JE owns the rights to anything familiar. All mistakes are mine.
AN: Many apologies to anyone waiting on updates to my two other stories. My real life and this story (that won't stay out of my brain!) aren't allowing me to write anything else. I will get back to those two as soon as this one is complete. It will be short, probably three chapters at most.
"Where's your gun?"
Ranger glanced down at me with dark, disappointed eyes and I thought about lying but he can detect a fib before it even comes out of my mouth.
I went for a stalling technique that never really worked, especially on him. "Well…"
"Never mind," he cut me off before I could finish the thought. "Stay behind me."
"And in front of me," Tank added from my back and I chanced a peek at him over my shoulder. He had his game face on, which mirrored Ranger's, and that's exactly why I left my gun at home today. Why the hell would I need it when sandwiched between these two badasses?
Tank pulled me to the side so Ranger could take a step back and put his size twelve CAT boot to the door. It splintered open with one powerful kick and the smell hit me immediately. I clamped a hand over my mouth and nose as I watched him sweep the open space in a focused arc, his finger ready on the trigger of his Sig. I didn't know what was causing the stench, but it reminded me of rotten eggs mixed with moldy tuna and I would have to breathe through only my mouth if I didn't want to lose my lunch.
The place was a disaster. Every surface was covered with dirty clothes, dirty dishes and half-empty food containers. There was a bare mattress, resting directly on the floor and pushed into a corner of the room, that had an unidentifiable brown stain spreading across the middle of it. As I picked my way through the garbage, I had the thought I'd rather sleep on a bed of nails covered with itching powder than that disgusting thing.
"Clear," Ranger stated in the clipped tone he used on the job and then tilted his head towards the one closed door in the tiny and filthy studio apartment.
"Want me to do the honors?" Tank queried, pushing a pile of clothes away with his foot. Something scurried out and ran across the floor and I bit my tongue so I wouldn't scream. He came to a stop on my right flank and we stood in a line, staring at the door.
Ranger lifted a shoulder. "Doesn't matter; you know I enjoy being point but based on the rest of this place, it may be ugly in there and I don't want to get my new boots dirty."
Tank's lips twitched at the corners as he took a look at Ranger's feet. "Those are nice. Steel toed?"
"Of course," Ranger replied.
I knew they were screwing with me but the overwhelming foul order was making me grouchy so I wasn't in the mood. "I don't care which one of you goes first, just get the hell in there so we can get the fuck out of here!"
"She seems a little on edge. Did you deprive her of her daily doughnut habit this morning?" Tank quipped.
I tried to send him my patented laser beam glare but my eyes had started to water. Plus, he was right; I didn't get my doughnut - though the bone-melting orgasm Ranger had provided more than made up for it. Cutting my eyes to the man with the very talented tongue right as that memory surfaced was a bad idea. I didn't know what expression was on my face, but he hiked an eyebrow and dropped a suggestive glance briefly below my waist.
I felt a blush creep up my neck and turned away from him, waiting for another clever remark, however Ranger didn't comment and instead called out, "Bond Enforcement," before breaking open another door with his new freaking boots.
"Well, shit," he said conversationally after entering the bathroom and Tank and I shared a look. Ranger hardly ever cursed so it spiked our interest. Not enough for me to want to see whatever had prompted the expletive, but Tank lifted his Glock and went to investigate.
"Holy Fuck," came out of his mouth a second later. Tank, on the other hand, swore all the time. He tucked the gun into the small of his back and cranked his head around to speak to me over his shoulder. "This is the guy that's been giving you so much trouble?"
His expression held an amount of incredulity that practically forced me to go into the room and find out what was going on.
I tried to ignore the toilet that looked liked it had never been cleaned and the giant cockroach crawling around in the equally dirty sink and focused on the bathtub. It was holding Tank and Ranger's attention and my brain was warring between genuine curiosity and absolute terror about what I'd see. Curiosity won out and I peeked around Tank's enormous shoulder. My jaw dropped to my chest as I absorbed the sight before me.
