AN: I am sorry for the very short summary but I did not want anyone who hasn't seen 6.05 yet to be spoilt and I hoped that those of you who had already seen it would get what it is about.
I very much doubt that we'll get to see a scene like this next week, but I thought that when Mary goes to the hospital so that Cora can have a bit of rest they would probably talk. Mary is shown to be much closer to Robert than to Cora at the moment but I think that is only because of the estate. In many ways Mary and Cora are alike and I think that they probably trust each other very much even if Mary would never say or show it.
This will probably be a collection of a few one set after the dinner, but I am not sure yet when I will be able to update again. I will definitely write a conversation between Cora and Robert, probably sometime at the weekend as I'd like to get it done before Sunday's episode.
Please let me know what you think about this story!
Have a great day everyone,
Kat
She doesn't remember ever having been so scared. When they told her about Matthew's accident he was already dead and the very short moment between her mother saying 'Matthew was in an accident' and her father saying 'I am afraid that he is dead' was too brief for more than two very fast heartbeats. And in any case, the moment she saw the looks on her parents' faces, saw her father clinging to her mother's hand as if his life depended on it, she had known, she had known that Matthew would not see their son grow up, she had known that the day of her son's birth was the day of her husband's death.
She did not sleep the last night, she kept thinking about Matthew and her father and the horrific scene at dinner and the look of desperation in her mother's eyes until they were told that it looked well.
Her mother has not telephoned again and Mary is almost sure that this is a good sign. Had her father not made it through the night, surely someone would have told them.
Her father has been put into a private room and true to what she expected, her mother is sitting right next to his bed, holding his hand and gently caressing his face. She feels like an intruder in one of the most private and loving scenes she has ever seen. Her mother raises her head at the sound of the door closing and gives her a very faint smile.
"Hello Mary," she says and then nods which Mary understands to mean that she can stay.
"How is he?" she asks and her voice is a lot shakier than she had hoped it would be.
"Much better," her mother says and fully focusses on her now although she keeps holding her father's hand. "He woke up during the night. Around four I think. The doctor came in and said that all seems to have gone well."
"Did Papa talk to you?"
Her mother nods.
"Yes. He did. He remembers what happened. I wish he wouldn't as it will probably give him nightmares for the rest of his life."
"We will all have nightmares because of that for the rest of our lives." She knows this to be true, she will certainly never forget her father vomiting blood all over the dinner table.
"I told your father that he would not have to attend the dinner because he wasn't feeling well. But if he hadn't come down, if he had stayed in our room as I wanted him to, I'd have found him there, full of blood and dead hours later."
"I suppose you can't help but imagine that scene."
Her mother shakes her head and in that moment she knows that her mother won't have a peaceful night for weeks; that that is what she will dream of possibly for the rest of her life.
.
She watches her mother watch her father. The loving and caring look on her mother's face sends tears to her eyes and she wishes, more than ever that she had somebody she could look at like that, that Matthew was still alive.
"Mama?" she asks after a few minutes. "What would you have done had Papa not survived?"
Her mother now turns her attention back to her and then says
"I'd have begged you to not force me to leave the Abbey. I couldn't have faced it alone. If you had send me to live somewhere in the village, even if your grandmother or Isobel had offered to take me in, I don't think I'd have been able to ever come to terms with your father's death."
"I would have begged you to stay at the Abbey."
"Why?" Her mother looks at her surprised and she thinks about asking her mother why she would ever doubt that but then thinks better of it. This is neither time nor the place to fight.
"Because you have taught me how to run a house and Papa has taught me how to run an estate. No one has ever taught me how to do both at the same time and I don't think that it would be possible. So I would have asked you stay at least until George is old enough to help with the estate. And as I want him to go to university first, that would have been in 25 years."
Her mother gives a slight laugh at this and then shakes her head but does not say anything.
"I've already told Tom that he and I will have to take over the running of the estate almost completely. I hope Papa does not feel as if we were taking anything away from him."
"He doesn't. When he woke up during the night he was coherent and much more awake than was expected. The doctor already told him he would have to step back."
"What did Papa say?"
Her mother gives another smile at this.
"Thank God for Mary and Tom."
"So he understands?"
"He did so last night. And I doubt that he will change his mind. He knows that you and Tom will manage the estate very well. He trusts you and he is so very proud of you."
