I'll warn y'all first to start, four points: 1. I'm pretty strong. 2. Kim Possible and all of it's
characters belong to Disney. 3. Yuki Joji, Takeshi Hongo, Hayato Ichimounji, and Tobei
Tachibana are the works of the late, great Ishinomori Shoutarou,
as for The magnificent Hiroshi Tanahashi, He's a real life pro-wrestler
from out of Japan. 4. Aside from a few measley OC's, I don't own anything.
So all you bloodsucking monsters from Disney's legal offices GET OFF
MY BACK, this is a fanfic meant for fun, and if you don't, I'LL RIDER KICK YOU
ALL THE WAY INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION, OR WORSE, THE SUN ITSELF!
With that disclaimer out of the way, I hope you enjoy this fanfic, I know I will.
Domo arigatou gouzaimasu, omaetachi ga rokku no senpuu!
Walt Disney pictures, in association Bandai/Namco productions, Toei films/IshinomoriPro
partnership, and Established Trade and Business Film group, with cooperation from
Alpha Stunts, Koichi Sakamoto, and Steve Wang, presents:
Of Riders and Shockers: Kim Possible versus Kamen Rider
Starring:
Christy Carlson Romano as Kim Possible
Will Friedle as Ron Stoppable
John DiMaggio as Dr. Andrew (Drakken) Lipsky
Nicole Sullivan as Shego
and featuring:
Martin Billamy as Tobei (Tobey) Tachibana
Nancy Cartwright as Rufus
Marianne Miller Billamy as Viperette
Curtis Arnott as Anacondax
Christopher Niosi as Draculoid
and introducing:
Matt Mullins as Takeshi Hongo
Fight scenes conceptualized by:
Steve Wang and Koichi Sakamoto
Fight choreography by:
Alpha Stunts
Special effects, rendering, and animation by:
Pixar Animation Studios
Music composed by:
Graeme Revell and Shuuhei Narusei
Based on: Kamen Rider, by Ishinomori Shoutarou
Written by: Edward Thurston Becker esquire the first (TeeHee)
Directed by: Steve Wang
Opening theme: Let's go Rider Kick (Animetal version)
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Huah!
Semaru, Shocker, Jigoku no gundan.
Warera wo nerau kuroi kage,
sekai no heiwa wo mamoru tame.
Go, go, let's go, kagayaku machine.
Rider, jump, Rider, kick!
Kamen Rider, Kamen Rider,
Rider, Rider!
Chapter one: The Heroes
It was the beginning of the summer when we last
left Team Possible, and they were busy prepairing
for college. You know the old conundrums, wether
or not you've been accepted, what college to go to,
deciding on a career. Basically utter chaos, which
is normal everyday life for Kim Possible, but for
her best friend turned boyfriend/partner, not so much.
Turns out Kim told nothing but the truth about what
really happened on the Lowardian spacecraft, and
with that said, the media all clammored to the home
of Ron Stoppable, along with all the bullies whom
picked on him all the way through senior year, as
well as a certain summer school attendee, looking
to mooch off of his new found popularity.
Ron: Look, Bon-bon, I'm going out with Kim, so if
you can't handle that, then tough tomales'.
Bonnie: Oh, come on, Ronny-kins, I know you can
do so much better than her, I mean she did date a
synthodrone.
Ron: 1. She didn't know he was a synthodrone. 2.
If she did, she would've cleaned his clock.
Bonnie: Or so you say.
Ron: You just don't get it, do you?
I mean your "food chain" crumbled all around you,
your so-called friends from your clique abandoned
you when they heard you have to take summer school,
your boyfriends all dumped you for girls that are less of
obnoxious snobs than you, and you had to stoop to hacking
into the ballot boxes, and bribing a computer genius with date
with you, to become homecoming queen. Let's not forget the
only true friend you had, before you decided to steal her boyfriend
away from her, only to dump him for me instead.
Bonnie was in the preverbial hot seat as Ron listed all of her failings
on live global television. Needless to say, she was sweating like pig.
All eyes were upon her as she recomposed herself.
Bonnie: But, Ronnie, we've been best friends since pre-school,
don't you remember?
Ron: Oh, so that's what you call slinging insults at a boy whom you think
is a loser, and try to cut him down when he makes right.
Sorry, but for your recollection, we met in 3rd grade at elementary,
and as for us being best friends, if that's what you do to your best friends,
then I'd hate to see how you treat your enemies.
That's twice Ron got the drop on her, just one more nail for her coffin and
she's done for.
Bonnie: Okay, I'll admit it, but don't you want a taste of Bon-bon?
Come on, Ronny-kins, not even your skank-ass girlfriend has to
know. I know how she treats you like a human shield, and when
you end up saving the day, she pretends to be your girlfriend,
only until someone like Josh Mankey sweeps her off her feet, and
out of your arms.
Bonnie put all of her venom into those off-collar remarks about
someone whom means the world to the freckled, blond haired
young man, problem was, that he knew better.
Only two words could justifiably describe what was gonna
happen to the snooty, tanned brunette: Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Bonnie: When you're with me, Ronny-poo, I'll treat you the way a man
ought to be treated, I'll give you more love in one night than "Kim
Swappble" can give to you in a lifetime, what do you say, huh?
Ron: Normally I'm the paragon of chivalry and forgivness,
BUT WHEN YOU INSULT MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU PUSH THE
WRONG BUTTONS, BITCH! YOU WANNA KNOW
WHO'S THE BIGGEST WHORE OUT OF THE TWO OF
YOU, I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT, LOOK IN THE GODDANMED
MIRROR, BECAUSE AS YAH WEY, GOD, BUDDAH, ALLAH,
AND ALL OF THE WORLD, AS MY WITNESSES, I'M GLAD TO
SAY THAT YOU BLEW K.P. OUT OF THE RUNNING, AND SHE
WASN'T EVEN COMPETING AGAINST YOU IN THAT DEPARTMENT,
YOU STUPID, UGLY, REPULSIVE, FUCKING SLUT!
As Ron continued to reign fire, brimstone, and holy hell on Bonnie,
yelling, ranting, and calling her every name under the sun, she
realized that all the venom she threw at him over the years was being
thrown right back into her face, and she started to let loose the waterworks
that were building up in her teal eyes. Meanwhile, the news cameras were
capturing Ron's justifiable retribution against the former "Queen B" of Middleton
High School, along with her emotional and nervous breakdown.
Ron: AND IF YOU TRY ONE MORE, JUST ONE MORE, OF YOUR "HIGH SCHOOL EVIL"
TRICKS ON EITHER ONE, OR THE BOTH OF US, I'LL HAVE YOU LOCKED UP IN A JAIL CELL FOR HARASSMENT, NOW DID YOU GET ALL THAT?
Bonnie then felt something she only felt three times in her entire life, fear, an unimaginable
amount of fear. She immediately moused up more than a cartoon character by the name
of Mickey.
Bonnie: Yeah, I got it, I'm sorry.
Ron: What was that? I could'nt hear you.
Bonnie then let out her response a little louder.
Bonnie: I said that I got it all, and that I'm sorry.
Ron: Sorry for what?
Bonnie: For insulting your girlfriend.
Ron: And?
Bonnie: For trying to steal you away from her.
Ron: Whatelse?
Bonnie: And for trying to mooch off your international popularity. Now please, can I go?
Ron: Yeah, we're cool, for now. Just don't insult K.P. like that ever again, or else.
Bonnie: Thank you, excuse me, please.
After Bonnie Rockwaller, the former Queen of Mean, now the defeated 7 year old girl
trapped in the body of a 17 year old woman, fled the scene, Ron was feeling pretty
danm good aout himself, then he turned around, and saw the news crews and
onlookers, many of which either learned or taught at the M.H.S., and his heart began
to sink.
Ron: Oh boy, this doesn't look chauncy.
Asst. Principle Barkin: Never in my life did I think I'd live to see the day Ron Stoppable
went Maddog on anyone, literally. I don't think even sailors cursed as much as he did.
