So last night I felt like writing some SU stuff. This wasn't exactly what I originally had in mind but I'm extremely happy with the way it turned out. It's my first SU fic but I tried to fit the characters as best I could. Enjoy!
I leaned back against the wall of the barn. It had been a few days since Steven had left with the rest of the Crystal Gems, and Lapis hasn't said much to me. She recently started to spend a lot of her time staring at the stars through the hole in the side of the barn. I occasionally catch her with almost a wistful look in her eyes. I'm scared to approach her, and I don't exactly know where things lie between us. She still seems really cut up about everything that happened.
I can't exactly blame her. It must've been difficult, escaping a mirror only to be captured again. Only to be used again…
But it's not like that now. Jasper's not here, and I've changed. She may not think I do, but I care. I care about Steven; I care about the Crystal Gems.
I care about her.
I glanced back at her again. The soft moonlight clung to her face and followed the curves of her mouth and cheeks as she faintly smiled at the vast sea of dots in the dark sky.
I felt terrible for how I treated her. No one deserves to be used the way Jasper and I used her. It wasn't fair. A mission's a mission, but it never called for the treatment we showed Lapis. I wanted to apologize to her and show her that I've changed. But I didn't know how to approach her without Steven's help.
With a sigh, I pried my eyes off Lapis and let my back hit the wooden barn walls. I looked up at the rafters of the building, wondering if Lapis was ever going to use the TV that was on her side of the barn.
Steven insisted that the "separate sides of the barn" idea would work just fine, and drew a purple line along the floorboards, effectively splitting the barn into two halves. It worked... to a degree. A lot of the good materials and TV were on her side. I've been without Camp Pining Hearts for four days; I can't deal with this living hell. And since she broke my tape recorder, too, I've been especially bored. I've often opted for walks along the prairie surrounding the barn, but I've memorized every terrain feature within a half mile radius already, so it hasn't been as exciting recently.
If only I could apologize to Lapis... The guilt has been eating me from the inside and only intensifies every time I look at her. It doesn't help that she's very cold and distant towards me sometimes, either. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to ignore the raw guilt gnawing at my very being.
"The stars are incredible, aren't they?" Lapis's voice cut through my inner turmoil. I promptly turned to look at her.
She was still facing the night sky, admiring the moon and celestial bodies.
"You have quite the fascination for them," I observed.
I saw a smile play at her lips again. "Well, after being stuck in a mirror for 5000 years, seeing something so simple is so refreshing."
Somehow, that comment hurt more than anything else. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" I sputtered, before being cut off.
"You really don't understand, do you, Peridot? Sometimes, the simplest things in life are the most beautiful. Nothing has to be complicated, or complex. Nothing has to weave and interweave between itself and other, equally detailed, things to be admirable."
"That's the thing, Lazuli," I muttered, opting to use my signature nickname for the water gem. "The stars aren't simple at all. Nothing ever is. There're always hidden meanings behind everything... There's always a third factor in play, always something affecting the rest of the data. Nothing's ever simple. How can you find something you don't understand to be beautiful?"
"Then why don't you tell me the 'hidden meaning' behind why you trapped me?"
Damn. She led me straight into that one. I suppose Lapis knew more about me than she led on. Was I really that predictable?
"Well... I... I don't exactly know... I was following orders; it was just a simple mission-"
"'Simple' mission, you say? I thought you said nothing is ever simple." The moonlight on her face didn't look so soft now. The creases from her visibly agitated expression almost... scared me.
"... I don't have an answer for that." I hung my head, answering honestly. God, my whole body felt like it was being consumed by the guilt. I wished she'd drop the topic quickly.
I heard her turn her body around to face me from where she was sitting, but I didn't dare open my eyes and look her way. I was afraid of what I might see. Pain? Anger? I didn't know which one would be worse seeing.
"Peridot?"
"... Yes?"
"Look at me."
I did as she said. I turned my head up and faced her. Her expression was unreadable.
"You don't have an answer for why you trapped me?"
"It was mission orders, you were supposed to be our informant. But if you're asking for the 'hidden meaning' behind it, then... Yes. I don't have an answer for you." I felt a single tear stream down my face but dared not wipe it away. It was difficult enough to face her; I couldn't show weakness in front of her as well.
I saw her nod and, after a little while, turn back around. I thought she was done with me before she patted the floorboards beside her. "Come sit."
I scrambled up from where I was sitting and dusted myself off. I approached the line Steven drew on the ground, hesitant to cross it. But after a few more pats from Lapis, I stepped over the line and sat down next to the water gem. She kept staring at the stars, acting like I wasn't there. She obviously wanted me there, though, so I stayed.
She looked down at her lap after a while. "Don't you see, Peridot? Not everything has to have a deeper meaning. The stars don't have a deeper meaning. They just... are. They exist. That's it. There's nothing complicated about that. There's nothing complicated about beauty. The simplest things can be beautiful. We don't have to analyze the deepest levels of anything to admire it. We don't even have to understand it to think it's beautiful," she suddenly had a leaf in her hands. An orange leaf. She delicately touched it and traced the veins through it. "Steven gave this to me a few days ago. I saw the leaves on the trees changing colors and, although I didnt understand why, I still found it beautiful. There's no hidden meaning behind these leaves, Peridot. It's a simple being. A beautiful, orange, simple being."
She handed me the leaf. I did the same as her; I lightly traced the veins of the leaf and followed the edge with my finger. I felt the guilt rise up again. "I'm sorry, Lapis." I finally blurted out.
"Hm?" She turned back to look at me. I felt my face heat up and a few tears escaped my eyes. I looked away from her.
"I said I'm sorry. For, you know, trapping you and all that. It wasn't fair. It wasn't in our mission statements to treat you how we did. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm-"
"Peridot." I felt a hand on my cheek turn my face towards the water gem. She brushed the tears from my face and gazed into my eyes. She could tell how hurt I was, and she could tell how much I cared. She had officially seen me break from the guilt; that just so happened to be what she needed to see to realize how much I've changed. The old Peridot wouldn't have broken. The old Peridot wouldn't have apologized.
The old Peridot wouldn't have cared.
She then smiled a warm smile, and the moonlight on her face looked soft once again. "I forgive you."
I then realized, in that moment, that the simplest things can be quite beautiful.