I walked into my apartment after a stressful day at the office. I had some difficulty tracking down a couple of FTAs and then when I finally found them, they put up a pretty good fight.
I grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge and turned on the radio. The song was by a woman that I didn't recognize. It had just started and I decided to listen to it.
I was alone in the dark
Never let down my guard
Closed the curtain on my heart
So the world could not see
All the demons in me,
Told myself I was free.
That sounded a whole lot like me before Stephanie came along.
And you showed me how wrong I could be…
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Now I'm standing on a mountain of rubble
That once was a wall,
Took years to build around me.
And you came along and you tore it down
Like it was nothing at all.
Now it's a little scary,
Learning to fall.
That described the relationship between Steph and me perfectly. She brought out a side in me that I didn't want out. Or did I? I guess that I was just scared about becoming emotionally vulnerable and she made me that way without even trying and without conscious thought.
When you looked in my eyes,
Past the fear and false pride
You saw goodness inside.
That made me think about when I was FTA and Steph was looking for me. She was only concerned about my well-being and believed me when I told her that I never killed Homer. She saw right through Ranger into Carlos and she liked what she saw.
I can't believe how I feel
I believe love is real
And I'm ready to heal.
And you showed me how right I can be.
She had me wrapped around her little finger since that day in the café when she asked me for help with her first FTA, Morelli. I love her and it kills me every time I see Morelli beat her down and yet she continues to crawl back to him.
During my time in the army, I had to deal with so VERY nasty shit. This contributed to my reasoning for cutting myself off from everyone else and building up my walls.
But she showed me that I don't have to.
Now I'm standing on a mountain of rubble
That once was a wall,
Took years to build around me.
And you came along and you tore it down
Like it was nothing at all.
Now it's a little scary,
Learning to fall.
I was holding on,
Now I'm letting go.
I was holding on,
Now I'm letting go.
I was holding on,
Now I'm letting go.
Now I'm standing on a mountain of rubble
That once was a wall,
Took years to build around me.
And you came along
And you tore it down
Like it was nothing at all.
Now it's a little scary,
Learning to fall.
I was scared. She broke down the walls that I had spent so much time building up for my own protection. The weird thing was, was that I didn't want to rebuild them. I wanted her to bring back Carlos and do away with Ranger. No matter how scary learning to fall might be.
I'm sorry if it sucks. It came on a whim and I just had to write it. The song is "Learning to Fall" by Martina McBride.
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