Daddy?" his son's timid question rattled him enough to make him pause and swallow down any other hurtful remark that was threatening to emerge.

"I suggest you take your son and leave, Mr Brightmore, before I change my mind about casting him." Her words were threatening and low and caused tears to spring to Daniel's eyes.

"Please, daddy!" he begged and jumping down from the stage began tugging at his hand. "Please!"

Nodding absent-mindedly he let himself be dragged away, muttering "Sad old woman" under his breath as he went.

She ordered a martini and sank down in a chair at the counter. She always chose this spot to hide how badly her hands were shaking.

His words haunted her, bounced off the walls in the silence of her apartment and drove her mind in circles.

After all the years they had spent with each other and after all the insults they had exchanged she had never imagined that he could dismantle her so entirely.

She promised herself that one drink would be enough. One drink couldn't hurt. It would steady her and maybe numb her sufficiently to make it through this night.

It ran like liquid warmth down her throat and lit a fire in her belly that hadn't been lit for a long time. It felt like peaceful balance and topsy-turvy chaos all at once. It felt better than acknowledging the truth in his words.

She was lonely, she was bitter, she was old and she couldn't lay off the liquor. And every so often she wondered what might have been.

Snow flurried all around her, settled on her hands and her dress but she refused to close her coat, needed the cold to keep her grounded.

Inside the school, her assistant was still seeing off the children, seeing off the ghost of her past that she had hoped was gone for good.

Out here none of that had happened. Out here she could pretend that she was just taking another cigarette break to get away from the kids that were gnawing at her last nerve.

Her hands were shaking desperately, a sure sign that the nicotine fix didn't have the same effect the alcohol had once had.

His words were all around her again, eating away at her and exposing her for the fraud she was. He knew her too well, had probably noticed already that all his premonitions had come true.

The need for a drink was strengthening its grip on her. Her throat felt dry and the bargaining conversations had already started in her head. Just one drink, all she needed to forget him. Him and his adorable, annoying little son with the British accent. And the wife that he must have found. She did remember Daniel's words about his mother not being present but it was difficult to bear that in mind when resentment ran like poison through her body. She resented herself for having wasted an opportunity that could've brought her happiness and she resented him for playing the victim role and yet moving on so quickly.

"Are you alright?"

She hadn't even noticed that Rebecca had joined her.

Attempting a last drag of her cigarette, she blew out a rush of smoke and turned to face her. "Of course."

The remainder of the cigarette dropped to the ground and diminished under a layer of snow.

"That man was either incredibly rude or you two have a shared history. And since you're usually not so good at remembering names, I'd wager it's the latter."

"We do," she nodded, refusing to meet the concerned eyes of her assistant, "but that's in the past. I need you to do something for me."

"Sure," Rebecca quickly agreed, her brows still knitted into a frown.

"Stay with me tonight? I need to drink and without anyone there I won't be able to stop myself…"

Rebecca smiled in understanding and wrapped an arm her shoulder. "You better be paying me extra for this."

He apologised to his son until he ran out of words. He listened to his anger and his rage. He shouldered the resentment that eventually emerged. He had brought him here. He had taken him away from his mum. He was ruining things for him.

When the silence finally came it cut him deeper than any of the words had done before. Loneliness stole into his heart and welcomed him in the corners of every room.

He had called her a sad old woman but the reflection he saw in the mirror just looked like a sad old man as well. There was no difference.

And he could go on hating her for failing to help him build the life he had always imagined or he could try to accept that she would always be someone who broke him as much as she fixed him.

"You promise you'll just watch?" his son's eyes swept suspiciously over him as they came to a standstill in the corridor.

"Yes, Daniel, I promise." He repeated with a careful smile.

He had been answering this question countless times since his son had started talking to him again and since Niles had informed him of his decision to sit in on the rehearsals from now on. He knew that it was overbearing at best and embarrassing at worst, but he needed to make sure that C.C. wouldn't punish his son for the way he had spoken to her.

"Come along then…" Daniel muttered resigned and continued trudging down the corridor and into the canteen.

There, he made sure that his father took a seat on an abandoned chair at the very back and remained there even though they were the only two people in the room.

