1.
I didn't notice her when I first came in the company. I was more interested in knowing what I was supposed to do and knowing which of the younger and best looking female colleagues were available every once-an-then for a date, a movie-going or even a hang-out, among other colleagues.
I was interviewed twice before they agreed to take me in. I traveled around America a lot, so I believe they were more interested in my traveling experience than my studies in economy and IT technologies. I don't even think they needed a person qualified for that within the four-persons' team they assigned me to.
I was to the forth, replacing a guy two years my senior, who had just recently been dispatched to another team in a completely different department. Since everyone working in the company shared the same space, it felt like everyone completed one single large round family circle.
Within this circle, there were several departments and I was now assigned to one of them.
She was the quietest from the team and the farthest, so to speak. Our offices were attached one to another, no private space to anyone, computers set side by side. She was closer to the window and the farthest from all of us, since she had set her computer monitor against the computer monitor of her fellow colleague sitting next to her. If one had to walk back and forth to and from the office, one would not be able to see her.
Everyone else seemed to enjoy mingling. I for one, could not get enough of mingling and enjoyed the company of so many female colleagues showing me around and laughing at my jokes and smiling about while showing me around. But when I first met Lucy, she looked completely oblivious to new-comers in the company and furthermore, she had no desire to meet anyone of them.
'Luce, this is Chris, he's our new member from the department. Come say hi!'
'Hi!' she said, while raising one hand from behind her monitor, but instead kept herself to work and said nothing else.
'Nice to meet you', I said smiling, but immediately, I disliked her ignorant way of being and sent her thought away by preoccupying myself with a brief training from the veteran members of the team.
Lydia was the oldest member from the team, although she was two years younger than I and I felt she had a kind of powerful aura about her, the kind that people have when they try desperately to reach the top by pleasing their boss or simply showing off as hardworking people who should take credit for every project within the department.
I should do this and have to do that and overall, think about this and that and those. That is everything she explained and before I took a few moments to jot something down, I noticed people moving about me and going off for lunch-time. I saw the woman called Lucy finally stand up and watched her from the corner of my eye, only to simply make her physical acquaintance, imagining that would meet a complete geek, a few inches in diameter for her glasses and a pair of worn-out tennis-shoes, coffee stained shirt and a pair of baggy jeans.
Instead, when she stood up, Lucy looked normal. Well, almost normal. She wore a pair of black jeans, a simple light-brown tshirt and an open-buttoned dark green sweater. She wasn't exactly the skinny type, but she had her flesh come off just fine over the most important parts to a woman. Her hair was a complete mess though. Combed up and arranged perhaps early in the morning, but received no treatment after that. It was all over the place, and I couldn't see much of her face for that matter.
A tall rather good-looking man came over to her seat, as she stood up and grabbed her coffee cup from the table, beside the monitor.
'Hey, Luce, coming for lunch at the food court?'
'Yea, just gimme a minute. Girls coming?'
'Guess so. Spoke to them a few minutes ago. I think Anna's gonna be late.'
'Wait for me by the entrance, I'm coming', she finally said, her husky voice later low, like a baritone, but she kept a calm and rather composed posture, as the man waved to her and headed for the entrance.
'Going downstairs, Lucy?' another girl asked from an office half a meter away from ours. 'Could you buy me a doze of coke when you get back?'
'Not unless my hand falls off', she commented seriously, but still received money from her colleague and then headed for the entrance as well, without a second glance.
2.
I was given training for most of the day, so I did not have time to check up on Lucy. She came back to the office within ten minutes and after that, I had to pay attention to the training. I took notes and paid attention to whatever Lydia taught me regarding my new job. I took half a lunch-break and then had a breath of fresh air on the company terrace, where everyone smoked. Lucy was there, but she was with a friend, so she did not smoke. Instead she leaned against the banister and looked down at the people walking pass the company building and talked to her friend in a low voice. When her friend finished her cigarette, they went outside the terrace and headed for the exit.
That was the last time I caught sight of Lucy at work. I spent the rest of the day in Lydia's company and her other friends and I even managed to ask out a few girls or at least make sure my schedule would be full with extracurricular activities regarding groups of colleagues, especially females.
At six, when my work schedule ended, I packed my stuff up and got ready to leave. By this time, I was passed on to other two members of the department I was assigned to, so I was no longer under Lydia's care.
'How's it so far?' Hank asked me, he being the only male in the four-person's team up to now. 'Having difficulty absorbing everything?'
'Something like that', I smiled gently. 'It's different from what I've ever done before. But I think I can handle it.'
'It's not so difficult, as long as you leaned and remembered the basics. It's really all about practice', Hank replied smiling and by this time, Lydia and the third person, Jennifer, were already packing their bags to get ready to depart.
Lucy was putting her jacket on, when Hank and I stood up from our seats and chatted a little longer. She waited for us by the exit gate. When Hank opened the door and the girls were left to pass through first, Lydia called up an elevator for us.
'Where did you work before, Chris?' Jennifer asked me and all three stared back at me, as Lydia pressed the "Down" button.
'Haven't really worked anywhere this big, really. In fact I didn't work during college, and my first job was at an IT company. It was for IT services, so I was the only faxing everything to our clients. It wasn't much to do and no overtime.'
Here, they sighed and Lydia exchanged smiling glances with Jennifer. Hank preserved a smile. 'That's good to know', he said. 'Well, I've worked at an IT company before, but I was doing what I am doing now: back office. If you had a problem with your computer or your IP address, they'd call up other guys on the field, but originally I was the one to install everything for you, once you'd buy a new one. Was sick of not advancing, so I left.'
He shrugged his shoulder and the doors slid open for the exit. We headed for the parking, where Hank and Jennifer were going to pick up their cars. Lydia and Lucy headed for the subway station, but Hank insisted on giving them a ride, so they agreed.
'Where did you work before this, Jennifer?' I asked her and she gave me an inquisitive look, before she startled and said: 'Oh, nothing much. At printershop really. Wasn't doing much of anything, but the boss was an ass, so I resigned soon enough. I interviewed here a couple of weeks later and they got me in.'
'Lydia's the oldest in the gang', Hank explained suddenly, as the person he talked about quickly went to pick up a doze of coke from a nearby vending machine. 'I think she was here when the company first came into being, so she knows a lot of the stuff's that going on around. Ad Lucy, here, she worked as a teacher before, didn't you?'
We looked at her, but she did not look back at us. Instead, she seemed to remove her gaze onto the ground, smiling forcedly. 'Something like that. Part time.'
'She was teaching children foreign languages. French, was it?'
Jennifer gave a snort and hit Hank in the elbow: 'No, dummy, she's the German one, don't you remember. Tell him where you were born, Luce!'
'Dinkelsbruehl, was it?' Hank squinted a little, before I saw Lydia coming up from behind and smiled.
'Ah, talked about the German girl, eh?'
'Did I pronounce that correctly?' Hank looked at Lucy and she shrugged her shoulders.
'Sprechen sie Deutsch?' Jennifer smiled and Lucy stuck out her tongue to her quickly, before she swallowed it up into a small grin. She said something in German, which sounded like "Idiots" and then we headed for Hank and Jennifer's cars. Because they were parked onto the same area, it wasn't hard to find them, so we chatted along the way.
After that, Hank drove me, Lydia and Lucy home and we talked a little more about the work.
After he dropped Lydia right in front of the building to her apartment, it was time he dropped me home. I told him where to go and how to park around the area safely and Lucy said that she's get off only to get a bus back home.
'I'm driving you, idiot!' Hank joked around, but Lucy shook her head and gave him a grin.
'You wouldn't drive around my neighborhood', she replied instead. 'I'm just taking the bus for a couple of stops, and I won't be paying anything. See you tomorrow!'
'OK, suit yourself! I'll be seeing you tomorrow, Chris!' Hank shook hands with me and I smiled and said "Likewise", before I shut the door to the car and he drove off with his car through the night traffic.
I looked back and saw Lucy heading for the nearest bus station to the area, but I knew that it would take a 20-minute walk before she reached the closest. I thought that perhaps I should follow and make sure she arrived safely to her destination, so I headed for her and called her name when I was half a meter away from her.
'Lucy, wait up! I'll take you to the nearest bus station.'
'I'll be alright', she said, as she continued on walking and lifted one hand in the air as I sign that she declined my invitation.
'I don't mind the walk', I said smiling and I saw her stop and sigh heavily, before she replied: 'Fine.'
I saw she was wearing a rucksack, so I offered to carry it for her, but she once more refused and I was left with nothing to say. I looked around and saw few people populating the boulevard, although night traffic was intense. I looked at Lucy and noticed that she was looking straight ahead, towards the cars and occasionally towards people's faces, those passing us by. She did not look at me, except once, when she finally noticed I was staring at her.
'What?' she asked confused.
'I think you're one of the quietest people I've ever met', I slightly smiled and straightened up. 'Did you notice you did not speak to me directly since this morning when you said "Hi"? Even that was not… well, not exactly addressed to me. It was just… standard stuff.'
Lucy shrugged her shoulders indifferently and said: 'Is there something wrong with being quiet?'
'No, I don't think so. But if you worked as a teacher before, I suppose being quiet wasn't exactly one of your best features. I mean… you had to talk, right?'
She smiled. 'I'm different with children.'
'Were they good kids? Like… Did they enjoy German?'
'Sort of. It's been a year. I guess they did.'
'How old were they?'
'The youngest was four and the oldest I've ever had was eleven.'
I nodded interestedly and then stared back at Lucy. 'Did you enjoy being a teacher?'
'I did. I'd go back there if I could. But they would only hire Part-time. And I needed Full-time.'
'Oh, the independent type, I presume', I smiled gently, but she remained as impassible as before. Lucy did not reply to that, so I had to rephrase the question, in order to receive an answer from her: 'Is where you live your place? Or just rented?'
She gave me a quick glance back before she replied: 'Yes, it is.'
'Are you really from Dink-… I can't pronounce it', I smiled and Lucy sighed.
'Dinkelsbruehl. Yes, I am. My grandparents are still there. I live here now, though.'
'Living with your family?'
'Just my father.'
'Oh', I said, shutting my mouth after that, thinking if I should go on or simply drop it. Clearly, since Lucy said she was living now only with her father, something must have happened to the mother and I did not want to ask what.
'Sorry if I seem to meddle in', I said instead and Lucy simply shrugged her shoulders.
'No problem. If you ask questions, I answer.'
'So, what is your name?'
'Luce Schrader. But everyone's calling me Lucy.'
'I'm Chris Rogers.'
I smiled because then Lucy stopped and shook hands with me. Her hand was small compared to mine, but her fingers were long and thin and they had a firm grip. She seemed to be working more with her hands than all the other girls I've ever met in the company.
'Nice to meet you', I said. 'Finally!'
She smiled forcefully and straightened up.
'So, I should call you Luce?'
'Something like that.'
I looked around and noticed that we were closing on the bus station, so if I wanted to chat some more, I would have to hurry up by now. I looked down to her - she was shorter than me – and noticed that all this time, Luce sort of insisted on keeping her head down and hide off her face, even though seldom she would raise it up to no one's knowledge why. And once more, she kept quiet and composed.
'Do you like where you work?'
'No. But I have no choice. I like what I do. I just don't like the where and the who.'
She was honest, so I had to give her credit for that. I smiled. 'Are there any tips you should be giving me before starting work tomorrow?'
'No tips. Just be careful who you talk to. And what you talk about.'
'Can I talk to you about things?' I smiled a little jokingly, but Luce did not.
'I don't really make friends, so I suppose you could not.'
That was surprising, so I asked curiously: 'You don't make friends? How's that?'
'I don't know. I just don't like it. (she smiled shortly) And there is the bus stop, so you can go back home. I'll be fine from here.'
'Are you sure? I can wait for you to catch a bus, you know.'
'I'm fine, thank you. Good night.'
'Night, Luce!' I said and watched how she stepped away from my sight steadily, heading straight for the bus stop, a few fifty meters away. The stop was poorly lighted, but she insisted so much on being fine by herself that I agreed not to pursue. In fact, as I returned back home, I thought of what she said about friends and I finally understood that perhaps she meant to tell me that she would have preferred the ride to the bus stop all by herself, so that was the reason she distinctively stepped out of Hank's car and decided to return home by herself.
Somehow, I felt awkward, as if for the first time I had done what I thought to be a good thing, but handled it poorly and impolitely.
I shook the feeling away though, shortly after that and dropped on the bed into my bedroom like a cannonball to its point of destination.
Lights out!
3.
When I said that I did not notice Lucy at first, I was right to say so. She had a quiet kind of being around the team, the kind one could easily overlook during the course of one working day. She did not refuse you if you asked she go down the store for ten minutes to buy you a new package of cigarettes or a doze of coke – provided you gave her the money for it. She did not refuse if the supervisor or the manager came over and asked for help for another department.
But she said few things and she seldom got up from her seat. She took her lunch break alone mostly and did not talk much with anyone. She did her work as much as it was required and in the course of two weeks since I worked at the company, she almost refused Hank's car ride home or Lydia's invitation for a drink or two after work almost every time.
She was rather short sized, so her presence was even more insignificant around the company. Most people chatted by the entrance hall, went in groups to smoke, went out for drinks after work and waited one for another after the lights were supposed to go out. Lucy kept everything to herself and said nothing about anything.
On the third week at my new job, we had a short meet, just the four of us and the manager of the department. She asked me a couple of questions of how I was getting along and if I was alright and I had any trouble. She asked each of us if we were prepared for the high season in the traveling business through the course of two months coming up. Obviously, Lucy's reply was the shortest and lowest in tone.
Gradually, I noticed people avoided other people who refused to mingle or partake a group. And Lucy seemed like the kind of person to refuse to compromise or make friends in the company. On the third week of my new job, I was too busy learning new things about my job, but soon after, I caught up with work and soon, I was more curious about my female colleagues than about new things to do and what other departments worked on mostly. Naturally, I didn't mind Lucy much, since no one else ever did.
A month after I started work in the company, Lucy disappeared for a couple of weeks, before I noticed her absence. That was because Hank, the person sitting next to her office called on me to show me something related to work and I involuntarily took up Lucy's chair to sit and listen. When I set the seat aside, I noticed that the desk was rather empty and impersonal, as if no one was sitting by it. There was a little dust on the keyboard as well.
'Where's Luce?' I asked frowning and Hank startled, before he looked back me and shrugged his shoulder.
'Took some days off. Jen's keeping her place.'
'Anything wrong?' I asked rather surprised.
'No idea. Probably Jen knows. She spoke to her the other day on the phone.'