"Did he say that last night?"
"No. But he says it almost every day. He often tells me what you and he and now also Tom again did during the day. But he mostly talks about you. You once told me that all he ever talked about was Matthew and that might have been true to some extent, but now he talks about you a lot more than he used to talk about Matthew."
"Does he mention Edith?" She needs her mother to say yes although she does not understand why.
"Yes. But he understands a lot less about her work than he understands about yours. Although Edith makes him just as proud as you do." She nods at that and is a little surprised when her mother continues to speak. "We are very glad that we did not marry any of you off at the age of twenty. All three of you went much further than we ever expected or envisioned."
"I did make a huge mistake."
"Mary, that was in 1913. Stop thinking about it. We forgave you for it a long time ago. That one night is not what defines you."
She shakes her head.
"That is not what I meant. I meant that I should have told Matthew. After his first proposal." She can't go on because this still sometimes makes her cry and she does not want her mother to see her cry.
"You still miss him." Her mother has come to the heart of the matter right away and all she can do is nod. She missed Matthew last night possibly more than ever before. Whenever she dozed off she saw her father vomiting blood and she wished more than ever that Matthew had been there to hold her and to tell her that everything was alright.
"I keep telling Tom to find someone new, that no one expects him to be alone for the rest of his life, that he'd still be a member of the family, that we'd even let his new wife live with us. But I just can't imagine myself finding someone new."
"The question is whether you want someone new. If you don't want to get married again, then don't. There is no reason for you to get married again. You own half the estate, you are the agent. Your life does not depend on finding the right husband."
Her mother squeezes her hand now and smiles at her. And as sometimes happened when she was still much younger everything that she has bottled up, some things for years and some things only since last night suddenly comes out of her.
"The thing is I do want to get married again but I want to be happily married, I could not stand being in an unhappy or even a content marriage. That is why I couldn't marry Tony. I would have been content but not more. And Charles and Evelyn are always doing one thing or another for a government office in the South of France or Poland or wherever they are being sent. They would not be willing to give that up. And I thought until last night that I had progressed far enough to just not consider marriage anymore because there is no one who comes up to my, as Papa says, excruciatingly high standards."
"And then your father almost died," her mother continues for her but she shakes her head.
"No. That is not it. Papa thought he was going to die and what he believed to be is his last words was to tell you that he had loved you very very much. It may sound vain but I want that, I want exactly that kind of love."
Her mother looks back at her father now and she seems to be lost to her own thoughts and Mary wonders if her mother even heard her at all when she turns back to her.
"I am going to give you one piece of advice. I know you have never followed my advice concerning marriage but I am giving it to you all the same. Don't just look for love among the people you consider your equals. You always judge by status and wealth. Look for love everywhere. If you want to marry a man who is your equal you don't need someone who is as rich as you and has a title. You need to find someone who is as intelligent as you and is able to love Downton the way you do."
She doesn't reply because she doesn't know what to say. She isn't sure whether her mother is trying to play the matchmaker but she really can't imagine her mother to be doing that. Surely not and she won't take her mother's advice in any case. She can't marry down.
She realizes then that her mother has taken of all her jewelry. The tiara and necklace and whatever else she was wearing is gone. She supposes that Baxter took them home. Her mother's hair is falling apart, there are lose strings everywhere, some of them tucked behind her ear, some of them hanging down her back. She has also changed, she is wearing a very simple skirt and blouse at least three years out of fashion that don't match. Mary supposes that Baxter went for practicability rather than style, something her mother surely would have wanted her to do. Her father is of course wearing a hospital gown and if someone who did not know her parents were to look at them now he would never know that he was looking at the Earl and Countess of Grantham. All there is to see is a middle-aged woman sitting at her middle-aged husband's bedside, unwilling to leave the love of her life alone. Mary looks at her parents' joined hands then and sees that her mother has in fact not taken off all of her jewelry but that she is still wearing her engagement and wedding rings.
"If I told you to go home and rest, you would refuse, wouldn't you?" she asks her mother who answers without looking at her.
"I would refuse. I can't go home, not until your Papa has woken up again and I have been to talk to him again. But that does not mean that your company is unwelcome."
So she stays and watches her parents and realizes that although she had it all with Matthew, that Matthew and she would have been like her parents, she has learned quite a lot about love in the last twelve hours.