Dog City:

Barking Up the Animated Tree

Chapter 1: A Senseless Freak Act of Nature

(narration by Ace Hart)

Dog City. A place for the civilized and uncivilized. A place where there is not anything surprising about the way behavior occurs. A place that smells like a Daschund's underbelly even if it is as clean as a mouth, and a town with a heart as cold as a husky's nose. That's assuming that a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's mouth. Even if it is not, I should know, because it's my business to serve them. I'm Ace Hart. Private Eye Dog.

You know the story; I work to keep Dog City safe from harm, and the two most common waves of acts come from either Bugsy Vile and his gang, or sometimes Baron Von Rottweiler and his extremely stupid valet, Leon, who always seems to fetch when he isn't supposed to fetch. Go figure. But a new wave of senseless acts would arrive, and it wasn't even criminal. I don't mean to break the fourth wall twice here, but as many of you familiar with me and my shows know, I frequently interrupt the process to interact with my boss, Eliot Shag, who in turn has to please his own boss. But what you may not know until I say it just now is the fact that Eliot has a twin brother, Elias. And it's a good thing he, too, was in the animation business.

I don't know how or why it happened, but it wasn't a dream; it was real. Eliot, Colleen (his girlfriend), and Pomeroy (Colleen's nephew) managed to land in my world. They couldn't return to their own. It was the real world to me, and I do many things on my own without Eliot's prompting. But when he wants to show me to his world's TV viewers, we work together. Whatever was the case, the trio was now in Dog City (my world) and they had no way to get out. It's a good thing Artie left a note for Elias (who was dating his mother, Terri, at the time). He had collaborated with Eliot on certain shows, and he had moved in to one of the apartments close by to Eliot. The note Artie left, however, claimed Eliot and Colleen were on vacation (which was actually written because Artie himself made the assumption this was happening, and not because Eliot told him to do it). Either way, Elias would still have done it.

"Do you remember what happened to you when you three got in here?" I asked Eliot (when it was just the two of us).

"Last thing I remember," said Eliot, "I was watching TV to see the final results of my latest project, which was the episode where you beat Sherlick Bones at his own game."

"That was one of my finest performances."

"Yes, it was."

"All I know for certain is that soon as the credits rolled, the power went out. Bowser screwed up again and Bruno was banging his head with a wrench. Then there was a lightning flash that was awfully close to the apartment, which almost blinded me, and the next thing I knew, here I was. Colleen and Pomeroy came with me only because they just happened to be watching the show."

"Wonder if it will take another lightning bolt to get you out?"

"Don't know. Meanwhile, what should we do?"

"Well, since you helped me out once before, I should employ you again. I mean, from your persepctive, you were dreaming, but I saw you face-to-face. We'll just pretend you are my twin brother, which you aren't, but sort of are, if you know what I mean. We'll call you...uh...Eli Hart. Sound good?"

"That works for me. What about Colleen and Pomeroy? I'm only dating her. I'm not married."

"Should we pretend you are her fiancée?"

"We can, but how would she feel about it?"

"Well, she can go with the act. Besides, what's there to go wrong?"

I spoke too soon. There was an explosion. The two of us hid so that we wouldn't get hurt. Then the voice came from below. "LEON!" he screamed. "THIS ISN'T THE PENTAGON! THIS IS ACE HART'S OFFICE, YOU IDIOT! BAD DOG! BAD, BAD DOGGIE!" It was my old nemesis, Baron Von Rottweiler. He was trying to invade the Pentagon for some reason. We never did find out why. Even so, Eliot and I had to follow him, because he snuck back down the hole. Good thing I had enough money to fix the damage.

In the end, all we ended up going to was the dog pound because Leon had been trying to dig a tunnel out. Eliot and I had to take a side path so that the D.C.P.D. wouldn't mistake us for criminals. Not that they don't do that; they do occasionally get the drop on me and they have thrown me in jail. As a result, I'm listed as a felon and I can't vote, or so I thought. I think Chief Rosie O'Gravy got a pardon from the governor. I'll have to check on that.

Anyways, we got back outside, and we saw Leon and the baron trying to make a break for it. I decided to take the Hudson and have Eliot ride shotgun. "I've been waiting for this," he said. It took a while, because the baron decided to run us all over the city. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore.

(break-in)

Ace: ELIAS!

Elias: Don't yell at me, Ace; this was your idea!

Eliot: Didn't we go through this routine before?

Ace: We did.

Elias: The fans wanted it again. And it's a good thing I'm ambidextrous.

Ace: I'VE HAD ENOUGH ALREADY! Time for the old "blind alley routine!"

Elias: Fine; suit yourselves. This fast pace of drawing is giving me Carpal Tunnel syndrome. Not to mention lockpaw.

(narration)

Of course, Leon's always making the comical mistakes to cause problems for the baron, but the baron won't get rid of him. He drove into a blind alley to try to take a detour. They crashed, of course.

"CURSE YOU, ACE!" Rottweiler screamed as the two landed in the street on the other side. Rosie was right there, waiting with a net. Unfortunately, a hydrant broke, and the two of them found themselves soaking wet. I didn't bother to exchange witty banter with her; I was too busy trying to find a way to get Eliot and his companions back home. It wasn't going to be easy, but nothing is impossible these days.

(break-in)

Eliot: Elias, could we not do any more duplicates, please?

Elias: Sorry; I thought your fans wanted a running gag.

Eliot: That's not the running gag I had in mind.

Ace: Besides, it's giving me a headache. But tell us; what do we do now? And how do they get out?

Elias: I haven't figured it out, yet. But I'm going to go to the next part where Bugsy tries another scheme.

Ace: Fine by me. It's destined to have him, anyway.

TO BE CONTINUED