The tub was filled to capacity with what looked like lime Jell-O and sitting right in the middle of it, completely naked and gleefully masturbating, was my skip, Skinny Pete. Normally this type of situation would elicit an entire notebook full of questions; however the many nude photos of women in various poses, doing perverted things to multiple varieties of fruit, which were taped to every available surface around the tub, told me all I needed to know.
I was disturbed and fascinated all at once
"Well, this is…unexpected," I managed to say, which turned out to be a mistake. As soon as he heard my voice it brought his head up and he let go of his Jell-O-coated dick.
"You!" He screamed and faster than I thought possible, launched himself out of the tub. His green, goopy body was hurtling towards me and I instinctively backed up. "You're ruining my life!"
I swiftly ducked out of his way but it turned out to be unnecessary as Tank snatched him out of the air by his neck. He was so skinny that Tank's massive hand wrapped all the way around his throat.
We all froze and watched him dangling there, dripping globs of Jell-O all over the floor. Several beats went by before Ranger finally broke the shocked silence. "Things have been so…interesting since you started working for Rangeman full-time."
"That's not the word I'd use," Tank grumbled as Pete squirmed, trying to break the hold on his neck and a chunk of green goo dropped onto Tank's boot.
"Get him out of here," Ranger commanded.
"I just had my car detailed," Tank groused as he carried him out of the bathroom and then out of the apartment.
"I saw a hose down on the first floor. Maybe we can clean him off before we put him in the back," I offered.
Tank grunted a response as we followed him out the door. He hit the stairs and I was right on his heels when Ranger snagged me by the elbow, halting my descent.
I turned to him with questioning eyes and my stomach dropped at the hard look on his face. "You are required to carry your weapon when on the job, Stephanie. No exceptions." He was ticked off, and with good reason. I knew the rules and had purposely chosen to ignore them.
"Your partner or partners need to trust you'll have their back if shit goes sideways and you can't do that without your gun." He tapped the empty slot on my utility belt where my Colt should have been and I swallowed at the flare of anger in his eyes. "Don't think I won't fire you," he tacked on and I bit back the excuse that was on the tip of my tongue. My reasons didn't matter; I'd broken protocol and it was grounds for termination.
"You're right. It won't happen again," I assured him, knowing he probably wouldn't actually fire me, not for a first offense. Monitors for a month, yes. But fired? No. Frankly, I'd rather be canned than sit monitor duty.
Ranger gave me a single nod and then he yanked me against his chest and kissed me until I was tingling all over and wishing we were done for the day so I could enjoy that mouth in a more private setting. Like his bed on the seventh floor.
"Let's go," he said, abruptly ending the kiss and my fantasy of his wandering mouth and the penthouse king-sized mattress. "Before Tank gets cranky."
"I think you mean crankier," I noted and he flashed me a grin over his shoulder as he jogged down the stairs.
After a thorough hose down and wrapping him in a tarp, we loaded the blessedly silent Skinny Pete into the back of Tank's Navigator. I was guessing maybe somebody squeezed on his vocal chords a little too roughly because when he tried again to tell me again how I was ruining his life by taking him back to jail, only a gurgled croak came out.
We dropped him off at the police station, collected the body receipt and then spent fifteen minutes listening to Tank bitch about how he didn't think we needed to keep bonding out every criminal Vinnie used to before he sold his business to Ranger.
When he finally wound it down, I placated him by agreeing with his assessment and then sweet-talked him into going to Pino's for dinner. I was jonesing for a meatball sub and knew if I got Tank to agree, Ranger wouldn't protest. Well, not too much.
The only problem with Pino's was it seemed to be the main station for the crazy gossip train that ran rampant through the city. If anything new was happening, everyone at the restaurant would be talking about it. I was used to it, but it irritated all the Merry Men, present company included.
Yet, they went anyway, just to make me happy.
Ranger draped his arm across my shoulder as we crossed the parking lot in Tank's wake. "Are you coming by later?" He asked before brushing his lips over my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. Who would ever say no to that question?
"I promised to take Grandma to the evening viewing for Mrs. Burkowitz, but after that, I'm all yours."
"Good, because I have plans." He kissed my ear again and then nipped on the lobe, giving me a preview of what he had in mind.