For some reason, I got curious as to why Lucy hadn't shown up at work for the past few days. It was already Friday and I hadn't noticed her absence up to now. I should have felt a little ashamed, since this was the team I was part of and it was not as if we were too many to remember. What surprised me as well was Hank's casual shrugging, as if – even though this company promoted strong team spirit and a little friendship among members – no one really cared about anyone's problems outside of work.
During lunch, although I should have been happy about having threw beautiful female colleagues to entertain, I thought of Lucy and how she felt so strong-minded about not making any friends at work, so I began to wonder even more what she was exactly up to by this time.
A little after lunch break, when I found some spare time, I went to Jennifer and asked about Lucy casually. Just like Hank, she shrugged her shoulders a little and did not take her eyes off the monitor. 'Have no idea. She took some days off, I think. Won't be on until Monday next week.'
'Something wrong?'
'I don't know, didn't really ask.'
'Hank said you called her a couple of days ago', I said hopefully thinking that Jennifer may not suspect anything strange about my further inquiries. All she did was turn her head to me and said:
'Yeah, it was about one of her groups. Going through Paris at the moment. She seemed fine, I couldn't hear her that well, though. She was on the street.'
'Wonder if she's ok', I muttered to myself and Jennifer squeezed her look before she looked back at me and smiled.
'If you're so worried, then why don't you call her? I can give you her phone number, but you didn't get it from me!'
I smiled charmingly and said: 'OK.'
As I took ten minutes break later on, an hour before work time was done, I found a spot outside the building not so populated by people and dialed Lucy's number. It rung four times and the fifth time, I already sighed and thought it was silly I call out of the blue. In fact, it seemed even sillier to call some girl I barely knew and who constantly showed no signs of socializing. I hung up before the sixth ring.
'What are you doing?' I asked myself in a little voice. I looked around and saw people pass me by carelessly. I took a deep breath and dialled the number once more. It rung ten times before there was an answer and by that time, I had already detached the receiver from my ear.
'Yes?'
It was a man's voice.
'Who's there?'
I stopped midway and blinked for a few seconds, before I reacted and brought back the receiver to my ear.
'Hello?' the man's voice inquired once more.
'Hello?' I said.
'Oh, good! There's someone there!'
The man's voice was thick and ragged, as if he spent many years continuously smoking cigars. And it seemed like his accent was sharper than a normal American's. it was not as good as Lucy's, but it worked just fine.
'Yes, how may I help you?' the man said.
'Uhm, hi, I'm, uhm… Chris. I'm, uh… looking for… Luce?'
'Are you a friend?'
I was taken aback by the question and thus I made a little face before I replied: 'Ugh, I like to think so. A colleague from work.'
'Is this about her job?'
'Jesus…' a woman's voice was heard in the distance and then the sound of someone taking on the receiver. The man snorted from a distance.
'Yes, this is Luce', I finally heard Lucy's voice through the receiver and I got back my smile.
'Oh, God, I so thought I'd got the wrong number!' I burst out uncontrollably.
'Sorry about that, he's a bit strange with people sometimes', she said softly.
Somehow, her voice sounded better on the phone than face to face. It was deep and vocal, like it shared no fears. It felt as if Lucy was herself on the phone, without physically facing the person she was talking to. Somehow, I felt rather good about hearing her voice through the receiver.
'Who is?' I asked and she sighed a little.
'My father.'
I made a pause before I realized I did not know what to ask her next.
'I think I take a wild guess where you got my phone number', Lucy said on a low calm voice.
I grinned. 'Could you please pretend you don't? Jen's asked I didn't say.'
'I don't mind. What's wrong, Chris?'
I pursed my lips and thought hard of a pretext, but nothing came to mind, so I bit my lip and spoke the truth: 'Nothing much. I just noticed you weren't at work, so I wondered what happened. You OK?'
'Yes, I am.'
'If he's not from work, ask him over!' Lucy's father's voice rung through the receiver, but she quickly pushed him off.
'Ask me over?' I smiled jokingly. 'What's going on over there, what's happening? Are you having a party or something?' I joked continuously and Lucy seemed to sigh.
'N-no, not really', she replied shyly.
'Is it a secret?' I smiled.
'W-well, sort of. I guess.'
I looked down to my feet and noticed my shoes, as I smiled.
'Well, I've got three more minutes before I hang up, so if you want to tell me, you better hurry up', I laughed.
'I'm going to a concert.'
I did not expect that so blunt and I was also surprised at what she preferred keeping a secret.
'Is that so?' I smiled jokingly and I obviously seemed like patronizing. 'And I assume that's why you took some days off, is that it?'
'W-well, not really. But anyway, it's not in town.'
'Where is it, then?'
'Nuremberg.'
I bobbed my eyes surprised: 'Nuremberg?! As in… Germany – Nuremberg?'
'What other Nuremberg is there?' Lucy smiled a little. 'Uhm, Chris, I have to go now, I've got a plane to catch in like… two hours.'
'W-wait!' I burst out and for a few seconds, I thought some of the by-passers turned to face me surprised. 'Are you going by yourself or something?'
'It's not the first time and I don't mind', she seemed to smile.
'I… wh-wh-Is there a direct flight or something?'
'Not really. I'd make a 2 hours stop in Munich. See you on Monday, Chris!'
She hung up before I said anything further and so, I returned to work rather absent-minded.
Jennifer asked me what was wrong, but I only answered something unhearable, so everyone else ignored me after that. As I looked through my monitor, I checked on Google maps and the on the online flight schedules details about planes flying from here to Nuremberg. Indeed, there was a flight Through Lufthansa flying to Nuremberg via Munich. It had a flight change for about an hour and fifty-five minutes before it arrived in Nuremberg Airport.
I barely thought of work, after I ended the call with Lucy. In fact, as I navigated through the internet I caught Hank looking at my monitor a couple of times, but I felt blank-headed. And suddenly, I got a crazy idea going through my head and I asked Lydia if she could let me leave an hour before work schedule ended. She agreed quizzically and I had no idea what I was doing getting out of the company building so early and heading to the nearest subway station like a bullet straight from the riffle barrel.
I ran through traffic to reach the airport. I shouted at bus drivers to hurry up and when I finally caught up a taxi, I swore to the guy I'd pay him double if he took me there in less than ten minutes. I didn't know what kind of magic tricks the guy worked on the road, but he did his job and I dropped almost all my cash into his hands, as I came out of his taxi and headed for Departures entrance.
The stream of people constantly flowed back and forth through the airport, so it was very difficult to catch sight of Lucy, seeing as she was a short sized person as well. I checked the schedule for all planes having the check-in process opened up. I found the Lufthansa flight quick enough and it showed Gate 29 with Check-in opened.
I made my way through the crowd, as the flow of people dragging behind their roll-boxed luggage streamed through the great hallway through the exit and to the airport parking and then back inside and through various gates with check-in opened.
Not many people were taking the night flight to Nuremberg. I saw a tall man, wearing a t shirt and a ragged pair of jeans, his black sneakers shiny and brand-new stepping up the floor impatiently. His facial features were rigid and fair, like a German's, so I thought him a good sign for me being on the right track. And then, I noticed he sort of grinned to one side, as he closed in on the Check-in office, dragging one small roll-on luggage and I recognized Lucy's smirk with that grin.
She came up from behind the man, wearing a pair of short jeans, some simple tennis-shoes and a butter-colored t shirt. Her leather jacket was resting against her right arm and her hair was clean, combed and streaming down against her back. The man turned his face to her and said something casual, smiling from the corner of his mouth and she suddenly giggled and hit him in the elbow lightly.
When she reached the check-in office, the man lifted the single luggage onto the rolling band next to the office and Lucy dropped the papers she had in her hand to the floor.
I lifted them up for her. We straightened up and she looked at me surprised.
I knew it would come up to this, so I showed my best smile and said: 'Hey, Luce!'
'Chris…?'
'Hey, Luce, vorsicht!' her father said and then she looked back at him and turned to the counter, handing the woman the papers I gave back to her, which proved to be her booking pass.
I then looked at the man confused and he looked back at me attentively, before he gave me a rather strange kind of smile and I smiled back.
Lucy asked that she be given two seats one of which being by the corridor. When she was done, she received her flight tickets, she thanked the woman and then turned to me.
'Done now, are we?' her father smiled jokingly and the he pointed to the small luggage being eaten off through the rolling band before heading for the shipping room. 'Komm!'
I smiled continuously, feeling that my chances of survival next week at work were close to null. Luce gave me a rather strange look and she asked on a low, baritone kind of voice: 'What are you doing here?'
'Uhm… I'm seeing you off to Nuremberg?'
'This is your friend from the phone?' her father asked and then he smiled widely to me and popped out his arm to me so we could shake hands. 'Nice meeting you! I'm Daniel!'
'Nice to meet you too, I'm Chris!' I smiled.
'Don't shake hands with him, he's not my friend', Luce said and shook off her father's hand from my grip. 'And I certainly hope you came all the way here by yourself. Or did you bring anyone else?'
'No, just me', I said rather feeling guilty. 'Look, Luce, I'm sorry, I just… the idea just came to me and…'
Luce seemed to turn her back against me and she shoved off something from her father's shoulder which looked like a small handbag, while he looked at her puzzled and then back to me and said: 'You a friend or not?'
'Uhm, a work colleague, I should say. Seems like she doesn't think we're friends', I muttered rather disappointed.
I looked at Lucy, how she headed straight from the physical checking before anyone else and started setting aside her hand bag and whatever was in it onto a plastic container.
'Can I sit here and watch her through?' I asked silly, but Daniel did not seem to mind. He shrugged his shoulders and then slightly headed also for the physical check before he turned around and headed back to where I was.
'You were the one to call earlier, right?'
'Yeah, I was. Sorry about that…'
'No no, it's ok.'
I met Lucy while she was due to emplanement. She was handing the tickets to the woman behind the counter, when I rushed to catch her in time. She stopped and looked at me puzzled.
'What are you…?'
'Hey, Luce, uhm… slight change of plans, I guess.'
I was too busy catching my breath so I didn't smile at all, but she said nothing, except slapping her face and then catching her mouth with her fingers. 'Oh, my god…'
'Look, I…'
'I don't really want to hear it', she muttered in her low voice. 'He's like the most irresponsible father anyone has ever had…'
Daniel exchanged his ticket for me and helped me pass through the gate before I reached Luce. I had no idea what went through his head as he helped me up with it, but the truth was that now I was heading for Nuremberg for a concert, I was accompanied by the quietest person I had ever had the pleasure of meeting and the man had grinned strangely to me before we departed after the physical check-up. Now, right next to me was Lucy from work, and she looked rather displeased with the fact that she was bringing me along on this crazy trip of hers. I had no idea what to do through the weekend, but this wasn't exactly my kind of time-wasting, so I felt rather enthusiastic and sorry at the same time for the fact that I sort of barged into the experience, instead of planning it thoroughly.
I sat on my seat, after I helped Lucy with her hand bag to the upper luggage compartment and I looked through the window towards the empty seat next to me. Lucy still looked soaked out, as she gazed to the opposite direction.
'Everything alright?' I asked rhetorically, but she shrugged her shoulders quietly.
I took a deep breath and said: 'Look, I'm very sorry about this. I… I guess it was a bad idea and I guess I spoiled everything. I'm sorry.'
She shrugged her shoulders again.
'It was supposed to be our weekend off together', she finally said, twisting the knife in the wound.
I looked at the blank screen encased in the seat in front of mine. I felt bad about this even more, now that I sensed Lucy soaking up even further. We said nothing after that. I watched a few movies when the flight started, while Lucy listened to some pop music through the airplane headphones. At some poit, she watched a movie as well, but that only increased her desire to clearly show that she was ignoring me.
I fell asleep for a couple of hours, before I woke up and noticed that she fell asleep as well, her body crouched in the seat, under the airplane blanket, her headphones still on, playing music, while her head slightly tilted to my side.
By now, the flight had gone off for about six hours, which meant that we still had four more hours to go, including the two-hours stop in Munich. I felt somehow compelled to apologize to Lucy once more about this, but that would mean I could not drop it and I also considered that she did not want to be reminded that she would not spend her weekend in Germany with her father.
I spent the next two hours listening to some Michael Jackson, although I was not really paying attention to him. When I looked back at Lucy she slowly opened her eyes and without looking at me, she pulled out her headphones ad blinked a couple of times sleepy. She stared at the screen clock, clicked on the flight map, to check on where we were and then she hit a yawn behind the back of her palm discretely. Her hair stood on one side and fell over her eye, when she got up and stretched her bones a little. Only a few of the passengers were not sleeping, so she did not seem to be bothered by the fact that she was stretching her bones in public. It felt like she did this a lot. Flying abroad, I meant.
I looked at her, as she checked the toilet red-button and the way her hair stood on one side and how she motioned her shoulders a little and straightened up, she looked rather attractive, although her facial features were no exactly to the point of perfect beauty. Instead, she looked natural and had a kind of attraction of herself, the kind of imperfect beauty which had its perfect moments instead of flawlessness.
She looked back at me for a few seconds. 'What?' Lucy asked.
'Nothing, I… I'm sorry', I sighed deeply and felt guilty once more. She waved me off with a gesture from her hand.
'It's not something I'm not used to, coming from him.'
I frowned and looked at her intensely. 'Does he exchange his flight tickets with others?'
She shook her head and checked the toilet button once more, this time turning green. 'He doesn't care.'
I watched her head for the toilet and thought of what she said a little, until she came back. I wanted to ask her more about what she meant, but as soon as she reached our seats, Lucy asked me if she could take my seat towards the middle and I agreed a little surprised. After that, she settled her headphones over her ears and listened to some more music, before she fell asleep again. This time, she put the blanket over her face.
I was just putting on my headphone for more Michael Jackson, when she suddenly took off the blanket and squinted at me.
'Why did you come at the airport?'
I looked at her and blinked a couple of times, before I could smile a little and answer quite light-headedly: 'I guess it was… it was an impulse. I felt like you were having fun, while I was at work. I have no idea!' I laughed a little.
'Are you trying to be my friend?'
Lucy frowned even more, and I continued on smiling and looking at her. 'What if I am?'
She shrugged her shoulders and said: 'Suit yourself. Just don't try too hard, you may be disappointed.'
'That sounds like a threat or something', I laughed. 'Should I feel warned?'
'Did it sound like that?' she squinted a little and made a face.
'Not really', I smiled looking at her, but Lucy seemed to avoid staring in my direction.
