In which Nathan saves the world. Kinda.

Part 1

It started as a completely normal day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, babies crying… the neighbor banging against the wall with a broom because of the moaning coming from the hooker next door. And someone throwing a bucket of dirty water from the third floor, making his hanged clothes by the window, already in a poor condition, smell even worse.

Yes, a pretty standard day in the shithole he lived now.

Really, Nathan couldn't be happier living in a shitty apartment in the bad side of the town, out of the community center with all its free food and shelter. Nothing was better than paying rent or getting threaten to pay for it with a bat.

As he dressed himself with his last pair of clean trousers, his cell phone vibrated, announcing a very important text. Sure, it didn't seem all that important at first.

Really, who cares about Barry wanting a meeting with the gang?

But as he finished pretending to comb his hair, Nathan realized it was the first time he could meet them after the whole Marnie fiasco. Actually, no, it was going to be the first time he saw Kelly after talking to her about bigger tits. Her bigger tits.

A whole week had gone by and things had just changed so quickly, that, well, he forgot. He never had much of an attention span. His mother nagging him to move out of what, she discovered, was a mattress in a government owned building and not a flat full of friends, turned his life in a totally nightmare. Why was her son living like a hobo all this time? Was he crazy? Was he out of his mind? Wasn't it enough that he had just died, but was he trying to give her a heart attack too?

Blah, blah, blah di blah, on and on it went. So, he left the safety of the community center and now lived in a place that smelled worse than a donkey's ass, but it was legal and shit and his mother felt loads better about it.

Anyway, what was he doing again?

Oh, yeah. The text.

Barry, always worried about something, told them to meet him back at the community center immediately. Nathan thought it probably was some kind of lecture about the future and their powers or some boring shit like that.

But it meant he was going to see Kelly.

And all of the others, 'course.

So he went.

He was the first one to arrive, because, yeah, he didn't have anything else to do. He sat on one of the broken chairs they found on the community center's roof, crossed his legs and waited.

He wondered what Kelly was up to since their last conversation. She made him feel pretty shitty about things with Marnie at first. But, then, well, she also gave him back something he honestly thought was gone forever: her friendship and, perhaps, access to her breasts again. He wondered what his chances were... maybe fifty-fifty?

Then Barry and Alisha appeared; the wonder couple. It was really a laugh seeing them together trying to save the world. He wondered how long it would take for them to start wearing matching super-hero costumes. The Invisible Cunt and Ms. Delicious Fanny.

"Hey, Nathan," Simon greeted him, holding Alisha's hand like they were in a Beatles's song. Freaking adorable in a freakish way. Nathan couldn't resist signing thumbs up to him; his little mellonfucker had grown so much.

"I gather the sex's good because you're all over each other. Did you follow my tip and left her all tingly in the right places?" he took his tongue out and mimicked a blow job.

Of course, the reaction was a gulp from Simon and a disgusting look from Alisha.

"God, shut up. Our sex life is none of your business."

"'Course is my business! Sex is always my business and, by the way, business is doing well. Besides, Barry, here, is like my... What's the word? Like..."

"Like I'm your Padawan and you're teaching me in the ways of the Force."

"Yes, that. Whatever that means. I'm his teacher in the arts of pleasuring the female body. I'm that. I need to know every single disgusting detail, so I can judge and pass my wisdom." He turned to Alisha. "You should thank me, I'm the reason he's any good."

"Oh please. That disgusting trick is ridiculous. Simon learned things from me, kay?" she said, hugging him closer, making Barry blush like a virgin maiden.

"Interesting. So what did you teach him? Did you make some tapes with sexy lessons?"

"I don't think it's a good idea to show you..." Simon began to Nathan's amusement and Alisha's horror.

Nathan let out a huge laugh.

"So, there ARE tapes! You got to show me them, mate! It's your duty to your fellow men, so we can share this wonderful thing," he finished solemnly then turned to Alisha, moaning and pretending to be spanked. "I bet she's in school uniform, like a naughty teacher! Oh, oh, OH!"

"He isn't going to show you anything! And can you stop talking now? We have more important things to worry about!"

As if on cue Curtis and Kelly appeared, greeting them. It didn't escape Nathan's notice that they arrived together. Were they shagging? What the hell did she see in him? The man had no sense of humor. Boring as an old drunk grandparent in News Year Eve. Maybe that was the point? Boring? Is that what she wanted?

"What're you looking at?" Kelly said to him, an eyebrow raised.

"Nothing. Just checking out the merchandise, really." he deflected immediately, staring at her boobs with a quick smile.

"Fuck off."

Oh. So. She was back at being mad at him. He wondered what the hell he did this time to deserve that...

"Can we get on with then?" Curtis said to Simon. "Why did you call us?"

"Yes, that. I called you guys because we need your help," Simon gestured to Alisha, who nodded. "We need to stop a bank robbery."

"What? Are you serious?" Curtis said with half a smile.

"Yes, I'm serious," Simon replied with, of course, no hint of sarcasm. "Yesterday, Alisha and I saw a group of thieves being chased by a police car. They got away, but I followed them invisibly and they're planning another robbery."

"So? Tell the police, let them deal with it. Didn't we have this conversation before?" Curtis insisted, receiving an eager nod of agreement from Nathan.

"Yeah, besides I'm more up for stealing money then returning it."

"We can't tell the police. They have powers," Alisha explained exasperated. "We have to stop them ourselves or the cops will be blown to pieces."

"But isn't that why we pay taxes?" he argued, giving her a shrug.

"To let them die horribly and not care?" Curtis raised an eyebrow, shocked as always to what Nathan said. Predicable really.

"Yeah! Seems fair to me, no?"

"No." Curtis argued, annoyed. "And you don't even pay taxes, you prick."

"Well, the point still stands."