"I love a man with a plan." That got me the wolf grin. He removed his arm so we could get through the door Tank was holding open for us.
Pino's was packed and the delicious scent of marinara and melted cheese punched through my fog of Ranger lust, making my stomach growl. "Time to feed the beast," he said with a laugh.
Tank secured us a booth while Ranger ordered and I hit the ladies room. When I made my way back out, I noticed several eyes darting in my direction and some whispered conversations halted as I weaved through tables. Like I said, gossip central. I rolled my eyes and slid into the booth next to Ranger. He squeezed my thigh under the table when I pressed close to his side.
"What did you do now?" Tank demanded in his familiar gruff tone after taking a swig of his beer. He hardly ever indulged but I guess I'd want some booze too if I'd had to touch an old naked dude covered with Jell-O.
I pointed a thumb at my chest. "Me? No clue. I've been with the two of you most of the day. Why?"
"This whole place has been buzzing since we walked in the door and everyone keeps trying to sneak glances this way so I assumed it must be about you."
"Usually is," Ranger commented and I elbowed him in the stomach. Of course he was ready for it so all it did was graze against his tightened abs. "Maybe Connie knows. She called while you were in the bathroom and said she's been trying to reach you all day but you aren't answering your phone."
"Shit," I said and dug around in my pocket. "I turned it off this morning when you were..." Ranger squeezed my thigh again and I clamped my mouth closed before I finished the sentence. Tank did not need to know what we'd been doing. I kept my head bent over my phone so he wouldn't see my pink cheeks, and turning it on, discovered there were thirty missed calls. What the hell?
I quickly scrolled through the list and almost half were from my Mother. There were a few from Valerie; several from Connie and Lula and the last three put a smile on my face. "Hey, Joe called!" I announced, finally bringing my head up. Tank raised his beer in salute and I felt Ranger go still beside me. There'd been some sort of argument between him and Morelli a few months ago but neither one of them would tell me what it was about. All I knew is Ranger now got a little more tense than normal whenever Joe's name was mentioned. He was just going to have to suck it up because I missed Joe. He'd been gone on some super secret undercover assignment and I hadn't heard from him in over two months.
I was about to click the button to listen to his messages when the phone rang in my hand. I sighed at my Mother's number in the display and since the food had just arrived, decided it could wait. I powered it down again and slipped it back into my pocket, sure she had plenty of ironing to keep her busy until I was ready to face the firing squad.
"What?" Tank gasped in feigned shock. "You're not going to find out what disgraceful thing you supposedly did that will no doubt scandalize the entire community, not to mention your Mother?"
I ignored him and turned to Ranger. "Don't you have some sort of company policy against being an annoying smart ass?"
"Yep," he confirmed as he stretched his arm out along the back of the booth."But Tank's shift was officially over ten minutes ago so he can be as annoying as he wants."
Tank gave me a smug grin across the table before snatching up a slice of veggie pizza, folding it in half and taking a huge bite.
I rolled my eyes at both of them and devoured half of my meatball sub while Ranger picked at his chicken salad and played with the hair at the nape of my neck with his other hand.
Tank was in the middle of a story about one of his cats who'd apparently started bringing him gifts, the latest being dead a bird, which he'd dropped onto Tank's pillow, and that turned out to be not so dead, when Melissa Vegara, a girl I'd gone to school with, passed by our booth and then abruptly turned around, giving me a condolatory look.
"Oh, you poor thing," she said to me, shaking her head of overly teased blond hair. She added a tsk tsk click of her tongue and ended with, "What a rat bastard." After another head shake, she wandered off with no explanation of her baffling statements.
"This town needs an enema!" Tank declared, quoting one of my favorite lines from Batman and it drew a smile from me. He finished his beer and then checked his watch. "I gotta get home, you two ready?"
I was more than ready. I didn't know what the deal was and I didn't care but I was done with the whispers and pitying glances.
Tank pulled into my parking lot ten minutes later and I'm sure he wanted to get home to his cats, but Ranger made him wait while he walked me to my door.
"You know, I really don't need an escort," I told him as we climbed the stairs.