Niles watched him discard his backpack before he started dragging tables out of the way and arranging chairs in rows. He was itching to lend a hand but knew that even that would go against the deal they had made.

Gradually the place started to fill up as more and more children poured out of their classrooms and into the canteen. Then C.C. arrived followed by her assistant. They breezed past him clearly in a rush and only briefly locked eyes.

Breathing a sigh of relief Niles leaned back in his chair. It could've been much worse. He wouldn't have put it past her to kick him and Daniel out.

Instead the rehearsal started with lots of warming up exercises for the kids which were like his son had described them. Lots of running, lots of screaming, lots of laughter.

He glanced at his watch and smiled ruefully. Normally, he wouldn't have been out of the restaurant by now. He would've still been preparing the ingredients for the evening shift's team. But the argument with his son had reminded him of the things that really mattered right now. Being present, being engaged, being focused. They would still get by on a part-time job. Luxury had never been in the books in anyway. And cutting down his hours could be beneficial to his heart in more ways than one.

She could feel his presence, his eyes on her even though she had been concentrating on the rehearsal since entering the room. She didn't want him there, tainting her future with hints of the past.

"Mary, can you hold Jesus decently? His holiness is showing again." She sighed, rubbing her temples.

Two weeks until the performance and everything was as dreadful as ever. But she refused to let herself be humiliated in front of the press that Rebecca had hired for the event. More than that, however, she wanted to demonstrate to Niles that she could be in charge of a bunch of wild brats.

Twice more they ran through the whole performance until C.C. was finally satisfied that on opening night they wouldn't make too big of fools of themselves.

"Okay, thanks everyone! See you next week for the final rehearsal! Connor, pick up your gown before you fall on your face…the last thing we need is one of the Wise Men who looks like he's just been in a brawl."

To her right Rebecca snickered and they both shared a tired smile.

"Are you alright staying alone here while I see them all out?"

"I'm not a seven year-old," C.C. reminded her pointedly, "I'm fine on my own."

"Alright, my own fault for asking, I suppose." Rebecca quipped and left the table.

C.C. avoided making any eye contact with Niles by focusing on the notes she had made instead. There was a whole pile of paperwork in front of her that didn't really need organising but she did it nonetheless until several minutes had passed and the table was cleared once more. Then, she finally turned around but was confronted by the boy who was apparently determined to seek her out after every rehearsal.

"What do you want?" she sighed before he had even opened his mouth, all too aware that his father was watching them like a hawk.

"I want you to come and talk to my dad."

"Well, I don't want to."

She sounded laughably childish but there was no other way to make her standpoint known that didn't involve offending the kid and bringing about his father's wrath.

"It's okay to be angry," Daniel frowned, crossing his arms, "but don't be stubborn!"

"Fine…fine…" she lifted up her hands, "anything to get you off my back."

"Alright," he smiled and tugged her along.

"Daniel?" Niles asked when they arrived in front of him, clearly confused as to why she'd been brought over. "Is everything alright?"

"Yup," he nodded happily. "I want you to apologise to each other."

"What?" C.C. exclaimed and Niles chuckled.

"I thought you only wanted me to sit here and be quiet."

"Yup and you did a really good job, daddy!" Daniel praised. "But now the rehearsal's over and you're still mad at each other. So apologise."

"I'm not sure that this is appropriate, Daniel." Niles carefully tried but his son wouldn't have any of it.

"You were mean to her and you hurt her feelings." He insisted and suddenly the atmosphere became charged with something uncomfortable.

They locked eyes for only brief seconds at a time but it was enough to show that they were both too aware of the truth in the child's words. The pain he had caused her was written all over her face and could even be found in the proud tilt of her chin. He wanted to stay angry but instead resignation and recognition softened him.

"And if you made a mistake you apologise." Daniel finished who hadn't stopped talking for a second.

"You're right." Niles admitted, tousling his son's hair before he found the courage to step closer to her. "I'm sorry, Miss Babcock. My parental instinct got the better of me."

Her eyes flickered to his, then back again.

"I saw a little boy who adored you, who asked for your approval and who got brutally denied."

She raised a challenging eyebrow, dared him to own the truth but he refused to go there. Not here in a school canteen with snowmen and angels smiling back at them.

