Oh great. Here I go. Another day, another school. The Degrassi sign was on a constant stare-down with me. Cute guy at two o'clock. Well, for sure I'm going to get in his pants.

Oh yeah, I think I should tell you about myself. I'm Amanda Hope McDonald.

And, everyone I love…die or get taken away. You see these examples.

#1: My mother got taken to jail when I was merely 9 months old for multiple accusations of DUI's, drug abuse, drug dealing, domestic violence, so on and so forth. I see her on my birthday for 20 minutes. We have no idea when she's going to get out of that hell house.

#2: After my mom went to jail, my dad got a new wife; Callie. Along with Callie came her younger brother; Ethan. Callie took care of me more than my father could. She'd brush my hair, cook me supper, read magazines with me, and take me shopping. I actually started calling her mom after 3 months of her moving in. At this time, I was 12 years old. Ethan was 14. My brother Mark was 16, so he quickly befriended Ethan. About 4 months after they moved in, something awful happened. It was a rainy day and my father and Callie were on a date. Mark went to a friend's house, so that left Ethan and I alone. I made myself some Mac and cheese and watched a movie. Halfway through the movie, Ethan yelled and said that there was something cool in his room, and he wanted me to come and, "check it out" I walked down the hallway and took a right to his room. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary until Ethan locked the door. At that moment, I knew something was going to go wrong. He wrestled me on the bed, took off me clothes and raped me. Right after that I took a shower, and put my pajamas on and continued to watch the rest of my movie, as Ethan told me to. At that moment, Mark came home because his friend got the flu, and he didn't want to catch it. Right when I saw Mark's foot, I ran up to him, hugged him, and started crying. Eventually, I told Mark, and my dad, and Callie. Callie was so shocked with the news, she jumped off a bridge. It seems all dramatic, but it was true. She couldn't handle that her own brother that she helped raised had caused me so much harm. My father quickly banished Ethan from ever coming back. Mark always said he thought it was his fault for going to his friend's house that night.

#3: About a year and a half after all of that, I got a new kid in my class. Name: Dylan. He was "super cute" and I had to have him. When I finally got him, we decided that we wanted to have sex. At first, the idea scared me shitless. But after knowing him for a while, I trusted him. I'm not going to say that everything was perfect that time, because it wasn't. Although, if you compare it to my first time, it was way better than anything I've ever experienced. We did it about 3 more times, and then the big shocker came along. I was pregnant. I didn't tell my father. I told Mark. Mark looked so scared. He knew my father would go nuts if he knew. You see, because he got abusive and non-sober after Callie died. It sounds weird enough, but I loved the little thing inside of me. I had someone to care about. And I had someone to love. 5 months into my pregnancy, it turned for the worst. I woke up to pee in the middle of the night, and it was all blood. I woke up Mark, and he drove me to the hospital, while I sat on towels so I didn't bleed on his seat. I'll save all the gory details and just say that I had a miscarriage.

#4: On my and Dylan's 1st year anniversary; we were going to a movie. His mom insisted on driving him, but I had my job, so we had to drive in separate cars. I waited at the movie theater…and waited…and waited. He never showed up. I called his phone about 80 times. No answer. After waiting at the theater for 2 hours, I went home. Then at 9:27pm, I got a call from an unknown number. I answered, and it was Dylan's aunt. Dylan was in a car accident and died from the impact of a truck slamming into the passenger side of his mom's car. In the car, they found a box. In that box came a ring. One that said, "I promise" Obviously, it was a promise ring. They also found a paper that said, "Amanda, I promise to you my love for the rest of my life." On his hand was also, a promise ring. To this day, I never take that ring off.

#5: When I was 16, Mark was almost 20 and still living at home because he thought college was a waste of time. One night Mark brought home a girl. Her name: Faith. She was beautiful. She cared for me. When she moved in with Mark, I couldn't be happier. She was the only mother figure I had in about 4 years. One night, they went out and drank. Now, the hostess of this party decided to have a rock throwing contest in their pond. Now, you may be thinking, "oh yeah, Faith is going to die because someone hit her with a rock" Not even close. A once close friend of mine in 5th grade, Simon, was at that party. Drunk as drunk can be, and he had a gun. Fully loaded. He thought it would be funny to shoot the people that threw a rock. Mark threw the first one, and like that, my brother was gone. Faith reportedly screamed, and Simon thought she was way too loud, and shot her too.

In four years, I got raped, my loving step-mother died, my baby died, my boyfriend died, my brother died, and his girlfriend died.

My father is never sober. I repeat, never. My father turned to alcohol for his troubles. I turned to sex. Recently, we moved because I got in a fight with this girl at my school because she made a snarky remark about me.

Degrassi is this new place.

I'm not scared.

I haven't been scared since I stopped loving people.