Authors Notes: This is the first time I have ever had the guts to write something like this.
I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT or ITS CHARACTERS.
Please please please feel free to review this chapter.
Who is this girl staring back at me in the mirror, hair in a sloppy bun, dark circles around my crust filled eyes, as I move my fingers to my lips they feel dry, dead, lifeless. Who is this girl? I can't let myself fall into a depression every time Edward and I have a fight sigh I turn on the sink and run my tooth brush under, for a second I allow my eye lids to fall and I see him, his bronze hair, beautifully sculpted face, golden brown eyes, and his lips oh those lips. The last time we were together it was here in my bedroom. I was stressed about finals, college applications and how I was going to pay for it all. Since Charlie doesn't really make much money and Renee well, Phil still hadn't made it up to the majors and until then money was extremely tight. With my head buried in my physics book I tried to fight this horrible feeling, the burden I'm putting on my parents for choosing to apply at Ivy League colleges. With the pressure of my imminent future clouding my mind I closed my books and rested my head on them. I guess if I got a summer job, took out loans and got a job on campus I could do it all on my own, I started to look for my calculator to run the numbers again when a cool breeze from my open window sent my homework soaring through the air landing in a scattered pile on the floor. He's here. I looked up at his beautiful face and smiled, Edward was exactly what I needed right now. "You ok Bella?" he asked, his voice sending little shivers down my body. I nodded allowing him to believe that everything was ok hoping he wouldn't press the subject any further, I slowly sat up and made my way to the edge of my bed I kicked my feet over the edge and watched them dangle, damn I need a pedicure, maybe Alice and I could plan a much needed girls day. From the corner of my eyes I saw as he made his way over to me. He was standing inches away, his scent was intoxicating, I wrapped my arms around his waist and gave him a squeeze. My head rested against the front of his jeans and I could feel his penis twitch. I blushed at the thought that I, Bella Swan could have this kind of effect on HIM. I brushed my cheek against him feeling it twitch again and I swear I could hear a low growl come from the back of his throat. I looked up at him, my chin resting against his growing penis. He was staring down at me, lips shut tight into a line, his honey colored eyes grew dark and I knew exactly what I was doing to him. A devilish grin stretched across my face. "Bella, quit with the distractions, are you ok?" Damn you Edward can't you just shut up and fucking enjoy this "I don't want to talk about it I just want to be here with you right now, if that is ok?" I said in a near whisper. I brought my fingers to the front of his jeans not once breaking eye contact I slid the button though the hole and unzipped his pants. I wanted to see it I wanted to see what my little touches could do to him. I pushed his jeans down and he began to push away. "Don't Bella I can't you know I can't what if I lose control I don't want to hurt you" I rolled my eyes and whispered back between placing soft kisses above his boxers
"My. Kiss, kiss, kiss
Room. Kiss, kiss
My. I run my tongue around his belly button
Rules.
Kiss, kiss, kiss
Don't like it." Oh man I am gonna regret saying this "Leave."
After a minute I felt his body relax and he took a step closer to me. I couldn't help but smirk this is going to happen. Shit Bella stop and focus. I had never done this before he's never let me cross this line, but today in intend on taking him as far as he will let me. I slid my index finger between his hard cool skin and his silk boxers. I slowly slid them down. As soon as his boxers were past his cock it sprang out and bounced a few times. It was hard and ready for me, ME. I wrapped one arm around his thigh and the other around his girth. I chewed on my bottom lip for a second as I held him in my grasp he was soft, I ran my finger around the head, it was so smooth. I stuck out my tongue and licked it; I loved the way it glided over my tongue. I peeked up at him, his head was thrown back his eyes were shut tight and his mouth was still tightly closed. Was he enjoying this, because that was not the look I imagined he'd have? After a few laps of wrapping my tongue around the tip of his dick I slowly took all of him into my mouth. I shut my eyes and focused on not gagging. When he reached the back of my throat I put each hand on his hips and started pulling him out of me braising his dick with my teeth on the way out. "Oh Bella your teeth, god bite down a little harder" he grunted out between growls. He grabbed a fist full of my hair and the pace started to get quicker and I struggled to control my breathing, he was shoving himself deep into the back of my throat, faster, faster, harder, deeper, my eyes widen and I try and relax my throat I want to please him. He whispers something to himself, I look up at him and his face is relaxed there is even a hint of his beautiful crooked smile. Well, shit I guess I am doing something right. I felt his penis beginning to twitch, before I could figure what was going on he pulled out of my mouth. He laid me on my back, took his shirt off and was right back on top of me within a second. He planted a trail of soft kisses from my forehead down my neck where he skimmed his teeth up and down over my vein, my whole body tightened, do it Edward please do it turn me. He flashed me one of his signature obnoxious grins as he continued to plant kisses over my collar bone, he pushed my tank top up to my neck where I quickly pushed it past my head and tossed it on the floor. He was swirling his tongue around my nipples, his cool breath making them hard. He nibbled on the right one while pinching the left one. I could feel my knees starting to shake, what the hell is going on, this was so fucking erotic, my eyes role to the back of my head as he bit on my nipple and ran his tongue over the top. "Fuck Bella your tits taste so good I can only imagine how this will taste" His hand cupping my pulsating vagina. Dammit Bella for a brief second I wished I hadn't been wearing Charlie's old sweats. His glorious tongue made its way to my belly while his hand moved from my vagina to the band of my sweat pants he pushed them down and left me in my panties. He sat over me admiring my body while I did the same to his. Oh Edward my beautiful Edward. His hair, eyes, mouth, chest, arms, hips and his dick, still hard and moist from my mouth, oh I wanted it; I wanted it to fill every inch of me. Just the thought alone got me wet. I must have been deep in my thought because I didn't notice his expression change.