Brick Flagg: Dude, that was beyond Christian Bale and Mel Gibson.
Monique: Did sweet li'l Ronnie finally bitch out Bonnie Rockwaller?
Somebody call the man an exorcist.
Felix Renton: Okay, he's an exorcist, ha!
Everyone, even good ol' Steve Barkin, had a full on belly buster laugh as they gathered around
Ron, who was just plain confused about all this.
Ron: Hey, guys, Mr. Barkin, sorry you had to see that.
Tara King: Aw, don't worry about it, the skankasaurus rex had it coming.
Monique: Yeah, she exercised nothing but B.K. since the second L.I., and after what she called
my numero uno B.F.F., trust me when I say, she S.T.D. it.
Mr. Barkin: S.T.D.?
Brick: So totally deserved.
Mr. Barkin: Oh, you kids and your crazy lingo.
Felix: So, what's on the agenda today, Ron-man?
Ron: Well, I was gonna pick up Kim so we can go on a special date.
Everyone: Oooooooooh!
Ron's face then turned beet red at their response.
Ron: Alright, you crazy knuckleheads, cut it out.
Brick: Okay, okay, but what about the t.v. news crews?
Aren't you worried about them?
Ron: Mom, Dad, and even Hana are keeping most of them busy. The rest are being handled
by a Global Justice security detail. All in all, as they say in The Lion King, hakuna matata.
Mr. Barkin: Nice!
Monique: You go on ahead and pick your B.F.G.F. up, we'll keep your folks company.
Ron thanked them all and went on his merry way to pick up Kim, with Rufus sleeping peacefully
in his pants pocket, secretly guarding a treasure that will be revealed in due time.
In the meantime, let's check on Kim, shall we?
Possible residence, Middleton, Colorado
Dr. Anne Possible: Oh, dear lord, did Ron have to use such language?
Jim: Well, considering who she is,
Tim: and what she has done,
Both: both in the past as well as recently,
Jim: she totally deserved,
Tim: Ron's curse filled tirade.
Dr. James T. Possible: Is it just me, or did our boys make a valid point?
Kim: As much as I hate to admit this, but they're absolutely right on this one particular event.
Bonnie's burnt way too many bridges down, now she must live with the consequences of those
actions which she took. I mean, take Tara for example, she was best friends with her, and was
dating Bobby Johnson, who almost went to Colorado State with a full scholarship and everything.
Then Ms. High School Evil stabbed her in the back by seducing him, and when Tara found out,
she kicked the both of them to the curb. When the other players on the football team heard
about it, they refused to play with him during game time, and during practice, they all but killed
him. As for Bonnie, the rest of the cheer squad and I came to a unanamous vote to kick her off,
and the team did the same for poor Bobby as well. After that, Bonnie became so furious, that in
a fit of rage, she dumped him in the most emasculating way, through a Queen Bee tantrum.
Bobby however, got his revenge on her by revealing her dirty laundry, and after that, she couldn't
get a decent date, let alone a steady boyfriend. Her grades also suffered because of it, and she
flunked her entire senior year.
James: Oooh, that's gotta hurt.
Anne: That, and her failed attempt to weasle Ron out of your life. I bet that'll affect her summer
school studies.
Jim: Can you say,
Tim: "Uber-pwnage,"
Both: " served with a side of overkill."
Kim: Still, what Ron did for me so hurricane rocked in stereo.
It is then that Kim gets a dreamy look in her eyes, thinking of the boy, no,
the man whom she loves with all of her heart, when all of a sudden there's a knock on the door.
Kim: I'll get it, besides, it's probably MY Ron-man picking me up for our date little early.
With that she went to the front door to the house, see who was there, unfortunately, it wasn't
who she expected. As she opened the door, she was greeted by a foolish little boy that
broke her heart, and made her wrech everytime she saw him.
Josh Mankey: Hey there, K.P., how are doing on this blessed evening?
Kim: Josh, what the hell are you doing here, do you know you're violating the restraining order,
and the P.F.A., that I filed against you?
Perhaps a moment is needed to explain. During the night of the graduation prom, all the
attendees seemed to be enjoying themselves with a night of dancing, fun, and food.
However, Kim's personal glass of punch was spiked with a Mickey Finn, by Josh Mankey,
whom, along with several other boys in his clique, proposed a toast to her health. The
only problem for Mankey the man-child, and his clique, was that Ron Stoppble, and all
their friends from the high school were there to toast her as well. After taking a single sip,
she realized instantly why Josh offered to get her some punch personally, but what he
didn't know was that Ron and the others had witnessed the slipping of the Mickey
into her drink, and devised a plan to bust Mankey and get Kim to safety. The others
left to find , along with several security personnel, and let them know what
Mankey and his clique are about to do. Meanwhile, Ron, showing concern for Kim's health,
makes an inquiry as to her wellbeing. When she states she's not up to snuff, Ron opts to
take her outside to get some fresh air. But as he goes to help her to her feet, Mankey
and the others surround the duo, forcing the two to take up their fighting stances,
with Kim being abnormally unbalanced on her feet. The two fought valiantly, but Kim, whom
is normally quite adept to the martial arts, was slow, sluggish, weak, and clumsily cumbersome,
and was easily overcome by Mankey and his group. Ron then realized if he didn't up the ante,
his girlfriend would be tragically cut down from her prime, and all because a jealous ex-boyfriend
slipped a Mickey in her drink. So once again, Ron summoned his Mystical Monkey Power to
defeat Mankey and his band of nefarious ne'er-do-wellers. One by one, Mankey's gang recieved
ample punishment, a broken bone or a few, not to permanantly cripple them, but just enough to
give them a message; that anyone whom attempts to take advantage of, or abuse Kim Possible,
in such a grotesque manner, had best have their health insurance paid in full, and their last will
and testament made out, because there's only two ways to come out of this sitch, dead or alive.
For whom the bell tolls, (by Metallica)
After single handedly dispacthing Mankey's goons, all the while safeguarding Kim,from their
advances, it was down to only Ron and Mankey, the latter of the two drawing a nickle plated,
Israeli made, colt .45 semi-automatic desert eagle, with his hands shaking like no tomorrow,
while the former took it by the barrel, snatched it away, emptied the magazine clip and the
chamber, and turned it into a paperweight made out of Play-doh (T.M.). Ron then moved
behind Mankey so quickly, that all anyone could see of him was a blur, and proceeded to
put Ol' Monkey-boy in a German Suplex that was so fast, powerful, hard, and sudden, all at
the same time, that all that Mankey had time for was to simultaniously relieve both his bladder
and his bowels, within his pants, in that very instant before the blissful darkness of
unconciousness greeted and surrounded him. Though the length of that battle was short and
brief, the damages on Mankey's side were numerous and great in measure, conversely, however,
the damage suffered by Team Possible was minimal, only a few bumps and bruises.
As Ron held Kim's prone form protectively and lovingly in his arms, the sound of sirens filled
the air, and heralded a sign that the Middleton Police Department and E.M.T.s had arrived.
After taking statements from several witnesses and gathering evidence, Chief Hobble deduced
that Mankey and his gang were the real culprits, and Ron was just coming to the defense of the
victim, whom in this case was Kim Possible. A week later, a trial was held against Mankey and
his harem of boyfriends, for the Possible family, whom upon hearing about Ron's heroic actions
that very night, sang praises and lauded him with gifts, but none, more so than Dr. James T.
Possible, as well as M.H.S. and the state of Colorado. Though there was enough evidence
and eye witness reports that cooberated with one another, Mankey and his goon squad pleaded
not guilty. Then the District Attorney represemting the victim and her family, chipped away at
their defense too a great degree, and soon, nearly all of the defendants changed their pleas to
guilty. The only hold out was Josh Mankey. He decided to turn up the charm when he gave his
testimony to the court, but when Ron took took to the stand, and gave his testimony in full and
complete detail, more or less, the defense council had a hell of time reigning Mankey in, who
started making racist remarks and ethnic slurs that would make Mel Gibson seem like
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., until he was escorted out of the courtroom, the judge presiding
over this case declared that a jury verdict would merely be an unnessacary formality,
unless the jury would like to dish the verdict out A.S.A.P., after deliberating over the findings
of the court during lunch break. The jury agreed to deliberate over this case during lunch.
