Leave Out All the Rest
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI, any of the characters, etc.
A/N: Begins in season 4, post-Butterflied, but there could be spoilers from anywhere lurking throughout the chapters so be warned. Rating is starting out at T, but could change to M later on. Please leave a review and let me know what you think :)
It was midmorning when she walked into my office. She paused in the open doorway, and though I sensed her presence immediately, I did not lift my eyes from my desk.
It had been an exhausting shift. I'd pulled a triple and hit a dead end. There just wasn't enough evidence to put Dr. Lurie behind bars. Now I was using paperwork as an excuse to delay my trip home where I would undoubtedly find the haunting face of Debbie Marlin, so alarmingly similar to that of the woman who stood before me, waiting for me as soon as I closed my eyes.
The sound of her throat being cleared finally forced me to shift my focus. I lifted my face wearily and fixed her with a questioning stare. Normally I enjoyed her frequent trips into my office but during the past 24 hours it had felt as if a part of me was dying every time I looked at her.
"I thought you went home..." She muttered softly, her brows knitting together in a slight frown.
I shook my head slowly, trying to discern the purpose of her visit.
"I thought you did too."
She did not respond but instead moved all the way into my office pulling the door shut behind her.
"Sara, listen..." I said quickly, trying to keep my tone from wavering.
"I'm really exhausted, it's been a long shift, can this wait until--?"
"It can't wait!" She interrupted me abruptly, so much that I had no rebuttal.
I nodded slowly, taking note of how heavy her breathing was.
"I..., I uh... heard what you told Dr. Lurie."
"Wh--what?" I choked out. Immediately my own pulse began to speed up while I tried desperately to rearrange the look of complete shock I was sure was evident on my face.
"You can't pretend anymore, Grissom." She replied bitterly.
I opened my mouth abruptly to argue and then closed it when the realization of her words sunk in. She just stared at me, he chocolate brown eyes colder than I had ever seen them.
Finally I sighed heavily. I didn't even know where to begin but I felt that if I didn't say something I would soon crumple beneath her unwavering stare. Even in the fierceness of her pain, she was still beautiful and it made it all the more difficult to form my next words.
"Sara... I can't do this. You know that. I've been trying to tell you this for almost four years. That's what I meant last year when you asked me to dinner. I just didn't mean it to come off so..."
I stopped speaking as I watched her exhale the large breath she had been holding. Her lower lip was trembling and I could see angry tears welling up in her eyes. I couldn't say anymore, I couldn't watch myself hurt her again.
"Oh, Sara, I'm so sorry." I whispered, my voice barely audible as I felt my own eyes begin to tear up. In a flash I had made my way around my desk and wrapped my arms around her. She sobbed hard into my chest but did not return the embrace. I bit my lip in an effort to hold back my own tears as I began to rub soft circles in her back. I was incredibly grateful I'd closed my blinds earlier, I had always been sensitive to my contact with Sara at work because of the rumors that had circled the lab when I first brought her here.
Suddenly, with no warning she began pounding my chest furiously. I tried to hold her steady but soon she was twisting away from me.
I let go in shock and watched her back away quickly. Her soft curls were in slight disarray and her eyes were red and strangely bright.
"If you can't do this then neither can I."
Her words shattered my heart as I watched her turn sadly and leave. I stood paralyzed, staring at the emptiness around me.
TBC...