Finding What's Real

Chapter 1

Pairing: Jane/Maura
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles do not belong to me.

A/N: This is a different take on the Jane-Hoyt story and how Jane and Maura meet. I think it's a little different than what I normally do, but I had this idea and wanted to see how it played out. There will be a few chapters, probably on the shorter side.

Hoyt is playing games with Jane's head in this story, so if that's not your thing, don't read on.

Jane sat on the red and white checkered blanket that was spread out over the grass underneath a large maple tree. There was no one else around, other the man slowly walking toward her carrying a picnic basket. She couldn't see his face yet, but she felt unmistakably happy that he was coming.

Jane looked down. She was barefoot and wearing a white sundress with a yellow pattern. She raised her hand to her exposed neck. Her long hair was pinned up in a bun.

A shadow crossed over the blanked as the man arrived and said, "Hello, Jane."

"Charles, you made it," Jane heard herself say.

"I'll always find you, Jane."

The man started taking food out of the picnic basket and laying it on the blanket. He turned towards Jane and smiled.

A vision flashed through Jane's mind of this same man's face hovering over her and sneering. She looked down at her dress and the blanket again and said, "This isn't right."

The man, who her brain kept telling her was called Charles, said sweetly,"What's wrong, dear?"

Jane shook her head. "I shouldn't be here."

"I promised you a picnic in the park, remember?" he said, his impatience starting to show.

Jane tried to stand up but couldn't move from her spot on the blanket. "This is all wrong," she said angrily. "I know who you are. This can't be happening. I wouldn't be here, wherever this is, with you."

"Damnit, Jane!" The man yelled. "You're mine. Why won't you get that through your head?"

Jane's eyes shot open. She tried to sit up but someone was holding her down. The loud beeping, the smell of disinfectant hitting her nose, and the team of people rushing around her, all reminded Jane that she was in the hospital.

A voice to her right said, "Pulse is 155. 170 systolic."

There was more conversation, words Jane couldn't quite understand. She tried to say something as one of the nurses started fiddling with her IV and she realized that they were giving her more medication, but before she could manage to talk, she felt the drugs pulling her under again.

The next time Jane woke up she wasn't disoriented, but there was a stranger sitting in her room. "Who are you?" she asked, her voice even raspier than usual.

"Hello, Detective Rizzoli. I'm Dr. Maura Isles."

"Are you a shrink?"

"No. I'm a pathologist."

"Do pathologists usually check on patients?

"No, they don't and you aren't my patient. I'm the new Chief Medical Examiner of Massachusetts."

"Oh, right," Jane said slowly, a memory from a few weeks ago surfacing. "I remember getting a memo or something. You just started right?"

"Yes, last week."

"What are you doing here? In case you haven't noticed, I'm still alive."

"Oh, um-" Maura fumbled.

"Sorry. That was a terrible joke."

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have surprised you like this," Maura said, standing and smoothing out her skirt nervously.

"Stop, please, it's fine. The only people who visit me are my mother, who just cries the whole time, and my brothers, who don't know what to do or say. You must have come here for a reason, and if not, the least you can do is entertain me."

Maura sat back down, smiling self-consciously. "I did want to talk to you about something related to, well, why you're here."

"Okay."

"Has anyone told you there was lysergic acid diethylamide, commonly known as LSD, in your system when you were brought to the hospital?"

Jane shook her head. "No. No one has told me much of anything so far actually, or I can't remember if they have. They've got me on a bunch of pain meds."

"I'm curious about what the purpose of the LSD was. Your attacker…"

"Charles Hoyt," Jane said flatly. "You can say his name."

Maura continued, "I'm curious why he used the drug on you. It wasn't found in any of his other victims."

"How do you know that?"

"I've reviewed the autopsy reports on all of Charles Hoyt's victims. I would like your permission to review your full medical record as well."

"Why?"

"First and foremost, I want to make sure you're getting the best medical care possible."

Jane waved her heavily bandaged hands. "I think they've got me covered there."