An hour later, everyone, even Mankey, whom got the full Anthony Hopkins treatment, ala
Hannibal Lecter from Silence of the Lambs, came back into the courtroom. The judge then
instructed the councilors to make their closing arguments, the D.A. gave her closing statement,
in which she expressed her trust and confidence in the jury, and gave a basic but heartfelt outline
of the events that led to this trial, the defense merely made one last desperate plea for his client's
freedom, along with an obvious and vain attempt to discredit Kim Possible, but it fell on deaf ears.
After the judge asked for their verdict, the jury foreman declared Josh Mankey guilty as charged.
An uproarious celebration was heard throughout the courtroom, however the only ones not joining
the festivities were Mankey, and his defense attorney. At the sound of the gavel, the festivities
died down, and the judge so ordered Mankey to be fitted with a Lowjack ankle bracelet and put
under house arrest pending his sentencing hearing. And now, my friends, you know the rest of
the story.
Mankey: I do, along with my house arrest, which is why I'm here. I just want one last date with
you K.P., and then I'm gone and out of your life forever. The Loser doesn't have to know, please,
just this once.
Kim: First off, only my Ron-man can call me K.P., it's Ms. Possible to you, second, I wouldn't
date you even if you're the last man on earth, instead, I'd commit Hara-kiri, lastly, that said loser,
saved the entire earth, including your weak, sorry, pathetic, and worthless ass, and he killed two
ten foot tall aliens hellbent on pan-galactic conquest to do it, and had enough Ron Factor to kick
all of the asses your useless crew, and lay the smackdown on you. SO YOU'D BEST LEAVE
BEFORE I HAVE MY DAD BUST OUT HIS MOSSBERG 500 PERSUADER AND GO ALL
MANHUNTER ON YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIG BASTARD.
Mankey: Aw, come on don't be like that, honey.
Kim: Daddy, could you come here and "show" him your "persuader"?
James: In a minute Kimmy-cub, I'm just finishinig the final preparaitions as we speak.
Without a moment wasted James arrived at the door decked out in full hunting gear.
In his hands and at the ready was said persuader, fully loaded, and aimed directly
at Mankey, whom emptied his stomach's contents into his pants, 1-2 combo style.
He started shaking like a leaf when he heard Dr. James Possible do his rendition of an
Elmer Fudd impersonation.
James: Be vewy, vewy, quiet, I'm hunting assholes, hahahahaha!
Mankey: Holy fucking shit! I guess you never kid around about something serious
like that.
James: As my brother, "Slim", would say in a sitch like this, y'all have 10 seconds
to get your ugly mug outta my property, before I have "Mr. Thunderstick" here go
"BOOM!" and turn y'all into Swiss cheese.
It's at that time when everyone heard a familiar voice, one from a creature that
perks up at the mere mention of the word, "cheese."
Rufus: Hnk! Cheese!
Mankey: Oh no, not again!
If you don't have Spaceballs on D.V.D. or V.H.S., or you never seen it in your
entire life, you'll never fully appreciate the irony of this reference.
Mankey: Hi, Ron!
Ron: Hello, Monkey Turd, just what the deuce are you doing here?
Mankey: Nothing much, just came here to apologize to the both of you, in person,
you know?
Ron: So, you're not trying to harass my girlfriend, are you?
Mankey: No!
Ron: Good, because that would be gorchy.
Mankey: How gorchy?
Ron: "I'll have to make you a quadrapalegic," gorchy.
Mankey: That's pretty gorchy.
Ron: I know, but I'm in such a good mood right now, that I'm gonna give you a ten
minute headstart to get back home before I call the cops. Frankly with the shit you
pulled at the prom, they're looking to exercise some police brutality on your stupid
ass, but if we were to kill you, the cops would cover it up, and make it look like you
disappeared right off of the face of the earth. Just remember, we're Team Possible,
we can do anything, even make you vanish without a trace. Your ten minutes begin
now.
With that, Josh Mankey took off like a bat out of hell, taking his urine stained, manure
covered kiester off of the Possibles' front lawn.
Kim: Ron, Thank goodness you came.
Ron: Oh, K.P., thank goodness he didn't hurt you.
Rufus: Hnk, Mankey, bleeechhh!
James: Why don't you three come inside? I'm sure we've got a wheel of gorganzola
for Rufus, and he's looking pretty famished.
Rufus: Hnk! 'zola, hokay!
While we leave Rufus to get his 'zola on, let's check on Mr. Daiper, shall we?
Mankey: Oh man, that was so close.
Mr. Mankey: Hello, son!
Josh: Yipe! Oh, it's just you, Dad, you scared the living shit outta me.
Mr. Mankey: Are you alright, Josh? You look like you've seen a ghost.
Josh: No, I snuck out to see Kim, and when she opened the door, she told me off.
Mr. Mankey: You went to the Possibles' home? God, Josh, what the fucking hell were
you thinking?
Josh: I'm still in love with Kim, that's what.
Mr. Mankey: Did you try taking the anklet off, or something?
Josh: I tried cutting the anklet band, but its made of a super fabric that's nigh indestructible,
and the only thing that can cut it is plasma energy blades, or plasma energy blasts.
Mr. Mankey: What about hacking the beacon unit?
Josh: I even tried that, but thanks to Wade Load's design, technology, and programming,
it's 100% tamper proof. It even fried my desktop, laptop, and notebook computers, one by one,
and any hand, or power tool that I use on it ends up being useless or broken, right off the bat.
Mr. Mankey: (sniff sniff) Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, what's that godforsaken smell?
Josh: Well, after her dad threatened to turn me into Swiss cheese, Ron showed up, and since
then, I lost control over both my bladder and my bowels.
Mr. Mankey: You mean you pissed and shat all over yourself?
Josh: (sobbing) Yeah!
Mr. Mankey: (sighing) Okay, clean yourself up, get changed, and meet me and your mother in the
family room.
Josh: (still sobbing) Okay!
Mr. Mankey: AND STOP CRYING LIKE A LITTLE BABY, OR ELSE I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING
TO REALLY CRY ABOUT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU'RE THE HEIR TO THRONE OF THE
SHOCKER EMPIRE, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, START ACTING LIKE IT.
After a shower and a change of clothes, Josh met up with his folks in the family room.
Mrs. Mankey: I can't believe how foolish you've been. If you couldn't find a way of getting your
Lowjack off, or making it work for you, you should've stayed here and left Kim Possible alone,
but no, you, of all people, went against all rational thought, logic, and reason.
Josh: But, Mom?
Mr. Mankey: Angela's right, perhaps you're not as ready to lead Shocker and it's affiliates
as I originally thought, which is why we're letting the law deal with you.
Josh: You mean to tell me that you're handing me to the cops, and letting me live.
Mrs. Mankey: Yes, however, if you decide within that microscopic, cro-magnon brain of
yours, to reveal our true operations, and our objectives, you'll be liqudated, is that clear.
Josh: You mean you'd kill even me, your own flesh and blood.
Mr. Mankey: Only to protect our organization.
It was then that Josh learned full well the consequences of his actions. All of a sudden, there
was a knock at their door.
Mrs. Mankey: Would you be a dear, Burton, darling, and see who's at our door?
Mr. Mankey: Of course, Angela, my love.
When he answered the door, it was none other than Chief Brock Hobble, waiting at the doorstep
of the Mankeys' residence.
Chief Hobble: Top of the evening to ye', Mr. Mankey, how are ye' doing?
Mr. Mankey: I'm doing quite well, actually. How can I be of service?
Chief Hobble: Well, I was wondering if ye' could invite me in. There's an important matter
concernin' the wee li'l Mankey lad living with ye'.