"But my comments were just as harsh and out of line. They were personal and aimed to hurt and I shouldn't claim to know you and your motivations and then use the knowledge to attack you. I don't know everything."

"That's for sure," she commented dryly and the corner of her mouth twitched in amusement.

"Alright, don't push it, Babcock." He muttered while a twin smile appeared on his face.

"Now hug each other!" Daniel ordered excitedly.

"Is that really necessary?" C.C. asked.

"Can't we just shake hands or something?"

"Nope," he insisted, "doesn't count if it isn't sealed by a hug."

"Just do it," Niles quietly advised and with a demonstrative shake of the head C.C. slipped into his arms.

He felt warm and familiar, yet changed and new, safe and oh so dangerous. The mosaic of their past lay before them and the pieces still fit; they were broken down and separated by larger gaps now but the bigger picture still prevailed.

You weren't meant to hold on to ghosts but she found herself unable to let go.

"Daddy?"

Blue eyes looked up at him.

"Yes, Daniel?" he asked impatiently, trying for the third time to tuck him in.

"Do you think Miss Babcock is sad?"

Niles paused, his hand still loosely holding the blanket which was all his son needed to free one of his legs again.

"What makes you say that?"

"Dunno," Daniel shrugged, "she just looks sad sometimes. Like today when you hugged each other."

"Well you know, sweetheart," Niles said, abandoning his attempts for now and sitting down on the edge of the bed, "it was a difficult situation for both of us."

"Because you had to say sorry?" Daniel probed. "I find that hard, too."

"Yes that and well…" he hesitated, considered if it was really necessary to mention, "Miss Babcock and I know each other."

"You do?" Excitement mixed with disbelief in his tone. "Were you an actor? You never told me!"

"No…no…" Niles chuckled, "I met her when I was working as a butler, you know? We shared a work space."

"Did you like each other?" Daniel questioned and Niles chuckled.

"Yes and no…things were a little difficult between us."

"Like how?"

"That's grown-up stuff." Niles smiled softly.

"Oooooh," Daniel said, nodding his head slowly in deep understanding, "you were in love with her!"

The truth behind it and the shock of hearing his son announce it so matter-of-factly momentarily made him speechless.

"Well…we…"

"You're blushing, daddy, so it's true!"

Releasing a heavy sigh Niles nodded. "Yes, I did…"

"Okay," Daniel nodded enthusiastically, wiggling more upright, "does she know? Did you tell her?"

"I did…"

The memories didn't leave him alone and his heart still constricted.

"She didn't like it?"

"She didn't…" he mumbled, still lost in thought, "it's…complicated."

"So she doesn't love you back?"

"No, she doesn't."

"Oh…" Daniel pouted, deflating suddenly and sliding lower into the bed, "that's sad."

Niles hummed non-committedly, tucked him in completely and pecked his head. "Goodnight, sleep well."

"Mmh…" his son hummed quietly, "I want a better story tomorrow, daddy. I don't like sad endings."

"Me neither, Daniel." He agreed, switched off the light and walked into the living room.

Promoting the work they had done with the school on top of her regular job was why she had almost forgotten about the principal's request to find some Christmas decorations for the canteen as well. Almost.

Before their final rehearsal she had decided to squeeze in an hour of shopping so that she could wrap up the presents for her family and send them off to the various exotic locations they liked to spend their holidays at.

Focused as she was and with very little time to waste she had made a beeline for the necessary stores and was halfway down an escalator when the Christmas trees and giant papier-mâché gift boxes caught her attention. Remembrance dawned on her and she cursed. Taking two steps at once she made her way to the lower floor and purchased the bare necessities for the school canteen.

A little while later when she dragged several bags and a large Christmas tree into the performance space her mood hadn't improved. The plastic bags that were dangling from her wrists and elbow were cutting into her skin and the tree had tripped her up more than once.

"Need a hand?" someone asked in a dryly amused tone that made her mood plummet further.

"I can manage," she growled, giving the tree another tug.

"Really?" he persisted. "Because from where I'm standing it looks as if you'll either twist and break your ankle or get very intimate with a bunch of needles. Although knowing your dating record…perhaps that's not a complete turn-off."

C.C. paused and turned and fixed him with a challenging look as if to ask if he had really just said that.

