Alec's POV
I'm laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I can't sleep, if I do, I'll dream of him. The one I lost, the man I love. How could I have been so stupid? My own wishes and bitterness caused me to look for a way to make Magnus immortal. Camille approached me with a way to make this happen, and like a fool I took her help into consideration. However, in the end, I decided I couldn't do that to him. I went to tell Camille my decision, but I wasn't counting on Magnus trailing me. I flinch, tears starting to well up in my eyes. It hurts so much to remember, but I force myself to relive it every night. It's my way of punishing myself for hurting him. Tonight, however, the pain is even more unbearable than usual. I remember the hurt in his eyes, the calm anger he held when he told me he didn't want to see me again. That last embrace, our last kiss, and the words that escaped his lips soon after.
Aku cinta kamu- I love you
Even those usually magical words couldn't undo what I did. It's just too much to handle anymore. I get out of bed and turn my light on. It's cold in my room, but thats only because I left my window open and all I'm wearing is a pair of boxers and a black tank top. Ignoring the chill that encircles my body, I walk over to my dresser. I pick up a picture of me and Magnus from our romantic world tour . We were on a beach in Maui, each with a margarita in one hand, and holding our free hands together, fingers intertwined. I'll never hold his hand again. Be held by him or hear him whisper words of comfort the way he did when Jace was missing. I don't want to, no, can't live without all those things. I open the top drawer of my dresser and rifle through all the shirts until I find the knife I've been hiding. Pulling it out of the drawer, I walk over to the door and lock it, picture still in hand. I sit on the edge of my bed and angle the knife at the top of my forearm with the sharp edge of the blade on my artery and look at the picture I've placed next to me.
"Aku cinta kamu," I whisper, then slowly drag the knife down the length of my forearm, sending a sharp pain through my body. Blood starts to pour out of the cut and I grit my teeth to prevent any cries of pain from being released. I stop at my wrist and do the same on my other arm. Sitting further back on the bed, I drop the knife on the white sheets and watch as the blood runs steadily out of my body, carrying my life with it. A metallic smell surrounds me, and soon I start to feel dizzy. I collapse on my bed, unable to muster the strength to stay sitting up anymore. My eyelids grow heavy, and I slowly drift off into sweet nothingness.
Magnus' POV
I jolt awake from a deep sleep. What a horrifying dream, I thought Alec was dead. Just moments ago, I dreamt that my ex-boyfriend had decided to kill himself. I shake away the possibility, he wouldn't do something so drastic. Getting out of bed, I walk to my liquor cabinet in the kitchen. After such a terrible dream, I need a drink. I open the cabinet and pull out a bottle of whiskey. I'm not particularly fond of the stronger stuff, but I don't think a glass of wine is gonna do the trick. After two glasses of liquor, I still can't shake the feeling that something bad has happened to Alec. I shouldn't go and see him, after all, he had betrayed my trust and tried to make me mortal, but I need to know he's okay. Drinking one more glass of whiskey, I Portal to the Institution. I'm there in an instant, and Maryse comes to the door to greet me.
"Magnus?" she says, slightly shocked.
"It's been a while Maryse. I just want to talk to Alec," I tell her, keeping my suspicions to myself.
"What if he doesn't want to see you?" she asks me suspiciously.
"I'll leave without a fight."
"You know where his room is."
She moves aside and lets me pass her. I half-walk, half-run to Alec's room. Once I reach his room, I lightly knock on the door.
"Alec?"
No answer. Starting to panic, I knock a little louder hoping he just didn't hear me.
"Alec, please answer the door."
"Still nothing. The panic rises as I go for the doorknob, only to find it locked. My first instinct is to kick the door open, only to find Alec lying in his bed. He's deathly pale, and steady streams of crimson red steadily pour out of two even wounds, one on each wrist, and onto the white sheets beneath him, leaving a dark stain.
"Alec!" I yell as I run to him, thinking I had lost him. Tears start to stream down my cheeks as I run my fingers along his jawline trying to find a pulse. I feel a very faint, almost nonexistent beat in his neck which is enough to convince me he can still be saved. I tear a long strip of fabric from the bottom of my gray t shirt and start to wrap it around one of the cuts. Blood starts to seep through as I secure the makeshift bandage in place. Tearing off another strip of cloth, I start to bind it to the other wound, but fumble. I realize my hands are shaking terribly from the shock of finding Alec like this. Taking a deep breath, I try to calm myself. i'll be no use to him if I can't keep it together.