'Good', came her answer from under the blanket. Her arm rested on the side of her seat without disturbing the other passenger sitting next to us, instead appearing to be alright with bothering me, if need be. I smiled a little, hoping that perhaps this moment was created only to ease the tension between us. I felt that maybe Lucy created it herself, only to show me that – although she played the cold silent colleague, who had no intention of making friends with me – deep inside, my mistake and her father's wasn't all that grave and that things between us would not be at stake.
We arrived in Munich a few hours later. By then, I had slept for an hour in the plane, but I still felt rather tired. Instead, Lucy showed no signs of fatigue or at least, she pretended not to be tired very well.
As soon as we got off the plane, she seemed to know exactly where to head, although it was easy enough since most of the passengers were heading in the same direction, towards the next terminal, where the plane heading for Nuremberg waited.
As soon as we reached the main hall and I noticed how so many people crowded up and moved up and down the escalators, dragging their huge or small or collective luggage behind, some with children begging them to settle down, other more couple-like checking up their Facebook pages on some unplugged laptop and giggling about their first excursion abroad, some more experienced businessmen moving about in a hurry, staring at their 500 $ watches and accompanied by their twenty-something modeling-like girlfriends, I felt small. I felt particularly small because suddenly most of them spoke a language I did not enjoy listening to nor understood.
I saw their mouths moving about speaking German mostly, talking of exchanging Euros for other foreign currencies, talking of things I did not know at all, except guessed as they pointed about several duty-free stores and objects about the shelves.
They mostly had German faces as well. Rigid, blondish and white. Pure-bred, like I went back a few decades in the past, when the Germans expected Fuhrer to win the Second World War. And I looked back at Lucy and searched her about the crowd. I saw her walking past by a terminal board, showing off the planes ready for take-off. She couldn't care less of people speaking German or being thrown about the crowd flooding Munich airport in and out. She had been there before. She had travelled a few times before through Germany. And she was born here, so she knew the language.
'Uhm, so where to now?' I asked and sighed, trying to sound comfortable.
'Well, we're on the same terminal, so it's alright to stick around for half an hour before boarding up. Gate's twenty-five.'
She did not look at me, yet waited for me whenever I was left behind walking through the duty-free stores. I bought a sandwich and ate it, because she would not share.
Finally, we boarded the second plane and this time, she seemed pleased enough to occupy the seat next to the window. Another hour went by and she said nothing to me. Suddenly, I felt as if she was angry with me and this anger of hers came in waves, appearing and disappearing without reason or rhyme.
It suddenly occurred to me that perhaps I had not only taken her father's place on this trip, but I did not even act concerned about the expense of my coming here.
'Uh, Luce?'
By now, the plane was getting ready to land, and the sun rose brightly through the clouds, as it did so. It would be a fine day in Nuremberg. I could see the tiny houses and the spreading of the buildings, the city center and the main roads and smaller streets through the narrow window besides Lucy.
The stewardess announced the fastening of seat belts and getting ready for landing.
'Yea?' Lucy muttered, paying attention to fixing her seat belt.
'How much did this cost exactly?'
'How much did what cost?'
'What do I owe your father?' I asked rolling my eyes.
She startled a little and looked at me. She squinted and I figured she still did not understand what I meant, so I made a little suggestive face. Then, I motioned to the plane in general. Her eyebrows lifted up and then she shrugged her shoulders. 'You don't owe him. You owe me. I bought the tickets.'
'I'll get it back to you', I said assuring, but she waved me off and looked at Nuremberg through the small window.
'I don't care about the money.'
I sighed.
'I'm sorry about this.'
'Well, you're here, so might as well have fun', Lucy said thoughtfully, but she seemed to ignore my presence, so I did not feel like she meant what she said in a good way.
After the landing, we headed for the luggage claim to pick up her bag – obviously, since the change had occurred on the spot, I had no luggage of my own – and I easily took it under my responsibility that I should carry the load. Lucy said nothing, except a rather shy "Thank you". I smiled and then we headed for the exit.
There were many taxis waiting for clients to step outside the airport territory and into their lairs. I knew in the States, some of them would almost push you in, just to get a client packed up. But here, people lined up and none would come play the tough negotiator.
I thought Lucy would head for a taxi and pick one for the destination, but then I figured I had no idea where we were going, and at the same time, I realized that she was still angry with me, otherwise she'd move on and explain the plan for this weekend. I noticed she headed for the farther side of the exit, towards where other cars were parked than taxis and soon enough, I could see she was heading for the airport parking.
'Hey, Luce, I - !'
'Lus!'
That was another man's voice and I saw one popping out from a black Duster, about my age, about my height, but black-haired and tucked up behind in a pony tail. He wore a pair of baggy jeans and a tight grey t shirt to show he enjoyed working out a lot and achieved results through it.
Lucy looked him up with her gaze and when she found him, she smiled vaguely.
'Hey, Alex!'
He said something in German, as he approached us and just so I didn't feel excluded, I took a few steps behind Lucy, so as not to show I was interfering, but at the same time, not to give the guy the impression she had come over unaccompanied.
When he noticed me, he smiled and spoke some more German, out of which I caught Luce's name and then he casually hugged her, as she answered back in an almost perfect German.
'Alex, this is Chris. He's from the States', Luce said finally, and to me it sounded like she was condemning me for my nationality, although all she tried doing was to avoid further conversation in a language I could not understand. I smiled forcefully and so did Alex.
'Oh, I see', he said with an accent. 'Hey, Chris. Welcome to Nuremberg!'
'Hey, Alex. Thank you', I said courteously.
'I hope I wasn't too late', Alex then said and looked back at Luce. 'When did you land?'
'Half an hour ago or more', she replied. 'So, you weren't late.'
Alex smiled gently to me and swiftly took Luce's luggage from my hand, after which he returned to face the parking and started walking: 'My car's right over there. Hanna's home, by the way, so I hope it will not be a problem.'
'I don't think so', Luce replied thoughtlessly, but she did not turn around to explain who was who and what will happen to me. I felt excluded and utterly foolish for coming all this way with her, when obviously I did not seem to count.
Alex placed Luce's luggage in the trunk and he and Luce occupied the front seats. He asked about the flight and if whether we were tired or hungry.
'I am', I said, but Luce shook her head.
'I'll buy something to cook, then', Alex replied and looked at the woman next to him. 'Daniel?'
There was a certain pause, before Luce raised an eyebrow and Alex sighed and then nodded to himself. 'Naturlich!'
As he pulled out the car from the parking space and headed for the exit and into town, Alex looked at me through the rear window and asked if this was my first time in Nuremberg.
'Haven't been abroad much. Certainly not in Germany and certainly not in Nuremberg', I smiled. 'Are you from around, Alex?'
'Born and bred, I think the saying goes', he smiled. 'I take it your friends or something?'
I looked at Luce and saw she said nothing, so I replied: 'Something like that.'
'Auch, Lus, the trust issue again, is it?'
'How about you drive, Alex?' Luce replied calmly instead, but he smiled to her and then made a small joke in German.
'Did she tell you she doesn't want to make friends?'Alex asked, as he drove the car into the traffic, on the main road, heading for the city center. I could see the lines of cars heading in the same direction and from the outside, it would seem that traffic was as intense as it was in the States, but yet drivers seemed politer and in order.
'Something like that', I replied meaninglessly and leaned against the backseat.
'And did you believe her?'
'I don't think so', I sighed. I could see Luce's face through the rear window. She deliberately looked away from us and preferred examining the traffic outside.
'I like you, Chris, you seem persistent', Alex replied. 'You better watch out, Lus, you caught a stubborn one.'
'He's not a fish, idiot', she muttered jokingly.
'No, but you are!' he laughed and then with one hand, he ruffled her hair. Luce grabbed his fingers and pushed them aside, but she did not seem bothered by the familiar gesture. She called him something in German and Alex laughed while casually driving. And then I saw Luce smiling from the corner of her mouth. The sunlight came through in her face so she squinted a little, but otherwise she looked comfortable suddenly. After that, she stretched her hand and turned on the radio. She searched for a good song to fit her mood, and when she reached an oldies-but-goldies version, we listened to Madonna's Beautiful Stranger, while Alex began slowly bouncing his head from one side to another as he drove.
'How's Hanna?' Luce asked in English, only not to sound rude towards me. Alex shrugged his shoulders.
'She's alright. Told her you'd come. She brought Josef with her.'
Luce turned her head towards Alex in surprise. 'Are you serious?'
'Well, she said you haven't seen him in almost a year. He's supposed to know your face, ya?'
Luce smiled to herself and suddenly looked childish. 'Hmm, I like this.'
I sighed and then heard me. Her eyes met mine through the rear window. I smiled to her only not to let her know it annoyed me not to know what they were talking about. 'Hanna's my cousin. Twice removed', she explained looking at me through the rear window. 'Josef's her son.'
'Oh, did you tell him who I am?' Alex burst out smiling. He looked at me also through the rear mirror. 'I'm Lus' first crush!'
He grinned and pulled out his tongue, while Luce gently slapped his arm. 'Shut up!'
I smiled, but felt loosely embarrassed. Lucy had a crush on a guy my age, handsomer and knowing German all the same. And Alex did not seem to be ignorant to her being, since he played friendly gestures towards her.
'I… I see', I said.
'Will you take a ride home?' Alex suddenly asked Luce and she ceased smiling. She blinked for a few minutes before she realized what he asked of her. 'I'm only here for the weekend and for the concert, Alex, so no. I can't.'
'Why not?!' he asked smiling.
'That's like a hundred kilometers away! That's a 2-hour drive! I don't have that kind of luxury.'
'Sure you do! The day's only began, so I can drive you home now, pick up Hanna and Josef and then we can drive off to Mama.'
Suddenly, Lucy turned dark in her eyes and looked away. 'She's not my mother.'
Alex smiled continuously, but the fever of enthusiasm left him. 'You haven't seen her in a while. And she's been asking when you come over.'
'Oh, she asked when I come over, huh?' Luce asked raising her voice a little and gathered her arms at her chest.
'Lus, don't make faces now.'
'We are not going home.'
'Yes, we are, silly, I'll drive you there!' Alex smiled. 'Would you like to meet Lus's Mama, Chris?'
I was paying so much attention to the conversation that I did not realize when I was actually included. I startled and looked at Luce through the rear window. I noticed she did not get her good mood back, so I was unsure what to answer. Suddenly, I found myself curios with knowing Luce's life. Mine was normal and conflict-less, as both my parents were now at home, Mom probably cooking some strawberry cake, while Dad made his way through the land of dreams, a few hours just before waking up and heading for the groceries.
My family was normal. Luce's seemed a little complicated, since her father seemed careless to her appeal to spend time together. And now, the way she talked of her mother, it seemed Luce claimed a very parentless childhood.
'I… I think so', I replied instead.
'There, see? Your friend would like to meet your mother. And I am sure Josef will want to play with his favorite dog in the world! He'll be thrilled!' Alex laughed and drove off, as he gave Luce a few glances back and then he tried to ruffle her hair again, but this time, she caught his hand in time and muttered. 'I'm not going.'
'Yes, you are, you'll see', Alex smiled continuously.
The driving continued for a while until we reached the city centre and I was familiarized with some buildings which appeared for so many times in a few war-movies. I caught sight of the gothic cathedral and a couple of main promenades and I suddenly felt back in time through the Medieval Ages. A few miles up ahead there were a couple of malls and the busier traffic than what we had now. The buildings kept their shape from centuries ago and looked very well taken care of.
The streets were lined up logically and then people walked on the pavements as orderly as the cars drove of through the main roads and through the traffic.
It did not look like a large city due to many old houses, but in general, Nuremberg was quite an extended urban location and I bet it had a few hundred thousand inhabitants. I was rather surprised, because it was the first time I met with Germany and this seemed like a nice place to visit.
Alex drove off in a slower pace through the city center, before he drove to the other end of the city, where the old houses dominated and a much quieter traffic emerged. When he finally parked the car and we stepped outside, the sun was shining through the clear sky and I breathed in a very clear air, compared to back-home.
Alex helped Luce with the luggage and then we headed for one of the smaller houses which lodged a few apartments. The street was narrow, but paved and filled with trees, now green in leaves and fresh to the sight. A few children played around screaming and enjoying the day.
Alex entered first and started talking about the mess in the house and how he excused himself if anything was misplaced. He did not lose his good spirit. Luce followed and then I ended the line, looking back at the lonely Duster parked in front of the small house.
'Hallo, Hanna! Komm her!'
Instead, as soon as he opened the door, we met with a four-year old wearing a Superman's S t shirt and a pair of long black jeans, small grey teddy-bear imprinted socks in a pair of small feet. His ruffled hair and big round bluish eyes reminded me of her another image of the pure blood, the image of the perfect German promoted by the Nazis more had half a century ago.
The boy looked at Alex smiling and then turned to me as being the next tallest thing. When he seemed not to like any of us, he turned his attention to the woman between us, smaller in size but with a more welcoming smile on her face.
Luce raised a hand shyly up in the air: 'Hey, Josef!'
'Lus!' he suddenly called up and then he screamed "Mama! Mama!" as his hands spread wide and rushed to grab his aunt by the neck. He said some things in German and then did not let go of Luce's neck, as we came in and she started laughing. Alex tried to pull the boy off, but he refused, so he shrugged his shoulders to Luce. She said nothing, but kept smiling and rubbed her nephew's top-head gently.
Hanna opened the door to the living room surprised and when she saw all three of us, she smiled widely and she reminded me of Luce's father at that. She then took Josef from Luce's hands and kissed her and welcomed us to the house. She made acquaintance with me and at this, Alex blinked suggestively, yet both of us did not understand why.
She welcomed us into the clean refreshed living room and asked us if we were hungry or tired or anything and then she asked Alex to bring a round of fresh juice to us. Her son kept clinging to his aunt and he played with Luce's right hand and kept pulling her by each finger.
Luce completely changed under this atmosphere. She no longer seemed like the quiet type or the mumbling grumpy type. Her mouth drew a wide smile when Josef began talking to her in German and she replied back. Alex turned on the TV and settled it to a lower tone, as he played through the channels, until he reached VH1.
Hanna was a little older than me and Alex, and she was red-haired and green-eyed. Her son was nothing like her, more like Luce, but that did not look like it bothered anyone. The house was clean, refreshed and filled with flowers and family pictures hanging on the walls. She also had a more Americanized look on her face, but she was prettier than any German woman I've ever met. Except Luce. She suddenly seemed radiant around her nephew's presence and began completely ignoring us altogether. When Josef finally settled to playing with her hair, gently exercising the braiding technique, as his mother taught him, Alex finally suggested we driver off to Rothenburg, to where Luce's mother lived. Hanna startled, stared at her younger cousin and then breathed in.
'Well, if that's alright with Lus, I suppose.'