"Babe," was his response and he had a point. I did have an unusually high occurrence of psychopaths breaking into my apartment. After I opened the door, I let him go in first and waited while he did a quick sweep of the front rooms and the bathroom and then leaned in the doorway of my bedroom while he checked the closet and under the bed for the boogeyman.
"Apparently all the lunatics had other things to do today," he said and moved close into my personal space. Ranger bent his head and skimmed a soft kiss over my mouth.
"That's a relief," I replied as his lips traveled across my jaw in a slow glide. I felt him smile against my skin as he shifted his face to nuzzle my neck.
"You smell great," he murmured and then kissed me once more before stepping back to put distance between us. Probably a good thing because if he'd let his mouth linger any longer I couldn't be held accountable for my actions.
"What are you wearing to the viewing," he asked, letting his heated gaze roam the entire length of my body.
I pointed to the black skirt and simple, white button-down blouse I'd laid out on the bed earlier today and he nodded his approval. "Do you want me to wear anything special later?" I inquired, moving into my room. Sometimes plans with Ranger included specific items of clothing.
He lifted a brow and then darted around me, opening my closet. He dug around for a few seconds and came out holding a pair of five inch, red patent leather, peep-toe heels that killed my feet but did awesome things to my calves.
"What else?"
"Just these." He gave me the small, sexy smile that drove me crazy and handed them over. "Try not to burn down the funeral home, Babe."
"Hilarious," I retorted and tried not to roll my eyes. He pressed his lips to my forehead and then he was gone.
I dressed quickly and as I slid my feet into a pair of viewing appropriate low, black pumps, I remembered my phone and all the missed calls.
I turned it on as I dropped Ranger's preferred shoes into my bag and slung it over my shoulder. The phone rang as soon as it powered up and I answered Connie's call as I headed out the door.
"Hey," I greeted. "Sorry, I've had my phone off all day. What's up?"
"Oh my God," Connie breathed. "You haven't heard yet?"
A ball of dread made my stomach clench and slowed my steady steps toward the elevator. "Do I even want to know?"
"Uh, yeah. It's only the juiciest piece of gossip to ever hit this lousy town."
I trudged the rest of the way to the elevator and hit the button, wondering what it was I'd supposedly done and how much damage control would be involved.
I blew out a sigh as the door opened with a ping. "Okay, lay it on me."
Connie took a deep breath and told me everything she'd heard. "Joe Morelli knocked up some skanky stripper the first night he met her and now they're getting married...this weekend! And apparently she's not catholic, in fact isn't religious at all, so they're getting hitched at one of those cheesy theme chapels in Atlantic City. His Mother is freaking out and had a total breakdown in the middle of Giovincchi's deli. She threw a four-foot salami at Mabel Cranston's head and knocked over a display of potato chips which crashed into the display case and shattered that giant jar of Gherkins. Everyone within range got coated with pickle juice while Mrs. Morelli made a run for it."
I was confused, one because Joe would never get married without telling me, no matter who it was or what the circumstances were, and two, because this latest rumor had nothing to do with me. So what was with all the looks and whispers at Pino's? Was there something else Connie hadn't heard yet?
"C'mon Connie," I scoffed. "Joe has been my best friend since the 7th grade. Do you really think I wouldn't know about something that major? We tell each other everything." Well, maybe not everything.
"Yeah, I know," she replied, "but when was the last time you heard from him? He hasn't been around in weeks, and he does have that... reputation."
I knew all about his reputation and when we were younger, he lived up to every word. There had even been times when he heard something about himself that wasn't true and went out of his way to make it a fact. "For the sake of accuracy," he'd told me. But Joe changed as he grew older, became more reserved and a lot more cautious, especially after he joined the police force.
Unfortunately, the bad-boy, man-whore notoriety had stuck and would probably always follow him around, especially if he stayed in Trenton the rest of his life.
The elevator opened onto the lobby and I stepped off while disabusing her of the ridiculous notion. "Joe isn't like that anymore and I'm sure this is just the usual crap that happens in this stupid town. Somebody thinks they saw or heard something more than what it actually was and they told someone else and by the time it comes full circle, it's been so distorted no one actually knows what the truth is, so forget about it. I'll get the real story directly from the source and let you know. Did you hear anything else? Maybe something about me because I got a lot of looks and whispers at Pino's earlier." I hit the parking lot and fished my keys out of my bag.