"At least I knew how to avoid a giant cactus." She commented and when he remained silent gave the tree such a push that it toppled towards him.

With a yelp of surprise he tried wrapping his arms around it before it could bury him completely.

"What are you two up to now?" Daniel demanded to know when he entered the room.

"Your dad saw me bring in these decorations but refused to help me put them up." C.C. quickly explained, with a smirk and a side-glance in Niles' direction who was still battling his way out of the tree.

"Daddy!" Daniel sighed. "That's not very polite. Miss Babcock says we all have jobs to do. She can't be a decorator as well, can she?"

"I suppose she can't," Niles muttered under his breath.

"And it'll make her happy if we'll help, won't it?" Daniel probed further with a not so subtle nod.

"I bet it will…" Niles muttered again, narrowing his eyes at her.

"Yes, it would be a great help." C.C. confirmed, smiling sweetly. "Thank you, Daniel, that's very thoughtful of you."

"No problem!" the boy grinned from ear to ear and ran off towards the stage to put on his costume.

"Ah…ten to five…" C.C. said when he had disappeared, drooping all the bags over Niles' free arm, "just enough for a cigarette break."

"It's still a disgusting habit," Niles remarked and when she ignored him and kept walking towards the side door he called, "and you better not critique my work!"

C.C. pushed against the door and held it slightly ajar, then turned to face him and called back: "I wouldn't dream of it. You've always excelled at being a housewife, butler boy."

"Did you really pack everything, dad?" Daniel asked him while they were striding down the school's corridor that was already brimming over with people.

"I promise I did," Niles answered calmly, hoping to ease his son's nerves, "I've checked twice at home and once in the car when we were stuck at that traffic light, remember?"

Daniel nodded nervously and wiped his hands on his jeans. "What if I can't remember my lines?"

The doubt on his face made Niles' heart ache and wish he could swap places with him. After all, he knew what it felt like to be stuck on stage in complete silence while your mind was scrambling to come up with the words you had known perfectly before. It was an experience that he would gladly repeat if it meant sparing his son the humiliation.

"I'm sure Miss Babcock or her assistant will be nearby to help you out." He told him optimistically and finally Daniel smiled with more conviction.

"Yeah…you're right, dad."

Squeezing his shoulder they continued pushing through the crowd, smiling at the familiar faces and stopping occasionally to greet some of Daniel's classmates. They never stayed long, however, and when Niles spotted a camerateam emerging from the end of the corridor, he gave his son an extra push towards the canteen doors.

"In you go and break a leg, alright?" he smiled down at him but then anxiously glanced over his shoulder and towards the rapidly approaching camera team.

"I can do this…can't I?"

A hesitant smile and a self-conscious twist of the hands.

"Of course you can," he winked, "I'm proud of you."

They shared a brief but warm embrace and then his son disappeared behind the doors.

The waiting was the hardest part. He checked his watch so many times that he lost count and tried to distract himself by watching the camera team as it interviewed the principal, some of the children and their parents. It was almost amusing to see how the latter ones were acting. Judging by their behaviour one could've thought that this was the glitzy Broadway premiere of Annie or Matilda, not a school's Nativity Play.

This time he didn't take a seat in the last row but made sure to enter the canteen quickly enough to score a chair in the first one. He just needed to be close enough to jump on stage if necessary and protect his son, even though he rationally knew that that would be overly dramatic and certain to embarrass Daniel to no end.

He folded and unfolded the program he'd been handed at the door repeatedly until it became creased and sticky with sweat. Then he stopped and tried peering into the dark instead, trying to make out some movement but all the kids seemed to have been well trained.

Finally, ten minutes before the performance was supposed to start, he spotted C.C. emerging from the wings and casting a glance towards the back of the room where her assistant was directing the camera team. She was displaying the same signs of nervousness as his son which he would've teased her about if he hadn't been stuck in the audience.

Five minutes before the performance was supposed to start, he saw her free a pair of glasses from the crown of her head and slide them down the bridge of her nose so she could read something on a piece of paper she was holding. It was a checklist he had seen her scan several times before. Her eyes left the page and went to the doors that were closed by now, before sweeping over the audience and finally landing on places behind the stage invisible to him. She looked focused and determined and every bit the Broadway producer she could've become much earlier if Maxwell would've allowed her the freedom.