'Oh, shaite!' Alex made a face. 'She does not want to go. I say we do. Will be good. I can do the driving.'
'Don't be an idiot, they came a long way and they are very tired', Hanna scolded him like a mother and before soon, she suggested we rather rested before any further plans were made. I was about to refuse the invitation, but Hanna insisted on doing so, and she stood up to show us the rooms where we would be spending the night. She did not ask at all about Daniel, Luce's father and if I had any luggage of my own. As soon as I found myself alone in the room they had prepared for Daniel – but had me instead – I realized that I was miles away from home, I had not slept much, I had no luggage, no one I knew and would be completely lost in Germany without Luce to guide me. I had no better idea than to take off my shoes and fumble through the bed to rest for a little while.
3.
I woke up three hours later. I must have suspected I'd sleep only for a little, but my body felt so tired that it rested more than planned. Old music played in the living room, I could hear it through the open window from the bedroom.
As I stood up and yawned and wiped the sleep from my eyes, I wished I'd have some luggage with me and have a decent shower and change into decent clothes, but there was no chance for that. As I descended the stairs and looked into the direction of the living room, I could hear the music growing louder and I noticed that the door was cracked open. I could see that the tv was still playing VH1 and that only two persons occupied the room: Lucy and her nephew, Josef.
The boy seemed to try and dance, bouncing up and down like a basket ball when he felt like the rhythm of the music was too loud or too bounce-able. Obviously, he was out of the rhythm of the song, but it was nice that he tried to do something constructive. Plus, he was a four-year-old who danced on a 1990s song, so I had to give him credit for that. I smiled and then tried to catch a glimpse of Lucy and see what she was doing. I could see half of her bare legs, barefooted on the carpet, watching tv, as she explained a few moves to her nephew in German. Her voice sounded soothing and thick at the same time, like an old, but still functional gramophone. The voice fitted the accent and the sharp sound of German. She sounded natural and unaffected.
By this time, I finished going down the stairs and I could clearly see them through the opened door. Lucy seemed to have time to freshen up and dress up in a plain pale-colored blouse, the same pair of short jeans and her hair was caught up to one side in a light braid, obviously made up by Josef, as it was not very artistic or well made, but obviously, she did not mind.
When the tv played a more joyous song, Josef and Lucy joined hands, she smiled and he enjoyed swinging about her as he laughed and giggled like children do. When he said something in German, she replied smoothly and at some point, Lucy took Josef in her arms and waltzed with him lightly.
I noticed that in the kitchen, I could hear Alex's and Hanna's voices speaking German as well. They seemed to enjoy jokes, because they laughed occasionally. The atmosphere was relaxed and free of problems or worries. The moment seemed to portray calmness and a sense of refuge to the place.
I approached the living room and slowly pushed away the door, so I'd come in. I also did not want to spoil the moment Luce and her nephew shared. I imagined she did not visit Germany this often to see him every once or twice a month, so moments like this one were perhaps highly important to her.
When Luce saw me, she kept smiling gently, as she swung from side to side with Josef in her arms. Then, she whispered something in his ear in German and he looked back at me and said: 'Hallo!'
'Hello!' I smiled gently and Luce put the boy down as she said in English: 'Now let's show Chris here how well we speak English, shall we, Josef? Hm? What do you say to that?'
'Hello, my name is Josef', the boy said, shyly hiding behind his young aunt and I smiled continuously and took a seat on the couch: 'Hello, Josef! My name's Chris.'
'Tell him how old you are', Luce said, as she gently pressed a hand over the boy's head. He looked at her surprised and she smiled: '"I am…"'
'I am', he repeated.
'"Four years old."'
'Four… old?'
Luce smiled and bent forward to whisper something in German in his ear and Josef bushed only to start laughing. 'I am four years old!' he burst out joyfully and then he jumped up and down and landed on the couch beside me. 'How old… are you?'
Luce raised an eyebrow and looked genuinely surprised, but pleased all the same.
'I'm twenty-six years old', I replied in a slow and clear English, but Josef preferred looking puzzled back at me and then at his aunt. Luce told him something in German and then he puffed through his nose and mouth and said something out loud. Then, he stood up from the couch and headed for the kitchen, to his mother.
Luce sighed and then she threw herself on the couch next to me and in Josef's place. Her bare legs gathered up under her body, as she stared at the TV screen. I looked at them thoughtfully and when she finally sensed my gaze, she asked huskily: 'What?'
'Nothing', I replied calmly. 'You just felt so happy right now with him.'
She smiled from the corner of her mouth. 'Who wouldn't be? He's a sweet kid.'
I watched TV with Luce for a little while, before she suddenly clapped her hands once and stood up: 'Want to change clothes?'
'If you haven't noticed, I came with no luggage', I laughed. 'So there's no way I could change, even if I tried.'
'I've noticed and done something about it', Luce replied instead, without looking at me. 'So, wait here.'
'What are you - ?' I tried asking surprised but she quickly jumped off from the couch and went out of the living room, only to return five minutes later with a rather large plastic bag and Alex smiling.
'Oh, you're up, Chris!' he said. 'Hope they fit OK. Took them on my size.'
'They fit him fine', Luce mumbled a reply, as I received the bag from her hands. I looked at both of them surprised and when I checked the bag to see what was inside, I pulled out a fresh pair of blue jeans and a simple t shirt, the color of raspberry. I opened my mouth to say something, but I was too surprised or too shocked to say anything. These people went outside to buy some spare clothes for me and I did not even ask or hinted at what I needed for this unexpected trip.
'Oh, Jesus', was the only thing I could say and Alex joked off: 'It fits him, then, no?'
'You shouldn't have done this…' I replied to myself and Alex waved me off.
'No worries. Hanna insisted as well. Come to lunch. Then we will go driving to Lus's Mama.'
He went out of the room without saying anything. I looked at Luce and felt her somehow annoyed, yet I could not tell from the look on her face. 'Jeez, how am I ever going to repay you! You really shouldn't have… I ruined everything for you and – …'
'It's alright', Luce said and looked at me shrugging her shoulders. 'And you did not ruin anything.'
But she did not even smile when she said that, so I imagined she said it out of politeness.
I looked at the things I had in the bag and then sighed. 'So… we are going to see your mother in the end?'
'I guess we are', she sighed heavily and when I turned to gaze at her, I noticed Luce stared at the TV screen blankly. Obviously, she did not like the idea of driving off to see her mother.
'Can I ask why?'
'What?' she startled.
'Why don't you want to see your mother?'
Luce shrugged her shoulders as she continued to stare at the tv screen blankly. 'I don't know. Maybe because she left me when I was Josef's age and she did not look back until a couple of years ago. Or maybe because I am vengeful.'
She sighed, smiled bitterly and then stood up. 'Try those on and then come to lunch. Hanna doesn't really like it when you're late for a meal.'
'Okay', I replied softly and watched her as she went out of the living room and headed for the kitchen, where everyone else was gathered.
I sighed and took the plastic bag with me in the room provided for me.
We ate, while Alex joked around with Josef and played with the food. Hanna scolded both of them at some point, but they did not stop. After lunch, I took a quick shower and then I changed into Lucy's bought clothes. When I came down the stairs, Alex smiled widely, while Hanna exclaimed I was handsome. I smiled and looked at Luce. She said nothing, instead only nodded and then announced she would go up to her room to pick something up.
Josef wanted to follow her, but Hanna grabbed him by the arm and convinced him to play around the car, while all of us followed. We waited for Luce in Alex's Duster. I felt I would be completely rude if I stood in front with Alex as the driver, so I left Hanna deal with the seat next to the drivers', instead agreed to enjoy Josef's curious company in the back seat.
When Luce came from the house, she locked the door behind her and then as she opened the back door to the car, she stepped inside, onto the back seat next to Josef and me and she handed Hanna the keys to the house.
'All settled?' Alex sounded enthusiastic.
'I believe so', Hanna replied and so Alex started the engine and Josef started making sounds like a car in traffic. We laughed, but Luce seemed to smile only, without really having much fun.
Hanna turned on the radio and she and Alex started talking to me about the States or asking me questions, while I asked about Nuremberg and Germany and about their lives here. From the corner of my eye, I noticed that Luce was gazing through the window, as Josef cuddle up in her arms and asked her questions about what was this or what was that in German. She caressed his hair as she replied in the same language, without disturbing our conversation.
Half an hour later, the boy fell asleep in her arms, as Luce continued on caressing his hair and when Hanna asked if she was okay and if she should take Josef over, Luce refused politely and stretched her head over the couch, as best as she could and closed her eyes, head turned towards the window. That was probably all the sleep she had during that day, excepting the one during our flight.
4.
We stopped along the way for a couple of times. Alex filled the car with gasoline, while Hanna and Josef took walks around the gas station and bought some sweets and sandwiches.
Lucy slept in the car, her head this time bending forward motionlessly, while I stepped outside the car and leaned against the door. I looked at her, as she slept and then thought of all the girls I'd before her. All the female colleagues I had asked out in the course of almost a month, as long as it had been since I was working at the company. When Lucy dropped to the side of the bench, she effectively stretched over the surface without so much as a little consideration for another who may occupy half the bench in the car, alongside her.
When he saw his young aunt stretched over the backseat, Josef asked his mother what Auntie Lus was doing, and when Hanna tried to explain to him, she also opened the door and tried pushing her body upwards, so I was able to sit.
'Lus, make room for the man', she joked vaguely, as she settled Luce's body to one side of the bench, without so much as determining her to open her eyes.
'Sorry', she finally muttered, but kept closing her eyes, so she took her shoes off and crouched to the corner of the couch.
'Can I sleep with her?' Josef probably asked in German, because he kept looking at his young aunt and tried passing onto the back seat from the front, but his mother would not let him.
'She will use you as a pillow, little man', Alex said in English smiling to the boy, while Josef seemed ignorant to his mother's plea.
Finally, I took pity on Luce's position and gently lifted her legs onto my lap. Slowly, but definitely, her head fell to the couch and she quickly shoved her hair in her face, and also stretched an arm over, so she would hide her face away from sight. Now, I had her bare legs onto my lap and while the car drove off to its destination, music playing on the radio and Alex and Hanna talking to Josef in German, I occasionally stared at Luce and her casual way of sleeping, how nothing seemed to matter, as she crept into the dream world and remained there ignorant to the real world.
The skin of her legs was soft and moist, and the muscle had a definite shape, as if its owner spent a long time walking or training physically. I doubted Luce did the physical training, however I could see her walk for hours and hours in a park. By a man's side, and not mine…
Now, why would I want to walk beside her in a park?
I looked back at her and I saw her stretch across the bench, without sensing I'd be the one to hold her legs on my lap. She turned to one side and her knee rubbed against my thigh. I looked at her leg and then I hesitantly touched and left my hand over her knee. The skin was soft and the body was warm. I suddenly felt familiar to the touch, although I had not imagined Luce's legs before or any part of her body, for that matter. It somehow felt alright to touch her like that. But I took off my hand from her skin. It also felt shameless and I could not understand really why I'd feel good in the first place.
Finally, Luce pulled out her legs from my lap, crouched to one side and continued to sleep, this time, her small feet touching my thigh. Nothing intimate about that, so I looked away, through the window. I somehow felt as if I had made a big change and now the feeling of good was completely erased.
We arrived on late afternoon in Rothenburg. The city was considerably smaller than Nuremberg, but it sheltered old houses in the same Ploenlein model. Alex knew exactly where to drive off, a sign that he had done this road before. This time, there was no stop before we reached our destination. I did not see much of Rothenburg, but I could imagine the place was as enchanting and as orderly as Nuremberg was.
When Alex finally parked the car, I saw the little villa its architecture Ploenlein style and felt that I was getting closer to Luce's mixed-up life more than she wanted me to. By this time, she had woken up, had finished yawning or stretching her bones and now she stepped outside of the car in a rather leisurely, slow manner, is if the gesture itself gave her a feeling of great effort.
'We're here!' Alex came out with a wide smile on his face, as if he had no idea what this journey brought as effect to the others. He then looked at Luce and grinned. 'Come now, don't make that face!'
Luce said something in German and because of the low tone of voice she used, I knew she'd swear, but the man would not wipe off his smile. Instead, he motioned her to step forward towards the house, but she refused, still half sitting in the car. He then proceeded to cross over from one side to the other of the car and when he reached Luce, she was now bent to tie her shoes.
Josef was curious of the house, so he and his mother approached the entrance door and she proceeded to explain how similar the little house seemed to theirs back home in Nuremberg.
Alex grabbed Luce by the legs and lifted them up. 'Komm!'
'Shaite, Alex!'
She gave out a short scream, when he jerked her off the car and took her in his arms, one shoe untied and falling off of her legs. He smiled and said something in German.
I opened my mouth to say something, but I was left to shut the door to the car and take Luce's fallen shoe with me. As I came into the house, I noticed that Alex was putting Luce down and a woman was standing in the hall, right to the left of Hanna holding Josef in her arms.
The woman was beautiful in every possible way and she must have done some sports throughout her life, since she kept her body as young as she could all this time. She must have been close to forty, but looked much younger than Daniel Schrader. And Luce looked exactly like her. Standing one in front of the other, I could see she must have taken much more from her mother than from her father. Still, Luce had flaws in her physique, whereas this woman seemed the brick of perfection. And it was all natural.
She did not smile yet there was a sign of surprise in her look, as she tightened the grip around her garbage bag.
'Luise?' the woman inquired, her gaze fixed on Lus. And then she startled and looked at everyone else. A faint smile came over her face and she said something in German.
At this point, Lus raised an eyebrow and pushed back one pace, replying something in the same language. Whatever she said did not really please the woman, as her smile faded and turned into a regular melancholic kind of look.
Alex and Hanna exchanged looks. 'Uhm, hallo, Una, this is Chris, Lus's friend. From America', Alex suddenly said in English and he looked back at me smiling and I realized I now had no escape to avoid the situation at hand. I smiled nicely and came forth to the woman, as she stared at me surprised.
'Oh, is that right?' she suddenly replied in perfect English and smiled back to me. 'That is nice. Hello, Chris, nice to meet you, I am Una.'
'Hello', I smiled.
'They came over for the music concert in Nuremberg!' Alex continued. 'So we thought it'd be fun if we drove over quickly. We are not interrupting, are we?'
'Of course not!' Una smiled, but looked at Lus and then back at us. 'Come in, please. It's very good of you to come.'
Josef knew the woman well, since he casually took walking up the stairs as a direct invitation and Alex and his mother followed. Close by was Lus, only to avoid contact with her mother, but when she reached her, Una smiled to her vaguely. 'Hello, Luise.'
