Author's Note: This story is based on the song "Easy Silence" by the amazing Dixie Chicks. I highly recommend you listen to it before reading :)
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not mine.
She didn't want to think. She didn't want to breathe. Her heart had felt like it had stopped beating. Remus. How could Sirius think that sweet Remus was the spy?
"Sirius, how could you!? It's not event thinkable," she pleaded as she followed him into the living room of her James' London flat.
"I find it just as hard to believe as you do Lils, but I can't and won't ignore the facts. We almost died today, and Remus has been acting shady about this mission all week," he reasoned as grabbed the bottle of dittany off their coffee table left there from last night's injuries.
"Yeah, because it was dangerous you idiot! Not because he's the bloody spy!" she screamed.
"Whatever, we'll talk to Dumbledore about it later to see what he thinks, but you're bleeding. Here, let me—"
"No," she interrupted. "I don't want to do this right now. I can't think. I can't—" she started hyperventilating.
"Lils? Breathe love," Sirius cautioned as he carefully helped her sit on the couch. She then put her head in hands and started to slowly breathe. Sirius rubbed her back soothingly as it rose and fell with each breath she took.
"Just leave Padfoot. I'm fine. I don't want to be around anyone right now," she croaked.
Sirius knew these last few weeks had been especially hard for Lily. She had been really sick with some sort of stomach bug last week. Her sister had announced her pregnancy, and when Lily congratulated her, Petunia told her she didn't want Lily to have anything to do with the baby. Worst of all, James has been off on a mission for Dumbledore for the last few days, and they don't know when he'll back yet.
"Okay Lils, but please, send a patronus to me or Pete if you need anything, promise me," he begged as he bent down to try and make eye contact with her through the curtain of red hair covering her face.
Lily only nodded in response for fear that if she spoke, she would scream at him for leaving Remus out of that sentence. She then felt his lips place a gentle kiss on the back of her head before he started towards the door.
As soon as she heard the door close, she let the sobs she had been holding in break. She didn't even know what exactly she was crying for at this point. Her mind was too full to comprehend her thoughts any longer—so she just cried.
At an order meeting a few days later, Lily just sat quietly as everyone screamed at each other.
"That's idiotic Fenwick. Why the fuck would they target the McKinnons next? We all know that the Bones' are their biggest threat. They're the ones that need the extra protection!" screeched Dorcas.
"Hey now! Usually I would agree, but Marlene is away with James on that mission. So her family is more vulnerable, and you can bet your arse at least deatheater or two knows that!" bellowed Gideon.
Lily's head was pounding at this point. She could see Alice across the room appearing to ignore all the arguing too. Her eyes were glued to a random spot on the table as she was leaned back against the back of her chair with her hands caressing her stomach.
"Enough."
Everyone's heads, including Alice and Lily's, turned toward the headmaster.
"I do not care for this shouting right now, and I need to go back to Hogwarts in ten minutes. So Alastor, would you mind adding in your input?"
Moody's gave a gruff nod toward Dumbledore and then stated, "all right, we don't have the answers we need right now—"
"Like answers would be any bloody help right now. Answers only end up making more questions at this point," Sirius interrupted.
"Lose the attitude Black. Anyway, as I was saying, we don't have any answers as to which family the deatheaters are planning to execute this week, but thanks to James and Marlene's quick work on their mission, they should be back within the next day. So both families need only be protected for tonight. Then once Marlene's back, we'll only need to worry about the Bones'…for now," assured Moody.
Lily's heart soared at those words. James was coming home soon. She made eye contact with Sirius who was across the room from her to share a small smile with him. She didn't know what to believe or which families the deatheaters wanted to crucify, but she could believe in James coming back home to her. So she just needed to hold on to that for now.
It had been three nights, and James and Marlene still weren't back yet. However, for the first time in a week, James' safety was not the only thing paralyzing Lily's mind at this moment. She was sitting on the bathroom floor cross-legged staring at a plus sign on a stick she just peed on.
A baby? She panicked. We can't have a baby right now!
She needed to talk to someone, but she refused to let anyone know before James. So she got up from the bathroom floor and started to pace the wand in her hand shooting sparks every now and then that she didn't notice. She paced throughout the entire flat engaging in an inner monologue with herself.
She'd reasoned that she and James wanted this, and even though it was soon, they knew a child would be in their arms eventually. But the war. She and James had to grow up during a war, and she did not want her baby to lose their youth sooner than it should've like it happened with them. She was hoping to do this at a time when she could raise her child freely and happily.
The best part of this though also happened to be the worst part—having this baby meant that not only now did she have James to lose, but a child too, her child.
All she could stand to do right now was continue pacing. So pace she did.
James was exhausted as he dragged his feet towards the door of his and Lily's flat.
He and Marlene had just left Hogwarts after briefing Dumbledore on how their mission went, and now all he wanted to do was snuggle up next to his wife in bed, and sleep for the rest of the year.
After opening the door, the first thing he saw was Lily sprawled across the sofa fast asleep. If there was anything that could have put a smile on his face after one of the worst and most gruesome weeks of his life, it was this image of Lily.
He shucked off his dirty jacket and shoes and padded his way over to her. He knelt down beside her, to place a careful kiss on her lips so as to not wake her, and when her nose crinkled a little in her sleep in response to his kiss, he let out a soft chuckle.
That's when he put his wand on the ground beside him, gently placed one arm beneath her knees and the other beneath her shoulder blades, slowly lifted her up, walked her to their room to delicately placed her on their bed underneath the covers. He then tossed his shirt on the floor to get in the bed with her, spooning her from behind. He took a moment to savor the feeling of having his wife back in his arms after a week of being away from her. He buried his face in the back of her neck, breathing in her scent and placed his arm over her waist to come to a rest on her stomach. Then, he was out like a light.
Lily woke up to the rhythm of familiar a heartbeat beneath her cheek and the warm homey scent of her husband filling her nose.
"James?" she asked not quite believing her senses.
James, who was still asleep, began to stir, "Mmmm Lils," he mumbled.
Lily's eyes opened to the sight of the warm colored skin that was James's chest. She then slowly turned her head to look up at the face she had been longing to see this past week and let out the biggest grin when she saw him smiling sleepily back at her.
"Hey love," he beamed behind his glasses that he forgot to take off again.
"Hi," she grinned as she proceeded to get up more so she could lie herself on top of him between his legs.
"How are you?" he asked lifting his head up to kiss her.
"Good now that you're here," she breathed between kisses, "what about you?" she asked kissing him once more.
"Same," he grinned back, brushing her hair from her face to get a better look at her. "You look tired though," he frowned.
"Yeah, but I'm okay," she claimed as she rested her head against his chest again, and he began to run his fingers through her hair. Lily knew that James knows something is up, but she also knew that he knows it's okay for her to not have anything left to say right now in this peaceful quiet.
Lily would tell James the news later that night, but right now, she just wanted to bask in this easy silence James always seems to make for her. The rest of the world can remain at bay for the time being.
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