Mr. Mankey: Well, then, by all means, please do come inside.
After being led into the family room of the posh and swanky mansion, Chief Hobble got down
to the brass tacks of the business at hand.
Chief Hobble: Earlier today, we recieved several alarms indicating that your sonny boy had in
fact attempted to tamper with the new Lowjacking system created by Wade Load and
Dr. Andrew Lipsky, ye' would know the latter of the two from his days as Drakken.
Mrs. Mankey: (fake surprised look of shock) Oh my! Why would our boy do such a thing?
Chief Hobble: Well, ye' boyo may have been fixin' to sneak out and head on over to Kim
Possible's house, but then all o' the sudden, the alarms stopped and the beacon was on the
move, with young Joshua in tow.
Mr. Mankey: ( fake gasp of shock) Josh, how could you? Do you even know how this will affect
the judge's decision on your sentencing for your conviction and incarseration?
Chief Hobble: Fortunately, ye' boyo came back safe and sound, unfortunately, he was last seen at
the Possibles' estate. So, I'm here to personally bring him in for violatin' the P.F.A., restrainin'
order, and house arrest, along with attempted sabotage of police property. Josh Mankey, you're
under arrest for the previously aforementioned crimes, you have the right to remain silent.
Josh: I choose to wave that right.
And so, with that being said, Josh went on yet another racist tirade/temper tantrum. This was
gonna be a long night for the chief.
Meanwhile, on Ron and Kim's date, the night went without a hitch, it was a date filled with love,
passion, and romance. First, dinner at Chez` L`amour, and a romantic comedy flick at the
Maxi-plex, then, finally, dancing at the Dog Pound, which is an under 21 nightclub, followed up
by some romantic kissing and cuddling at Lovers Point. So far, everything was perfect.
Kim: (thinking) I can't believe how well behaved he was acting, or how well thought out this date
was , or even how much fun we had! Oh, Ron, I love you so much!
When they got home, they kissed eachother so passionately, that after a whole 7 and a half
minutes, they were out of breath.
Kim: (dreamily) Wow, Ron, who knew you'd be such a great kisser.
Ron: (romantically) And who knew you'd be such a beautiful lady.
Kim: (giggling like a schoolgirl) Would you like to come inside, my handsome Romeo?
Ron: (passionate, ala Don Juan) Anything for you, Juliette, my goddess, but first, a surprise.
Hold out your hands and close your eyes.
As Kim followed his instructions Rufus handed him a tiny, little box, but not just any box, no,
this particular box held the treasure that Rufus had guarded with his life, a treasure that will
prove in a silent promise that true love can never die; a promisary ring.
Kim: I wonder what kind of surprise it is, it could be anything.
Ron: Trust me when I say this, you're gonna love it.
And thusly, he opens the box and pulls the ring out, then places the ring in her hands.
Ron: Okay, you can open your gorgeous emerald-green eyes now.
Kim did so, trusting Ron complicitely with her heart, and her life. What greeted her eyes
next, had her on the verge of joyous tears filled with love. a love that burns for one, and only
one man in her life.
Kim: Oh my god, Ron, is this what I think it is?
Ron: Yes, Kimmie, it is. It's a promisary ring, and with it, I promise to always stay faithful,
honest, and true to only you, my love. I also promise to never harm you, and to always be
there for you, whenever and wherever you need me. I also promise to keep you safe from facing
this world all alone, to share the good times, and the bad. I promise to consol you, and make you
laugh when you feel like crying, to embrace you, and hold you when you feel scared and lonely,
and to always love you, forever and ever, till kingdom come.
Kim: (thinking to herself) Okay, Kim, your boyfriend just took you out for the best damned date in
your entire life only to pop a promise ring on you when he takes you home. All this on the same
day he bitches out Bonnie and makes a creepy ex-boyfriend of yours mess his pants continuously
and outrun Speedy Gonzales, The Roadrunner, The Flash, and Superman combined, so not the
drama. All you gotta do is to remember to breath, relax, and glomp the living daylights outta him,
and if he's still alive, accept his heartfelt promise, and if he's more than willing, take him upstairs
into your bedroom and ride him hard, cowgirl style. Also gotta remember to make love to him well
into the wee hours of the morning. God, I love this man.
The next thing you know, Kim is mercilessly glomping Ron, all the while embracing him, caressing
him, enticing him, loving him, and pinning him to the front lawn.
Ron: (smiling sheepishly) Wow, that was the first time anyone has glomped me.
Kim: You mean this never happened to you before? Oh, you poor thing!
Kim kept holding him close and tight, stroking his hair lightly, her eyes showing a rising
combination of love, lust, mischief, affection, and passion.
Kim: So you know, when I glomped you, it meant that I gladly accept your promise, Ron. I love you, more than words can really say.
Ron: (sweating bullets and turning beet red) Oh, Kimila, my love, aishite iru, eien ni, koishii, but
why are you rubbing inbetween my legs?
Kim: (with half lidded eyes) Well, it's because I want to show you how much I love you and need
you, and I need you, right here, right now.
Ron: (moaning like a wildebeast...yeah!?) But..., I thought...you wanted...to wait...for the...Ah, oh
yahweh, yes,... honeymoon... after...college?
Kim: (thinking to herself again) Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Ron. You were thinking of saving
yourself for our wedding night, when we'd get married after we graduated from college.
You were thinking of our future together, getting a decent career and such, and I had to think
about my own libido. Oh, Kim, you're a creep, here this man was willing to wait for you, and
you threw yourself upon him like a drunken prom date. What have you done? He may never
wanna see you ever again, and think you're easier than a two-bit floozy. I hope it was worth it,
because you may have ruined the best damned relationship you had going for you, and to top it all
off, he'll quit Team Possible because of you! He does have massive equipment though, which
would explain why he's got such big hands. Wait, what the hell am I thinking?
Kim: I-I'm sorry, I should've never done that, I mean, I was letting my hormones do the thinking for
me, and now you probably think I'm easier than Bonnie ever was, and you wanna quit Team
Possible because of this, I'm so sorry , R-Ron.
It was then that Kim started crying, sobbing, and shedding tears of sorrow, remorse, and despair.
This was only the second time she felt her world crumble around her, or even that she would lose
everything that really mattered, and it scared her to death. If Ron were to leave her tonight, once
and for all, she wouldn't blame him, but she couldn't function without him either. She would have
to close the Team Possible website for good, because she could lose the real reason as to why
she risked life and limb to help people and save the world, along with the fire in her soul.
However, like a good boyfriend, Ron had stayed, to envelop her in his loving embrace, and kiss
every single inch of her beautiful face, and whisper reassurances and tender, loving, and sweet
nothings in her ear. All the while, caressing her fit, supple body softly.
Kim: R-Ron?
Ron: It's okay, K.P., I'm not gonna leave you, or quit the team, I just thought you still wanted to
take this relationship nice and slow, plus, aside from the time our brains were switched, you're
the first girl to touch me there, and it kinda' threw me for a loop. I'm the one who should be
apologizing, not you.
Kim: But you were thinking about our future together, and trying to be the perfect boyfriend by keeping me from letting my hormones control me. You were trying to keep my virtue intact, to keep my virginity intact until we're married. Oh, Ron, you're the best, hands down.
Ron: Well, I am what I is.
Kim: (puppy dog pout in full effect) Ronnie?
Ron: Yeah Kim?
Kim: I want you, and I wanna give myself completely to you.
Ron: Are you absolutely sure?
Kim: Yes!
Ron: Okay, but we'd better head inside first, oh, and happy 18th birthday by the way.
Kim: You mean you remembered my birthday all along?
Ron: Of course I did, that's why I went to the extra trouble to make this date extra-special.
Kim: (thinking again) Oh, Ron, I'm gonna love you up till you can't feel your legs, you've been
so good to me, and now it's my turn to return the favor. I'll never leave you, or hurt you, I'll
always be there for you, my darling. This I silently promise.
