Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, I certainly wish I did, there would be many LOVELY changes if that was the case, not that it's not wonderful the way it is
Warning:Yaoi, beware to the little prudes who find it randomly and scream when they find out that it's guy/guy. Oh, and, I'm quite sure there will be Sakura and Ino bashing...cuz I dont like them. If this bothers you dont read it.
Authors Note:A lovely Gaara/Naruto pairing. Personally, this is my favorite pairing, becuz they're so alike, ya know? It's beautiful. This is my first fanfiction, although, I've got a 4000 page personal rp with a friend of mine, featuring primarily Naruto, so, that's practically a fanfiction in itself...I hope I do okay, please review, i'll be inspired with reviews.
Oh yea, and, just so you know, this is set sometyme after the Chuunin exam, between the tyme that they get Tsunade as the new Hokage, and the tyme where Sasuke leaves...not a very long tyme frame, but... ;;;;;
Awakening of Love
Chapter one/Prologue:Learning to love
The sky was black, and the full moon shone bright. The light from the moon illuminated the village of konoha. It was like a gigantic lantern in the night sky, showering light upon the sleeping town, protecting it from the deep blanket of night. Beyond this giant orb, stars glittered, scattered about in the night sky, like small jems, or guardians of the world below. And, the city, sadly, slept, in utter silence, all that could be heard was the croaking of frogs, or the chirping of crickets, they slept so peacefully, missing the fabulous sight that was the sky above.
All but one.
Gaara sat at the highest point of the village, atop the Hokage monuments that loomed over the fire country, delved deeply into his thoughts, as the moon reflected in his expressionless, pale green eyes.
Love.
The word echoed through his head, ransacking his brain with its constant prescence. There was something calling out to him. An uneasiness? Nervousness? Fear? The more he tried to rationalize it, the more confused, irritated he seemed to get.
Love.
The word echoed once more. Refusing to leave him be.
Love, what he had learned to hate. He loved only himself, himself and his purpose. When you love, it will hold you back, you will be betrayed in the end. That was the inevietability. That was Yashamarus final lesson to him. The most important one there was to learn. He had taught him what love was, that devotion that you feel for someone, a yearning to see them, and told him, that he loved him. That he would hurt if Gaara was to suddenly die.
Then he tried to kill him.
In doing so, he gave him the most important gift, the most important lesson of all. He took love away from him, opened his eyes to the fact that you can love only yourself, by loving other people, you get weak, vulnrable to hurt. He took that ability from the young racoon-boy at an early age, opening his eyes just in time. Gaara became incapable of feeling love. That emotion was one he never would, nor could experience.
Or was it?
The chuunin exam had long been over, but he found himself not wanting to leave Konohagakure. Something kept him there, gravitated him to the village, not allowing him to leave. He just couldn't figure out what it was. The ninja clad in orange. That boy, he had defeated him, beat the crap out of him...then he cried for him.
"The pain of being alone isn't an easy one to bear...Your feelings... Why is it...that I can understand your pain?" Gaara whispered Naruto's words. The exact ones he had spoken after he had defeated him, and crawled over to him, too exhausted to get up, and looked at him with those eyes. Not eyes of pity, not eyes of hatred. Understanding.
How was it that that loud, obnoxious kid could look at him with such eyes?
Gaara closed his eyes as he remembered the scene. Naruto's eyes shone like sapphires in the sun, shining, glossy, and, as he spoke those words...'I understand your pain', the sadness, the understanding in them seemed to grow, as if he truely did udestand. The pain of being alone... The physical heartache... it was nearly unbearable sometimes, although he never shoed it. Never let anybody know, even come close to knowing. He didn't need anybody but himself. That's how he's always lived, that's how he would always live. He is all he needed.
Who was he kidding?
Deep down, he had always longed for that feeling, he had always longed for that someone important. Someone to acknowledge his existance. Someone who he could keep beside him always. Even he contained human emotions. Even if he was just a monster.
Somewhere, he longed to see the orange-clad ninja again, just to stare into those cobalt eyes, just to learn more about him. He wanted to...but he couldn't. He couldn't outright admit that to himself. He couldn't allow himself to get close to someone...right?
After the battle with Naruto, as Gaara was dragged off by Kankurou, he couldn't stop himself from looking back at the other boy, as he did so, he remembered the words "someday, even I will...love..' going through his mind. These words, later, up to now, have perplexed him greatly.
