Edward Richtofen, that is my name. I am writing a memoir. This is my time at my favorite workplace, Der Riese. It was quite a nice place until, shall we call it, the accident happened. Oh, what a fun time the accident was!
Der Riese was a Nazi test facility; we had all sorts of fun! One day Doctor Maxis brought in a strange element called, UUP 115. Doctor Maxis being one of my greatest colleagues, he let me have first grabs at it. It was wonderful stuff that UUP, almost as wonderful as a shower of blood. We wanted to know what the stuff could do, so we stuffed it into some dead bodies for a laugh. Little did we know that the UUP could do such WONDERFUL THINGS! The deteriorating bodies got up and walked again! These *ahem* "Zombies" quickly and rapidly spread, and we needed to contain them. At the time I had also perfected a new weapon I designed, the Wonderwaffe DG2. The Wonderwaffe did such wonderful things to my creatures; I get all jazzed up just thinking about it! Oh yes! But enough about me. The Wonderwaffe shoots out a high energy particle beam that can chain to other Zombies! *Squeals with delight* We eventually got a few of them into locked cells, meanwhile, Doctor Maxis and I were cooking something deliciously evil up! You see, Maxis's daughter had a German Sheppard named Fluffy, and Fluffy was the perfect test subject for our experiments. We took her away when Samantha was distracted, and when we were finished, we had made what I call a "Hell Hound". Unfortunately, we had no idea that Fluffy was carrying DEMON SPAWN! So she gave birth to more little beasties!
After that, things got out of hand. *Creepy aroused sounding noise* Then the fun came! So much blood! I eventually learned that Maxis was using me the whole time, so I had plans for him. I locked him, and his little girl in a room with Fluffy, and Fluffy made Maxis her little CHEW TOY! After that I ran to our experimental teleporter, and was sent to a little Asylum a few hundred miles away. Afterwards I met up with my new found allies! There's Dempsey, Nickolai, Takeo, and me! The asylum was quickly compromised, so we left on foot running. We soon found ourselves in the swamps of Japan, in an Imperial base called "Shi No Numa". We had sooo much fun there! I soon afterwards met up with my old friend the Wonderwaffe! JOY! We had to leave there afterwards, as it too became over-run with Zombies. We snaked our way back to Germany, and, by some miracle, made our way back to Der Riese! We found out soon afterwards that the teleporter did much more that send you from one place to another, that, with some tweaking granted, it could send us through time! We traveled to what I guessed, and was correct, 1964. We found ourselves at an old, run down theatre. Afterwards, we wanted to see where else we could go. So now, we are at an over run Soviet launch facility! Nickolai must feel right at home!