Intro (or what comes before chapter 1)
beata-beatrix: Well,well, my first utena fic.
Utena:It's about time!
beata-beatrix: Yes well,I've been busy Anyway this is a random insert fic—
Kozue: Really?! I can't wait!I've always wanted to be a random insert!
beata-beatrix: NO!no noA "random insert fic" is a fic in which you take a storyline and screw it up by randomly inserting parodies from a variety of sources.
Kozue: Oh
Nanami: That sounds interesting
beata-beatrix: Yes, but it's time for chapter one now
The Quest for the Holy Sake Cup!
Part 1: The Duellists of Student Council
It was a normal day at Ohtori, which means that everywhere else they would have considered it abnormal. The Student Council was riding up the convenient little elevator that they are given. Touga begins to recite his 1-minute speech about baby chickens and the utter purpose of the entire series.
Touga: If the chick does not break free of its egg..
beata-beatrix:The bird fights its way out of the egg..
Nanami: Are you mocking my big brother?!
Miki: No, she's Hesse-ing him
Nanami: *blink*
Miki: She taking her god-forsaken time to show everyone the parallels between Demian and Utena
Touga: It will die without being born.We are the chick,the world's our egg. If we do not break free of the world,we also die w/o being born.Break the egg of the World!For the Revolution of the World!
beata-beatrix:We are the bird,the world is the egg.He who would be born must first destroy a world. The bird flies to god, the god's name is Abraxas!
Carlos Santana: SmoothVery smooth..
Juri: How'd he get here?
beata-beatrix: *cough*random insert
Juri: Aaaaooohhh.okay.
The sounds of Spanish jazz begin to fill the room.Suddenly
beata-beatrix: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!It's Pablo!It's Pablo! It's him!He wants my mind!My precious mind!
Everyone: SHUTTUP.
Carlos: Who is this "Pablo"?
beata-beatrix: Herminewhy'd she hafta die! Oh, poor hermine!
Saionji:She's referring to the fact that your music reminds her of pablo, a character from Steppenwolf
Mikage:Akio!Akio and Pablo are one in the same!
beata-beatrix: Sorry Carlos..didn't recognize your melody
Touga: Shall we get on with the meeting?
They enter the council room only to find that Utena is already there with Anthy, waiting for them.Everyone just blinks as they are handed notes, apparently from world's end.
Utena: Don't punish the messenger.My note came with all of yours
Juri: "I am giving you a quest?" What the hell?!
Miki: "I need you to find the shining thing, that which is eternal—"
Everyone: THE HOLY SAKE CUP?!
Saionji:This is ridiculous!
Nanami: Yeah, we're not old enough for sake!
Everyone turns to nanami
Juri: Meaning that we can commit illegal actions such as incest, under-age driving, and school violence as long as we don't drink?
Nanami:Oh..point taken.
Touga: I say we skip all this and go to the world which we desire!
beata-beatrix:Wait, don't-!
Immediately a red sports car crashes through the meeting room as everyone shirts fly open in the breeze.After buttoning their shirts, everyone slaps Touga.
Touga: Oh, sorry, I forgot about the aftermath of that particular phraseAnyway, let's all go to the Parking Lot!
Juri: Parking Lot?
beata-beatrix: Parking Lot?
Touga: Duellists,onward to Parking Lot!
Everyone *sing*
We're Duellists of Student Council,
We dance when'er we're able,
We do duel scenes while the chorus sings,
With footwork impeccable!
Akio likes his parking lot,
And drives us all mad there a lot!
Everyone proceeds to do the can-can. Anthy kicks Saionji in the face.
Saionji: Oww!
We're duellists of student council,
Our arena is im-poss-able!
We pull swords out of Anthy's chest,
That's really quite do-able!
We ride Akio cars a lot,
Through the ohtori parking lot!
Anthy: *clap clap clap*
Everyone taps dances while Utena beats on saionji's head with a frying pan for no apparent reason.
In duels we're tough and able!
Wearing our cool rose label!
Dr.Jekyl/Mr.Hyde: I went mad, and ate a lad, then killed my girlfriend Mabel!
beata-beatrix:just to make it rhyme
It's a busy little parking lot!
Saionji: I get beat by that bitch a lot----!
Music ends, everyone poses in front of touga's camera.
Touga:*clicks shutter* On second thought, let's not go to the parking lotIt is a silly place
Everyone nods in agreement, as they start on their quest