'June 1

Have you ever felt so depressed you just want to give up?

That's how I've felt since I started school. My name is Harry Potter and I am 15.

I'm a freak

. That's what my Aunt Uncle and cousin call me. Freak or Boy until I was 11 I was sure those were what my names were.

Then Hagrid came and I learned that I am Harry James Potter and I am a wizard.

I attend a school called, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and I have for the last five years.

Even amoungst my own kind I am a freak.

I supposedly have two friends.

Ronald Weasley a self absorbed prat who is jealous of my every move and action.

and

Hermione Granger a self important know it all who cant stand that I'm better than her in all of our classes.

There are four houses in my school:

Slytherin: the sneaky snakes

Ravenclaw: The smart Hawks; I've always wonder why it wasn't a Raven

Hufflepuff: The nice Badgers

and

Gryffindor: The courageous loyal lions

I'm a lion. Or that's where I went. Ever since I learned what I was I've been making choices my Headmaster has chosen for me. He's layed out my whole life for me. It sucks. I'm supposed to be this awsome powerful wizard and only I have the so called power to defeat the so call Dark Lord. The guy has decades on me I'm just... nothing. A freak!

That's a statement my Potion's professor would more than likely agree with. The man hates me with a burning passion and I have no clue why. I mean he cant just hate because he hated my father can he?

I wouldn't put it past him.

I understand why he hates my father and Godfather really I do! But he cant just give it up? They're both dead! Because of me! Because I was born!

The kind of hate he has for me... I must have done something... I always do something...

He yells at me every time I open my mouth. I don't think I've ever got to say a single word to him , out side of class, since I got here. He says i'm just like my dad arogent, self obsessed bull headed stuck up... I'm none of those things. I don't crave fame like James did! I didn't want to be a fucking bloody Quidditch star! I don't even like the damn game!

I just play it to have something of my father.

My Potions master is the only one... I don't know why I want him to accept me but I do... I just get this feeling... never mind it's not important...

Nothings important anymore. I've been thinking of doing this for a long time... growing up with the Dursley's how can I not? I ran and ran and ran. I thought the Death Eaters would swoop down on me as soon I was clear of the wards. I'm in such bad shape it would have been easy. Other than this journal I have no personal possesions. When I got home ... I got a sound beating then my uncle burned everything including my wand... He killed Hedwig too... she was my owl Hagrid gave her to me and my firebolt Sirius my godfather gave that to me... it's all gone... everything...

I honestly cant believe I'm even still alive. Uncle was so mad and I cant really guess why...

I'm lost now. No idea where I am. No way to get on to the Knight Bus or get help not that I trust anyone anymore.

I'm ready to die. I want to die. If ever we come face to face I'm ready for what ever he gives me because I've had worse.

Harry.'

To say Voldemort was shocked about what he was reading was an understatement. He looked at the boy who was laying asleep on the bed in the small room he stood in the door of. It was small cramped little more than a cupboard. He stared and stared. Then put the book back in the boys pocket. He shut the door and locked it he'd made a copy of the book that would update as he updated. He went to seek out Snape.

Snape scoffed and tossed it aside to busy brewing to care.

Harry woke with a start and looked around and sighed and grabbed his book. He looked at his watch it had a light that said it was the third.

'June 3,

It's not my cupboard.

I'm locked in one but it's not the one at the Dursley's that I grew up in until I got my letter. It's smaller but whatever I can take it. No one knows about my cupboard. I thought someone was here while I was sleeping but I couldn't wake up. Maybe they caught me! Maybe they'll torture me and I'll actually feel something!

If who ever it was read this i wonder if the saw the "The Truth Quill" that I'm using too?

Anyway, Feel? I've long forgotten what that's like. I'm numb all the time. Just numb. I think I was three... yeah, that's was the last time I felt anything. When I finally figured out what was going when I finally excepted it.

I wonder if they will come for me soon? I heard my Potions Master tell Professor McGonagall that no one can be put under the Crucio and not feel it. Merlin I hope to death that is true... or I would... if I could...

I wonder...

Anyway, this summer isn't shaping up to be any better than last but I didn't really expect it to be anymore. in fact the only thing I seem to be able to except is that Voldemort is going to kill me,

my potion's Professor will always hate me,

I will never know why to either one

that everyone will hurt me

that no has ever and never will love me

That's all it's not much but it's true. '

Harry put the book away again and sighed he shifted around until he was in the tightest ball he could get suddenly the door was jerked open and someone was pulling him down the hall by his hair. He rain to keep up. Mostly because he knew the action and he knew this touch.

Snape.

He grunted as he was thrown on the floor. He quickly scrambled to his knees and looked around then focused on the floor in front of him. He was in Voldemort's thrown room.

"I said to bring me the child, Severus." Voldemort spoke, "I did not say to harm him."

"I did not do him, Tom."

"His glasses are broken..." Harry quickly picked them up and shoved them in his pocket knowing he was virtually blind with out them. "Take them out so they can be repared..."