Suddenly the lights dimmed and plunged everything in darkness, allowing his eyes to hold on to her silver hair and contour for only another second before they melted into the background. His nerves instantly returned and he scooted to the edge of his seat, clenching and unclenching his hand and missing everything the principal had to say in his welcome speech.

The minutes until Daniel made his first appearance seemed endless and even when he could finally see him, his heart continued to pound in his ribcage. His throat felt dry and time and time again he caught himself mentally recalling his son's next lines. A quick look towards the wings, however, showed him that he wasn't the only one at least because C.C. seemed to be mouthing along as well which made her oddly endearing if only he wasn't supposed to be angry at her still.

Finally, when the spotlights dimmed and the canteen lights went back on he was able to relax. Drenched in sweat and somewhat shaky he felt as if he'd just run a marathon. If only school performances came with well-stocked bars like their professional counterparts…though he wouldn't have put it past C.C. to have set one up. Age restrictions be damned.

It didn't take long before Daniel came racing from behind the stage and flew into his arms.

"I did it, daddy!"

Niles laughed and hoisted him up. "You were brilliant. Well done!"

"Thanks! It was awesome! Can we go see Miss Babcock now?"

Niles chuckled at his son's enthusiasm and turned towards the last spot he had seen her at but she was no longer there and instead being interviewed by the camera team.

"She's a little busy right now…"

"But dad, we gotta give her the present!" Daniel interrupted with the slightest hint of a whine to his tone.

"And we will," Niles nudged him, "once the press has left, okay?"

As they waited, the hall gradually emptied and the Christmas lights that he had painstakingly put up all over the place were switched off.

"She's alone now!" Daniel pointed out eventually, after the assistant and the last members of the press had left together.

"Let's go and talk to her then," Niles nodded, accepting the bag with the costume that his son hastily handed to him.

"Miss Babcock?" Daniel yelled loudly and captured her attention from the other end of the canteen.

To his surprise she didn't look annoyed as she had done before but chuckled.

"Yes, Daniel?"

"I just wanted to say thank you." He said, shoving a clumsily wrapped package into her hands.

"What's this?" she frowned and looked from Daniel to him.

"A present, duh, it's nearly Christmas!"

Niles chuckled amused and added: "Daniel picked it out himself."

C.C. remained frozen for another second but then began tearing it open, enthusiastically cheered on and encouraged by his son.

"But this is…" she muttered and Niles secretly enjoyed the look of surprise and excitement that lit up her face while she studied the script in her hands.

"First edition, yes." He confirmed.

"Daddy lied…he helped me pick this out. I wanted something that'd make you happy and he said that he'd noticed it a while ago in this old store and that he'd thought of you and…"

While his son babbled on, blissfully unaware of all the implications of his words, Niles and C.C. exchanged another glance.

"So you like it?"

"Yes, Daniel, it's great," C.C. nodded, "it's my favourite Christmas gift."

"You can't say that," Daniel laughed, "Christmas isn't until tomorrow. You could get much better gifts."

"Trust me," she said softly, "it doesn't get much better than that."

"Why not? Doesn't your family give you nice presents?"

It bordered on a miracle that C.C. remained calm despite his son's insatiable curiosity. Only a flicker of sadness that suddenly clouded her face gave away how she truly felt.

"They're never around for Christmas and their presents are usually….expensive but exchangeable."

"What does that mean?" Daniel frowned. "And why won't they celebrate with you?"

"It just means that their presents are okay…but not as exciting as this." She chuckled a bit, holding up the script. "My family isn't very…" she paused, "We've never really celebrated together. It's no big deal."

"Of course it is! You can't be alone. Come stay with us…there'll be enough food, right dad? You can have some of my presents, too!"

"That's very generous of you, kiddo," Niles gently interrupted, "but I'm sure Miss Babcock has made other plans already."

"Do you?" Daniel probed nosily and somehow the Bitch of Broadway, known for making grown men cry, caved.

"No…I…well…"

"Then it's a deal. You come stay with us. Here's our address…" he decided, tore the script out of her hands and eagerly scribbled down their details, thankfully missing the look of horror that flashed across C.C.'s face.

