Finding Out More

A/N: Many thanks for everyone's support with Finding Out. I know it was a tough read, but, tis what the fingers wanted and well I don't mess with the fingers...they are the boss. There isn't any Mallie sex in this fic, however it is still quite heavy. Thanks for reading. x

Continuation: This is a continuation from the one-shot Finding Out.

Summary: Arizona coping with Callie's earlier revelation and a startling new one

Even two weeks after Callie's revelation, Arizona was still in a state of shock; shock that her girlfriend would have slept with someone else while Arizona was still pining for her; but utter disbelief that she had gone back to men. No, the issue wasn't men in general but of one particular one...Mark. After everything that they had been through as a couple, Callie had to return to him...to him...she could have chosen any other man in Seattle, but it was Mark...it was always Mark or that's how it felt to Arizona.

Arizona had composed herself enough to return to work but she was hiding from a particular brunette. After Callie's last words...'return to Malawi' and the horrible mental images she had of them together, Arizona had fled without another word to Callie, hadn't even stolen a backward glance at the brunette she loved with such fervour and passion and whose hope of a reconciliation with was the reason she had abandoned the poor sick children of Africa. Arizona had broken Callie; had left her heart empty and destitute at an airplane parking lot; and now Callie had enacted her revenge; four words had never had such an impact on the blonde's form.

Arizona had imagined their reunion; by now they would have whisked themselves away to a Spanish island to reacquaint themselves; making love morning, noon and night until they both ached from their expression of love. Arizona had yearned to feel the silkiness of Callie's skin against her own; wanted to feel Callie's touch again and to feel her breath on her; but instead Arizona had visions of Callie touching Mark...and those visions were driving Arizona to the brink of her sanity. When she closed her eyes, she saw them together; that horrific vision of her Calliope needing something that Arizona had willingly walked away from.

Arizona didn't sleep; instead she expended all her energy on helping the sick children of Seattle; many of whom had been neglected in her months away by the presiding, and now thankfully, ex-attending. Arizona stole minutes of sleep when exhaustion overwhelmed her, but her rest was fitful...Arizona knew she needed to speak to Callie again, but she wasn't sure if she could endure the heartbreak she felt that this talk would result in. Callie had moved on; that was apparent. Arizona still had hope; even now Arizona had hope that they would be reunited. Arizona had realised that not only did she want Calliope, but that she needed her...she needed her more than she had ever needed anyone before. Arizona wondered if this revelation of hers had come too late.

Arizona knew she loved Callie; that she still was in love with her; but now Arizona desperately wanted the ten kids and chickens and a house that the madman Mr. Clark could so easily have taken away. Arizona remembered being angry; a rage inside her upon realising that one man could have taken away everything that she didn't even know at the time she wanted; how a stranger could have such blatant disregard for human life, for love, for happiness and an ultimate disrespect to shoot at people who were there to help others in their time of need. But Arizona now realised that she and Mr. Clark were not so different after all. Mr. Clark had used a gun and bullets to inflict his pain; Arizona's weapon was her choice and use of words. Mr. Clark had left his victims for dead; Arizona had abandoned Callie at an airport after she had watched, and was an eager participant in, Callie ending her life in Seattle. Arizona had left Callie at an airport knowing that the life Callie was returning to was only a shadow of what it was previously. Mr. Clark did not have respect for human life, love, or happiness during his rampage through Seattle Grace; neither did Arizona as she spoke such cross, unkind and horribly damaging words to the woman that was the love of her life. And this epiphany haunted Arizona...Mr. Clark had showed Callie more compassion than Arizona herself had done.

Arizona slumped back in the uncomfortable couch in the Attendings lounge. The lack of sleep, constant work and the overwhelming thoughts and desires she was having about a certain beautiful Latina had taken its toll; the heely sneaks had not yet been unpacked, the spring in her gait was obviously missing and the infectious giggle that was present for her littlest of patients was slow to show itself. Arizona was Arizona minus the pretty pink bubble; she had shattered that herself and had nobody to blame but the reflection in the mirror.

Arizona feared that Callie and Mark's trysts or their coming together was not just a physical need for closeness but was much more than that. She feared that their sexual acts were not just lust but recognition that they loved each other more than just as friends; that their complicated relationship had moved from being just fuck friends but to soulmate and partner category. Mark had never abandoned Callie; Mark had always been there for Callie in dark and dreary times; Mark had picked up Callie when others had thrown her away. Mark was Callie's rock; her strength when she had none herself. Mark was everything that Arizona wanted to now be, and that irony shook Arizona to her core.

The door to the lounge sprung; Arizona jumped from the outburst and smiled as a tired yet still breathtakingly stunning Callie walked through the door. Callie paused when she saw her ex-girlfriend; they had played the game of hide and seek very well since their last meeting, yet while they could hide outwardly from each other, the feelings they had for each other were obvious to everyone. Callie's breath hitched as she gazed at Arizona; Arizona's appearance was dishevelled if Callie was being kind; if Callie was being honest, Arizona looked like death was going to be upon her sooner than later. The darkness under her eyes became a shadow for her face, the lightness in her blue eyes replaced by a haunting and the cheerfulness usually visible in all reaches of her face was gone.

