Wheres my Tenshi? is a story of Sakura's life, a little more mondern than I'd like. Not everything has gone right, problems build up until their's no avoiding them. Hearts will break and death is inevitable but who knows? Compassion will be tested and spirits will break. Maybe lust can become love. Maybe relationships can survive the worst trials and blossom into somthing beautiful. The first chapter is going to be a little rough because you get her history.
Rated M for language, violence, morbidness, and adult themes later on
Disclaimer- I own the plot, the poems, and the brother and sisters... who wont be in it much.
Pain, revised
This is the story of my life, so fucking deal with it! Who am I? Im
Sakura Haruno, just another bastard child. You know one of those children whose parents are not married? Their still not married not and I don't
think it's going to happen anytime soon. My moms a pill popper and my dads a
druggie. There both depressed and I guess I am too. They just deal with it in
different ways than me. There's four of us, my older sister and younger brother and sister, but you know what? I seem to have
taken in everything. Every negative vibe and made it my own. Sure they all have their own problems that they don't share but how can they be so normal? When im so not.
Hana, my older sister, she's a nurse. Her guy doesn't know love. His past girl friends
messed his views up so bad I cant even say half of it! He's in a band, he's nice
and cool but his view on the after life is positively morbid. He thinks there's
no spirit, no heaven, no hell, you die. That's it a corpse in the ground. "This
is it man, so do all you can while you can." Was the advice he gave me. He's a good guy though and makes her happy. Chika,
she's the most normal but there's something about her I can't name…. Sure my
other sister has her bitchy moments but she seems to have it real bad and more often. She
was the tomboy of us, now she's the girly prep. She has her own problems I
don't even know about, probably just lost her virginity. That reminds me, I
wasn't allowed to date till I was sixteen so was why she allowed at 14? Not that there's anyone who would want to date me. Ichiro,
he's the asshole. The jock of the family. Always hitting, mocking, taunting,
insulting me. A jerk, plain and simple. He thinks he's better than everyone but he's a little guy.
Why
man? What did I do for this to happen? My tears fall but they make no
difference here. Tears are cheap, didn't you know that? Words are cheap,
actions
are cheap. Its all fake you know? There is no true love in this world.
Even my
silly dreams are fake but they are my one and only love. They comfort
me in the
dark. They listen, when I confide in them. They're my secret lover,
which no one
knows of. My dreams are nightmares, so why do I love them? Who knows? Im
twisted
remember? Inside and out, I pierced my lip the other day. With a safety
pin,
but I had to take it out before I was grounded again. No one gets
grounded more
than me. Im told I have an attitude, that im rebellious. Can I help it
if I
don't like you? I agree with you don't I. When my mom says she has to
do
everything I say, "yea you do everything and everyone else is a lazy
piece of
shit". Ok I don't want to get hit so I don't swear... you know what, I
don't
even know why I care anymore. Why should I? By now it wouldn't even
hurt. I've
been slapped, my hair pulled, my face dunked in water, head slammed
into a
door, wall and fridge. I've been punch, kicked and who knows what else?
So I trust no one, I just cant put myself at risk. I trust myself
completly but what more am I to do?
I used to slam my head into the walls. I don't even know why. Was I ever
normal? I remember a time when I had a best friend. I think it was when I was
around 8, when it started. I don't know, all I know is I tried to be my prefect
older sister that turned out to be not so perfect. I was quiet, asked
questions, the type of student you wanted. I kept to myself and socialized only when nessary. When I was 14, I lost all of the
masks I build. Tearing down all the fakeness and trying to find something real.
Something tangible, in the endless of my mind. Im made fun of even more, people
fear me but I've never hurt anyone during school. I can't wait till I burst from all the pressure. I wonder what will happen, will I go on a rampage? Will I just break down and cry? Who knows?
Is it really so bad? A mother who can't see what she's become. A father
who loves her but can't stand his leash. Believe me, I should know, im the only
other collared one. He cheated on her, and she told his coworkers and hers. She
gossips, and still works with the people who make two of her daughters cry and
the other quit. I learned not to long ago how they met. My mom's boyfriend went
into jail and my dad was his friend. He came over her house for a
party and never left. They got together and when her ex got out. She fucked him
while my dad was downstairs hearing it all. Then she made the guy go to him and
tell her how wrong she was and the mistake she made. My older sister is 18, so
I can only guess that's how long its been. So what am I to do huh? Nothing that I can
see, no path in front of me. I can see clear, but what use is that to me?
