One day, Greg Heffley went fucking bananas.

Rowley was chilling with some idiot when Greg was all like Twisted Wizard is bad I'm more into murdering homeless people.

Greg's Dad was all like:

"Greg, the entire town's about to get fucking nuked. We need to get to Canada."

"Shut the fuck up, Dad." said Greg before snorting a fuckload of bath salts.

He then took out his gun and shot Roderick.

"Thank God he's dead. Can we all admit that we're not all that sad he's gone?" said Greg's father.

Rowley then showed Greg his time machine.

"We gotta go back in time to see Captain Marvel on the big screen!" said Rowley.

"Hold up." said Greg "It's about time I adjusted mom's rotting corpse."

Greg placed her in just the right position and then kneecapped Rowley.

"Bitch, please." he said "You really think I'm gonna do that shit?"

He then ran out the window. Then Greg's Dad set the time machine to two weeks ago and activated it.

Greg ran up to the principal's office and shot him for censoring his comic. Then he activated the intercom and said:

"I'm going fucking bananas. I have seven days left to live. I'm the one that did this. I knew that shooting Rowley would cause my father to go back in time and use his government connections to nuke our town. I don't want to live anymore. Not after my diagnosis. Also, the principal's dead."

Rowley and Greg then used Dad's futuristic transgender machine to become women. After that, Greg and Rowley went fishing but then Greg's Dad rose out of the water and shot them with his army rifle. Suddenly, zombie Roderick then ate Dad's brains. This caused Greg to come back to life because his DNA was tied to his father. He then had sex with the zombie Roderick and got him pregnant. Greg then shot zombie Roderick and left the baby to die.

Greg then went back home. He considered telling Dad not to kill him and Roderick in the future when he goes back in time but then he realised that would cause a time paradox and it was funny so who cares. The sixth day had elapsed and all the firstborn had disappeared. Greg's mom's corpse began to speak.

"That wouldn't happen to be some sort of Biblical symbolism now wouldn't it, sweetheart?" she said.

"No, mother." said Gregina.

"So, I cause the nuke to go off, right?" said Dad.

"Not if I stop you first!" said Manny before shooting Dad.

"You idiot!" said Greg "You caused the timeline to occur! Dad sets off the nuke because he was killed by you!"

Then the nuke went off earlier than expected for no adequately explained reason and everyone died.