Maura nodded. "I have great confidence in your surgical team, although I'd still like to read their notes, just to be sure. I'm actually more concerned with your psychological well-being."

Jane made a disbelieving face. "What exactly are you worried about?"

"I wasn't in the medical examiner's office, as you are well aware, for all of the previous cases that are believed to be tied to Hoyt. I've looked at the autopsy reports, but I don't know the full history. I want to know if he changed his routine with you or if something was missed in his other victims."

"Please stop referring to me as one of his victims," Jane interjected. "I was tracking him down. I-" she sighed heavily before continuing. "I'm not entirely sure what happened, how he got the drop on me, but just…I'm not a victim."

"I'm-" Maura shook her head. "Of course. I'm looking at these details because if a mistake was made by anyone in the Medical Examiner's office that allowed Hoyt to continue attacking people, I intend to make sure those problems are corrected and that people are held accountable." She took a deep breath and continued, "You were gone for almost forty-eight hours. Do you remember anything?"

"Not really. Not until the end, after he-" Jane trailed off, raising her hands limply.

"I had a tox screen performed when you first arrived at the hospital as part of the investigation. Hoyt gave you a sedative called propofol, which is often used during medical procedures. You would have been unaware of anything happening while under the influence of propofol. It probably affected your memory of that time and could potentially have affected memories before and after the administration of the drug. Combined with the LSD…well...I don't like to speculate."

"What are you thinking?" Jane pressed.

"LSD is typically known for causing altered perceptions of reality and hallucinations. The effects can be varied, causing feelings ranging from extreme euphoria to panic attacks and paranoia. I have no idea how much you were given. I want you to be aware that it is possible you could still experience hallucinations, panic attacks, or other symptoms even though the drug isn't in your system anymore."

"You're thinking about something else though, aren't you?"

Reluctantly, Maura continued, "The CIA, and others, conducted experiments, trying to use LSD for mind control. My hypothesis, although I really want to stress that this is only a hypothesis, is that Hoyt's combination of LSD and propofol was a crude attempt at mind control, or altering not just your perception, but your understanding of reality."

Jane took a long time before responding, "Yeah, fine, you can look at whatever medical records you want."

"Have you experienced anything in the past few days-"

"No," Jane said, cutting Maura off. "But there's something you can do for me too while you're looking at my records. Find out what drugs they've got me on in here and figure out how to get me off of them as quickly as possible."

Maura nodded in agreement. "I should go and let you rest. I'll let you know what I find after reviewing your records."

Maura moved to leave but turned back when Jane said, "Dr. Isles?"

"Please, call me Maura."

"Why are you really doing all of this?"

"For the reasons I already told you." Maura came to stand at the side of Jane's bed. "I have heard a lot about you already," she said with a smile. "Separate from this case, I mean. When I first met with Lieutenant Cavanaugh he gave me a synopsis of all of the homicide detectives. He said you would be, well, the phrase he used was 'a pain in my ass.' He said that was because you expect a lot out of the people you work with and you have very high standards. I told him that I highly doubted you had higher standards than mine."

Jane laughed a little at that.

Maura cautiously reached out and rested a hand on Jane's forearm, just above where the bandages covering Jane's hands stopped, and Jane was surprised at how comforting Maura's warm hand felt. "You risked your life to take down Hoyt. I don't know anything about what happened, only that you saved another woman's life, getting her free even after he captured you. I'm not risking anything being here. I'm trying to help in the only way I can. It is the very least I can do after everything you did."

"Everything I did was stupid. I should've waited for back-up, or at least checked in with my partner before going in alone."

"Why didn't you?" Maura asked.

"I couldn't wait, knowing he was holding someone captive and that she could be killed at any moment. If I had called it in, I would have been instructed to wait and I knew I wouldn't have followed those instructions."

"Would you do it the same way again?"

"Yes," Jane answered without having to think about it at all.

Maura gave a light squeeze to Jane's arm. "I'll see you again soon if that's okay with you?"

"Sure. That would be nice."