"Bella, I, I can't. I want to but, I… you know I can't. You know I can't let this go any further" he said his eyes looked full of remorse "What? Seriously Edward, right now you decide to allow your conscience to make decisions for you" now I'm pissed off. "Bella how do you know I won't tear you apart? How do you know I won't lose control how do you know I won't kill you?" I see the sadness in his eyes, the guilt a vampire and humans having sex its unnatural. "Bella, I swore I would never hurt you again. I couldn't live with myself if... I want this, I want you, I really do but, not now Bella, I'm sorry" He flew off of me and started pulling his boxers up before he even finished his sentence. I was losing him I knew he was disgusted with himself for letting it go so far. I didn't know what else to do so I stood up and took my shirt off and threw it on my bed. He looked over at me disappointed but I had his attention. I slid my thumb through the straps of my panties and let them fall to the floor. I took my ponytail out and let my hair long brown hair fall past my shoulders. I stood there naked staring straight into his eyes. "Edward, I want you all of you in every single way." I walked up to him, grabbed his hand and placed it on my breast and the other on my ass. I felt him tighten his grip on both. He slid my nipple between his fingers and tugged on it. My whole body felt warm. I placed my hands on his chest and took a deep breath, here goes nothing. "I love you and I know you love me, we can go as slow as you want until you are comfortable but this is going to happen. You are going to make love to me" He was staring into my eyes and I heard it again, a low growl from the back of his throat. I remove my hands from his chest and wrap them around his head grabbing a fist full of his hair, I string a line of kisses up his neck and I whisper into his ear after sucking on his ear lobe. "Take me Edward and I…" all of a sudden it felt like I was flying through the air. He tossed me onto my bed. I sit up on my elbows and spread my knees apart. I could feel the cool air hitting my hot wet vagina. Oh my word that felt so damn good. He was moving across the bed on his knees, he was so close I could feel his hard dick against the inside of my thigh. He grabbed my wrists and put them over my head. I was trying to process everything that was happening I shut my eyes and let my eyeballs role to the back of my head. It felt like my heart was fixing to leap out of my chest. My nipples were firm under the coolness of his body. He kissed me long and passionately his tongue tasting every part of my mouth, my arms still being held captive above my head I felt Edward move closer to me and then I felt it, his penis was sitting waiting to enter me. The soft head of his dick teasing my aching soaking wet lips. I try thrusting my hips at him but I can't move. I am centimeters from having the only man I have ever loved and lusted over inside of me. "Is this what you want? You want me to fuck you Bella?
"Yes, please" I quietly moan
"If that's what you want then I'll fuck you baby?" I wrapped my legs around his waist the tip of his penis still teasing my lips. "Then will you marry me? If I fuck you will you marry me?"
I opened my eyes and he is still on top of me, shit this again, why Edward why can't you just drop it. Look how fucked up Charlie and Renee are married at 17 pregnant at 18 and divorced at 20. That's not what I want. Not yet. He let go of my arms and I felt the blood rush back into my fingers.
Geez, talk about a mood kill "Edward I told you I would marry you after you changed me, after I finished college. What's the rush?"
"You love me don't you?"
Well, that's a stupid question I role my eyes " Yes I love you but that doesn't mean we have to go out right now and get married just to prove it"
"Then why is it so important that I make love to you. I love you, you know that I love you so much I want to marry you, shit I've been waiting a century to marry you, and I'm even willing to change you into a vampire Bella just so we can be together until the end of time that is how much I love you… Now I'm starting to feel stupid … I don't think having sex will prove it anymore or any less"
Frustrated I close my eyes and a single tear manages to escape I feel his body shift off of me, I sit up and he hands me an old quilt, my grandmother made me, and I wrap it around my naked body. I wipe the single tear off my cheek. "Baby don't cry please don't cry. I just…" I cut him off before he could finish "YOU JUST WHAT EDWARD? Don't want to hurt me, rip me limb from limb WHAT? This is the only thing I want to experience as a human, I want to lose my VIRGINITY as a human, I want to know what it's like and you can't even give me that. Is that too selfish? I will marry you I will spend eternity with you Edward I just want this one thing that is all." But, the more I spoke the more selfish I did sound. Oh man what am I doing? Fighting with the man I love more than anything in this world over sex? SEX… Geez Bella, really? I look up from my thoughts and he's standing by my window. "Look I'm going hunting with the family this week, the forecast is calling for sunny skies so we won't be around. You should use this time to think about what you really want, what's important to you. I love you" And just like that he was gone.
"BELLA" Charlie yelled from outside the bathroom door "Bells you ok in there kid?" Shit I jumped and dropped my tooth brush. Tear stains running down my face. "Uh yeah, yeah I'm ok just uh I'll be out in a sec." I squeeze toothpaste on my toothbrush, turned off the water and shoved the brush in my mouth. I can hear Charlie standing outside the door "Hey uh Bells, I'm heading out a little early this morning. You gonna be ok?" I can't help but smile, I yank the toothbrush out of my mouth, spit the excess tooth paste out and open the door. He standing there with a look of concern on his face "Geez dad I'm gonna be fine just gonna finish up some homework then maybe hang out with Alice or something. Even thinking of cooking my famous fried chicken tonight" His face was still stern he pressed his forehead into his hand "Ok Bella but you know the rules I don't want that Cullen boy in the house while I'm gone" He looks up at me with a weak half smile. "Got it dad no fornicating while you're gone!" "FOR CHRIST SAKE ISABEL…" I laugh and shut the bathroom door before he can say anything else. I hear him mumble a few more things and then I hear the front door shut. I glanced back into the mirror and finish brushing my teeth? I know who this girl is and I know exactly what she wants and how to get it.