"What powers have they got?" Kelly finally said something, interrupting their argument.

Alisha and Simon exchanged looks before he decided to answer.

"One of them has the ability to form a protective barrier around him. Like a deflector shield."

"So bullets can't hurt them," Kelly nodded.

"Pfft, mine's better," Nathan said.

"What about the others?"

"We don't know, maybe they don't have any."

"What a shitty spy you turned out to be, Barry. I'm disappointed," Nathan said while starting to chew a gum he found in his pocket. It may have been weeks old, but hey, waste not and shit.

"Look, we have to do this," Alisha insisted.

Nathan couldn't help noticing that she was really into the idea. Probably excited to wear tight leather and underwear above it. Which could explain a lot actually, in terms of her dating Simon... It was possible she liked nasty stuff in bed too, like him.

Thinking about it made him momentarily distracted by the vivid images his imagination conjured. He noticed Kelly glaring at him and was really glad that she couldn't read his thoughts anymore. Sadly, his expression was still probably very easy to interpret.

"You want us to play heroes, is that it?" Curtis said, obviously not up for it. "I can't believe this."

"Why not? Someone's got to so somethin'! Last time we sold our powers, and look what happened!" Alisha interjected, annoyed. "Do you want someone else dying again?"

Nathan expected Curtis to be angry after Alisha mentioned Nikki's death, because really, it had been a low blow from her and even he could see that. But Curtis said nothing and Kelly just touched his arm a little. Making Nathan somewhat annoyed.

"So, what's yer plan, Simon?" Kelly said.

"I figure we disable the shield guy somehow then Curtis takes their guns. You can knock them out and we call the police to arrest them."

"I'm pretty sure I'm not needed then," Nathan interrupted, smiling with relief. "Unless you want someone making sarcastic taunts safely behind a wall. I'm pretty good at that."

"Yeah, we got it covered, Nathan. We don't need ya," Kelly agreed with him, which hurt his pride quite a bit. "Besides, your new power is probably useless."

"No, it's not!"

Suddenly defending his power was a question of honor of sorts.

"What is it, anyway? You were the last one out from the room," Alisha asked.

He forgot he hadn't told them yet. He'd gotten distracted by Marnie and the baby. But mostly though, he forgot.

"So, what is it?" Curtis asked, a smile on his smug face. Of course he was eager to hear and judge Nathan's inability to do anything right.

"Oh, nothing much... I just can turn invisible!"

"No, you can't. That's my power," Simon said, confused.

"Fine... I... Run real fast!"

"That's mine, idiot."

"Nathan... What's your power?" Kelly repeated the question, her tone indicating she was expecting him to have done something really stupid.

That annoyed him. He sighed dramatically and began explaining like it was a very serious tale.

"I choose mine because of Marnie, you know? She had... special needs."

"Oh my god... It's somethin' nasty, isn't? Do I even want to know?" Alisha asked, making a disgusted face.

"Come on, tell us already," Kelly said rolling her eyes.

After a long dramatic pause and a deep breath, he told them solemnly.

"I can turn into a dog. Yeah, that's right. Marnie thought it was cute, kay? Besides, it's easier to lick my balls that way. The only drawback is that I just can't get the fleas out of..." he started feeling his ass. "...My anus. They're, like, nested in there, probably breeding, the little buggers."

They all stared at him, in complete silence. He let out a laugh.

"Oh, come on! I'm pulling your leg, 'fellas. I bought back my immortality. Honestly, by the rate I died in the last few months seemed like I needed it. Half the price, too. Bargain, really. Considering that it's a life long investment, since, well, I get to live forever. Again."

They all rolled their eyes at the same time, Alisha even let out a groan of frustration.

"We can use you as bait, then," Simon suggested, the only one not affected with annoyance by the news. "You distract them while we take out the man with the power."

"Oh, that's great. Really, I feel special. Do I have a target on my back or somethin'?"

"Oh, shut up. You love the attention," Kelly said, a really small smile in her lips.

"I kind of do. But that isn't the point, is it? You guys don't take me seriously anymore now! It hurts my man feelings."

"We never take you seriously," Curtis announced and Nathan pretended he was hurt by it.

Finally, after discussing the plan a little more (mostly, Nathan just provided sarcastic commentary), they (read: Simon) decided to meet inside the bank a few hours before the attempted robbery, which was going to happen the day after. They all left after that but Nathan tried to follow Kelly out. He was happy to see she didn't leave with Curtis, which was good news at least.

"Hey, Kells, wait up, will ya?" he said, trying to keep pace beside her.

Surprisingly she slowed down, waiting for him to say something.

"You're really up for this? Be a super hero and shit?"

"I just can't pretend it isn't going to happen, can I? Got do somethin' about it now."

They continued walking, letting her words sink in. Really, if someone had what it took to be a hero, Kelly was the one. Oh, sure, Barry had the brains and the Peter Parker's looser vibe, all the eagerness and useless knowledge from reading too much comics, but at the end of the day, Kelly could be the one to kick some serious ass. He could dig having her protecting him... the city, protecting the city and whatever.

'Course, he wasn't going admit that to her. Because heroes usually have really shitty lives, especially in a place like where they were.

Anyway, not long after, they reached an intersection. He had to go left to his new and really posh apartment, while she needed to turn right to go home. So they stopped, looking at each other, without knowing exactly what to do or say. He suddenly felt really nervous.

Get a grip, you ass. Talk to her.

"So, after the whole... saving the world gig... I was thinking..."

"Look, Nathan, I got to go, yeah?"

"What? Why?"

"Got to do some stuff," she said before going right, almost running out of his reach.

"Oh right. Stuff. Sounds really important," he said lamely, more to himself, as she was already gone.

Well, that went fabulously.

Continued in part 2...