Love...
Did he love? Could he love? Would he allow himself such a thing? Allow it at the risk of getting hurt, betrayed, used. Could he allow such a weakness?
When he thought of that ninja clad in orange, he got the strangest thought, the strangest feeling that he could, he could maybe, possibly, risk it... Risk it, to be near him, to talk to him, to get close to him, because that's what he truely wanted.
"Who am I kidding?" He whispers to himself. "It's not even worth attempting...my feelings won't be returned...and I'll just get hurt..."
"That's right, give up on it. Otherwise you'll become just like all of those weak, puny humans, clinging to emotions, clinging to love. You'll be just like all of those you hate...all of thosse pathetic people..." A voice snarled in his head, sending shivers through his body, and a ringing sensation through his head. It wasn't often that he actually spoke up, when he did, it was always a frightening sensation.
"What do you want?" Gaara snarled in return, in a very low voice, hating this demon that resided inside of him to his absolute core. "How are you speaking to me?" Him and Shukaku couldn't communicate unless one of them was near death, or Shukaku was bubbling to the surface, therefore, the demons voice was a very alarming thing for him.
Shukaku sneered. "You've been staring at the moon for the past hour, and you're asking me this?" He had a terrifying voice. Like a devil from hell, something purely evil, it was as if the embodiment of the devil himself was speaking, whispering cruel words in your ears, then simply glaring at you. It was a voice you could feel. The evil seeped off of it.
Gaara's eyes widened in surprise as he came to notice his surroundings. The moon was full, he couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it. It was his time of weakness, where Shukaku could take control of his body the easiest, and he had been so deep in thought that he hadnent noticed, hadent taken proper precautions, and now he was dangerously close to the surface. Closing his eyes tightly, as he held his head in his hand, trying to force the demon back, but it seemed to be too late.
Shukaku was already so close to the surface, that the strength, the willpower to keep him back was a tremendous amount, and Gaara didn't seem to be doing well. His eyes were closed tightly and his face was distorted, as he tried to force back his "other self", so that he didn't happen to lose control, as he so often did. He didn't want to destroy Naruto's home town.
Naruto...What if he hurt him? His mind was in a torrent, as he tried his very hardest to fight back the demon, the hardest that he possibly could. He thought of one point in time where he had lost control. He had slaughtered an entire battlefield of ninjas, allys and foes alike. There was blood everywhere, and he was covered in it, grinning insanely, as blood always made him do, lusting for more blood. He would have gone on a rampage, and slaughtered any nearby civilization, if it hadn't been for Temari stopping him, as only she could do.
"Gaara..." she had said in a soft tone, that tone that always managed to calm him, that motherly tone. "Gaara, stop this, please..." Her voice held a hint of fright, which she tried so very hard to hide, but Gaara could hear it. It was as clear as day to him, and he felt a certain amount of sadness fill him, as he looked back at her. She was in a terrible state. Splattered in blood alost as bad as he was, and wounded, no doubt because of him. As soon as he saw the state of his sister, he backed down...It wasn't a major visible change, but he lost the urge for killing, he didn't like making his sister worry, making his sister hurt, even if he wouldn't tell her that.
How would you feel if you did that to Naruto? If you slaughtered Naruto's friends, his village? What if you killed him? Could you live with yourself? Could you live with yourself if he looked at you with those frightened eyes, spoke in that frightened tone of voice toward you? He thought to himself, that thought giving him the willpower it required to push the demon back. "I wont let you take control" He whispers, as he manages to push him back far enough for safety, and keep him there.
"You'll never have your feelings returned. He sees you as a monster, just like everyone else." The snarling voice whispered in his ear as it was pushed back.
"...just like everyone else..." He whispered, as Shukakau's words echoed through his head. He remembered the sight of those cerulean eyes gazing at him with understanding, and he didn't think so... Naruto was different.
Looking up, the moon gazed down, and reflected in it, was the face of the one that he wanted to see the most. Naruto, smiling with that insanely goofy grin he always had, that grin Gaara was learning to love.
And, thats the end of the chapter. My first chapters are always short. The prologue, just so you understand whats basically going on in the story, and, that's it. The chapters after this one will be longer, but, ja, PLEASE review, you'll make me a happy person.
Ja Ne, Kaori