'When did you last sleep?' asked Callie; the words surprised even her; she had remonstrated with herself that however much she was secretly glad Arizona was back in Seattle, this mess was Arizona's to unravel and Callie would not help her with this monumental task; she was unsure if she could ever trust Arizona again if she was honest. However, after a quick glance at the blonde attending, the sheer gravity of the situation became obvious to Callie; Arizona's appearance was shocking; she was heading for a fall if not a complete break-down; and maybe right now someone needed to help her.

Arizona looked at Callie struggling to comprehend even those simplest of words. 'It's been a while,' she admitted as her eyes bore holes in the Latina's own brown orbs; the look or stare was one of a pleading for the Latina to never look away; to not make the same mistake that Arizona had made months previously.

'Is it your dreams...', Callie started; uncertain of whether to continue or if she had the right anymore; Arizona's dreams were something she rarely talked about even when they were together; instead Callie would wrap Arizona in her arms; murmur a Spanish lullabye in her ear while the sobs abated and her breath returned to normal.

Arizona shook her head no; and then stopped; and then she shook her head yes; her eyes never leaving the Latina's as a bewildered look came across Callie's face. 'I have other dreams now...' Arizona spoke softly, 'of what you told me last time...' the last few words were barely audible; a whispered whisper from the blonde's mouth.

Callie was taken aback; a blush crept up her face as she remembered how she had, without any emotion or real concern, had told the love of her life that she had slept with Mark; that she had moved on in other words and how Arizona giving up Africa now was months too late to save them. A flash of anger moved into Callie's eyes; why she was feeling sorry for Arizona...the one who had abandoned her at an airport with a useless airplane ticket, nowhere to live, unemployed and alone. As Callie went to vent her frustrations, Arizona spoke ahead of her; keenly aware that if she did not speak first that she might not get any words in otherwise.

'Callie, I have no right to ask this of you...after everything I did to you...but I need to know...do you love him?'

The question caused Callie to physically pause; even her breathing stopped as she digested the words spoken from the woman she still loved. Could Arizona not see what her presence did to her; the tension in the air caused by two souls made for each other; ying and yang but forced apart by events out of their control? How after everything could Arizona doubt the love she had for her and that she could find a replacement in Mark?

Callie smirked; her eyes leaving Arizona's for a split second as she considered her words. Her eyes wandered up Arizona's tired face; her features expressing the melancholy that Arizona had not yet admitted to Callie. 'No, Arizona. I don't love Mark in the way you mean. He's with Lexie now. We were...' Their eyes met again; blue and brown; pink and black; perky and dark; pastel and edgy. 'Mark was..., Arizona. I'm sorry I told you like I did. He is back with Lexie. It was...' Again Callie paused. 'That is over.'

Callie tried to convey a confidence that she knew was missing in her words. She believed most of them, but one phrase wasn't entirely true. Nothing with Mark was truly over and this certainly wasn't; it was far from it. Callie knew that Arizona was in a fragile place right now; Arizona was just hanging on and although this was the same woman that had abandoned her months ago, Callie could not and would not force more angst on her than she could personally handle; and Arizona looked to be on the edge of what she could bare.

As Arizona's gaze pierced Callie in two, a rush of relief came over her when she realised that Callie was not in love with Mark; she still had a chance to win the love of her life back; but this feeling was quickly followed by a sense of foreboding; something was amiss. She had been with her Calliope for two years, she knew the subtleties that lay underneath words she spoke and she couldn't help but hear that something was not right with what Callie had chosen to utter...or not to say. The word Callie had not uttered... if she did not love Mark, he was now with Lexie and it was over, was mistake; why did Callie struggle with saying their union was a mistake?

The understanding swam over Arizona; 'No,' she muttered; before Callie could react Arizona broke their gaze and her body slumped into the sofa further; her arms hugging her knees into her body attempting to hide from this ugly truth; a reality that at this point was too much for Arizona to give credence to as she attempted to overpower the nausea sweeping through her body. If she could have run from the lounge, from the hospital and from Callie, Arizona would have, but she was incapable of any movement beyond this; it could not be true. 'No,' whispered Arizona to nobody in particular, but it was heard by Callie.

Callie silently cursed herself as she realised her secret was out; that Arizona knew her better than anybody else and had rumbled her secret within minutes of first seeing her. 'I'm sorry, Arizona. I haven't told anybody. Not even Mark. I only found out a few days ago.'

Arizona looked up at Callie. 'I know this is what you wanted, Callie. Congratulations. How far along...' Arizona couldn't finish the sentence; couldn't bring herself to say it out loud.

'4 weeks, Arizona. I'm 4 weeks pregnant.'