"Please don't die on me, " I whisper pleadingly, "Alec, please don't die."
"What's with all the banging? Don't you know some people are trying to...oh my god. Alec!"
I look up to see Isabelle standing in the doorway, hand on her mouth and tears starting to dot her eyes.
"We have to do something," I tell her breathlessly, "Please, help him."
"He's still alive?"
"Yes, but just barely. I don't know what to do, I don't know any healing spells."
"Just stay with him. I'll get a stele."
She runs out of the room, and out of the corner of my eye spot a piece of colored paper next to Alec. I pick it up, it's a photograph, from our recent world tour. Maui I believe, I didn't care where we were, I was happy just to be with Alec. But now Alec's face was completely blotted out in a stain of red.
"Get out of the way." I hear Isabelle's order as she runs back in, stele in hand. She calmly lifts Alec's arm and steadily draws the iratze rune pattern above my makeshift bandages. ashe does the same with the other arm, then looks under the bandage.
"The cuts are healed."
She runs her fingers lightly on his his neck and holds them there for a minute before pulling them away.
"And it was in time. Thank the Angel," She turns to face me, "And thank you, if you didn't come to check on him we would've been too late."
"How can you thank me?" I ask, "It's probably my fault he did this."
"No one blames you for what happened. You had every right to be angry."
"I guess."
"Well, I'm going to bed, I have an early patrol tomorrow."
"Can I stay with him?"
"Of course. And when he comes to give him a piece of my mind for me."
She turns to walk away.
"Should we tell Maryse?" I ask and she stops.
"No," she replies, "Mom's still messed up from Max's death. If she knew what happened it would ruin her. Don't tell Jace, Clary and the others either. They'd probe as to why and it'd do more harm than good."
"So this is our little secret."
"As far as I'm concerned it never happened," she smiles, "Goodnight Magnus."
"Good night. Sleep well."
Isabelle leaves and I look to where Alec is lying. Pulling up a chair, I take his hand in mine and wait for him to wake up.
Alec's POV
I feel my eyes open, only to be blinded by a bright light. Weird, I definitely don't feel dead.
"You're awake, thank the Angel.'
I tense up, that's Magnus' voice. My eyes finally adjust to the light and I see I'm in my room with Magnus sitting beside me.
"Magnus? Why are you here?" I ask weakly.
"I got worried about you but never mind that right now. What the hell were you thinking?!"
I flinch, he wasn't yelling but the harshness in his voice frightened me.
"If I had been a few minutes later, if your sister didn't hear me break the door down, what do you think would've happened then? What about Jace? Do you think he would've been alright when he felt your death through the parabatai? And what about your mother?! How do you think she would've reacted to finding your body?!"
I've already started crying again, Magnus was right. I would've hurt so many people.
"What about you?" I ask.
"I would've been devastated. That night, I meant it when I said I love you, and I still do."
I feel his hand cup my cheek and I place my hand on his. I've missed his gentle touch. The next thing I know, his lips are on mine and his tongue was sweeping across my mouth, asking for entrance. I immediately grant his request. He tastes like a mix of cherries and whiskey, a surprisingly delicious combination. i feel his tongue explore the crevices of my mouth, then run along the length of my own tongue. I've missed this. After a minute we break apart, my mind reeling.
"I've missed kissing you, Alexander," Magnus says, making me blush. I love it when he says my full name. He continues.
"I also miss the way you'd hold my body close to yours while we slept. Your head on my chest, arm on my waist. And I'd wrap my arm around your shoulders to hold you closer to me. Alec, come home with me."
"How can I say no?"
Magnus smiles, "First we should clean this mess up, it would be bad if your mother or anyone found your room like this. I know. Bring anything that has blood on it to the middle of the floor."
I strip the bloodstained sheets off the bed and throw them to the floor, ditto for the strips of cloth that are on my arms. I come to the picture and hesitate.
"Don't fret about it Alexander, I have many more you can have," Magnus says.
I throw the picture on the pile and Magnus whispers something inaudible. Soon after, the pile's ablaze in a blue fire. I turn to see Magnus not even paying attention to the inferno he set in my room, but instead putting fresh sheets on the bed. He looks up at me.
