A/N: This is my first try at actually writing a fanfiction, so I decided to start with a one-shot. I originally wrote this years ago one night when I couldn't sleep, and now, after a lot of refining I've decided to post it.
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing except the idea and the writing. The character and the world aren't mine. Sadly.
Sorry
"Remus!" Sirius ran into the common room where Remus was sprawled across the couch directly in front of the fireplace. In the dim, flickering light of the fire, his injuries form last night's full moon were thrown into full contrast. But, even worse was the haggard look of betrayal spread over his features. He slowly sat up and turned away from Sirius to star out the window where the sun had scarcely risen over the mountains.
"Get the hell away from me," his voice was quiet but still full of fury.
"Remus, I'm sorry! I'm so so…"
"Get the hell away from me!" He turned away from the fire to get up off the couch and briefly catch Sirius' eye before stalking out the portrait hole, ignoring the fat lady's protests at the early hour.
"Remus, just wait! I need to talk to you, to explain!"
"Need to talk to me? Need to talk to me? You didn't need to talk to me before you told Snape about my being a werewolf!" He turned around to find Sirius' face only inches from his own. "You're unbelievable."
Sirius watched him turn around and continue running down the darkened hallway. "Remus, you need to listen to me. I didn't mean to! Stop running away from me!" Sirius caught up with him and grabbed his arm, forcing Remus to look at him. He lowered his voice. "I would never tell him, but I cracked."
"You cracked? You cracked and told my biggest secret that we had sworn to never tell anyone! What could have possibly happened?"
Sirius paused, breaking the eye contact that he and Remus held in order to look down at the floor. "I've never told anyone, not you, or James, or even Peter. It's our sixth year, and all this time I've never told you guys. I mean, you know that my family and I don't get along, but..." he trailed off as his voice cracked.
"Remus, my parents and I have abused me ever since I was a little kid. Ever since they realized that I wasn't like them. And it used to scare the shit out of me. But then I came here, and I had friends who were like me, Remus. And all of a sudden I wasn't seen an outcast. You're more of a family to me than my real family ever was. And I thought, I thought it would stop. I'd had such an amazing year, that I never thought my family would even be able to think of hurting me again. But, they did. And it was worse than I had ever imagined, and it's never stopped. Every year, I come back here and I fall back into thinking that it will all stop, but it never does.
"Then, last summer, she and I had the worst fight ever. She was screaming at me, telling me again that I wasn't good enough. But she went further this time. I could deal with the shouting, and the beatings and the pain Remus, but she wasn't going to let me come back. My own mother was going to hold me hostage and refuse to let me finish school, just so I couldn't be with you guys. She was going to hand me over to Voldemort.
"And all of a sudden I was attacking her, and I almost cracked Remus. I almost killed her because I was so mad. But then it was like you guys were there and you kept me from doing it. So I left, and I was on James' doorstep in only a matter of time. But I didn't even tell him Remus! I couldn't tell James why I was there, but I couldn't go back either.
"Then today, Snape followed me when you guys weren't there. And Regulus must have told him everything. He was egging me on Remus; he kept reminding me of my mum's plan for me after school. And then it was just like being back at home, and being told that the life I chose to live wasn't good enough. Except it was worse, and I was angry. And for one second, just one, I wanted him to suffer more than I ever had. In that one second, I forgot about all of us, and all the promises I'd made. In that one second, I betrayed you Remus. And I'm sorry. I'm sorrier than I've ever been. Ever."
Sirius finally looked up, and Remus realized that for the first time ever his friend was crying in front of him.
A/N: Please review. I never really understood why people wanted reviews so badly that they would beg until now. I really want to know what people think about this, and whether I should write some more stuff. I'll be the first to admit that I haven't always reviewed in the past, but ever since I've had the idea to post that's all changed. I always review now, unless my computer won't let me, which it sometimes does. So please review, I'd really appreciate it.
-fanficfanatic42