"We should go now, it's getting late." Niles reminded him, trying to gently steer him away just in case she lost her temper after all but he freed himself to give her one last hug.

"Thank you and see you tomorrow!"

Niles smiled to himself at seeing the careful way she patted his back and then headed out into the corridor.

"She looked happy, right?" Daniel checked when they arrived at their car.

"She did." He confirmed, opening the door for him.

"She'll come tomorrow, you'll see." Daniel continued determinedly.

"It'd be a Christmas miracle…" Niles muttered in response and then climbed into the car as well.

She hadn't intended to come. Not really. Not at first.

The invitation had likely not even been serious, she'd told herself. He was a child and he was eager but what did he know about social conventions or the troubled history she shared with his father?

She hadn't expected it to be easy, returning to her life – when had she ever experienced genuine adoration, after all – but she had convinced herself that it'd be manageable.

But Christmas suddenly looked greyer than it had ever done before and the outlook for the new year wasn't any more promising either. Who did she have in her life that really wanted to spend time with her and who didn't just do so because she was signing their paychecks?

The picture grew so depressing that it occupied her for most of the day until finally she made a decision that carried her to the front door of Niles' apartment.

By the time she arrived evening had fallen, colouring the sky dark and gloomy. Snow steadily continued to fall, coating her boots and making her shiver as she waited and looked around at the lights glistening from inside the many windows.

Finally, the door in front of her opened and Niles appeared. He looked well-dressed and yet comfortable in a pair of dark slacks and a deep red sweater.

"Babcock?"

Behind his back, Daniel appeared grinning from ear to ear. "Told you she'd come. Daddy just finished dinner, you can have some if you want."

C.C.'s eyes shifted from him to his father in a silent question.

"I wouldn't lock my dog out in this weather," he said and winked and stepped aside to let her in.

The three of them climbed the stairs until they reached an apartment on the top floor. Inside, the warmth smelled like roasted meat and apples with just the lightest hint of cinnamon. It was enough to make her stomach rumble.

While Niles hurried to the kitchen, C.C. took a moment to look around. They had stepped right into the living area where a large sofa took up most of the space. The bare walls were lined with bookcases and shelves that carried picture frames and other memorabilia from his life with the Sheffields and beyond. It seemed as if he had thought very carefully to give every inch its own personal touch, so there were cranberry chains and garlands wrapped around the dark-wooden beams protruding from the ceiling and even the coffee table had been adorned with a poinsettia. In front of them the floor was covered in toys and torn up wrapping paper and a small Christmas tree had been squeezed into a corner.

"So you've already had your presents?" she asked Daniel who hadn't left her side.

"Mmh, dad says I'm not very patient." He grinned.

"He should talk," she replied dryly and chuckled, "did you get anything good?"

"Yeah…lots and lots…" he jumped towards the couch and began lifting up items one by one.

C.C. nodded and paid attention while hesitantly taking off her coat and boots.

"And a baseball…" Daniel eventually finished, "which is awesome coz I didn't think I'd get one."

"Why not?" she frowned, glancing up when Niles entered the room, carrying plates.

"Because he doesn't really know or like baseball," he explained, setting everything down, "but everyone in his school is mad about it and he wants it just to fit in."

"Not true!" Daniel frowned. "I wanted to see if I could like it…"

"Always a possibility," C.C shrugged with a nod.

"Don't encourage him." Niles chuckled, playfully wagging his finger at her.

"Hey, I'm not the one who bought him the ball."

"Alright, alright…just sit down, I'll bring out the rest. How about some red wine, Babcock?"

"No, thanks." She replied, trying to sound nonchalant but didn't miss the curious look either that he gave her before disappearing back into the kitchen.

Luckily, Daniel was there to bridge the silence and dragged her off to the table.

"Did we get good reviews?"

"Mmh?" she frowned, still lost in thought.

"There were cameras yesterday. Weren't they there for reviews?"

"Oh yes…yes…" she nodded quickly, "they were very impressed. I was, too."

"You were?"

He seemed to be glowing under her praise.

"You stood in the right spots and didn't forget your lines. How can I not be?" she chuckled and his grin broadened.

"Thank you!"

Another firm, spontaneous hug that affected her more deeply than she was ready to admit.