Perhaps an explaination is in order. Just a month before Josh Mankey's trial, Ron Stoppable,
famed second half of Team Possible, had just celebrated his 18th birthday, but not before the
colleges of the entire globe had sent out acceptance letters to his home, and gave him the
Kim Possible treatment as well. As it would turn out, Kim's Kimmunicator doubled as an
audio/video recording and transcieving device, and as luck would have it, she recorded every
detail of Ron's fight against Warhok and Warmonga, the Lowardian invaders, and when the media
started giving her preferrential treatment, or forget her partner's name intentionally to set her off,
she did a big reveal as to who the real hero on that very day was. Hence, this prompted a
response from all the universities of the entire world to try and snatch him, and Kim, up for college
admissions, and when Mankey's trial became worldwide news, Josh instantly lost any and all
favor with not only his bandmates, but also his friends, customers, and peers in the high society
art community in Middleton. Mankey's plans for getting a record deal, or attending an art school
had been dashed to pieces by his own doing. He had no future left because of his misdeeds.
This, and other attributing factors, had turned him into a social paraiyah on a global scale, and
brought stocks in his family's business group, the Shocker Products Corporation to an all time
low. Because of this, the whole world looked upon him as a curse, a failure, and a felon.
Team Possible's future, however, looked brighter than ever before, and they still had eachother.
Infact, they're planning on attending the same university together, and getting a coed dorm room
for the two to share.
Kim: (seductively) We'd better get inside before we give the neighbors one hell of a floor show,
Loverboy.
Ron: (excitedly, but in a good way, with his voice cracking) Okay!
When they got inside, they were greeted by Mr. Dr. Possible, who was smiling from ear to ear for
some reason or another.
James: Hey, you two, how was the date? I hope everything went well.
Kim: Hey, Dad, the date was wonderful, and everything was perfect, down to a tee. So, what are
you doing up so late?
James: Two reasons; 1. I thought me and Ron would have a nice, friendly, calm, blackhole-free,
man-to-man chat, and 2. let's just say after getting the boys to bed, we started having those urges
that married people, whom still love eachother, by the way, tend to get when everything's right in
the world. It's also true that after we got to our bedroom, we started getting frisky, and relived our
honeymoon all over again. Needless to say, I'm a bit dehydrated, but when your Mom hits the
high C...
Kim: T.M.I., Dad, so did not need to know that!
James: Oh, right, sorry about that. Say, Ron, could come with me to the study with me, I have
some important matters I wish to discuss with you, and don't worry, I won't send you into a
blackhole or anything.
Ron:(curious) Okay!?
While Kim waited in the kitchen and called is folks to send over a change of clothes, Ron warily
followed Mr. Dr. Possible down to the study.
James: Anywho, I just wanted to impart a gift and some fatherly advice to you before you head
upstairs with my little Kimmy-cub. First, the gift, trust me, you'll need it.
Just then, James handed Ron a box of large condoms, all with a smile on his face, as if he was
a proud father giving his only daughter away to be Ron's bride.
Ron: Trojans, ribbed for her pleasure?
James: Correctemundo, and now for the advice. Since the both of you grown up so much, there
comes a time in every lion's life when they need to let their young go out into the world, and make
their own prides and such. What I'm trying to say is, that both Anne and I trust you with our little
girl completely, and that the two of you are old enough to make your own decisions. Being with
you makes our Kimmy-cub happy, and since she's now an adult, we trust you'll continue to do so.
Ron: Thanks, Mr. Dr. P., I won't let you down.
James: Good, because if you break her heart, I'll have Anne give you a full frontal lobotamy,
and add a single cryo- chamber pod for one of my blackhole probes, and then, put you in it and
send you to the nearest blackhole. Oh, and you're welcome, by the way.
Ron couldn't help but cringe before the rocket scientist's threat, and he nearly lost his fudge, if you
know what I mean. While Kim and Ron head for her loft bedroom, let's drop in on Bonnie the
Queen of all bitchdom, shall we?
Tara King's Domicile
Tara: Thanks for walking me home, Felix. Ever since me and "Bonnie the Bitchzilla" parted ways,
and I broke up with "Bobo the Great White Hopeless", I've really been quite lonesome.
Felix: Ah, shucks, Tara, as Kim would always say, it's no big.
Tara: Nonsense, it is a big, a really big big, and I really enjoy your company. You hurricane rock
in stereo.
Felix: Well, I just thought you needed cheering up after what happened to you. Noone should
ever go through what you did, especially you.
Tara: (crying) Why did it have to happen to me, why did Bobby cheat on me, and with my
Ex-B.F.F. of all people?
Felix: (while holding Tara in his arms to comfort her) Oh, Tara, I wish I knew, but all I know is if
you were my girlfriend, I would never break your heart like Bobby and Bonnie did.
Tara: Felix, do you think I'm pretty?
Felix: (beet red) In my personal opinion, you're the most beautiful angel to ever float on down
from heaven above.
Tara: That's so sweet, Felix, thank you.
It's at this time that Tara kissed the lovable champion of "Zombie Mayhem" on the cheek,
and it was one of the best experiences of the parapalegic young man's entire life.
Tara: Well, since you went through so much trouble of getting me home safely, why don't
you come inside and have some coffee with me?
Felix: (befuddled) Uh-huh!
Tara: Thank you so much, and make yourself at home.
Felix: Okay!
No sooner had they made their way inside, there was a knocking on Tara's door.
Tara: It's okay, Felix, I'll get that.
When she opened the door, she was greeted with the most unwelcomed sight, or, for
that matter, person, recently known to her in her entire existance, Bonnie Rockwaller.
Bonnie: Hey, Tara, you got a minute?
Tara: (coldly) Depends, what do you want?
Bonnie: Well, do you mind if I came in?
Tara: Yeah, I kinda' do mind, seeing as you're no longer my best friend, or even
welcomed in my home, after what you pulled on me.
Bonnie: Okay, I admittedly deserved that, but maybe you can come outside for
a moment?
Tara: (totally suspicious) Are your sisters waiting to jump me on my own porch?
Bonnie: I personally assure you that they're nowhere near here.
Tara: Alright, I'm coming out, but any funny stuff, and it's bye-bye high-living, and hello
hard time in a state pennitentiary for you.
Bonnie: (apologetic) Okay, well, I need to apologize for what I did with Bobby behind your back,
I'm not looking for forgiveness or absolution, I just feel really shitty and guilty, and I needed to get
that off my chest.
Tara: (emotionlessly) Well, for someone who destroyed a friendship and a relationship at the same simultaneous time, that was the most heartfelt thing you ever said. Apology accepted.
Bonnie: (extatically) Great, you don't know how much this means to me. Now, come on, I need
your help to get even with that loser, Stoppable, and his trashy slut of a girlfriend.
Tara: (exasperated) Oh, so that's the catch, huh, just help you ruin the lives of Team Possible?
Bonnie: (fearful) Whatever do you mean?
Tara: (angrily) Oh come off it, you skanky hag, the apology you gave was bullshit and you know
it. Well I got news for you, just because your apology was accepted, doesn't mean you're even
forgiven, or absolved of wrong-doing, for that matter. I put all my trust in you, because I foolishly
believed even you had some good left in you, and how do you reaffirm that, by sleeping with my
ex-boyfriend behind my back, and recently, refusing to pull your own weight on the cheer squad,
picking fights with your fellow members, not bothering to show up on time, or at all, to any game
the Mad Dogs had, or any important meet that we had, and don't get me started on your attitude,
or your nasty little habits, you know, your jones for the yeyo. Let's not forget, also, how many guys
you fucked. Face it, bitch, you're still high school evil, while I, like a select few, are on the highest
point of our own food chain. One of these days, you're going to end up pathetically sad and alone,
with no one around to make you happy, or to comfort you, oh wait, that magical day has arrived.
Well, look on the brightside, one day you'll die, and when you finally reach hell, it'll be a step up
from this place.
Bonnie started to tear up for a second time today as Tara headed back inside from her front
porch, but the blonde former highschool cheerleader stopped abruptly, and turned to face her
one last time.