Beyond hope, beyond recognition.
It means whatever you want it to mean.
It means everything and nothing to me.
It means a fate worse than death, never to repent.
Don't forget my dear friend/family member/a person I'll never meet, that you've never seen my bad side. You might have seen me as a child but that was repressed in later years. Hidden deep in the back of my mind, where the darkness multiplied. Now I hold it in check. With these slits on my writs. The pain doesn't hurt compared to the other one. The one that cuts the deepest. Only you'll never know any of this will you? Cause I may be writing this right now but if I ever told you, it would go through the gossip chain and then life for me would change. Im ok right now, really I am. Sure I may want to kill sometimes; I want to so much it's a physical pain. My tears of frustration fall and leads to these crimson tears im so proud of. They keep me from the darkness. They keep me whole, sane. So as long as I have them, Ill be fine. Cause my scars tell a story, no one wants to hear. Tell me have you've seen the signs everyone else seems to miss. I know there's something wrong. Why am I like this? These tears I shed what do they mean? Please don't forget me when im gone, don't forget what I've gone though. Because it's more than I can bear. I can't even remember most of it! This big forehead must of been good for somthing because of all the times I've hit it into the wall. Somehow I can still remember all the training I've been though. Maybe it's by sheer force of will, who knows?
How am I different? Do they see it in my eyes? Can they feel it in my aura? What's become of me? I don't eat enough and I sleep too much but my eyes are blood shot and I still have bags. I can't keep on task and I feel like crying right now. Which is wrong on many levels. I cut not two hours ago to get rid of the pain but now this overwhelming sorrow for what I've become, replaces it? How did this happen? I wasn't raped, im still a virgin. Never even had a boyfriend, don't get me wrong I know im straight but they just don't seem interested in me. Which is odd, im small and skinny and attractive, so what keeps them away? Yea, yea I know I have too many problems to think im attractive; it's just what my family and few friends' say. Don't believe what you see because you don't know what's inside of me. I may be different, I may be bipolar, I may even have ADD but who knows? I've never been tested. Maybe they don't want to believe there's something wrong. That a piece of me is missing. I can sure feel it, tearing inside of me. Breaking me apart atom by atom. Every second pure agony. So what made me like this? This messed up and twisted excuse for a human being? It's just that, I have no idea. I want to get lost! I want to run away, so I wont have to deal with all this shit.
Don't think your better than me, please don't think that. Im just like you! I really am! I have crushes and I sometimes want to gossip! But how can I do that, with no one there for me? No ones there to cushion my fall. Im dancing on the edge but how long will it take? Until I tip too far and there's nothing left keeping me here. Will I lose it? Or did I never really have it to begin with? Am I going to gain the edge I need? Will I remember things I should?
Don't make me mad, cause I cant take it. I can't take the pressure anymore. You disgust me, with your web of deceit. So don't come near me or I will do something I might regret. The pressure will be too much for me to take and I don't know what would happen then. So leave, turn around and don't even look at me again.
Look for me
In this crowd of endless faces
Ill fade into the background
Standing out in silence
Get out of my way
For this path is my own
Walking in place
Where you could never hold your own
Watch my back
As I pass you far behind
To what the distance holds
Can't turn back
Never to reflect
On past grievances
And repent
This is somthing that came to mind one day. Its all me, a story ive created from little bits and peices of other lives. I hope you understand it, the chapters will be better I promise. Not so sad and dreary. Shes going to leave her home, thats all im going to tell.
Hana- flower
Chika- wisdom
Ichiro- first son
Tenshi- Angel
-Reves
Who should Sakura be with? Can be two if you want but pick a main person please? -some SakuraXSasuke, will be in it but only for the effect.-
1. Itachi
2. Garaa
3. Deidara
Review please, ideas, critics, anything, this ones really new just wrote it all today in the spur of the moment. I dont have a beta for this and im going to need one k?