AN: Companion pice to Jim vs. Jimbo. Taryn Streambattle asked for one from Jim's pov on Silver. I think that it's got a lot more about Jim on himself than Silvers did, but Jim spent most of the movie figuring out who he was, and that would affect how he thinks about Silver, whereas Silver seems to know mostly who he is and thusly doesn't need to spend time thinking about it.
DO NOT OWN
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By Halves
The first time you see Silver, he's a silhouette and shouted orders. He's a burned home and a dead man, and all for an odd little sphere. You know you're good at screwing things up, but that's impressive, even by your standards. He's not so much a who, but a what; he's childhood stories brought to life, and he's sent you scrambling. There's not much after that that isn't about him, in half a sense.
The first time you meet Silver, he's half a man and a niggling sense of suspicion in the back of your mind. You realize a long time later that he's not half a man, you were just half blind and he was part way hiding.
He sends you away soon after you're specifically told to stay, but you hold no objections. Silver unnerves you, and whether it's your own recently found prejudice against cyborgs, or Silver himself you don't know; you're not particularly eager to find out. He saves you anyway; from the bug-thing Scroop.
Part of you is sure that Scroop wouldn't have killed you; not here in the middle of the deck. A much deeper part of you knows he would have. Silver twists his arm, takes Scroops' attention from you and once again Silver has turned you topsy-turvy. You can see a cruel glint in his eyes, a dark part of him that you think Captain Flint probably had too. It's a half thought that barely registers; you won't even remember it until it's too late to do anything about it.
When Silver yells at you he is angry and at least twice your size, but he's not the cold and calculating cyborg that dealt with Scroop. He is an angry man, and those don't frighten you; you're irritated, but not surprised that he doesn't let you explain yourself, and you're rather indignant that he feels you need to be kept under watch. "Morph? Keep an eye on this pup... and let me know if there be any more distractions."
After Silver leaves and before Morph starts 'talking' you wonder if the duality in Silver that you sense more than see is actually a result of him being a cyborg, or if that's what he always was. Perhaps it was the accident that made him require the cybernetics, rather than the parts themselves. Is Silver a coin, or two different halves of a broken man?
He talks to you about your father and your altercation with Scroop; asks if your father taught you better. One look at you, and he properly pegs your father as 'not the teaching sort'.
"No. He was more the taking off and never coming back sort."
Your head knows that your fathers leaving didn't have a thing to do with you, but your heart knows that you weren't enough to make him stay either. Doppler sees the same delinquent you are, and the one your father must have seen coming, he's here for your mother, not for you. And your mother, well, she said it herself she's at the end of her rope. Part of you, most of you, thinks she'll be better off if you don't come back.
Silver doesn't see that. Not yet. He takes you under his wing; he thought your father ought to have taught you these things. Does this mean he's taking the place of your father? Should you resent him for that? It doesn't really matter. Silver will see what everyone else sees soon enough; he'll leave too.
Your head knows that as well as your heart does. All of you knows not to get attached. Your head understands your self fulfilling prophecy; your heart doesn't know its what's causing it.
And then again, he throws you through a loop. You never knew something like covering someone with a coat could mean so much, but it does. Silver sees you, all of you; he sees whatever it was that no one else thinks is worth keeping, worth staying for. He's here anyways, he cares and he's staying, despite whatever it is that's wrong with you.
For the first time in a long time your head and your heart are in agreement; maybe you are worth something. You won't ruin this chance, won't give Silver a chance to focus on that bad part of you; and you don't. You are helpful, and if not happy then content, soon you're even forgetting that there's a part of you you're supposed to be hiding.
Arrows' death though, brings that reality crashing back. And as much as you feel guilty for his death, you're also terrified that this might be the motivation Silver needs to leave; because Silver sees all of you, but does he understand what he sees? Part of you thinks he has the right to; part of you is too terrified to tell him.
There's a chill that runs up your spine, that you don't think has anything to do with Arrows' death, but it's gone as soon as it's come. And you're almost sure that whatever it was, it wasn't aimed at you.
Silver finds you, he always does. Your mouth runs away with you, and you're not sure if it's your head or your heart talking, because they're all screwed up now, and both pulled too deep into your inferiority complex for you to really tell the difference. Part of you, whether your heart or your head thinks Silver ought to know, know all the reasons he shouldn't be comforting you, all the reasons that he should be leaving and the other part is screaming for you to shut your mouth because you don't think you can survive being left again and you're willing to drag him down with you. If he hasn't seen any reason to leave yet; you won't give him one.
In the end, you don't have to. "Now, you listen to me, James Hawkins. You got the makings of greatness in ya... but you gotta take the helm and chart your own course. Stick to it, no matter the squalls... and when the time comes you get the chance... to really test the cut of your sails... and show what you're made of, well, l hope I'm there... catching some of the light coming off ya that day."
It's the first hug you've had in years, and part of you enjoys it for all it's worth; the other part doesn't think you're worth the hug. For once, that's the smaller part.
And then before you know it, you're hiding in a mostly empty barrel of purps and your head and your heart have sorted themselves out. You're head is screaming 'liar, he's a liar' it knows Silver loves you, but you've always lead with your heart, and it knows that the cyborg did see you, all of you, and it understood that you weren't worth anything it had to give. It knows that the cyborg used you to protect Scroop from the repercussions of killing Arrow. Your heart is screaming 'run' and as always, you listen.
You've been shot today, right out of the air and you are worried about the Captain, but even she's sent you away. You're head knows you're being useful, your heart knows she doesn't want you around, knows she wants you lost and far away so that she can forget about you now that you're no longer useful. Just like Silver.
You don't know which part is the liar and which one isn't.
You meet an annoying, but useful robot and then the cyborg wants to talk. Your head wants to forgive him, it knows he was protecting both of you; your heart has decided to prove him wrong, him and everyone else. You'll do this your way, you'll win and then you won't be worthless anymore. And you won't need Sliver to tell you that. Silver doesn't exist anyways, just the cyborg.
As much as you act smug, as good as you are at it, you're shaking inside. You can't tell if it's fear of the cyborg, or out of the strain of the two conflicting parts of you, because as much as your heart is set on it's course of action your head just wants a hug.
Silver is angry, and you're confused, because the cyborg doesn't get angry it gets cruel. Silver the man gets angry, and your heart knows that Silver doesn't exist; your head knows that Silver was angry at Scroop when he lied for you in the galley.
Silver isn't there to save you the next time you run into Scroop; and it's the cyborg that's waiting to find you back in the cave, but it's Silver that saves you. Who gives up his dreams and all that gold, just for you, as though it's nothing.
"Just a lifelong obsession, Jim. I'll get over it."
Your head is ecstatic; your heart might be just a little bit in agreement.
It's that agreement, that synchronization of two very important parts of you that finally lets you do what needs to be done. That gives you an actual understanding; of how to get out of your predicament alive, and you do so in a rather spectacular manner, and of Silver.
Silver is a man, and he is flawed. There is no cyborg, just different parts of Silver, like there are different parts of you. As you say your goodbyes to him you think that maybe he might be whole now, because of you.
Much, much later, after you've graduated from the academy and you're looking up at the stars, at the clouds that look like Silver you realize that you've finally pulled yourself together; Silver showed you how.
And now you're done doing things by half.