"Why don't you write a note for your mother? I'm sure she'll worry if you just disappear."
I walk over to my dresser write a note saying I'm at Magnus', I'm fine, the usual. I leave it on the freshly made bed and turn to see Magnus had out the fire.
"Ready to go?" he asks me and I nod. He opens a Portal and the next thing I know, I'm in Magnus' bedroom. The cherry red sheets on Magnus' bed stand out in the moonlight.
"Welcome home," he says, "I'm gonna grab a drink, just make yourself comfortable."
He leaves the room and I sit on the edge of the bed. Looking around, I can see the vague outlines of Magnus' vanity mirror, his cherry maple dresser and nightstand. After a minute, Magnus walks back in, bottle wine in one hand, two glasses in the other. He is also shirtless. I run my gaze up and down his body, taking in the delicious visual. He's even more perfect then I remember him being. Magnus sits down beside me and pops the cork on the wine bottle. He half fills both glasses and hands one to me. Setting the bottle on the nightstand, he takes a long drink and I do the same. I accidentally tip the glass too far up and some of the violet-red liquid runs down my chin. Paying no mind to it, I continue to drink til theres no more wine. Magnus takes the glass and sets it down on the nightstand along with his. He looks at me and lets loose a small laugh.
"Oh, Alexander," he whispers as he moves closer to me, his skin brushing against mine. I feel his tongue slide up from the bottom of my chin up to my mouth, taking up the thin trail of wine with it. Then, his lips capture mine in a kiss. This kiss was definitely different than before, it wasn't the I'm glad you're ok, I still love you kiss Magnus had given me before. No, this was the familiar I don't want anything but you, never go away kind of kiss I've received countless times in the near past. It feels so good to kiss Magnus like this again. He stops kissing me long enough to pull my tank top over my head and toss it to the floor. Magnus pushes me backwards onto the bed and climbs on top of me. He kisses me again, pressing his body down on mine. I twine my legs around his waist and he grinds his hips down on mine, making me jump. Fuck, that feels good. My hands travel down to his jeans and start to fumble with the button. I want him so bad it hurts. I eventually get the button undone and slide my hand down to grab his shaft. He lets out a low growl against my mouth. I feel Magnus pull my boxers away the same time I pull off his jeans and underwear. His stops kissing me and puts three fingers in my face. I start to suck on them already knowing what he wants. After his fingers are evenly coated with spit he withdraws them from my mouth and presses them against my entrance. He pushes the first one through and I barely notice his presence. I feel the second finger enter me and wince at the small burning sensation that follows. Magnus starts to move his fingers in and out. It hurts a little, but feels so fucking good. After a few minutes of this he presses the third finger in. It's enough to cause me to let out a stifled cry and he starts to move all three fingers inside me as I let out small moans of pleasure. Magnus' fingers crook upwards to brush my prostate and I let out a sharp cry of ecstasy. He smiles and withdraws his fingers. Positioning himself between legs, Magnus steals a kiss from my lips as he thrusts into me. I moan into the kiss as he starts to rock his hips against mine, slowly driving himself deeper into me. Wrapping my legs around him, I place my hands on the back of his shoulders and start to move in sync with his Magnus' body. I respond to each thrust by pressing my body down on Magnus' erection, dragging a growl from his lips. Magnus' pace quickens and he starts to nail my prostate with every stroke. My nails dig into the skin on his back as my moans and cries of pleasure get louder. Magnus starts to pump my erection in timing with his thrusts. I see stars as my body becomes overtaken with pleasure. I come on Magnus' chest and after a few more strokes, he releases inside me, filling me to the brim with his warm seed. He pulls out of me and we get cleaned up. We slide under the red comforter and I lay my head on Magnus' chest and listen to the steady beat of his heart. I feel Magnus' arm wrap around my shoulders and a light kiss on my forehead.
"Get some sleep my angel," he whispers to me, "Because tomorrow you're moving back in."
I look up at him, "You really want me to?"
"Of course. It's been torture not having you to hold at night. But I want you to promise me something.'
"Anything"
"Promise me you won't do anything behind my back again. You can tell me anything, and I'll try my hardest to understand."
"Of course. And Magnus?"
"Hm?"
"Aku cinta kamu."
He smiles, "And I you, my darling."