Tara: (proudly) I suppose I should thank you, if I haven't met you, I would've become you.
Bonnie could not help but cry as the last shred of dignity was ripped right out from her, this
time, by a friend that she had betrayed.
Bonnie: (thinking to herself) That tears it, there's nothing left for me in this podunk community,
I lost all my friends, my lovelife's in the pits, and all the respect people had for me is gone.
I should just dropout and leave this place behind for good. Maybe Shocker is hiring, and they're
bound to take me if they hear how much I despise Team Possible, and all their little friends,
especially that blonde, treacherous bimbo, Tara King. Plus, my skills in voodoo and creole black
magic give me an edge at the very least.
With that, Bonnie walks away from her former best friend's house, never to return, at least on
peaceful terms, ever again. But enough about Bon-bon the bonehead, let's get back to our own
beloved dynamic duo. Pull the string.
Kim's bedroom, Possible residence
While the two of them were kissing eachother deeply, and passionately,
Ron layed Kim down on her bed gently, as if she was made of fine china. Don't worry folks,
I know a lot of you on the forums are parents, hence they're still very much clothed
and decent, all they did as far as undressing was take their jackets, shoes, and if they had them,
socks off. I'd never subject the kids to pornography.
Ron: I love you forever and always, my Kimila.
Harlequin romance for teenagers, however, that's a differemt pizza to bake all together.
Kim: Oh, Ron, I love you more than words could ever really say.
Ron: (curious and excited, in more ways than one) Oh really, how do you intend to prove it?
While Ron was on top, he caught a glimpse of her eyes, and saw the same emotions he saw
within them when he and Kim were coming back from their date. All of a sudden, Kim flipped Ron
onto the bed, while she stradled his waist, cow-girl style. She then began to unbutton Ron's dress
shirt, all the while, kissing him forcefully and laying tender butterfly kisses on his neck. She even
started nibbling his ears, to get his motor revving.
Ron: (moaning in extasy) Okay, I'm a believer, now.
I think I should fast forward this part before this becomes a lemon fan fiction.
The next morning
Oh, thank goodness for that.
Kim: (waking up) Yawn, wow, that was perfect.
Kim woke up from her slumber and looked to the other side of her bed. To her relief, her boyfriend, best friend, partner, and hero was with her, and just as naked as she was underneath the blanket. She looked at his sleeping form face -to-face, and noticed that one of his hands draped over her shoulder and on her back. While Ron was still slumbering, she brought that hand to her lips, and proceeded to kiss the open palm of it.
Kim: (dreamy look upon her face) Oh, Ron, last night was hands down the best of all, and I want to thank you for it. I can't wait till you wake up, my darling, because I'm going to make reevaluate your definition of "Good morning" when you do.
And so, she began suckling on his fingers, swirling her lithe tongue around each one. She silently
hoped and prayed that her lover would awaken as she did so. Much to her pleasure, he did just
that.
Ron: (drowsily waking up) Yaaaawn, man, K.P., for our first time making love, that was bon-diggity. I hope we can do th...
Ron was in a state of euphoric shock after catching a glimpse of this rare sight. Kim, his first, and
his only lover, kissing his hand and suckling on his fingers. The sight alone rendered him dizzy
with sensual pleasure, but the sounds, and the feel of it all, rendered him cross-eyed and totally
incoherent as well.
Ron: (chanting a mantra) Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouilov eyou!
As he chanted, he felt one of Kim's hands duck back down the blanket, to where, that I can't say.
Ron: (distracted from said mantra) K-K-K-Kim, what are you doing with m-m-m-my y-y-y-you know
what?
Kim: (seductively with a southern drawl) Why, I'm just giving my big, strong, handsome, and well
endowed lover one hell of a good morning. You like?
Ron: (obviously in the throes of extasy) Ronnie don't just like, ah yes, Ronnie love.
Kim: (in a southern accent) Aw, why thank you kindly, sugar, would you like more?
Ron: Yes, please and thank you!
Kim: Well, you'll have to wait till we hit the shower, and when I said "we", I meant the both of us, at
the same time, together. Is that alright with you, Honey?
Ron: (hormones doing the thinking) Yes, Ma'am!
Good grief, another near lemon scene, let's skip to where they go downstairs to have breakfast.
Breakfast time
THANK YOU!
After Ron and Kim had their shower, and went to the kitchen, they found Anne making breakfast
for the whole bunch, while James was reading the newspaper, smoking from his pipe, and
drinking his coffee at the same time, in other words, doing Dad stuff.
James: Good morning, Kimmy-cub, oops, I mean Kimberly, and you too, Ron. How'd you sleep
last night, quite well, I take it?
Kim: Actually, Dad, Ron and I didn't get to sleep until early this morning.
James: How early?
Kim: "The crack of dawn" early!
James: What have you two been doing up there?
Ron: (abashedly) Oh, nothing much, really. Just kissing, cuddling, holding, and squeezing
eachother.
James: That's all, ahh well, I guess kids these days are finally toning down their rambunctious and
wild behavior nowadays.
Kim: Ron, you don't have to down play our lovemaking sessions, I mean, we did it seven times
last night, and another time when we got in the shower.
It was then James did the classic double take with a spit of his coffee, and a raise of an eyebrow.
James: (surprised look on his face) Eight times, eight times, EIGHT TIMES? What is this man, a
machine?
Ron: Pretty badical, huh? One of the advantages of youth, I think, wouldn't you say so, Kimmy,
baby?
Kim: Ron's right, Dad, males 18 years and younger tend to have better stamina for bedroom fun.
On a more personal note, is it normal for teenage males to have a 16 inch trouser snake?
Anne: Why do you ask, dear?
Kim: Because that's what Ron's got. The poor thing must have been starved for attention.
Again, James did a double take once more, as he decided to change the subject, quite wisely,
might I add.
James: By the way, Josh Mankey, was arrested last night, seems he had the po-pos
on his tail, as the kids are saying, nowadays.
Ron: (devious smile on his face) Really, how'd that happen?
James: Well, ten minutes after he left our home, a good samaritan type bystander, witnessed the
whole thing, and called the cops, he wished to remain anonymous, though, but the strangest thing
is that Ron had asked to use the bathroom before you two left on your date. Any connection to
this incident, Ron?
Ron: Okay, I can't lie to you, I did call the cops on him, it was only because Mankey had went from
being high school evil to being full on evil. Remember when Kim found out he was cheating on
her with Marcella and broke up with him in front of all his audience and band members.
That alone humiliated him to no end. Then, there was the time he was an up and coming artist
with his parents helping him to sell his paintings for tuition into art school, but then he started making near perfect replicas of famous paintings, for a cat-burglar named Camille Leon. When me and Kim busted the two of them, he thought he had immunity by previous association, but it only proved that not even filthy, cheating ex-boyfriends were safe from Team Possible, or the wrath of a girlfriend scorned. After that bust, Mankey ended up with four broken limbs and a few years of Juvie in Paris.
Anne: Okay, but how did he get back to America, anyway, and what arrangement did the two of
them have?
Kim: Josh made the duplicates, and Camille stole the originals and switched them with the
forgeries, the deal was a fifty/fifty split of the proceeds from selling the originals on the black
market, and as to the first, his parents pushed for probation and extradiction, seeing as they
own Shocker Products International. It's the largest share holder in every big business all over
the globe, and the biggest supplier of just about anything you can think of, from household items,
to medical equipment, to space research instruments. With Shocker running those businesses
from the shadows, the Mankeys have a free reign over the entire world I'm afraid.
Jim: So, you're saying that...
Tim: ...with their hands in...
Both: ...all the world's businesses...
Tim: ...they can commit a crime...
Jim: ...and call up their corporation...
Both: ...and they can get away with it scott-free?
Ron: Afraid so, since all those businesses have connections to governments all over the world, I
should have known in the past Josh was a million miles of bad road.
Kim: It's alright, sweety, he's gone now, and he can't get to us anymore.