'Hello', she replied coldly, but managed to show her a quick gaze and expectant of her behaving.
'Nice to see you. And I am glad you brought a friend.'
'He's a colleague from work', Luce replied and to that, I felt rather offended. But Una looked at me and I smiled politely and then she shifted her attention to me and asked how the flight was and if I was tired or hungry or anything.
6.
There were no family pictures including Luce. Not even a picture where she'd be a child or something. Nothing. Nothing to suggest her existence into this woman's world. Hanna, Josef and Alex looked comfortable enough and so did Luce, once she got used to how to ignore a long conversation with her birth-mother.
We stayed for a few warm drinks and some vanilla cake and sweets – for Josef – but could not prolong the visit any longer. Half an hour before we left, a man came into the house and presented himself as Una's husband, Peter. He was a tall rather chubby kind of man, but a pleasant face and a pleasant character as well. He seemed to know everyone as well as they did him. When he said hello to Luce, she smiled and nodded, but resumed to being quiet and contained.
She asked to go to the bathroom, so she went up the stairs, while everyone else came out onto the terrace and Una served another round of drinks, this time some coffee for the adults and some warm milk for Josef.
I noticed it had been eight minutes or so, since Luce had not come back, so I excused myself and came into the house and was just about to go up the stairs, when I saw her leaning against the walls, to the top end of the stairs, looking back from where she must have come.
'Luce?' I asked and slowly climbed up the stairs. 'Are you okay?'
'Yes, I am, thank you', she smiled as cold as she did to her mother when they first saw each other some moments ago. I made a little face and said:
'You can tell me the truth.'
'But I am okay, because I don't care.'
Luce looked at me and she smiled honestly. 'And I've got a concert to go to and I know I'll be on time with it, so it's alright.'
'You can be angry, you know. It's not something bad.'
'I'm not angry. I'm just indifferent.'
'Then, why have you been standing here for the past few minutes? I doubt you spent almost ten minutes in the bathroom, only to come out just when I found you', I smiled.
'I've been standing here because at the end of this hall, it's the baby's room.'
'Baby?' I frowned and she sighed.
Luce turned towards the end of the hall walked up to the very end, where a shut door lied. I followed and as soon as I approached, she pressed down on the knob and the door opened. I could hear the sound of a baby prattling. Luce opened the door to an infant's room. The walls were painted with trees and daisies and ladybugs in flight, while the ceiling had luminous stickers in the shape of a moon, a few stars and one sun. By the right of the room, there was a baby bed and inside was a baby moving about his little arms, while sleeping.
'Come in, we can't have the door opened too often', Luce ushered me in and as soon as I came forth, she shut the door behind me and approached the baby bed in silence. I followed almost as silent as she. The baby prattled on, and when Luce lifted a finger to touch the tip of its nose, the baby opened his big bluish eyes and looked at her and then babbled a little more.
Luce smiled: 'This is my baby-brother. This is Siegfriend.'
She gently lifted the baby up and took it in her arms, cuddling it. 'I think I've seen him only once or twice, but he's grown up since then. He's got to be at least half a year old.'
'When I was Josef's age, my mother left me and father. She said she did not like it. That it wasn't the kind of family she wanted. Don't get me wrong, you've seen Daniel Schrader, and I can only give her credit for the dump-up.'
Luce smiled bitterly. 'But she left me with a loser, and she did not look back until she found Peter, got pregnant with his child and then phoned up to see how we were and if we could come for a few weeks before the baby was born. She never called once before that. My father called. And he talked. For both of us. But I did not want to talk to her. And I don't now either. And I never will.'
The baby fell asleep in her arms and he must have known a little of her face or found her presence warm enough, because he made no prattling sound after that. Luce put him gently back and then she smoothed her clothes.
'If Siegfried'll want to, I'll talk to him. I'll get to know him if he wants to know me. But I won't talk to her.'
I looked at her and I saw her smile to the baby. I sighed.
'Well, my family's normal. So to speak.'
She gave me a rather strange look and I felt stupid. 'Sorry. Didn't mean it to sound like that.'
I sighed once more and frowned: 'Can I ask you something? Did you just tell me all of this because I'm just a colleague from work?'
I wanted to be mean about that, but Luce motioned that we head for the exit. 'Did you come all this way from America because you're my best friend?' she retorted as coldly as I tried being, but somehow it bothered me.
'Are you that determined not to let us be friends?' I asked half annoyed, as she shut the door behind us.
'You flirt with other women at work and you enjoy their company.'
I smiled confused: 'Does that bother you?!'
Luce looked straight at me. Her face resembled her mother's but the facial features were sharper and rougher. Her hair was once more streaming down her shoulders and her blouse was rather smooth and tousled, although she had tossed and turned in her sleep in the car a few hours back. I suddenly felt like touching her face and thought of how Alex so casually lifted her up on his arms. And how she casually let him to do that.
'Out of all those women, you thought I should be the one spending your weekend with', Luce said, her thick voice low in tone. 'You did not give a rat's ass about my person for almost a month, and yet when I skipped work for a few days, you rushed to see what that was all about. This is what I don't get and I don't think I like either. Could you explain that to me?'
She looked at me expectantly. I looked like a confused idiot. 'I…'
I blinked a few times: 'I…'
Luce raised her eyebrows: 'Yes?'
'I-it was an impulse!'
Luce squinted and her mouth slightly rose to one side. 'Is that right…' she said and then she turned and went down the stairs without letting me say anything anymore. I opened my mouth to say something in defense, but no words got out and by this time, Hanna, Alex, Josef and Una waited for us in the main hall.
'Did you go to see the little one, Lus?' Alex asked smiling. 'Did you meet Siegfried, Chris?'
'Uhm, yes. We have', I replied, looked at Una, trying to make sure that entering the baby's room without the parents' permission had not been a bad deed. The woman made no changes in her facial features, instead kept her eyes on her daughter.
'He's grown, hasn't he?' Una said, while we finished going down the stairs. She looked at Luce in particular, and seemed to wait for her reply, but all she did was to look back at her and say nothing.
'I think it's time to go', Luce finally said. 'The concert won't be for another three hour and it'll take us some time to get back.'
She clearly wanted to leave as fast as she could, so we did not prolong our stay. I noticed how she refused to glance back as she headed for the car and how, from the other side of the team, the only one to wave us goodbye was Peter, Una's husband. He smiled and gestured from his hand, as Alex pulled the car out into traffic. I looked back through the back-window to see if there was in any way possible that Una would join her husband and wave us off for Luce's sake, but that did not happen. Their last encounter had been the coldest I have ever witnessed and Luce had been filled with indifference and premeditated ignorance towards her mother that perhaps the woman had stopped trying to relate to her.
And yet, as Luce's story went, Una had left her and her father when Luce was very young and she felt only because she did not prefer the family she had built up with Daniel. I gazed at Luce sitting next to me in the backseat and looking away through the window quiet, as Hanna turned on the radio from the car and she and Josef hummed a happier song playing currently.
Alex joined them soon enough and they sung the song, while behind them, I kept staring at Luce until she felt my gaze and returned it without saying anything. I smiled to soften the situation, but all she did was to let her eyes down and then to return to looking through the window. All this time, she said nothing and I had no idea what she would be thinking of.
7.
By the time we returned to Nuremberg, it was already close to five and the concert had less than an hour to start. Alex agreed to drop us by the entrance while Luce went into her room to pick up the tickets and have a quick change. All I had time for was a little freshen up in the bathroom, and then I smoothed my new clothes, looking at the mirror in the entrance hall.
Hanna settled Josef for some TV shows and then returned to see us out of the house. When Lus came downstairs, she wore the same pair of short jeans and a new black t shirt, looking all plain and comfortable enough to enjoy a concert without too much trouble. Her hair was combed and dropped casually on her shoulders.
'All set?' I asked smiling and she nodded, and then we said goodbye to Hanna and she wished us good fun and to be careful.
Alex wished the same thing to us and just before he returned back home, after he dropped us by one entrance gate to the large park where the concert would take place, he placed a hand over my shoulder and said: 'Hey, Chris, take care of Lus.'
I looked at him and nodded. 'Sure. I'll get her home safely.'
As I stared at Alex's car departing from the parking lot, I noticed the crowds of people streaming inside the large building arranged especially for the concert. There were wire gates surrounding the building and beyond it, there would be a large field filled with tents and special screens, and further on, the huge stadium with the stage and the electric lights which would soon be the only source of light throughout the concert.
There were bodyguards everywhere and those who helped the personnel handle the ticket-checking and the physical check. Women were checked by women-bodyguards, while men were checked by those of the same sex. I could hear Avicii's song Hey, brother! Singing behind the walls of the building and the crowds' voice loud enough to sing to its lyrics.
The sky was clear and it began to darken a little, but it was still light enough so no traffic lights or street lamps were lightened up.
I found Luce looking for me, as she waited by one of the many entrance gates, holding up the two tickets, to prove she had someone with her. She gave me one and then we went through the check-up separately. Once we passed the first line of people, we were in and I could casually stare at the large building in front of me which now acted as a well-built wall for the large stadium, all prepared with a huge plastic cupola in case of rain.
'Can I ask who's singing? Anyone I know?' I inquired, not taking my eyes off the surrounding area. I had never seen so many people taking their seats onto the stadium and on the ground, filling the tents and managing to park their cars around. Avicii sung on, while everyone else screamed, jeered, spilled metal cans of beer on the ground and screamed some more.
Luce handed me a piece of black-colored paper which had a list of singers probably participating at the concert. Her phone rang, so I received the piece of paper, while looked at her. I saw her answering the phone, one hand covering one ear, while the other held the receiver to the other ear. She spoke in a loud German, so I couldn't understand what she was talking about. Soon enough, she hung up and began looking through the crowd.
'Where should we go?' I asked, feeling a little ignored.
'We'll have to meet some friends first, and then we can move out', she replied, still looking around, but at least I felt OK about her saying "we". I felt I should have helped her out with searching those she said we should meet, but I had no idea who her friends were in Germany and then I realized once more how dependent I was of her and her condition in this country. I looked at her and suddenly felt the need of grabbing her hand. It was very close to mine, so I could easily snatch it and hold it on the pretext that there were people pushing me out and that I did not want to get separated from her. And then I realized it was a silly desire of mine, since I did not even like Luce or the way she acted so ignorantly with me.
And then she finally found them. I saw her suddenly giggle and then wave her hand off onto the crowd further on and I noticed another hand answered to her call in the same manner. 'Follow me!' she said and then I grabbed her hand. She looked at me for a fraction of a second, strangely surprised, but then she pulled through the crowd to the new destination, dragging me behind her.
As soon as we found an empty circle of people, she pulled her hand out from my grip and smiled to the few young people gathered up in a square.
'Hallo!' she said in German and a couple of men turned to face us. They were about my age, one of them a little chubby and red haired, with a pony tail, wearing a white shirt with an imprint of Angry Birds, and a pair of black shorts and some new Adidas snickers. The other was a tall young man, a pretty face undoubtedly, very smooth in the physique, with rugged facial features and a rather unshaven jaw. His hair was cut short and ruffled.
'Oh, hallo, Lus!' the chubby one said and soon stretched his hand so he can pull Luce into the square. He said something in German to the others and they turned around to face her. In total, they were six, four girls and the two men. The other said nothing, but when Luce stared at him, smiling, he nodded and curled the corner of her mouth. I could see there was more to the kind of look he gave her and met the eye and then I suddenly felt like the kind of smile Luce had given him was nothing compared to the ones he had given me or Alex or anyone else for that matter.
'Lus!'
'Hello, Max', Luce addressed the tall man and he smiled gently. 'Guys, this is Chris, a colleague of mine. He's an American.'
'Oh, hello, Chris!' everyone said in due time, as I smiled and shook a few hands before I was properly introduced. The chubby man was called Friedrick, but he was Freddie for short, and the tall man was Max and he was about my age, a rocker himself, but with no band of his own.
The girls were Marie, Julia and Zola, the last one being a black woman born in Paris, but living in Germany for the past few years. All were a little older than I was, but they age did not show at all. The last of the girls was Alice, she was American as well but knew a bit of German. She was younger than me or Luce, and she came here solely for the concert. She was friends with Marie and Zola.
Alice was a shy girl, so as soon as we shook hands, she smiled only a little and hid behind one of her colleagues, as they all seemed enthusiast enough to try on their English.
The men went out to pick up some beer and when I was left with the girls, they spoke of another guy a third one in their gang, called Franz. He was the photographer of the team, and he enjoyed scooping around the area before the action started. As such, he wasn't currently with them, but would soon return, when he'd finish taking pictures.
As the girls talked to me and I chatted with them, I noticed form the corner of my eyes that Luce agreed to leave me to it, while she joined Freddie and Max for the beers. She was standing very close to Max, as they queued in line for the beers. She spoke something in German, he looked back at her and smiled pronouncedly, afterwards, his hand gently slid from the side of her face to the back of her neck and he circled her with an arm. He gently pressed a kiss over her forehead and then he pulled away and passed her two cans of beer, while Freddie paid for the lot.
When Luce returned to us, she looked refreshed and rather red. As our eyes met, she quickly looked away and brushed off the smile. So, she liked Max and perhaps she was his girlfriend. Now, I could be able to understand why she acted so coldly or why she so abruptly pulled away her had from my grip a few minutes ago.
When the third man joined us, I finally met Franz. He was Alice's age and quickly showed his place as Marie's boyfriend, as soon as he passed her his high-class Cannon camera and took a beer can from Max's grip. We shook hands, exchanged a few words and then the concert started. People began jeering and screaming and the lights turned on, while it was still day-light.
The girls began dancing, Freddie and Max went for a couple more beers and everyone else circled around our crowd, as they waved their hands about. First were the Rammstein, then the quick presence of Depeche Mode and Robyn, followed by Linkin Park. The combination seemed rather strange, but the crowd filed in as much as possible.
It was almost three hours since the concert started that I noticed Luce was missing from the crowd. So was Max.
Freddie was talking to Alice and Franz about Linkin Park's success having Mike Shinoda in, when I noticed that I was staring at the stage without thinking much of the concert or enjoying the music. I just wanted to ask Luce something, when I noticed that only Marie and Zola were next to me, dancing a little drunker than at the beginning of the concert. I looked around and saw that Luce was no longer with us and Max was not either.
I moved my eyes about and then I noticed they were a few yards away, Max's tall head among a group of girls, while holding Luce by the arm and a can of beer in another. He was talking to the girls and making them laugh, while occasionally, he looked at Luce and seemed to invite her into the conversation. She was covering her face with her hands and at first I thought she may not be feeling good, but when Max pulled her hands away, I could see that Luce was laughing out loud.
