Fandom Journals: Loki, Part One
•••••
As I have little better to do, I've elected to adopt the Midgardian custom of keeping a journal. I doubt I'll have anything much of interest to say, but at the very least, this shall provide a chronicle of my life for posterity.
Not that I expect, mind you, to be dying anytime soon. While I have nothing really to live for, dying will most likely be painful. For some reason, when it comes to death, I am surprisingly averse to inflicting pain on myself. A marked change from the norm.
Perhaps I want my final moments to be happy ones...
I have a feeling that's too much to ask.
Ah, well--a god can dream, can't he?
And anyway, the past two times I've "died", things got out of hand without me. Thor and his brutish, impulsive, self-centered, and often simply idiotic ways have a way of, shall we say, ruining everything. He doesn't always act so rashly, but I can't even count how many times I've had to step in and save his rear. If not for my vigilance, he would have died several times over!
Let's be honest; he needs someone to keep him in check. His idea of fun generally involves someone dying--it's not intentional, usually, but the whole concept of collateral damage just doesn't occur to him. A "true warrior" if I ever saw one.
...Upon rereading the previous few paragraphs, I was struck that many of my comments about Thor are true of me as well. Interesting.
Well--we are brothers, after all.
In some ways.
•••••
One learns new things every day!
I've just overheard--not accidentally--that there's been trouble in Midgard. What a surprise! Obviously, solely that is not what I'm so enthused about.
No, this time was special. The Avengers (I maintain that they could have done a much better job on the name, but that's beside the point) have gone above and beyond my highest hopes for them. I'm giddy--without my intermission, they split into two factions and nearly started a war! I didn't think they had it in them.
I also heard that the green behemoth who rather traumatized me on my last visit to Midgard has run off and become a fugitive. Very pleased with that as well. Less trouble the next time I decide to pop in.
Which, I hope, will not end with me in chains again. I must admit, I'm rather tired of that. Everyone's first reaction seems to be that I'm some kind of maniac who wants to destroy everything! They couldn't be more wrong. (Well, maybe they could...they are the Avengers, after all.) But anyway, if total destruction was my goal, I could certainly come up with more effective ways of achieving it. As is, destruction is simply an inevitable effect of conquest.
The heart of the matter is, the Avengers--and my brother--don't understand my motivation, and they don't want to. And, really, I hope they never do.
Because, if they knew...
They could ruin it all. Destroy everything.
I hope, at least, to spare them that.
•••••
What do Midgardians write in these things, anyway? Every time I open this book, it gets more difficult to think of something to scribble about.
Oh no--they don't write about feelings, do they? Ugh.
Why do people put such importance on feelings? Honestly, they should take a lesson from me. Emotions just get in the way. It's better to be unaffected: one can think much more logically.
And I happen to have actually experienced the benefits of this strategy.
But yet again, no one listens to Loki, because after all, I'm out to get everyone. No! That's not the case! If they would only give me a chance to show them, I could prove it. They prefer me imprisoned instead.
And as is now, I have to keep up the guise of being king. Not as myself, mind. I'm impersonating my father.
Kingship isn't as exciting as I thought it would be. Nor as interesting. In fact, it's rather anticlimactic...
Would I say I regret it? No, as it was thrilling to pull off such a well-executed scheme. It's only that I wish the reward I received for my efforts was more of what I thought it would be.
What I dreamed of as a boy.
But you see, I really ought to have known...
Dreams always die.
Ah, now I see how the Midgardians do it! I've fallen into their trap. Somehow, when one starts writing, one's feelings end up on the page. How dangerous!
...I'm rather impressed.