Kim held her beloved protector in her arms, to comfort him through whatever guilt he's putting
himself through. Never once thinking of letting him go for anything.
Meanwhile, at Mankey Manor
Angela: Are you sure bringing "Him" in will make up the loss of our heir apparent, Burton, darling?
Burton: Don't fret, Angela, my pet, our second born son has never failed us yet, unlike that first born mistake we had, he failed not once, or twice, but three times, to get Kim Possible on our side. As far as I'm concerned, Jaguarix, A.K.A. Joshua can stand some time in a jail cell. The fourth time was the clincher, he could've kidnapped Possible last night, and brought her here, so we could "Educate" her properly, but did he? Hell no, he ran back home with his tail between his legs, and smelling like piss and shit. He's a useless incumberence, nothing more.
Angela: By "Educate", you mean wiping her entire memory clean, and brainwashing her into one of our assasins, or little "Pets" for our troopers.
Burton: If by "Pet", you mean sex slave, then, yes. Does that answer your question, love?
Angela: Indeed it does, my handsome, sovreign emperor of darkness, but what about "Him"?
"He" has a long track record of going beserk and killing a whole room of people whenever "He"
hears that song play. It sends "Him" into an uncontrollable rage that ends only when that song
is done.
Burton: You mean Alek, A.K.A. Anacondax, don't worry, he underwent the Shocker Psychiatric
treatment for this problem.
Angela: Oh, thank Satan, is he getting any better?
Burton: Well, there's good news and bad news. The treatment failed right off the bat, and he killed that quack shrink of ours.
Angela: (obviously worried) That's the good news!?
Burton: (cool as a cucumber) No, that's the bad news, the good news is I saved us a bunch of
money on car insurance by switching to Geico, it's so easy, practically anybody can do it.
And somewhere out in this crazy world we live in, a bunch of cavemen are shouting "thank you"
to the head of the Shocker corporation, even thinking of getting jobs there.
Burton: Besides, the chances of "Pop goes the weasel" playing in the background are so very
much infintesimal, that he'll probably forget all about his seventh birthday.
Angela: (looking at her husband increduously) For your sake, you'd better be right about this,
because if he ends up killing us, I'm divorcing your ass.
Burton: Fair enough!
Now, let's all go check on Bonnie's end, shall we?
Rockwaller Estate
Bonnie: (whining like a 3 year old) But, Dad, what do you mean that they won't take me?
Philip K. Rockwaller: You need to earn a college degree before you can work for them, those
are the rules. You can't get a job until you graduate from college, and you can't graduate if
you don't get in. You'll never get in if you don't apply yourself and graduate from summer school,
and you'll never do that if you drop out here and now.
Veronica "Ronnie" Rockwaller: Philip's right about this, Bon-bon. How do you expect to serve our
masters, the Mankeys, if you haven't got a future, or an education, even?
Bonnie: (annoyed as hell) Whoever said I wanted to serve the Mankeys, I just want vengeance
against Possible and her loser friends.
Connie: Please, like we've never heard that over and over before.
Lonnie: Yeah, Bon-bon, you're such a broken record, you say that all the time.
Connie: Like it was your daily mantra.
Lonnie: Give it a rest, already.
Veronica: Please, you two, Bon-bon's been through enough, and right now, her emotions are
running a little high. You should be supporting her, and helping her through this rough patch
in her life.
Philip: Ronnie's right, you've done nothing but sit around, getting fat and lazy, and made Bonnie
the scapegoat for all your failures, or worse, blamed it all on her. It's no surprise, that with your
constant pressures on her, she failed at school, making friends, romance, or even cheerleading.
If you don't cut it out, I'll disinherit the both of you, have you disowned, thrown out, and disavowed
as agents of Shocker, and send you away to some third world country, with nothing but the shirts
on your backs. Is that understood?
Bonnie: (pleasantly surprised) Thanks, Dad!
Philip: (in perfectly fluent French) Avec mon plasir.
Lonnie and Connie: (in downtrodden unison) Sorry, Dad!
Philip: (swiftly recompsing himself) Good, now apologize to Bon-bon.
Lonnie: But, Dad, she's not a Shocker yet.
Connie: Yeah, she's still a civvie.
Philip: (disappointed and annoyed) Just because she's a civvie doesn't mean she isn't family, or
that you have free reign to disrespect her, belittle her, or take advantage of her. As far as I am
concerned, she's a Shocker trooper in spirit. Now, you each have three seconds before I make
good on my threat.
Both: (dejectedly and begrudgingly) Sorry, Bonnie, we won't ever put you through that again.
Philip: Alright, now everything's chauncy between all of us, but if you don't start pulling your weight
in the house, or the organization, I'll forget about the previous threat and kill the both of you, and
don't you dare put it past me, because I will kill the both of you, without feeling bad, or losing any
sleep over it. Is that clear?
Both: (fearful for their lives) Crystal!
Philip: Okay then, as for you Bon-bon, do you want an overall advantage over your older sisters?
Bonnie: Yes!
Philip: Then you gotta stay in summer school and work hard at it. Can you do that for your old
man, my li'l bunny-rabbit?
Bonnie: (with renewed confidence) You bet I will. Besides, I already got leverage over those two
nincompoops over there.
Veronica: Really, what kind of leverage?
Bonnie: (smiling wickedly) Oh, nothing special, just some homemade voodoo dolls.
It's in that instant that Bonnie pulls out two miniature effigies, made in the likenesses of her older
sisters, with patches of their favorite dresses, which were cut from said dresses, tied around their
necks, from behind her back.
Lonnie and Connie: (both livid and preturbed) YOU WENT INTO OUR ROOMS TO CUT UP OUR
CLOTHES FOR YOUR LITTLE DOLLIES.
Bonnie: They're more than just plain old dolls. Just watch, and you'll see.
With that, she took the doll that looked like Lonnie, while setting Connie's doll down gently,
and proceeded to break the limbs of the first doll. As she did, though, everyone in the room
could hear the horrid sound of bones, cartilage, and tendons snapping, twisting, and breaking.
That, plus Lonnie's anguished cries of pain, suffering, and agony. Needless to say, Bonnie
was sadistically slow, deliberate, precise, and cruel in commiting the act.
Connie: (scared shitless) Holy fucking shit!
Connie desperately tried to get away, but Bonnie grabbed the other voodoo doll by the neck
and squeezed it tight. Connie, in turn, started gasping for air, as if Bonnie herself was choking
the life right out of her.
Bonnie: (grinning maliciously) Uh-uh-uh, you can't run out from the demonstration of my personal
skills and abilities yet, I'm just getting started.
Philip: (impressed with Bonnie's skills) Okay, nicely done, Bon-bon, Now could you please let her
go.
Bonnie: For you, Mom and Dad, anything.
Bonnie then loosened the constriction around the dolls neck, allowing Connie to draw breath again
after the demonstration was over.
Bonnie: Now, who's the queen bitch around here?
Connie: (coughing like crazy) You are!
Bonnie: Okay then, fuck with me like that ever again, and I'll kill you, and then reanimate your
corpses with an ancient voodoo spell. You'll then be my zombie bitches, and I won't think
twice about tricking the both of you out to all the Johns out there, got it?
Connie: (regains her breath) Yeah, we got it.
Veronica: Phil, honey, what are we going to do with those two?
Philip: We'll take Lonnie down to Middleton General Hospital, then have her and Connie demoted
to the rank of personal slaves. I'll get the Cerebrium memory wipe drug, and you can handle their
brainwashing and "Reeducation" for me.
Connie: (fear and terror all over) Wait, what do you mean by "Reeducation"?
Veronica: Trust us, it's just our little way of enforcing some sort of punishment for all your botched
missions, endless abuse of our youngest daughter, and even, your procrastinate behavior towards
imparitive missions that required your unique talents. As added poetic justice, once you've been
"Reeducated", you'll serve as Bonnie's handmaidens, while Bonnie gets contol over your little
inheritance. It's for the best of our family, and for Shocker.