"You're scaring me, Babcock." Niles commented and set the remaining few items down in front of them. "Let's eat before I start questioning if it's really you."

"I had expected something like roast beef for dinner." C.C. said a couple of hours later, while they were staring at the TV screen on which the credits of the second movie they had watched that evening rolled.

Daniel lay spread out between them, his head resting in his dad's lap and his legs stretched out across hers. He had fallen asleep a while ago.

"Spaghetti not fancy enough for you?" Niles challenged, mischief making him look younger.

"No," she rolled her eyes, "I just thought there was a hint of apple and roast meat."

"Such a keen sense of smell." He carefully freed his arm from his son's sleeping figure to pat her head. "We had some earlier but pasta is a Christmas tradition of sorts. Daniel's mother usually made it for him."

C.C. nodded and swatted his hand away. "Does he miss her? He mentioned earlier that she only send him some money, not an actual present."

"Yes, she's good like that." Niles muttered bitterly. "But he adores her…it's natural, I suppose, she's his mother. New York is still new to him so the old, familiar experiences are the better ones."

"Of course," she agreed in honest understanding, "you only recently moved?"

"I got a better job offer here than I had in England. Although it didn't turn out to be that great…maybe I selfishly just wanted to get away from her. Not that I needed to…she was never really present when we still lived in England. But I think I needed to get away."

Silence settled between them and after a while, C.C. tilted her head back against the headrest and studied him out of the corner of her eye.

"So to make yourself feel better you cook two meals a for Christmas?"

"And a dessert, I've made apple crumble too." He chuckled tiredly.

"If I didn't know better I'd say you're vying for housewife of the year award." She smirked.

"You're just jealous because I have more than one way of satisfying those around me while you don't even have one."

"Because cooking your way into a girl's heart really works? Sorry to disappoint you but not every lady wants to share spaghetti and meatballs with a tramp."

"I'll let you know that there have been no complaints about my balls in the past."

Despite herself C.C. laughed loudly and gleefully. "Should you be talking like this in front of your son?"

"He's asleep and thankfully too young and innocent still."

"You never know."

"Oh don't even go there…that time is still a long way in the future." He shook his head and gingerly bent forward to retrieve his glass of brandy. "Are you sure you wouldn't like some?"

"I don't drink anymore, Niles." She sighed deeply and stared at the dark screen.

"Listen, C.C., I said a lot of awful things that night…things that I didn't mean. I was hurt and I lashed out…"

"You were right," she interrupted him, "about everything. I was alone while with the Sheffields and I was alone even after I left them. I had my work and I concentrated on that but inevitably I ended up making mistakes and there was no-one to talk to. Maxwell had a life out in California that I didn't realise I wanted until it was gone. My family was supportive only when I was successful. I never had real friends and you…well…" she paused and tapped the armrest with her fingers. "So I turned to my other friends, Jim, Jack and Johnny and I grew dependent on them, too dependent. I acted out and sent my career further down the drain. Then I went into rehab but the thing about this city…this life is that no-one waits for you anymore. I convinced myself I didn't need anything, anyone either…but your son is stubborn…"

"Yes, he is," Niles nodded, eyeing her carefully.

"Like his father…" C.C. continued, looking at him fully and after a moment added: "I don't want to be alone anymore, Niles."

"You aren't," he replied and extended his hand across the fragile balance his son had created, "I've missed you, C.C. and I hope you'll be able to forgive me one day. I acted like an ass…predicting your future like that as if I was so perfectly in control of my own, as if I was so infallible. I didn't know what I was doing and I broke a lot along the way…I'm lucky that I got Daniel out of it in the end at least."

"I'd make puking sounds and call you corny if I wasn't so afraid of your newly-acquired paternal wrath." She remarked dryly, finally accepting his hand and intertwining their fingers.

"Oh come on…it wasn't so bad…" he muttered, squeezing her hand.

"Oh no?" she arched an eyebrow. "All that's missing is the soccer mom haircut."

He gasped indignantly and playfully started withdrawing his fingers but she was quick to recapture them.

"So you're enjoying our Christmas so far?" he asked, after a comfortable moment of silence.

"How could I not?" she replied. "You admitted to being wrong and called yourself an ass…I don't think that can be topped."