When Roxette started up with their Stars, the people were in a chaotic state of mind and they all began jumping up and down in the front lines, and as soon as everything turned feverish, Max grabbed Luce by the hand and pulled her through to the thick crowd of jeering people.
By this time, all the others seemed to scatter about. I suddenly found myself alone where I was standing and then I looked around a little distressed at the thought that perhaps I'd find myself all alone throughout the entire concert. I would not be able to find my way home nor find a way to contact Alex or Hanna and let me know where they lived, so I can return home.
I started looking for any of them.
'Alice? Hey, Freddie?'
I looked by the tents where they sold the beer, I looked through the crowds of people standing o the side of the stadium, I even got close to the exits, where I saw a couple of bodyguards calming down some few violent drunkards, as they pushed and shoved people off only to pick on the large bodyguards.
A few girls blinked in my direction and some of them greeted me with "Hi, handsome!", while I looked for any of the two, Zola or Marie. I could find none, and I was also mistaken by a drunkard to be his buddy, so I almost missed his vomit by the inch, while another shortly jerked my arm off and was about to hit me, when I bent and his body went forward, he screamed a little and fell to the ground. A couple of people helped him up and I walked away from the area.
'Jesus…' I sighed a little panicked. The music was too loud for me to hear the cell-phone buzzing in the back pocket of my trousers, but as soon as I found an area away from the vibrating huge boxes, I was able to feel the buzzing and I pulled out the phone. It was an unknown number. I covered one ear, as I answered and listened with the other.
'Yea?'
'Chris… That… you?'
The receiver had a buzzing sound to it, like the telephone line was hooked up and I could hear the female voice with interference.
'Luce?' I screamed into the receiver. 'I'm at the fourth box to the left from where we were.'
I honestly hoped she'd heard me at that. The phone line dropped after that and I was not able to call back after that. The contact kept being busy, so the line was cut short. When I finally managed to come through, the phone rang two times before the line dropped again.
'Shit!' I swore annoyed, but I was too afraid to move from my position, because I feared I may get lost even further.
Finally, I looked around the people circling me and I saw Luce's figure to my right. She was coming over all by herself, slaloming through the crowd as easily as a feather through the wind, carefully avoiding the louder of the members. One of them commented that she was pretty and that she should come over, but all she did was give him a rather rude grin and then continued her way.
'What are you doing here?' she asked when she finally stopped in front of me.
'I… you guys were gone, so I went looking for you', I replied honestly.
She made a little face and sighed: 'You obviously have very little patience. If you waited a little, I would have come back anyway.'
I sighed and saw how she disapproved of me moving about and causing her the trouble of looking for me through the crowd. I suddenly got angry and frowned: 'Excuse me?! You were the one to disappear from sight and now I'm the one who had no patience? I found myself all alone back there, what was I supposed to do? Stay glued and wait for one of you to get back?!'
She frowned as well and gave a rather ugly kind of look. She obviously did not like the way I replied. 'No one asked you to come here in the first place', she replied coldly, but that only angered me more.
'Look, I know this was a big mistake, you've been rubbing this in my eye with every passing hour! And you've clearly ignored my all the way, even now, as soon as you cleared your way with Max, you didn't even look back at the others or at me. But this is no reason to just dump me out! I didn't do this to spoil your weekend with your Dad!'
Okay, I shouldn't have said the part with Max, but I was angry enough to spill out everything that bothered me. And it seemed to work, since Luce's facial features soon cleared away the wrinkles and then she took a deep breath. We both could hear The Look by Roxette.
I sighed and straightened up. 'Ugh, I'm sorry about that.'
I knew I screwed it and I knew I must have made her even angrier, since she took another deep breath and then looked around for a few seconds. After that, Luce looked down and came closer to me. 'C'mon, let's go to some quieter place.'
I followed her to a spot farther from the stage, where the tents were filled with people relaxing to a beer or a sandwich, with the family and friends, looked at the concerts from a distance. A few of them set up a small camp fire and began singing songs from the concerts out loud. Here the lights were dim and almost non-existent, so if I followed Luce from behind, I soon had the impression I'd lose her small figure, but son enough I saw her air of bare legs prancing through the people lying on the ground, on the blankets, making out, making love or even looking at the night sky enjoying the music from a distance.
Just as I saw her stopping by some strange rock construction, all demolished now, I noticed a couple in the bushes, against the wall of the large building surrounding the stadium, his hand ruffling through his female partner's skirt.
Luce leaned against the rock-construction and looked at me, when I came closer. 'This any better? No crowd here', she said.
I nodded. 'Yea, I guess…'
Luce climbed up the construction and then sat down, taking her shoes off and gathering her bare legs under her body.
'Look, I'm really sorry about all of this, I know it should have been your weekend, and I must have upset you will all of this.'
'Chris, stop apologizing.'
I startled and looked at her. I could see nothing much of Luce's face, as it was too dark now and I could only catch a glimpse of her sparkling eyes or her dim lightened face from the concert and stage lights. She looked down and seemed to feel a little ashamed.
'I… don't really know how to apologize, but… it's not your fault, OK? I just don't like it when things don't go my way. And I don't like people meddling in my business.'
I sighed. 'And I meddled into yours, I suppose.'
She shrugged her shoulders. 'Only a little.'
She smiled. 'You didn't really ruin anything, it's just… I could go to any concert in Germany, I suppose. A concert is like any other. And I got used to going by myself, so there's no problem in that. I just wanted to go with Daniel this time. And it seems he didn't want to go. So there's nothing I can do about it.'
'Why can't you just talk to him?' I inquired and leaned against the construction, next to Luce.
She began gently swinging to the rhythm of the song playing through the concert. She waved me off and made a little funny face. She seemed to refuse my suggestion, so I assumed she had tried before to talk to her father, but he refused to listen.
'Do you like Nuremberg?' Luce then asked, and I looked at her. I noticed she was avoiding my gaze, instead played with her fingers in her lap.
'I don't know honestly. Haven't seen much of it, really', I smiled.
She nodded thoughtfully, but stood silent.
'You like Max a lot, don't you?' I tried my luck although I knew she may not answer my question. However, I was just curious, seeing as she looked rather sulked and I figured that perhaps she wished she'd be with him at the moment, rather than with me.
She smiled suddenly. 'Hm. It shows that much, huh?'
'Seems he likes you too', I replied.
'Hmm', she smiled pronouncedly. 'He likes attention. But he doesn't really like anyone but himself. First time I told him I liked him was like a year ago and then he agreed to a few dates before I realized he wasn't serious.'
I gazed at her surprised: 'You guys were together?'
Luce bit her inferior lip and nodded.
'For how long?'
'Interested in my love-life, Chris?'
Luce tried on a little joke, but I wasn't really in the mood for flirting or playing along, so I tried being honest: 'Yeah. I think I am.'
'Would you talk about your love-life so casually?' she asked instead.
I smiled: 'I guess you can ask me anything you like. But I could only tell you I had only two major relationships, and the rest were just play-along. Never really got dumped, except for once, that was like a couple of years ago and it was all my fault.'
'What did you do?'
'Slept with her best friend.'
'Auch!' Luce chuckled and I shrugged my shoulders.
'I guess I was more of a womanizer than I am now', I joked a little. 'And a little drunk too. It was the girl's bachelor party and I only came to pick up Celine – she was my girlfriend – and then I got offered a few drinks of coke, had a bit of whiskey in it. And then one thing led to another…'
Luce sighed. 'Did she get married even though she cheated her boyfriend with you?'
I smiled from the corner of my mouth. 'Yea, I guess she did. But they divorced a few months ago. Seems the guy's not a family man as it is. And she wanted to have kids, you know.'
'And what about your ex, Celine?'
'She went back to France and now is in a rather serious relationship with a guy in Paris. I think. She kept in touch via Facebook, so she always sends me warm messages like "Hey there, little fuck!"'
I grinned and Luce frowned. I turned to face her and I gently placed my arms on one side and the other from her body. My arms touched her knees. 'So, how long were you and Max together?'
'Long enough, I suppose', she replied and pulled her legs away, so my arms would not touch them anymore.
'How long is "long enough"?'
Luce frowned and looked at me. I knew by now she must be wondering why I was so insistent on this. 'A year. Satisfied?'
'Had anyone since?'
Suddenly, she smiled shrewdly. 'Are you trying to ask me if I'm seeing anyone at the moment?'
'What if I am?' I asked and suddenly felt like I must have said perhaps too much. I had no idea what kind of feelings I had towards Luce, but the fact was that I did not expect her to say that she had had a yearlong relationship with Max and that bothered me a little.
'I'd say that's none of your business', she frowned and stood up. When she jumped down from the construction, I grabbed her hand and pulled her in.
'What if it is?'
'I say it's not', Luce replied sharply and jerked her hand away. 'And don't touch me so casually.'
'Look, I just …'
I sighed. 'I'm sorry. I just… you… you make me feel weird.'
I rubbed my forehead with my fingertips and I could see her frown at me.
'Weird?' she inquired. 'How's that, "weird"? I don't get it.'
'I just… god, forget it!' I burst out half angrily.
'Fine', she said. 'Then, let's just go back.'
She turned to leave, but I just rushed towards her, as I saw her dark figure moving towards the concert stage and the big crowd and the angry mob of drunkards, and finally towards Max whom she probably still liked and would have enjoyed being still together with, and I grabbed her hand. Just before she turned to face me with an inquisitive look, as soon she looked up to me, I bent over and kissed her and when our lips met, I grabbed her face with my hands. She quickly pushed me away and wiped off her mouth.
'What the fuck was that?'
'This is what I meant when I said "Weird"!' I frowned and stared at her angrily. After that, I just walked away, satisfied at least that I did not give her credit for leaving first.
I thought she'd follow me as angry as I was. But when I finally stopped and turned to see where she was, I recognized her figure still standing where I left her, straightening up and then she slowly headed in my direction. And I suddenly realized how idiot I had behaved, for kissing her so impulsively and confessing how I felt as if possibly liking her were the most disgusting things ever.
I realized I probably made her feel as stupid and as superficial as Max had made her feel before she realized all he was doing was playing around. I sighed and as she passed me by, I said: 'Look, Luce, I'm - !'
She brought up a hand and hushed me off without a second glance. She simply said "I'm not listening", and then she headed for the concert place and I followed sighing.
8.
After this scene, Luce would not talk to me. In fact, I found it only natural that she did not even look in my direction. It was as if she deliberately made herself believe that I did not exist. Instead, she kept herself close to friends and talked to the girls or danced with Freddie and Franz or even enjoyed Max's company than mine. An hour later, she and Max disappeared once more and this time, no matter how hard I tried, I could not find them among the crowd.
In fact, I did not wish to. I was angry as well. I only looked for her so I would make sure we'd return home together or that she was safe. After all, I had promised Alex I'd bring Luce safely home.
By this time, it was close to 4 a.m. and the crowd shrank in number, but most of them now populated the area around the beer-selling tents and those settled in the farthest part of the stadium. Some of the tight crowds still filled the front side closer to the stage, dancing through the night, as if there was no stop.
I talked a little with Luce's friends. There was nothing I could talk about as it is, since most of them were drunk by now, made new friends and spoke German in a drunken manner.
I felt rather misplaced and wanted to return home, to jump in the bed and sleep until the next day, late in the afternoon. I felt like taking the first plane our and return to where I rightfully belong, not in Luce's world, but in my own, getting back to where I was heading, ignoring the type of girl that she was and flirting with those more willing to flirt.
I wanted to shove away the image of me kissing her and of Luce's frowning gaze when she pushed away and how she so obviously tried to ignore me after that. I wanted to simply just tell myself that I didn't like her or that I was falling in love for that matter, that she was not all of a sudden everything I could think of and that I did not dislike Max because he had had a relationship with her, but rather because he just looked like an arrogant bastard.
Obviously, everything was wrong. I liked Luce and I felt that I should rightfully try to have a relationship with her, that I was entitled to be jealous or want to explain to her that she should not look at anyone else but me. It was stupid, but as much as I refused to admit it to myself, I liked Luce Schrader.
'Shit', I mumbled to myself grumpily, as I stared at my feet instead of the ground or the crowd surrounding me.
I turned to back away from the sight, knowing that no one would give a rat's ass about me, when I noticed a couple among other rather heated couples a few meters apart, the man leaning against the wall of the surrounding building, while the woman in front of him stood a couple of inches apart. She looked rather small for her size and her hair was streaming down her shoulders. I could not see what she was wearing, but I knew it was Luce and the man must have been Max. I could see his face each time the lights from the stage took a stride along the crowds. He was smiling from the corner of his mouth and he took the woman by the neck and dragged her towards him and kissed her.
By this time, the crowd was still dancing and the lights danced along with them above their heads, as the intro song from Robyn played out, Dancing on my own. Max kissed her long and he did not seem to want to let her go, and I kind of felt trapped, like an idiot watching his girl being taken away by the mob. I was not sure about the mob, but I did feel like someone was taking my girl away. I felt detached and aterritorial. It was the kind of thing I'd find most irritating and turning me angry.
Max dragged her even further into his arms, until their bodies became one and I turned away angry and distressed. 'Shit…'
And then I saw Luce. She was not the one in Max's arms, but rather a little further and towards the stage than I was. She was also looking over my shoulder, towards the couple. I recognized half of her face, as it sparkled red, green and yellow from the stage lights. A streak of bluish and purple light stopped right in front of her right eye, as she kept staring at the couple. There was no motion to her facial features.
'Hey, Luce!' I called and then headed to her direction. When I stopped beside her, she simply pushed her way through and chose to be more within the dancing crowd. I followed her insistently and as I stopped beside her and looked at her, Luce refused to look back at me, instead concentrating on the dancing crowd and the song and the concert in all.
'You alright?' I bent and talked in her ear. She gave me a brief look before she nodded and did not seem distressed this time to have me around. My hand slightly touched hers, but she did not say anything, instead we seemed the only pair of people not to dance. Everyone else was jumping or jeering or waving their hands around in a strange urban-tribal dance, feeling the music with each passing second.
She leaned forward and checked for something through the crowd and then turned to me and asked if I wanted to go any closer to the stage. 'I want to hear the music as loud as possible', she argued to it and I thought a little before I nodded.
Luce made room for both of us before we went further into the crowd, but only to the sides, so we could easily find a way to return back to where it was clearer. I couldn't guess what was going on in her head, but I suspected Luce did not feel well, since she shifted her ignore-status towards Max and his assumed new girlfriend. When we finally reached a spot where the music was louder that I'd imagine, but not enough to make one's ears explode, I decided I'd shift my attention to the concert itself and feel the sense of freedom, as I looked around and started slightly dancing myself. I nudged Luce in the elbow and she turned to me. I smiled and she puffed a little smile back. And then she began jumping up and down, just like everyone else, her arm waving through the air like a whip and some others following her example.