"Are you joking?" Connie asked with a tone of complete disbelief.
"No," I replied with bewilderment.
"Everyone thinks you are going to lose your shit about Joe getting married to someone else."
That completed derailed my brain. I dropped my keys on the asphalt and nearly dropped my phone as well. "Wait, what? Why would anyone think that?"
Connie laughed in my ear. "Are you serious right now? You know everyone has been waiting for you and Joe to come to your senses and realize you belong together. Even your own parents have been trying to marry you off for the better part of the last decade."
"This is nuts. We've never been a couple. Ever! " Once, right after Joe got out of the Navy, we'd had one too many margaritas at a karaoke bar just outside of Princeton and ended up in bed together but it was a complete disaster and we knew immediately a relationship would never work, let alone the marriage everyone was so keen on coercing. Not that there'd ever been any doubt, but that definitely cemented the fact.
And then a few years later I met Ranger and mistakes like that never happened again, with anyone. I guess being with him for so long made me forget about the relentless hounding I use to get. They'd been so quiet about it for so long I assumed the issue had finally been put to rest. That's what I get for underestimating the Burg and its nosy and meddlesome busybodies...especially their ring leader...my own Mother.
Suddenly the last thing I wanted to do was pick up Grandma.
"I know that," Connie concurred, "but you know how the Burg is, once they get something in their heads, it never gets out again. Hell, even I forget sometimes you two aren't together just because I hear it all the time...When are Joe and Stephanie going to put their parents out of their misery and get married already? They aren't getting any younger and need to start having babies before it's too late."
"Christ," I muttered and retrieved my keys from the ground. "I've been with Ranger for close to three years, Connie."
"I know," she agreed, "but..."
"But what?" I snapped, getting a little frustrated with the conversation. "There is no but. Joe and I aren't together, haven't ever been, so he has the right to fuck, impregnate and marry whomever he chooses without it affecting me at all." My stomach did a flip at the thought. It would affect me a little; the dynamic of our relationship would probably have to change if he had a wife and kid but nothing like the vicious gossip hounds were insinuating.
"You're right," she replied. "This is dumb. You'll talk to him?"
"Yeah, I'll talk to him."
"Let me know what he says. I gotta go; Zero's picking me up in an hour."
"Connie..." I chided.
"What?" She questioned with mock innocence.
"You know the policy on interoffice dating..." When Ranger bought out Vinnie, Connie thought she'd be out of a job, but he'd absorbed her into the company without question, and now she was running the Bail Bonds division of Rangeman. She was also dating Zero - not against the rules as long as human resources got the heads up. Ranger said it prevented a lot of confusion and potential legal hassles but some of the crew just thought it fed his need to control everything.
"Says the woman who can be found in the boss's bed more nights than not."
"Also says the woman who disclosed the relationship as soon as she was hired."
"Really? You had to fill out paperwork?"
"Company policy. He'll find out eventually and that will be much worse than telling him yourselves. For both of you."
"He didn't care when Zip and Hector got together," she tried to counter.
"That's because they told him."
"I hate that you're right all the time. See you tomorrow." She disconnected and I unlocked my shiny black SUV. Sleeping with boss wasn't the only perk of my job; I also had multiple cars at my disposable at any given moment. Usually brand new, expensive cars and so far, I'd yet to blow one up - which for me was a bit of a miracle.
I had half an hour before I needed to pick up my Grandma and since I was inclined to stall as long as possible, when I slid behind the wheel, I punched in the code to listen to my messages. Well, Joe's. I deleted the rest, not needing to hear more of the crap Connie had already told me.
His were short and to the point. The first had me grinning. He used a nickname I hadn't heard him utter since we were in school.
"Hey, Cupcake. Long time no talk. Call me."
The second made me laugh.
"Did the Cupcake thing piss you off? Last time I called you that I think you kneed me in the balls. Call me."
The third made me frown and wonder if maybe there was some truth to the rumors.
"Where are you, Steph? I need to talk to you before...just call, okay?"