"All do respect, sir." Harry said, " My glasses are Muggle plastic it does not react well to magic after awhile. These one's are done for, sir, but I thank you anyway."

Severus had to admit he was mildly surprised at the boys quick answer and his knowledge of how magic and muggle plastic reacted. Where would the boy have picked that up?

"When we picked you up you did not have your wand, Mr. Potter." Lucius Malfoy's voice cut in "May I inquire as where it is?"

Everyone heard him swallow hard.

"My... un...uncle..." Harry replied, "Burned everything upon my return this summer. He was told my godfather was dead and knew that I no longer had a threat hanging over their heads so he took my wand, trunk and broom and burned them. Then he shot Hedwig ... my owl...Lord Malfoy."

The room was silent.

"Potter!" Harry stiffend. "Look at me right now!"

Harry's head shot up and he looked right in to Severus' onyx eyes sure enough he was reliving the memory. Severus growled and made fists. Harry's eyes were back on the floor instintly.

"Potter is not lying. "

Harry was shocked at the outraged cries at Severus' confirmation. He wondered briefly if he would get in trouble for not offering any resistance like he did all the other times.

"No, you are not in trouble for not trying to force me out, Potter." Severus answered, Harry tensed. " Though you may ... " He jumped then spun on eyes quickly recovered, "Well, it seems you've actually been trying..."

"Yes, professor." Harry didn't dare look up. His body was shaking and it wasn't from fear but exhustion. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a good nights sleep. He kept seeing Cedric die at Dumbledore's hand as they both touched the cup. He had taken them back to the Entrance and told everyone that Harry had seen Voldemort come back. He kept seeing Sirius falling through the veil his stomach churned and he tried to remember the last time he'd eaten. He knew it had been at school but he didn't think it'd been the Farewell feast.

Silence was around him now and he didn't know what to do. If someone would just tell him then he'd get to doing it. More importantly why wasn't he being tortured and killed. He felt a wand on his forehead then pain. He didn't yell he embraced the feeling welcomed it. His vision swam and he heard yelling... wait! What the hell! He knew that voice! He tried to turn his head but a hand kept it still.

"It'll be over soon then you will have no pain around me and will be alone in your own mind then yes you can see the person..."

Harry kept still and suddenly it was over he was suddenly in a warm embrace he knew well. He clung for all he was worth and hid his head. He knew this smell this scent but he'd seen it! He'd ...

"Sirius?"

"You swore!" Sirius bellowed, "You swore you wouldn't hurt him!"

"I took what was mine." Voldemort said calmly "I wish to speak with the boy when he is calm."

"I am not crying, sir." Harry replied, " I am however confused."

"Who really said I was back?"

"Dumbledore. " Harry whispered. " He killed Cedric as we grabbed the cup then took us back to the beginning he didn't think I saw him but I did..."

He didn't see people exchange looks. Sirius' arms tightend around him.

" I see... " Voldemort stared at the boy. "Does he often put you in situations like that?"

Harry sat on his knees seeming to think.

"First year with the stone. He said you were possessing Qurill, then the Chamber of Secrets he said you possessed Ginny Weasley, he sent me and Hermione back in time third year to save Buckbeak and Sirius, Fourth year the Turnament, last year Umbridge, Occlamancy, and the DoM. I saw Dumbledore in first and second year doing everything but he doesn't think I did because both times I was so close to death both times. " Harry shrugged,

"I see..." Voldemort cleared his throat "Can you tell me what he said to the Order about me?"

"Well he says you are totally deformed. That you have slited red eyes, and were bald, and no nose and a forked tongue. Like a snake. " Harry replied, " Other than that he never said anything that everyone else didn't know... oh, yeah... the cup was a port key and Cedric and I went to a graveyard where Wormtail chained me to a gravestone he made some kind of potion using " Flesh of the Servent willingly taken, Bone of the father unknowingly taken, and Blood of the enemy forceably taken..." Or something like that. He then dropped your baby self in and your snake form came out. You were given clothes and your wand and you called your Death Eaters. You gave Wormtail a silver arm, then you and I dueled while they surrounded us... Our wands conected and I saw my parents and Cedric and some other people. It happend because our wands had twin cores... That's what he said, but I know none of that really happned so it doesn't matter... are you real?"

"Yes, pup." Sirius chuckled, "I missed the veil and they nursed me back to health..."

"Does Moony know?"

"Yes, honey, I told him to send you an..."

"Dumbledore has a ward on Privet Drive no owls can get in. " Harry replied, " If he tried to write me I would never know. But he has his head so far up Dumbledore and the Order's ass I bet he didn't and you can bet the whole Order knows your back."

"What makes you say that?"

" 'Pup, you have to listen to Albus' " Harry mimicked the voice perfectly. " 'He only wants what best for you. If you do what he says you'll live.. We are will. ' " Harry scoffed, " ' Pup, It's not your fault Sirius is dead. He was rash and reckless and didn't listen to Albus he should have stayed put. It's his own fault' ..."

Sirius growled.