Soon enough, she'd dance all over, kind of letting go of everything she withheld, and she attracted attention around and some of the guys around took her dancing while I didn't look. Each time I'd find her, I'd see her dancing with some guy I wouldn't know, but she kept her distance, and often got back to my side, so this time we would not get lost. She definitely was determined to spend the last few hours of the concert with me. I danced around her myself and screamed and jeered along with the crowd. I took a few girls to dancing myself before another hour just passed by and I finally found myself in front on Luce, dancing with her. I realized we had spent the last hour avoiding each other and yet keeping within the circle we had involuntarily built, but Luce did not seem to notice. Instead, she continued on dancing, even by herself, when the crowd returned to its flames and passionate energy. I saw her jumping up and down, smiling a little, while the colourful lights once more joined in the dancing part as well. I went up to her and grabbed her by the waist. That stopped her jumping and Luce turned around to face me. She looked rather surprised, but not as distressed as she had first appeared to be, just before I kissed her. I felt the heat of her body and the way the blouse attached to her damp back and I could smell the sweat and the little scent of perfume, mixed with alcohol and tobacco incense.
I studied Luce carefully, as my hand gently touched her back, without moving from its position. She looked relaxed and breathed in and out, trying to catch her regular breathing from all the jumping. I was afraid to move my hand away, but I looked at her and gently touched her cheek with the same hand I touched her back. Luce still tried catching her breath. Her chest was going as up and down as the rest of the crowd. I took a step towards her, but Luce bent her head and started moving it up and down rhythmically and then she pushed back and started dancing and jumping around again. So she did not want me to kiss her again. I watched her dance until I agreed I should join in and not seem like I'd spoil everything. Soon enough, I saw her smiling and feeling good about not dancing all by herself.
9.
I danced with Luce for another hour and a half. By this time, the sky had turned a bright red color and the crow was almost too tired to manage all the energy it had carried throughout the night. Some of the ones who had rested now became the soul of the dance-floor, but all in all, the concert was approaching its end.
After we stopped dancing, Luce did not look for her friends, but rather quietly suggested we should return home. I was only glad to do so, without being forced to meet once more with the few people I knew now, besides Alex and Hanna, and whom I did not like in the first place because they had so easily dumped the group and scattered around the area without so much as a second glance.
I did not ask what we should return home with. I was confident Luce knew the city by far better than I did, so I should only expect us to get us safely home.
By now, it was almost six and something in the morning, the city was not yet on its toes, but the subway was functioning, so Luce took us home via the underground railway. I was too tired to ever speak to her. I could only imagine how tiresome it should have been for Luce each time she'd travel to Germany for a concert and then back home again. It almost seemed like a gruesome image for me to be on the plane for the States this evening and the next morning to find myself traveling back home from the airport.
Luce had received a second house key from Alex, as she managed to open the front entrance door as quietly as possible. She locked the house after I got in and to my surprise, she took her shoes off and went straight for the living room. She must have been as tired and as sleepy as I was, and yet she dropped her things on the couch and then went for the bathroom.
She said nothing to me and I did not reply back. Instead, I went to my room and dropped on the bed as soon as I felt the softness of the mattress. A little while afterwards, I heard footsteps on the hall and someone rubbing the key chain in his or her fingers.
I stood up half asleep and noticed that I had left the door to my room half opened and I could see Luce's figure dressed up in a pale yellow colored bathrobe, heading for her own room. I got up and opened to door. 'Aren't you tired?'
She stopped and turned to face me. 'Not really.'
I blinked for a few times, before I looked over her shoulder. 'I'm very sleepy, but I think I can stay for a couple more hours. When are we leaving for the airport?'
'Flight's due to tomorrow morning', Luce replied softly. And then, she made a little face: 'Will you alright Monday morning? That would mean you'd skip the office.'
I tried thinking for a few minutes. 'I think so.'
She straightened up and looked straight at me. 'I could buy you a ticket for tonight, if you like.'
'No, I… I'd like to come back with you. Monday's just fine.'
'Okay', Luce concluded and then she turned to leave, but I stopped her when I called her name. She turned to me inquisitively.
'Yes, Chris?'
'I'm sorry about the kiss. I didn't mean to upset you', I sighed heavily.
She shrugged her shoulders. 'It's okay. It's been a while, so I should say "Thanks!"'
Luce gave me a quick smile and then I nodded and closed the door, as she returned to her room. I found myself alone in the bedroom and suddenly realized how she so casually took my apology and made no case about it. And she had also stated that she hadn't been kissed in a while. I felt I needed some more time to spend with Luce and I didn't really care if I didn't come on Monday to work for that matter.
I had no idea what was wrong with me. But I felt strange.
I got out of my room and headed for hers. I did not knock on the door, but I opened it and came inside saying: 'Look, Luce I…'
I caught her with her back against me, half a t-shit sliding down her back. And she had a tattoo. I caught the glimpse of an animal's leg right above her backbone, before the t shirt covered it all up.
'I'm sorry', I quickly turned away and she sighed.
'It's okay. What is it you wanted?'
I hesitantly turned around and saw her gather up the bathrobe and smoothing the blanket on the bed. She now wore a fresh pair of light shorts and a plain white t shirt with Superman's S imprinted on it.
'Nothing, I… I just… Can I ask you something?' I frowned and Luce sat on the bed.
'I guess you can.'
I took a few steps towards the bed and rubbed the back of my head: 'Why is it you didn't want us to be friends? You seem to have some here.'
She sniffed amused and replied: 'I think we both know that's not true. They're just acquaintances. '
'All the same. Is it because you don't like me or something?'
'No, not really', she replied softly, this time and looked at me while I took a few more steps closer to her: 'Then why?'
'I suppose because I'm used to being by myself and I kind of enjoy it. I am a little control-freak and I like things when they go my way.'
I made a little face. 'Are we friends now?'
Luce played with her hands and smoothed her trousers. 'I'm not sure how to answer that, but I guess we are, as long as you want to. I'm not very good at keeping friends, though.'
She sighed.
I smiled.
'I don't think there's a method for that', I said amused and she shrugged her shoulders. 'Look, Luce, can I be honest?'
She puffed and few strands of hair from over her face flew off. 'Let me guess: is it about how I make you feel weird?'
I started to laugh. 'I can't believe I said that, shit… Sorry. But yeah. About that. I just… I just want to spend some time with you, you know? Like… a lot! And you really do make me feel weird. I mean – and don't take this the wrong way – you're not my type of girl, you know. You're mostly quiet and you mind your own business and you don't flirt, so…'
There, Luce began smiling and then ended up laughing. 'Yes, I admit I'm quiet and that I don't flirt, but it's only because I didn't know if there's a method to it.'
I stared at her and since she smiled I couldn't figure out if she was playing me or just plain honest.
'Plus, you're damn rude when it comes to new comers', I added with a touch of meanness. This time, Luce frowned and then she sighed.
'Okay, I can handle bitchiness.'
'You just don't give a guy any credit. Even when it is his right.'
She rolled her eyes: 'So, in your opinion, I'm quiet, flirtatious-less, bitchy, rude and so-not-your-type. Not sure where I should find the compliment in the sentence', she squinted.
'You're honest', I smiled and she pursed her lips and made a gesture with her hands.
'There we have it! The compliment. Thank you, Chris!'
I knew by now she'd play me off, but I smiled because she did.
'Do you still love him?' I asked after a small pause and Luce frowned.
'Who?'
'Max. Do you still love him?'
'Oh', she sighed and then she slightly crouched in her position. She then stood up and took her time answering. 'I don't think so. I wasn't annoyed when he was kissing that woman, if that's what you mean.'
I puffed: 'Jesus, that's not why I asked. I asked so I'd know if it could work for me.'
'Work what?' Luce yawned and stared at me oblivious.
I smiled and then puffed surprised. 'Jeez… you're completely obsolete…'
'Anyway', she waved me off. 'Could I go to bed now? I'd feel like resting.'
I sighed. 'Yea, sure, fine. Sorry to keep you up. I'll go have a shower.'
I opened the door to step outside and I gave her one last look, before I saw her slip into the bed and pull the blankets on.
10.
I slept all through the day, after I returned from my bath. I must have been too tired even to check for my phone and see if I received any emails or phone calls. Of course I did. Lots of them and they were from almost everyone from my team.
As I completely ignored the phone in the living room, where I left it when I arrived with Luce early this morning, I came down to the tv room, where I found Luce. She was watching TV absentmindedly, the remote control in her hand. She was half lying on the couch, a bare leg bouncing up and down ignorantly over the couch arm.
'Hey, Luce', I greeted her and circled the couch and sat down next to her, as she mumbled a "hello" back. 'Did you just get up?'
'Not really. Slept for an hour.'
'Seriously?' I asked and frowned while looking at her. She shrugged her shoulders and nodded. 'How much did you sleep in the plane?' I asked.
She smiled a little. 'A couple of hours.'
And she only slept a little in the car, while we drove to Rothenburg the previous day. And now, all she slept was one hour, so in total, Luce must have felt too tired, but she refused to rest her body the way I did when I crashed on the bed after I came from having a bath.
'Aren't you tired?' I asked frowning again.
Luce gave me a quick glance. 'I only sleep when I feel like it. So I guess I don't sleep a lot. I'm not tired.'
I smiled confused: 'How many hours do you sleep a night?'
'Maybe two or three.'
I led out a long breath and rolled my eyes onto the tv: 'I think I'd die without resting. Sometimes, I'm just completely gummy.'
I noticed she was wearing the same shorts and t shirt she wore before I left her in her bedroom. I asked if Alex and Hanna were around, but Luce replied that they were shopping, so they'd be back within half an hour. And that breakfast and some hot coffee were already in the kitchen.
'It's not really breakfast, since it's almost three in the afternoon', I smiled. 'I think lunch would be more appropriate.'
'As you like.'
I stood up, circled the sofa again and just before I got out of the room, I turned to look at Luce. Her hair was uncombed and running down her rather bare shoulders, while she had to hold the many-buttoned remote in both hands. Her leg was still swinging from side to side.
'What?' she asked when she noticed I was staring at her. I smiled. 'Can you stand up?' I asked and she gave me an inquisitive look, but she did as she was told. As soon as she straightened up, her hair fell to the back and her well-shaped legs gathered up in a perfect vertical line. She looked at herself all confused, as if I asked her to stand up just because there must have been something wrong about her. 'What?' Luce asked again and then gave me a quick glance.
'Nothing', I replied smiling. 'You're just beautiful.'
Luce gave out a laughing snort and rolled her eyes. 'Oh, please, everyone looks like shit when they've been through a night without sleep. I'm no exception.'
I placed a hand over her head and retorted: 'Will you always make fun of my compliments?'
'Well, you do pick up the most outmatching of them', she commented and pushed my hand away, so she could resume sitting on the couch. 'You said I was ignorant and bitchy and that I was angry with you and now you say I'm beautiful. Not to mention you said I made you feel weird. I'm starting to think I should question my parents whether I am an extraterrestrial being or not.'
Luce grabbed the remote once more to shift through the TV channels.
I went to have my breakfast/ lunch in the kitchen and smiled while thinking I'd spend yet another day in Luce's company. I tried not to keep her alone in the TV room, but when I was finally done with eating and I returned to the room, she was not there anymore. Instead, I found her coming down the stairs from her room, all dressed and hair combed down and smoothed.
She was wearing a light blue shirt and a pair of long black jeans.
'Where are you heading?' I asked frowning.
'I was going for a walk. And I thought you were too, since you complained I did not care the slightest that I should give you a tour.'
So, she felt rather guilty about the accusations I threw at her the previous day. Somehow, I felt bad, but at the same time good about it, because it meant that Luce was not made of steel and her feelings could be reached. I smiled.
'Can you wait for a few minutes? I'll go and change.'
She shrugged her shoulders and then returned to the TV room. I went upstairs to my room and changed as quickly as possible. I returned to the living room soon enough and then we put our shoes on and I opened the door to the entrance. Luce stepped outside first, her leather jacket on her shoulders and I smiled to her, while I closed the door behind me.
But as I straightened up and as Luce locked the front door, I noticed the figure of a tall broad man. He was of my age and I recognized him immediately. I had seen his figure from a distance the previous night. He was Max.
He lifted his arm when Luce also noticed him.
'Hallo! Lus! Oh, hello, Chris!' he smiled at me senile and I could only salute him back politely.
'Hey, Lus, komm her!' he then replied in German and Luce did as she was told without a shred of remorse. I prayed the man had not come here to spoil my walk with Luce, but I was sure by the smirk on his face that he had intended to invite her somewhere. As soon as she came over, Max leaned over Luce, circled her neck with his arm and kissed her on the cheek. He spoke in German with her and what looked like a proposition. She nodded and seemed to agree.
'Alles gutt', Max replied and kissed her gently on the forehead.
Luce turned to me and climbed back the stairs to the entrance, where I was waiting for her. She was frowning. 'What it is?' I asked. I sighed and slightly bent forward and whispered: 'Please don't tell me you're going to spend the day with him! I mean… you saw what I saw.'
'There's nothing wrong with spending time with Max', she replied coldly. 'And he could have been drunk last night.'
'Are you kidding me? Don't be an idiot!' I replied almost annoyed and Luce frowned. I sighed and without apologizing, I continued on a rather smooth kind of tone of voice: 'Look, Luce… you said we'd go for a walk around town.'
'I know, stupid, that's why I told him I wouldn't go anywhere without you!' Luce finally gnawed her teeth at me and then looked away.
I somehow felt trespassed by a wave of electricity which flowed through both my arms and electrified my brain. For a matter of seconds, I just stared at her pursing my lips and not completely comprehending what she had just said. I only remembered the part with: "I wouldn't go anywhere without you."
'Shit, Luce…'
And then I saw Max walk away. I was too busy arguing with Luce and trying to convince her that she should spend the day with me instead of with him that I did not notice him leave. His tall figure took a left turn from where he had appeared and then he was out of the street. As I watched him leave, I noticed that Luce had climbed down the stairs and was waiting for me down the street.
'Are you coming?' she asked frowning.
She deserved a kiss for that, so I climbed down the stairs pacing decisively towards her and just before Luce startled and tried to step back, I pressed both my hands against her cheeks and I kissed her. Once again, she quickly pushed me back and covered my mouth with her hand. 'Fuck it, Chris, cut it out! I'm not some… kissing machine!'
