Yawning in Tokyo
Note and Disclaimer: Obviously, I still don't own M*A*S*H and its characters, plots and storylines (CBS and 20th Century Fox do) and have picked up its characters, as everybody else has done, and write aplenty, especially about Klinger lately. However, I am off with some of my storyline and there are some mentions of characters you might not know about. So, refer to "This Forsaken War" for more a few fairly good stories, if you want to. Thank you!
You know, I've been bored out of my mind ever since I've arrived here in Tokyo, especially since I've been confined to this room all alone mostly. And I'll tell you why! The Chief of Chiefs, Colonel Potter, has been watching me like a hawk ever since we've been here, winning that contest and all. We share a room together with separate beds, lucky me (with him reading all night, Zane Grey and everything). And, not to mention, I've been attached to this chain, hooked up to the wall, when we don't go anywhere together!
And who could blame our lovely colonel, babysitting me like this? I mean, things haven't been the greatest at the camp lately and it's enough to make me run away, too. I mean, Major Morrison died recently and his C.O. put on trial for treason and murder, amongst other things. Everybody's been low in spirits. And, I, your lovely clerk in disguise, have been humiliated once more.
Not to mention, the last time I was here in Tokyo, I was in a wedding dress and proposing to President Eisenhower. It doesn't reassure our own C.O. that I won't escape this time, seeing as how everyone's been horribly rotten lately.
But, I want to go home to Toledo, I really do! I mean, I've been buying makeup and some pretty kimonos when Colonel Potter and I have been out shopping, to start off a good plan. He hasn't said a word to me, but I can tell that he has an idea that I'm planning something…if he can prove it. Sending it all to my favorite little Soon Lee doesn't constitute me escaping.
Keeping some of it around the hotel room, though, will tell Colonel Potter that I am.
Anyway, there are some geishas out there, hitting Guam soon. Apparently, some of them wanted to travel and be pretty. There they are now, standing out my hotel and yelling for the men, soldiers mostly, asking them to come with them. They want the men to trek the world with them, see things that the Army wouldn't give them (like the pox). They want people like to me to join them, a circus of women who want to entertain and be exotic.
And, in the meantime, this hairy lady will make another escape, except to Toledo.
Well, I'm almost done, too! Colonel Potter isn't here and has been down drinking at the bar with some old friends of his (and said he'll be back just before dawn), so I've been alone and trying to undo the chain from my wrist, sweating in this geisha outfit (and the makeup) I'm wearing. And I bought a nail filer to do the trick, but it's taking me a while and I might not get out of here with my lady's clothes on in time.
Dammit!
The lamp gives me some light to work with, but it's the filing that's got to me the most. I mean, why did Colonel Potter tie me up like this? I would have been trustworthy enough. I would have stayed in the hotel room, all alone, bored and yawning…
Well, maybe not, but if he didn't tempt me so, I wouldn't be in this situation right now!
Finally! I am almost done and I am at the bottom of the link in the chain finally. It's almost midnight and Colonel Potter isn't back yet. I might have a chance at escaping and this time, I'll be in Toledo before –
Suddenly, a shadow darkens the only light I had and a sense of foreboding fills inside of me. I was caught and I knew it. Colonel Potter had come back early from the bar.
"Klinger, put the metal filer down and I'll forget about you trying to dress like a painted doll and taking off again."
"Yes, Sir." I dropped the file and saluted him, puffy sleeves, perfect nails, hairy knuckles and all.
"Oh, and Klinger?" Colonel Potter appeared a little tipsy as he stared with amusement at me, but he was as alert as ever before. "There's one more thing."
"Yes, Sir?" I dropped my hand, like it was a dead weight.
"Next time you want to dress like a woman, make sure you smell prettier." Colonel Potter put a hand to his nose, trying hard not to gag in front of me. "You smell like the last packages your mother sent you!"
I was insulted, to say the least (especially since the last package I received from Mom, I was pretending to be a spy and all). However, I could not say anything to cause harm to myself, lest I land back in the stockade once more. And being in there over Christmas and pretending to be home was a little too much for me!
"Of course, Sir," I only replied sweetly, smiling as I did. "What scent does the Colonel prefer for next time?"