A/N: I actually wrote this story a while ago (can you tell I've been going through my old documents?) but today I got a lot of 12 and Clara feels after watching a bunch of Series 8 BTS stuff from the DVD so I decided to pull this back up and polish it a bit. Sorry for the feels...again...
I couldn't help the tears. I couldn't help the empty feeling that had already settled in my gut. I reached forward to touch the Doctor's hand, and though our fingertips were inches away, it seemed like we were worlds apart.
"Please don't change," I pushed through my constricted throat, daring to reach an inch closer to his glowing hand. I thought I had always known how special the Doctor really was to me, but only then did I realize how much he truly meant to me.
He couldn't change. He just couldn't. I couldn't lose my best friend.
His smile tore my heart in two because I would never see it again, that smile that could make me smile no matter what. But I could read the sadness in it too. In that smile, I knew he was apologizing to me. He didn't know what was going to happen either.
We were both scared.
Then his glowing head leaned back and snapped forward in the matter of a second. I immediately backed away at the stranger's face that greeted me.
That can't be right, I thought to myself as I stared at the unfamiliar face wearing such familiar clothing. The face was old. Old. Had something gone wrong?
He edged forward and I took another step back. His eyes were so wide they could have popped right out of his head, but the most astonishing part was the expression within them. As he gawked at me, and I at him, there was no trace of the Doctor in his eyes. I couldn't find anything familiar within them, and that made my blood run cold.
My best friend was gone. And he would never come back again.
I closed the TARDIS door behind me, walking forward in a daze. Everything had happened much too fast, and my mind was trying so hard to keep up. I only knew one thing:
Danny Pink was dead. For good.
I stood just in the doorway as the TARDIS took off. The Doctor didn't say a word. Neither did I.
The TARDIS announced its landing. The Doctor paused, his head drooping as his hands rested on the edge of the console. As much as I hated Missy, I remembered then that the Doctor had just lost his childhood friend. He was hurting too.
"I don't want to get your hopes up." The Doctor's voice cut through the silence like a knife. "But Missy's bracelet allowed her to travel between the Nethersphere and here. If P.E. figures it out, he might be able to come back."
I could only stare at him, swallowing past the lump in my throat. I tried not to hope because last time I had, it had been stripped away. I wasn't sure if I could cope with that kind of disappointment again.
Still, the only reason Danny had even had a chance of coming back was the Doctor. And they never even got along…but I knew the Doctor hadn't done it for him.
"Doctor," I squeaked, swallowing again to try and level my voice. "I hope you know…you have to know." In the midst of my sadness, I felt an overwhelming gratitude for him; him, who had done everything for me though I had cruelly betrayed him.
"Know what?" He turned his head to look at me, expression vacant.
I walked forward and his eyes followed me until we were face to face. "You're my best friend." I placed my hand on top of his, gazing at him steadily. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
Softness crept into his hard blue eyes. I relished the rare look of care and love for a moment before rising onto my toes and wrapping my arms around him. Even after all we had been through, he still couldn't hug me back, but at least he wasn't complaining. It was a start.
"I'm not really good at saying these sorts of things," he muttered in my ear, "but if it helps…you're my best friend too."