I decided not to tell her how I enjoyed kissing her, so I smiled and replied instead: 'You let Max casually touch you, so I figured, hey, why not!'
She gave me an ugly look and I only smiled in return.
'I don't like it when you do that, so please, just… don't do it again.'
'What, you mean this?' I smiled and then suddenly jerked her towards me and before she protested or got the chance to push me again, I kissed her again. I felt too good to miss the feeling once more. This time, I did not give her a light kiss or just a simple touch, the way I had done twice before. This time, I'd show her just how much I meant it when I kissed her.
I caught both her arms at my chest so I pressed her against them, so she wouldn't pull them out and slap me. Soon enough, I though her mouth not so rigid, and her arms seemed to smooth in their touch, so I dropped the pressure in my arms. I noticed Luce did not begin to push me away. So I parted my lips from hers and gently pressed my palms against her cheeks and slightly touched my mouth of hers before I could kiss her again. She was now so quiet and behaving and her lips were so warm and soft that I felt I could kiss her all day long.
Her arms remained over my chest, her fingers numb, while my thumbs brushed against her cheeks. When I parted once more from her lips, she quickly pressed her palm over my mouth and turned her head to the side. 'I think that's enough for now, so can we go walking already?'
I smiled and nodded. Luce left her hands close to her chest and refused to hold hands with me. I knew she was doing it out of pride and out of irritation because I had kissed her, somehow, against her will. She was stubborn, but not enough to play quiet with me, so it was not as if she refused to speak to me as well. But she kept her distance, just like she did at work and in someway, I felt that she was trying to ignore the fact that I'd kiss her twice in one day and that I was trying to become more intimate with her.
'Are you angry with me?' I asked her after we stopped by a bench in the old Town Hall, a little close to a medieval cemetery.
'Why should I be?' Luce asked rather coldly.
'Because I kissed you a little while ago.'
She did not reply, so I sighed and looked at my hands and continued: 'You didn't say anything against it, so I thought you'd accept it the last time. So I kissed you again. But I guess it bothered you', I sighed and stretched my legs on the pavement.
'Not really. I just don't understand why', Luce replied softly.
'Jeez, Luce, isn't it obvious already?'
She gave me a frowning look: 'I'm not an idiot, so yes, it is pretty obvious, but what I still don't understand is why! Why me?'
'I've no slightest idea. But there's nothing I can do about it.'
I smiled to her and Luce looked at me still disapproving. 'I'm not exactly like-material', she said. 'And I'm not really sociable.'
'Look', I stopped her before she babbled any more crap, 'Luce… We don't really understand why we like someone sometimes. And we don't chose who we like either. But I can assure you that you are a likeable person. And the thing I love about you the most is the fact that you're blunt and honest. And you're beautiful.'
She grinned. 'Hmm, not the last part. But with the honesty I agree.'
'All I'm saying is that if you'd give me a chance, I could take care of you and make you happy – or at least, try to make you happy. But I don't think there's any need for an answer. I think I just wanted you to know.'
'Are you in love or something?' she asked hesitantly and when I looked at her, she gave me a kind of deer-like gaze, as if she feared my answer, but at the same time, she was curious about it. I smiled, because I found her adorable at that point.
'I don't think so. Not yet', I replied. 'But all I can say is that I feel like spending a lot of time with you and holding hands and kissing, so I guess I am on the verge. And if you continue on being your bitchy honest self, I think I will. And don't worry about it, I know you're not in love or interested, for that matter, so I don't expect anything.'
We stood quiet for a while, not looking at each other.
'I'm pretty much off your grid, aren't I?' Luce inquired.
'You mean, not my type? Yeah. I guess you kind of are, and it comes as a surprise to me, but there's nothing I can do about it.'
I didn't see her bend over, but I felt her kiss on my cheek. I turned to look at her. 'Thank you, Chris.'
I nodded and smiled. 'Is there a chance… for me? Anything?'
I tried reading something on her face, but she did not look at me. Instead, she sighed and rolled her eyes towards the blue sky and the white clouds. She smiled and so I smiled back, even though I still expected her to reply. After that, we stood up and continued our walk. Once again, I tried to take her hand in mine, but she refused. I laughed because she was playing hard to get.
11.
Lydia tried calling me a couple of times, but I did not answer the phone and I didn't even try to get back to her. I knew Luce noticed, but she said nothing and she acted ignorant. She showed me around Nuremberg and we visited a few famous places, but all I could really remember is having Luce around me, having a walk together and spending the day with her, instead of knowing that she could have spent the day with Max.
I tried closing in on her a couple of times or even taking her by the hand, but she refused and gave me a kind of strange look, as if she hadn't the faintest idea what I was trying to do. All in all, I kept signaling to her that I was willing to have a relationship with her, but she either played hard to get, ignorant or genuinely thick-headed. Since I had been surprised by Luce's behavior a couple of times before, I assumed she played hard to get or rather ignorant at my struggles, rather than thick-headed. After all, she had figured out some of my feelings when I had kissed her twice in a row.
When we returned home, Alex and Hanna had prepared dinner and I got to play a little with Josef. All this time, Luce went back to bed in her chamber.
Late at night, close to midnight, she woke up once again and I heard her footsteps coming down the stairs. I opened the door to my bedroom and I was barefooted, quietly stepping down the stairs, following her, when I saw her slip through towards the TV room.
I pretended I went to the kitchen and I had a glass of water before I slowly pressed the knob to the door of the TV room. I found her watching TV. It was almost half past one in the morning.
'Hey, Luce, can't sleep?'
'Not really.'
She was watching a Tom & Jerry show on the Cartoon Network. It was one of those classics and as I watched her face shining from the TV light, she seemed to smile. 'Go back to bed', she continued.
'It's one in the morning. I could say the same thing to you', I smiled, but she waved me off.
'My bedtime hours are different than yours.'
I came into the room and shut the door behind me. Luce protested nothing, so I came to the couch and sat beside her. My eyes were dead-sleepy, but I felt the need to spend as much time with Luce as possible, since I had the feeling that once we'd return back home to the States, she'd quickly turn on the "extremely ignorant" button. I felt very insecure about the feelings she had for me, because she was a rather unpredictable person and an ignorant one, by definition.
'Look, Luce… can I ask you something?'
'At one in the morning?' she joked drily and I smiled. 'I suppose you're going to ask me if I feel weird around you, like you feel weird around me.'
I stared at her surprised: 'How the hell did you know that?!'
Luce smiled shrewdly from the corner of her mouth and gave me a foxy look. 'I'm a Scorpio.'
I smiled confused: 'Is that supposed to state the obvious? Because I'm missing it out completely.'
'That's because you are silly', she waved me off once more. I looked at her and noticed that she did not call me stupid, like I expected her to. 'I think it's written all over your face. You've constantly tried all day to buzz around me like I was going to put on my rocket-boots on and fly off at any minute. Last time I talked to mother, she said I was born on earth, you know, not on the Krypton.'
Her joke was far off, but ironical enough so I'd make sense of it and smile a little, only to feel a little silly, as she had called me. 'Sorry about that.'
'What's your concern?' she asked, still staring through the TV screen.
I blinked and then I also stared at the TV screen absentmindedly: 'I guess I have the feeling you'll ignore me when we're back home.'
'Hm, is that so…?'
'Plus, I… well, I told you how I felt and…'
My voice drifted off and I hoped she'd know what I meant, so she could back me up. Instead, Luce shrugged her shoulders: 'As far as I remembered, you said you just wanted me to know. That you didn't expect an answer. So, I take it you expect an answer in the end.'
'Well, I… Jesus, I don't know', I sighed. 'Is it a bad thing to expect an answer after all?'
I gnashed my teeth playfully, but Luce's face did not change.
'I don't think so', she said. 'When I told Max I liked him, I obviously waited for an answer.'
'Right, Max…' I sighed again, this time a little disturbed. 'If he'd ask you to come back to him, would you?'
'No, not really. I'm a one-time person. You screwed it up, I don't think I'd give you a second chance. Except if I'd love you a lot. And I mean… a lot! Plus, I guess that would break your heart a little. Wouldn't it?'
Luce gave me a little glance and I caught her staring through towards my eyes. 'I guess it would', I said honestly.
'And you'd also feel bad about the fact that I didn't give you a chance, I suppose. And I don't think that's fair.'
'Are you for fucking real?!' I bumped smiling completely confused. I felt a surge within and my head spinning around, as I heard her words and interpreted them in so many ways. She was so fucking honest, she screwed up my head around and I honestly asked myself in that moment where the hell had I been looking for her all this time.
'What?' Luce asked stupefied.
'Jesus, you're like the honest person I've ever met. And where the hell did you learn to get it so damn right? Just shut up, okay?'
'Are you going to fall in love with me?' Luce asked and smiled and I threw a near-by pillow at her, asking her to shut up. She laughed silently, but kept back and then her attention was drawn by the tv screen. Reign of Fire was playing, so we both watched Christian Bale's acting for a while. While in the middle of the movie, Luce bent forward, placed the remote safely on the little table in front of the couch and then she leaned against my arm, her legs popping out on the couch arm. Her legs swung back and forth silently and I watched her from the corner of my eyes for a while, before I realized that their mistress was trying to creep through onto my arms. She was using my arm as a pillow.
I soon fell asleep and I think I fell over Luce, but she kept watching the movie and whatever came after it, with my head in her lap, an arm over my eyes, so the light from the screen would not bother me. I think I also began snoring, but she said nothing of it.
12.
We woke up very early. The first thing I thought of, as I blinked and tried to get back to reality from the realm of dreams was that I had not packed and that this would take me more than half a day. And then, as I realized I had fallen asleep on Luce's lap while she brushed my head off and stood up, heading outside of the living room, it dawned on me that I had no luggage to do because I had brought no luggage with me in the first place. We had a plane to catch, but the only luggage we'd have was Luce's.
Josef was still asleep and so was Hanna, but Alex was nice enough to get some coffee ready for us and some toast, while Luce made sure she packed her stuff in in her bedroom. When she was done, she came downstairs with the luggage to one side. Both I and Alex rushed to help her out with it, but as we exchanged glances, he let me help in the end, a little embarrassed. I found it a little odd, but as I stuffed the luggage in the back of the car, I noticed they both exchanged glances and then Alex took Luce in his arms and hugged her tightly. He talked to her in German and she nodded, looking to the ground. Then, he planted a kiss on her forehead and they parted.
Alex shook my hand after he dropped up at the airport and helped us around until we headed for the physical check-up. He was glad to have met me and was happy if I'd return with Luce. Here, I smiled, but Luce only seemed to shrug her shoulders.
We got busy with the physical check-up and the check-in, so I and Luce did not exchange a lot of words. In fact, she seemed to avoid looking in my direction.
When we finally boarded the plane, I noticed it was four in the morning. We'd be arriving late on Monday and it would have been the first time I'd skip work unannounced.
As soon as she took her seat by the window, Luce checked on her seat belt and then looked through the window towards the airport building.
I yawned and then I looked around, checked my seat belt and finally settled down, only to look at the blank screen attached to the seat in front of mine. I saw Luce's profile through the empty screen and I noticed how she wore a little smile to the corner of her mouth, but soon enough she wiped it off with a grin.
I saw her hands resting on the sides of her thighs. I took one in my own hand and by comparison, I could easily swallow it in between my fingers. Luce startled and stared at our hands entwined, but then she turned back to the window without jerking her hand off, as I'd expect her to. I sighed.
'Thanks for taking me with you on this', I said.
This time, I let go of her hand, and once more she turned her head to check up on what I had done. She nodded. 'Had no choice, I suppose. But I'm glad you came. If you had fun…'
'Yeah, I did', I smiled. 'Haven't been to a concert in ages!'
I smiled and hoped she'd react in some other way than as politely as she had done so far. 'But I guess moreover, I had fun with you.'
This time, she smiled in return: 'Did you think that I would not be the type to have fun, since I'm the quiet serious type at work?'
'Something like that', I smiled gently.
'But you do realize you'll be in trouble when you return to work on Tuesday, right?'
As she spoke, Luce smiled foxy and then I sighed and my smiled was wiped off. 'I guess so. Do you think I'll get fired?'
She shook her head and looked outside the window: 'Told Lydia you'd come with me.'
'What?!' I asked surprised, and I expected her to look at me, but instead Luce focused all her attention to some outside point of view, as she spoke in a low voice: 'She called me last night, and I told her I'd ask you to come with me so I wouldn't go all the way alone.'
'Are you serious?!' I replied a little high-pitched and a few clients stared at me, as they passed by our seats to occupy their own. 'You did that for me?'
'Well, you did come all the way up to Germany with me. And you did complain on and on how ignorant and cold and bitchy I was towards you, so… I figured I might as well step on my pride and do something nice for a change. I could call her back to tell her the truth, though, if you'd like that better.'
'No, it's more than fine, the way you put it!' I joked and laughed.
Luce smiled, we stared at each other and when the plane began preparing for lift-off, she smiled and glanced through the window, admitting this was one of her favorite parts of flying by plane. I let her enjoy the moment, after which I sighed and tried taking her hand in mine again. I'd like to ask her if we could try something together, like a relationship or a couple of dates before she'd refuse me completely, but somehow I was sure that Luce would avoid answering that kind of question. So, when I took her hand in mine once more, she only fumbled, but did not push away and I was only happy that she did not refuse me.
Her fingers were long, but smaller than mine and I could feel her touch and the smoothness of her skin, as I played her fingers through mine.
I turned to see that she had already settled on her seat and was now relaxing her body and head. She closed her eyes. 'I think I'm in love with you.'
Luce opened her eyes and stared back at me surprised. If I had any doubts who had been the one to blurt out the phrase, I knew now for sure that it wasn't Luce. She blinked at me confused, and then she seemed to want to look at something else, half embarrassed. Finally, she rubbed the side of her temple with her fingers. 'Well, you're a first. Not sure how to answer that. Haven't really gone pass the liking part.'
'It's alright, I guess', I replied and leaned against my seat. 'It's not like I'm expecting you to return my feeling s or something. Said that before, didn't I?'
I looked away embarrassed. Luce leaned to the side and planted a kiss on my cheek, so I stared at her surprised. 'I said I liked you. So I guess it's a start.'
She then looked away, and this time, she smiled a little from the corner of her lips. At first I tried to understand what she meant, but then it dawned on me that her smile held up a lot of answers for a lot of questions of mine which each had their own time and place. I smiled back and noticed her hand was expectantly resting to the side of her thigh, close to my own hand, so I took it the third time and this time, asked no questions.
The End
21st may 2014
hr: 00:48