Connie's screams of horror and realization was the last thing to echo through the estate.
Connie: No, no, NOOOOOOOOO!
At the Middleton Courthouse
Judge: (shakes his head in shame) Mankey, Mankey, Mankey, why would you take your current
situation, which is bad road to the infinite power, and exaserbate it to this extent?
Josh: (sheepishly grinning and shaking like a leaf) Well, your honor, you know what they say?
People do crazy stuff when they're in love.
Judge: Agreeable, however, the actions you took yesterday and last night prove to me you still
have no remorse, or common sense, for that matter, which is why effective immediately, you are
to spend a sentence of no more than life, and no less than fifty years, at the Dale Marsden
Uber-maximum security prison. That is, of course, you have something else to add, young man?
Josh looked to his parents, whom shot him an icy-cold death glare, and then his fourteen year old
brother, who had the body of a massive twenty-something football player, and the mind of a seven
year old. He then decided on a course off action that could get him off scott free, and redeem
himself in the eyes of his family.
Josh: (cocky and arrogant) Yeah, I've got a special going away present for you, it's kind of a small
souvenir to remember me by.
Judge: (curious like George) Oh, really, well, where is it?
With that Josh mooned the judge yelling, "Fruit basket for the judge", and started to strip down,
naked, singing "Pop goes the weasel", while running through the courtroom. While his mother
covered Alek's ears, his father covered his eyes. All this whilst Josh mocked and shamed the
baliffs with his amazing acrobatic skills and display of insane genius. It dies down to a halt when
he's finally caught, but the Judge is still fuming and bangs his gavel up and down, like a madman
posessed by Satan himself after going on a binge of alcohol and drugs.
Judge: Order, I said order. Order in the court.
No one could hear the judge over the sound of constant chatting. It kept getting worse and worse
until the judge, with his last raw nerve being pushed to the limit, yelled at the court attendees to
shut them up.
Judge: ALRIGHT YOU FILTHY MAGGOTS, SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP BEFORE I ARREST
THE WHOLE LOT OF YOU FOR CONTEMPT OF COURT!
After that, the only sound the judge could hear was a cricket chirping.
Judge: (clearing his throat) Okay then, just for that little disruption you created here in my
courtroom, I'm doubling your sentence. I will also permanently revoke your elligibility for
parole, so that the only way you'll leave the prison, is if you're dead. You'll also undergo
court ordered psychiatric treatment during your stay there, and unless the shrink can deem
you emotionally and psychologically stable, sound, competent, and capable enough to undergo
a parole board hearing, you'll be locked away in the new criminally insane wing of the prison.
Oops, look's like Moneky-boy got F.U.B.A.R., big time.
Josh: (surprised and horrified) Crap-baskets!
Alek: Mommie, why did Josh run around in the courtroom naked?
Angela: Because, Alek, your big brother was going for an insanity defence, problem was his
timing for it was off, he waited till he was found guilty. The stupid fool.
Alek: Do we still get to visit him?
Burton: Of course we do.
Alek: Can we visit him when he gets settled?
Angela: We'll work something out.
Alek: Daddy, when Mommie covered my ears, Josh was singing a song. What was the name
of the song?
Burton: (sweating bullets) Well, uh..um...it was a dirty rendition of The Camptown Ladies, one
with lots of naughty language and potty-mouth words.
Alek: Oh, okey-dokey!
Both Mankey parents breathed a sigh of relief as Josh's plans to exploit Alek's unfortunate
madness as a last resort end-all solution to his current problem, were null and void. Thusly,
on that note, the judge adjourned the court, and we go forward to another couple that get along
quite famously.
Ranchero de la Flagg
Brick: (dumbfounded) You know, that might've worked if he timed it a little earlier, like, say,
during his preliminary hearing. That way, he could easily mount an insanity defense.
Monique: I know how you feel, but he got himself F.U.B.A.R. when he cheated on Kim,
became an accomplice to art theft and counterfeiting, and came back home, with help from
Ol' Ma' and Pa', only to try and gangrape her. Now, he's got a laundry list of charges that won't
ever disappear, and ruined his E.P.R. with his courtroom antics that are so B.S.C. that Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, and even Jack the Ripper seem T.B.C. when going up against him.
For those who don't know 'Nique Speak, definitions will be given after this chapter. T.Y.F.N.
Brick: (depressed and in deep thought) Yeah!
Monique: (worried) Brick, Honey, what's wrong? You seem to be depressed about something.
Brick: Well, Monique, do you remember Junior prom?
Monique: Yeah, what about it?
Brick: It's just that this whole Mankey sitch is bringing back memories of how I caught my
ex-girlfriend, Bonnie, having sex at said prom with my former best friend, Bobby Johnson.
It's something that you can't forget easily. Fortunately, I can think back to it with a somewhat
clear conscience, because I acted as a protective adopted brother to poor Tara, and let her know
just what was going on back then. I can't help but feel guilty about ruining a friendship as strong
as the one between Tara and Bonnie.
Brick then began crying out of remorse for what he had done Junior year. He felt bad about how
Bobby's grades began slipping, and how the other players treated him like a leper during game
time, and how said players nearly lynched him during practice, severely injuring him to an extent
to where he could no longer play football ever again, even when he healed up completely, costing
him a sports scholarship of a lifetime. When Brick graduated, he heard that Bobby had infact
dropped out during Senior year, and that he and his family had moved to London, to start a new
life, and never return to Middleton ever again. Just like every good christian, he did the right thing
for the right reason, but was ashamed at the destructive results those actions brought, but like a
wiseman once said, "karma can be a bitchy boomerang, if you do good, good will come to you
and fuck your brains out, but if you do bad, bad will get her brothers and jump you like the damn
Viet-Cong, and mercilessly continue to do so till one of two things happen, you start doing good,
or you die. Don't even try running away or hiding from it either, cause it'll only make it worse,
no matter where you are, it'll come for you." Monique could see how much this was hurting him
deep down inside, and held him lovingly in her arms. She did it to comfort the man she loves with
all her heart, through one of his darkest times, and show him that angels do infact still exsist to
this very day, not just in Heaven, but here on Earth as well.
Monique: (reassuringly) There, there, Bricky, baby, it's okay, it wasn't your fault, what happened
to Bobby was never your fault. In all those practice exercises, I never saw you feed him to the
wolves, and in those games he was in before he got hurt, you actually still treated him as a part of
the team, and in school, you tried to save him from getting beaten up by all the other jocks. You
did your best to help him out in his studies when nobody else would. It's not your fault that his life
had hit a skid. It's not your fault that he shunned out the people that were helping him. It's like my
Mom always says, "the only people that truly deserve our help, are the people who want to face
their problems head-on, and get out of the mud puddle of self-pity." Bobby sure as hell didn't
wanna man up and face his problems, or get out of that one-man pity-party he was throwing for
his own damn self. He was already too far gone to save. You did all you could do for him,
nothing more. In there, lies your absolution, Sweety, and in treating him like a person, instead
of a disease, even though your friendship ended on such a sour note, you proved who the bigger
man between the two of you really was.
Brick: (feeling a little less guilty) Really?
Monique: Would I ever lie to you?
Brick: Never in a million years.
Monique: Then kiss me, you big-hearted fool.
The two shared a deep, passionate kiss together, holding eachother tightly, as if they're afraid
to let go. They then layed together on the couch, still watching the news of Mankey's incarceration
on the television. They laughed at Josh's obviously failed attempt at playing the insanity card, and
the highlights of his sentencing hearing. All in all, it's just another summer day in Middleton,
Colorado.
Author's 'Nique speak dictionary
B.S.C.: Bat shit crazy
B.K.: Bad karma
F.U.B.A.R.: Fucked up beyond all recognition
E.P.R.: Everyday public reputation
T.B.C.: Tame by comparison
T.Y.F.N.: Thank you for now.
Well that does it for the ichisei chapter, now stay tuned for the nisei chapter.
Same Rider-time, same Rider-channel.
Read, review, live long, and prosper, my fellow space cadets.